


Elysian

by miikasaa



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Adult Content, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Character Death, F/M, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Slice of Life, the rest of the characters at times
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-14
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-02-08 21:12:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 116,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1956315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miikasaa/pseuds/miikasaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Collection of works showing Eren and Mikasa's relationship in canon, post-canon, and modern settings. 29. Spicy- After Sasha asks how Mikasa and Eren keep things interesting, Mikasa begins to worry she's not doing enough, and that Eren's getting bored of her. To fix it, Mikasa sets out to create the perfect sexy surprise for Eren's birthday. Nothing could possibly go wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Remembering You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren knew everything of their past life but she remembered nothing. He was waiting for the day when he would find her again, when she remembered how much she meant to him.

“Eren, I’m telling you, you can’t waste your paycheck on marshmallows and water guns.”

“Why not?” Eren grumbled, but dropped the bags of marshmallows back onto the shelves. He eyed the water guns across the aisles, but made no move towards them. He really wanted to shoot Armin with the marshmallows while he slept.

Armin rolled his eyes, tugging his best friend away from the candy.  “You have to save up for college. Classes start in a few weeks.”

“I know that,” Eren said, tossing a few packages of Ramen into the cart. “But thirty bucks on candy and toy guns is definitely not a waste.”

“Yes it is.” A cool, bored voice answered him. Eren stifled a groan.

Armin’s face lit up as Annie paused next to the two boys, her bangs falling messily into her eyes. Eren could see Reiner and Bertholdt in the cereal aisle, filling a basket with several different brands.

“You only say that because you’re no fun.”

Annie shot him a look that once stopped his blood cold, taking a step towards him but halting at Armin’s hand on her shoulder. Eren didn’t hate Annie, not in the slightest, he hated that she remembered, that she’d found Armin again, and that the one person Eren wanted didn’t know him at all.

Armin leaned down to plant a small kiss to Annie’s cheek, laughing when she tried to push him away. “Are you coming to movie night tonight?”

“Yeah,” Annie rolled her eyes. “Sasha wouldn’t stop bothering me about it until I agreed. Said something about making up for lost time.”

The blonde nodded understandingly. “She was the most recent to remember. Sasha’s probably desperate to get us all together again, in a situation where we’re not in immanent danger.”

The three of them were silent for a moment, each reflecting on Armin’s words. Their past lives felt like nothing more than confusing memories, or extremely vivid dreams, but they knew them well. The monsters called Titans, the fighting, their friends and superiors in the military, the death and all of the blood… so much blood…

Her torso soaked in the same blood red that had adorned her neck for so long…

Eren shook his head, trying to focus back in on the conversation between the blonde couple.

Annie hooked a thumb over her shoulder. “Reiner and Bertl will be there, too. Reiner got Marco to convince Jean, and you know Connie’s game with anything. Sasha’s rooming in the city with Ymir and Historia, so we’ll all be there.”

Eren stiffened, glaring at the floor. They wouldn’t all be there. And the fucking movie night would be as empty as the rest of his life had felt since remembering his past. He’d known Armin since they were kids, and something had always felt off, but since learning of his past life and who was missing from his current life, the emptiness had hurt so much worse.

It was why, regardless of the weather, he wore the damn scarf every day.

Annie eyed him warily. “Sorry.”

“Whatever.” Eren pushed past her, grabbing a bag of chips from a stand as he stalked off. He heard Armin apologize, and promise to see her that night at Sasha’s, before hurrying to meet Eren at the register.

“Eren,” his tone laced with warning.

The brunette sighed. “I know. Sorry.”

“You’ll find her again.” Armin began loading the food from the cart onto the conveyor belt. The cashier looked bored, popping her gum and scanning the food with mechanized movements, reading Armin his total in her light tone.

“What if I don’t?” Armin shot him a look, but Eren ducked his head, grabbing a few of the bags. “I’m serious, Armin. What if the situation is so different now that she’s living in Japan with her parents or something? What if seeing me again isn’t what’s meant to happen? Oh god, Armin, she’ll remember _everything_.”

“She might remember already.” Armin murmured; shifting the bags he held into his other hand. Their apartment was only a few blocks away from the small marketplace. They paused the conversation to wait for the little Walkman across the street to turn green, focusing instead on not being hit by a biker as they crossed. “Would it really be so bad if she did?” Armin continued once they reached the sidewalk. “We remember everything. Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner do. Everyone does. We all know what happened, and she was always the strongest, do you really think it would break her?”

“Yes.” Eren said softly. “Armin, she thought I was dead as she died. I don’t even know if I managed to convince her I was alive. She was exhausted, missing limbs… bleeding everywhere…”

Armin placed a hand on his shoulder. “Stop, Eren. Thinking about it’s only going to make you feel worse.”

“I know.”

Armin sighed, but didn’t say anything else as they walked, weaving through people to get to their apartment. They still had a few hours until they had to get to Sasha’s, and Eren just wanted to lock himself in his room until then, where he could wish her past life had ended differently, where he could wish he could’ve saved her.

A particularly loud shout from a bicyclist prompted Eren to look up, ready to shout back at the biker and probably cause a scene, but something stopped him. He paused at the sight, almost squinting to make sure he was really seeing it.

On a bench about half a block away, a young girl sat alone, her legs crossed and her head held up on her knuckles as she scrolled through her phone. Her shoulder-length black hair formed a curtain, hiding her face from him, but Eren didn’t need anymore proof. The tan jacket that looked like their old military uniforms, the air of being unapproachable, it was all so familiar he swore his soul ached.

Eren didn’t know how he was supposed to feel. Armin was never able to express how he’d felt when he found Annie again, Ymir was no help about when she found Christa, Sasha just said it felt like how eating did once she recognized Connie. When Eren remembered his past life, he’d been crushed, unable to leave the house for days, but now… now he felt like his life was coming back together, as if every missing piece was finding its place. Eren breathed easier despite the feeling that his lungs were about to explode.

She was there. She was there, sitting on the bench, alive and free of wounds and Eren hadn’t been this happy since remembering her six years ago.

_Mikasa…_

“Eren!” He ignored Armin’s shout- there was no way the blonde hadn’t seen her- taking off at a run toward her.

He needed a plan. He couldn’t just run up to her and ask if she remembered him, the boy she confessed to in a battlefield, the monster turned human she had fallen in love with, the boy who promised to always protect her and then failed to do so at the most crucial moment… the boy who wasn’t able to save her from her brutal death.

Eren shook his head. Those things were in the past and there was no guarantee she remembered him, or her past life, or anything they had gone through.

It hit him then, with only a few seconds to spare. It was the worst plan and it was terribly cliché but it was all he had, so at the last second he pretended to trip, tossing the bag with the least amount of breakable things in it, scatting the contents across the pavement.

He skid across the sidewalk a little, feeling pebbled embed themselves into his palms, but he didn’t care; all that mattered was-

“Are you okay?”

Mikasa stood up quickly, gathering his things and placing them into the discarded plastic bag, dropping down to her knees in front of him, still holding onto the bag.

Eren’s heart was beating like crazy. He felt whole again. He sat back onto his own knees and looked up, his breath catching at the sight of her. His memories had been fuzzy, never quite able to make a clear picture of the girl he’d so hopelessly fallen for. But now he knew that his memories would never have done her justice.

Her stormy grey eyes were laced with concern, her nose furrowed as she examined his face. Her skin was pale porcelain, probably just as soft as he remembered it being. How Eren lived so long without her was a mystery.

“- Should be more careful,” Mikasa finished, holding out the bag to him.

“Huh?” Eren blinked, eyeing the bag and then the girl in front of him. He wanted to wrap her in his arms.

Her thin eyebrows pulled towards her eyes as she frowned, letting go of the bag once he had a hand on it. “Why are you crying?”

A million memories flooded his mind at once as Eren reached up towards his eye, and sure enough there were tears dripping from it. Did that mean… Mikasa made no move to leave, or any move to indicate that she remembered the significance of that question. “Oh, uh, the fall hurt a lot, I guess.”

“Oh.” She tucked her phone into her jacket pocket, reaching up to her neck, faltering at the last second and brushing a hand through her hair.

“Do you do that a lot?” Eren asked suddenly, surprising her.

Mikasa blinked. “I suppose. It’s a habit I’ve had since I was younger.”

She didn’t remember him.

Eren felt his heart sink. His only love didn’t know who he was. Now he really did have an excuse for his tears.

Eren moved quickly, reaching up to his neck and whipping the scarf away from his skin. Mikasa eyed him warily.

“What are you-?”

Before she could continue, Eren threw the scarf around her own neck, wrapping it clumsily, and throwing the end against her face. Mikasa’s eyes widened, reminding him of the broken girl he’d once wrapped in a similar fabric, but she didn’t move away from him.

“Why-?”

Eren smiled sadly, standing up and offering her his hand. She took it without question. “You looked cold.” He lied; it was summer, if anything the scarf would only suffocate her. He didn’t let go of her hand.

Mikasa adjusted the scarf into a familiar knot, the ends dropping between the folds of her jacket. Her fingers threaded into the fabric slowly, as if they had done it a million times before.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Mikasa.” Fuck.

He expected a harsh reaction. Hanji, his old chemistry teacher, once told him that forced memories and slip-ups could make someone angry, even volatile, but Mikasa only looked confused and a little frustrated. “How do you know…?”

“Hey, brat!” Eren dropped her hand, recognizing the voice as one he’d heard for years. He was still as short as Eren remembered, haircut in the same style as his past life, stupid cravat still in place at his neck. He didn’t even notice Eren. “Let’s go. My apartment is this way.”

Mikasa nodded. “Okay, Levi.” She looked up at Eren again, staring as if trying to make sense of something. He felt short of breath again, maybe… “Thank you again, uh,” she trailed off.

“Eren.”

Levi stiffened. Mikasa gave him a small smile, “Thank you, Eren.” The two of them turned away, walking towards the next crosswalk. Levi paused for a second as they waited to cross the street that would take them further away from Eren. He turned to face the brunette, nodding once. Mikasa noticed, turning around as well, as Levi faced the street again, the same soft smile in place. “See you later, Eren.” She called back to him before Levi tugged on her wrist to cross.

Eren didn’t notice the company until Armin squeezed his shoulder. He wiped his eyes messily. His heart had broken again.

“Eren-”

“She didn’t remember.” Eren laughed bitterly. “How could she not remember?”

Armin didn’t say anything for a moment. “Maybe there’s no guarantee that someone will get those memories back. Did you-?”

“No. It wouldn’t be right to try to force her to remember.”

Armin took the bags from him, and they both sat on the bench Mikasa had previously occupied. Eren briefly wondered how bad it was for Armin, who’d lost his best friend that day, a best friend who didn’t even know he existed.

“I’m sorry, Eren.”

Eren slouched into the bench, staring at the uneven cracks in the sidewalk. “Me too.” He murmured, his mind filled with images of his past life- nights spent intertwined, stories told when they couldn’t sleep, her face the first time she told him she loved him, her face when he said it back, the calm look on her features when she died in the field, held tightly in his arms as he screamed and cried for her to wake up. He remembered it all and she didn’t know any of it.

He stared at the street she’d crossed until night fell and Armin told him they needed to go.

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa's parents are dead and she's living with Levi. She just moved to the city to live with him which is why Eren hadn't seen her yet.
> 
> Edit, 7/1/15: Part 2 continued in chapter 14


	2. Cute

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You can't just kiss her when she's mad at you." "Why not?" Eren's face scrunched slightly in confusion. "She looked cute, and I really wanted to kiss her."

Eren scribbled furiously across his paper, his head jerking between the textbook and papers splayed over the table while he solved the equations in front of him. His hand stilled as he checked an answer before thrusting it to his only companion at the small table.

The blonde barely looked up as he dragged the paper towards him, eyes scanning the numbers and letters that Eren passed to him.

“Well?” The brunette asked impatiently, tapping his pencil against the edge of the table.

Armin smirked, a hardly noticeable quirk of his lips, before sliding the paper back towards Eren. “Ten through twenty-eight are all wrong.”

Eren blanched. “That’s half of them!”

His best friend flipped a page in his own textbook, small smirk turning into a full-blown smile. “You better get working, then.”

“Why do I even need to do this to become a doctor?”

“You can’t be serious.”

Eren erased the incorrect problems on his paper, grumbling the entire time about calculus and higher mathematics and swearing for the millionth time that he was giving up on med school.

“Eren.” The boy in question looked up, watching as Armin closed his book and stood from the table, fixing him with a blank stare. “Move the decimal point.”

Eren quickly looked back at his paper and through the eraser shavings he could vaguely see that his answers all had decimals, and judging by the answers he quickly looked up in the back of his book, all of his answers were only off by a point or two. He could have saved all his work.

“Motherfucker!”

Armin laughed, rustling through a few cabinets and gathering ingredients. Eren didn’t know what he was making, and he was too busy re-writing all of his work to ask.

He was still re-writing his answers when the door to the boy’s apartment swung open and Mikasa walked in, carrying at least four manila folders in her arms while the bag slung over her shoulder looked dangerously close to falling off. Her lips were pursed in a pout as she dropped the papers onto the table, letting the bag fall from her shoulder to the ground.

Eren looked up, grinning. Seeing her was always one of his favorite parts of the day, even if she was pouting or grumbling, even if they said nothing to each other, and just enjoyed their time spent together. Anything with her was a highlight.

She was close enough that Eren could reach a hand out, slink it through her hair and around the nape of her neck, and pull her down for a quick kiss. “Hey,” he whispered as they pulled away.

“Hey.” She replied, dropping into the chair Armin had recently vacated and throwing him a small smile as he greeted her.

She propped her feet onto Eren’s lap, and were it anyone else he would immediately throw them off, but hers could stay. Just her presence was enough to sufficiently distract him from the homework in front of him- his class wasn’t until ten in the morning; he had time.

He ran his hand down her calf, tipping her shoes off and onto the floor, smiling at the little hum she let out. “How was work at the firm?” Eren asked, wrapping his fingers around her ankle. He chuckled at the grimace his question was rewarded with, and continued, “Levi still working you to the bone?”

Mikasa nodded and gestured vaguely to the stack of manila folders. “He gave me four extra cases. I have trials for all of these in three weeks on top of the ones I have already. He’s terrible.”

Eren stroked a path from her ankle to her knee, running his fingers lightly over the tights she wore. “I know you can do it, Mika. You’re one of the best lawyers that place has got.”

“Levi wouldn’t give this work load to you if he didn’t think you could handle it, Mikasa.” Armin supplied, stirring away at a ceramic bowl that Eren hoped was filled with cookie dough.

“Or he wanted to kill me.” Mikasa muttered, dropping her gaze to the stack of folders.

Eren laughed, squeezing her leg affectionately. “I highly doubt he’s trying to kill you.”

Mikasa made a noncommittal sound, throwing open Armin’s abandoned textbook to a random page, but after only a few minutes, the dark haired girl pushed the book away, skirting her eyes around the apartment before meeting Eren’s bright green eyes again.

“Eren.”

“Hm?”

“Why’s your dirty underwear on the floor?”

Eren’s brows furrowed- he could have sworn he’d cleaned up all the clothes left on the floor after last night- and he turned in his seat to survey the room and yup, there was his underwear lying innocently on the rug.

“In my defense,” he turned back around in his seat, boyish grin brightening his features. “It’s you’re fault they’re there in the first place.” Armin groaned, reminding them he was in the room and they shouldn’t discuss what he’d been out of the apartment for the night before.

Mikasa, apparently, did not find his quip funny. She sighed, shuffling her feet from his lap and standing. She stalked into the living room, gingerly picking up his underwear, curling it into her hand. She disappeared through the door of his bedroom, murmuring something that sounded like “leaving evidence.”

Eren heard her throw the garment into his laundry basket and sigh loudly. Mikasa reappeared in the doorway, making a face. “You didn’t make your bed.”

He shrugged, readjusting himself in his chair. “I’m just gonna sleep in it later.”

Mikasa huffed, but rested her forearms on his shoulders once she reached him, dropping her head down next to his.

Eren felt a smirk pull at his lips as he purposefully turned his head away to face Armin’s back. The blonde had finished with whatever mixing he’d been doing, and instead was filling the small cupcake tin with batter.

“Are those-”

“Yes,” Armin interrupted. “They’re chocolate chip.”

“Dude, I think I’m in love with you.” The blonde only laughed, dropping the supplies into the sink to be washed later. “Don’t tell Mikasa.”

“Make sure there’s some for your parents when they visit tomorrow,” Armin shook his head; Mikasa knocked her own temple against his.

“Maybe.”

Mikasa’s warm breath fanned against his cheek as she sighed again, making him stifle a shiver and turn his head back towards her. “Did you finish your homework?”

Eren rolled his eyes. She was always hounding him about his schoolwork, especially once hers ended and his senior year rolled around. “No.”

“Eren.”

“I’ll do it later!”

“ _Eren.”_

She pushed away from him, dragging his chair away from the table and ignoring his cry of surprise as she tugged his t-shirt away from his chest. Eren’s eyes widened when he realized exactly what she’d found- exactly what he’d forgotten to hide from her.

Mikasa gently ran her fingers over the large, purple and blue bruise that marred almost half of Eren’s collarbone, biting her lip in an attempt not to chew him out right away. Before he could say something, Mikasa expertly pulled his shirt over his head, revealing more bruises dotting his chest and stomach.

“Mika-”

“What happened?” She asked quietly.

Eren sighed, stifling a groan because by now she’d probably guessed what happened and was putting the pieces together from the last time she saw his bare chest.  “I got into a fight with Jean,” he mumbled, looking away.

“Why.”

“He was being an asshole!”

She ignored him, standing up to retrieve an ice pack from the freezer. “Armin?”

The blonde was busy washing the dishes he’d used, sleeves rolled up to the elbows and bubbles clinging to his skin. “I think it started when they dared each other to hop the fence outside of the park.” He said over the spray of the water. “Next thing Marco and I knew they were hitting each other by the swing set over a difference in opinion. Or maybe about who should get the good swing. I wasn’t really paying attention.” No one paid the young adults much mind when they started squabbling. “They’re pretty lucky there were no kids there, though.”

Mikasa pursed her lips, turning back around to press the ice pack on Eren’s chest. He had stood from the chair to defend himself and place all the blame on Jean, but anything he was going to say was cut off at the cold press of ice. He jerked away on instinct, but Mikasa held onto his elbow, keeping him in place.

She dropped his shirt onto his chair, frowning as she tried to cover the largest bruise with the ice pack. Eren took her hand, wrapping his fingers around her wrist and tugging the pack away from his bare skin. “S’okay Mikasa. Armin already made me nurse them when we got back from the park.”

Mikasa didn’t look convinced, but she tossed the ice pack to Armin, who’d turned around to put a few spoons away. She sighed, waiting until the freezer door had closed to say anything else. “Eren-”

“I know, Mikasa.”

She glared at him when he looked away, staring at a spot on the floor. Eren loved Mikasa more than anyone he knew, loved her to death, but her lectures got old fast and her glares still scared the shit out of him.

Mikasa wiggled the hand Eren was still holding until she could link their fingers together, ducking her head to try and meet her boyfriend’s gaze. “Eren,” she tried again, her tone a bit softer. The boy sighed, finally looking back at her. “You’re almost finished with college. I thought you were done picking fights.”

“I know! And I’m sorry, but Jean’s such a prick and-”

“And nothing, Eren. How are you going to survive in a hospital if you punch every person you disagree with?”

Eren grumbled, looking away again, but he knew the conversation would stay at a standstill until he either gave in or fought her enough that she rolled her eyes and went to work on a case. He met her expectant gaze, sighing. “You’re right. I’ll try to refrain from punching Jean when he’s being a moron.”

“Eren,” Mikasa groaned, going off on another spiel about growing up and not acting like a child, especially at a place where actual children might be playing and moms could complain and get them in trouble, but Eren wasn’t listening.

He stared down at her, eyes flickering from their joined hands, to her face, to Armin who seemed more content to lean against the fridge and watch the conversation than come to his friend’s aid, and back to Mikasa. He frowned. When had he gotten taller than her? Last time he checked, which admittedly wasn’t recently, they’d been about the same height, but now Mikasa had to cock her head back to see him properly at the proximity, and he had to tuck his chin a little.

She was still lecturing him even though Eren’s mind was far from the topic of what she was mad about. He heard her huff before continuing. She was so beautiful, even when she was reprimanding him for his childish behavior. She was always beautiful and Eren wondered for the millionth time how he’d been so lucky to get to spend his life with her, and then even date her.

“Eren, are you even- mmph!”

He leaned forward quickly, cutting her off with a firm press of his mouth to hers. Mikasa’s free hand curved around his shoulder, and he covered it with his own hand as he stepped closer to her. Eren grinned against her lips, slanting his mouth over hers in an attempt to deepen the kiss, but Mikasa shoved hard against his chest, making him grunt, as they broke apart. She always had been stronger than him.

“Mikasa…?”

The girl glared at him, cheeks flushed, before turning on her heel and stalking into Eren’s bedroom, grumbling the entire way. Eren frowned.

The timer on the over beeped, echoing loudly in the silent room. Eren watched Armin don a pink oven mitt, (he didn’t even know why the two of them _had_ a pink oven mitt), and pull the trays of cupcakes from the oven, turning off the heat afterwards.

“Armin,” his best friend tugged off the mitt, turning to face Eren. “What did I do?”

Armin laughed, taking a few steps forward and clapping his friend on the shoulder. “She was scolding you and you kissed her in the middle of her rant.”

“So?”

The blonde sighed. “You can’t just kiss her when she’s mad at you.”

“Why not?” Eren’s face scrunched slightly in confusion. “She looked cute, and I really wanted to kiss her.”

“Eren,” Armin sighed again, shaking his head.

“I can hear you.” Mikasa’s voice rang through the apartment. She must’ve been pretty close to Eren’s door.

Eren paused before calling back, “I love you!”

The door to his room opened slowly, the groan of the hinges matching the one Mikasa voiced. Her scarf was pulled high over her mouth and nose, but Eren could still see the tiny flush of her cheeks. She sighed, walking out of the room and standing in the kitchen with the boys. Armin handed each of them a cupcake, grinning as he took a bite into his own.

Mikasa finally gave, shaking her head and tugging down her scarf, smiling brightly. Eren would never tire of seeing it.

“You’re insufferable, Eren Jaeger.”

Eren smirked, speaking around his own mouthful of cupcake, “You know you love me.”

Mikasa chucked his discarded shirt at his face, throwing him her own smirk as Armin’s laughter filled the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to send me a prompt at my tumblr miikasaa.tumblr.com!


	3. Reassurance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa didn't want to be a squad leader, didn't want the burden that came with it. Eren's determined to make her feel better about the new responsibility.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little thing that was kicking around my head for a while. Set after ch 59, after they rescue Eren.

Mikasa never liked strategy meetings. She knew they were necessary, of course, but after months of listening to Commander Erwin, and then Hanji, speak, she was absolutely tired of them. She would much rather skip them and find out what she needed to do from Armin or the Captain.

That, obviously, wasn’t an option, so even though she wanted to be training before the mission next week, Mikasa was standing by the threshold of the door, gaze trained on the table in the middle of the room.

The rest of Levi’s squad sat around the table while Commander Hanji gestured excitedly to maps and plans and explained exactly what was going to happen.

“We’ll explain this all to the other soldiers in the morning,” Hanji said, collecting a few maps as everyone visibly relaxed in their seats.

“One more thing,” Levi interrupted their next spiel from where he stood at the other side of the threshold. He pushed away from the wall, standing behind Hanji. “Ackerman will be leading a squad.”

“ _What_?” Mikasa was sure she’d misheard. She hadn’t been in the Survey Corps for more than a few months, and had only gone on one official mission! There was no way she could lead people out in the field!

She frowned, glancing away from the table and to her Captain. In the corner of her eye, she saw Eren exchange a confused glance with Armin, while the others looked as if they expected a fight. Which might not be far off.

Levi regarded her coolly. She may trust him more than she had before, but he was making a mistake. “You will be leading a squad on the mission. The members of the squad will be assigned in a day or so.”

“No.”

“You don’t have a choice, Mikasa.”

She crossed her arms at her chest, muscles tightening as she shifted her weight. “Aren’t we fine with the leaders we have? Why can’t someone else do it?”

Now Levi looked almost exasperated. “In case you haven’t noticed, since Mike died we’re a little fucking short on squad leaders. You will be doing this. I’ll explain strategies in the morning.”

A cold, tense silence settled over the room as Levi walked out, leaving Mikasa to stew in her own thoughts, jaw clenching; she couldn’t imagine herself leading a squad.

Hanji laughed awkwardly, running their hand through their messy hair. “Well, meeting’s over anyway. I’ll see you back here for the last one next week.”

Mikasa turned on her heel, stalking out of the room and into the hall, intent on getting to her room and trying to find a way out of becoming a squad leader at fifteen. She barely made it to an adjacent hallway before she heard the voices of her squad mates behind her, heard someone running, and calling out to her.

“Mikasa! Mikasa, hey, wait!” Eren grabbed her wrist, forcing her to a stop and turning her to face him. She dropped her eyes to the floor, mouth twisting. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t be a squad leader, Eren,” she murmured after a pause.

She looked up in time to see him frown. “Why not? You’re one of the strongest people I know. If anyone can lead a squad, it’s you.”

Taking an unsteady breath, Mikasa linked their fingers, leaning forward to rest her forehead against his chest. “I can’t be responsible for someone’s death.” She felt his breathing hitch, and she knew he understood. “I’ll be giving them orders, telling them when to fight… If something goes wrong, it’ll be my fault.”

“I can’t promise you that nothing will go wrong, Mikasa.” Eren said quietly, wrapping his free arm around her shoulder as her own fingers looped through one of his belts. “But it’s a simple mission. We’re just going out to try and find anything on that Ape Titan… thing.” She nodded against him. “Think of all the people you’ll save by deploying some of the best soldiers at the best times. I asked Levi, right before I came to you, where you’d be, and he said your squad would be right next to his. That means Levi, me, and the rest of the squad are going to be right there to help.”

Mikasa pulled back, trying to read Eren’s expression as they stood. He looked like… he really believed she could do this. “What if something goes awry, and people do die under my command?”

“That’s the price of what we do,” Eren whispered, so quietly she might of missed it if they weren’t so close. “We know that better than anyone, but we have to fight anyway. Without you as a squad leader, the formation would get fucked up and there would probably be a lot more casualties.”

Mikasa was silent for a moment, weighing the situation in her head. She really didn’t have a choice anyway, so she had to do her best to keep her subordinates alive. Plus, she would have Levi near her, and she’d be close enough to protect Eren, and they could both keep Armin safe. People might die, but Eren was right. Soldiers died all the time, especially on missions; she would work hard to keep that number at a minimum.

“Okay.” She whispered back.

Eren smiled, a small pull of his lips that made her heart stutter. “You’re going to kick ass, Mikasa.” He pressed his lips to her temple, squeezing her hand. “And I’ll be there, right next to you. We’ll keep each other and everyone else alive.”

* * *

Of course, no mission was ever simple, or ever went according to plan. Mikasa’s squad, made up of five veteran soldiers who were initially wary of taking orders from a teenager, was separated from Levi’s about halfway through. They’d been ambushed, and Mikasa’s orders to fight the Titans were directly opposite Levi’s to continue on.

After fighting off the horde, with no casualties in her squad, they had rested for a moment in the trees before re-joining the formation. By that time, Levi’s squad was far ahead, and Mikasa was unable to find Eren or Armin or the others before they had to head back to the walls.

On the way back, her squad was sent in front of the formation with a couple others, with orders to keep the Titans at bay. The Corps had a lot of injured, and needed to get back without any more issues.

Mikasa didn’t know if they had found the information on the Ape Titan they needed, but she would find out in the morning during the meeting.

The young woman ducked out of the infirmary, raking a hand through her hair and releasing a frustrated sigh. Eren wasn’t in there, and neither were any of her old squad mates. Were they…? No. They survived. She knew it.

She finally found Eren a little after dinner, where she’d found the rest of her friends, closing the door to Hanji’s study behind him.

“Eren.”

He looked up, a grin splitting his features as he jogged to meet her halfway down the hall. “See?” He almost laughed, taking her hands in his. “I knew you could do it.”

And she would do it again, as many times as it took, until the Titans were gone and she could see that smile as often as possible.


	4. Palette

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eremika Week Day 1- Makeup; When Eren is woken up way, way too early one morning, he doesn't expect the culprit to be his girlfriend, learning to do her makeup with his mom. Mikasa 100% does Eren's makeup and it's 100% incredible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This marks the beginning of my eremika week entries! This chapter is super, super sweet so enjoy!

The soft, muted sound of voices straining through the wall stirred Eren from his sleep. He tried to bury himself deeper into his blankets, but the voices were persistent, a bright laugh, a sharp scream, and he knew he wasn’t getting back to sleep. Rolling over, Eren grabbed his phone to check the time, it wasn’t even 8am _on a Saturday_ , who the hell was up so damn early, anyway?

He groaned, shoving his blankets to the foot of his bed and standing, fetching a shirt he deemed clean enough before wandering from his bedroom, one hand running lazily through his hair. Eren could hear the voices down the hall, muffled still, but at least he knew he wasn’t making them up. His dad was at the hospital, and he didn’t think his mom would have any friends over this early in the morning, but there were definitely two people speaking.

Taking the stairs two at a time, Eren ducked through the hallway to get to the bathroom, where a few peals of laughter echoed just as he arrived. Frowning, he pushed open the door, revealing his mom, her back to him as she leaned around someone, directing their hand as they swiped a small, black thing across their eyelid. His mom stood back up, her smile reflected in the mirror as she gripped Mikasa’s shoulders, squeezing gently. What was Mikasa doing over so early? Granted she came over all the time, but more times than not it was to see Eren.

“Oh, it looks wonderful, dear. You’re a natural at this.”

“Thank you, Carla.” Mikasa turned back to the mirror above the sinks, balancing her elbow precariously on the small shelf below the mirror as she swept the black eyeliner across her other eye before reaching for a small tube, shaking it gently and applying the mascara to her lashes. “What do you think?”His mom laughed gently. “Perfect. I told you it wasn’t difficult.”

Mikasa smiled, her eyes flitting back to the mirror, where she seemed to finally notice Eren standing at the door. She ducked under his mom’s arm, pressing a kiss to his cheek when she stood before him. “Hi,” she said, taking his hand. “Did we wake you?”

“Uh, yeah, but it’s fine.” Eren said, glancing between her and his mom. “Why-?”

Mikasa blinked slowly, tugging his hand, “Eren, do you like it?”

A thin, black line stretched from the corner of each of Mikasa’s eyelids to the other end, where the eyeliner flared into a sharp curve. He recognized his mom’s favorite eyeshadow, too, the color emphasizing the small flecks of color swimming in her dark eyes, the mascara pushing her lashes up way farther than he thought eyelashes could go, the blush giving her cheeks a flushed look, one he usually only saw when she was really embarrassed or had been laughing for long. But she was still Mikasa, even under all of the makeup. 

“It looks really amazing, you look beautiful.” He ran a hand over the back of his neck, feeling heat rise to his cheeks as he avoided his mom’s knowing smile. “But, Mikasa, you don’t need that stuff to look pretty. You always look, y’know, you’ve always been-“

“I know,” she interrupted with a laugh, leaning over to kiss him quickly. “I thought knowing how to do it would come in handy, though, for dates or parties, or something.” Mikasa shrugged, tilting her head back to his mom. “So I asked Carla for help, turn out this stuff is a lot easier than I assumed.”

“Plus,” his mom ruffled her hair, smiling brightly. “I’ve always wanted to pass down the wisdom of makeup. Mikasa’s a fast learner, and an absolute natural. You’ll be breaking hearts with your eyeliner before you know it.”

“Oh my god, mom.” Eren groaned, pressing his face to Mikasa’s shoulder. She threaded her fingers into his hair as she laughed along with his mom, her gentle caresses through his hair nearly putting him to sleep again.

His mom nudged him gently as she passed. “I’ll make some breakfast. Is Armin coming over later?”

“Probably,” Eren answered, his lips against Mikasa’s collarbone. Once he was sure his mom was gone he pulled away, Mikasa’s grip on his hair preventing him from getting too far. He cleared his throat, looking away as she arched a slender eyebrow. “You do look really pretty, Mikasa. With or without the makeup.”

“Thank you, Eren.” She kissed him again, slowly, as she tugged him farther into the bathroom with her. When she broke the kiss, she pushed the makeup on the counter into a small bag, moving it to one of the shelves and tapping the counter with two fingers. 

He rolled his eyes, but hopped up onto the counter regardless, locking his ankles around the small of her back when she stood directly in front of him. Mikasa dug into the small bag, producing the eyeliner she’d previously used on her own eyes.

“Mikasa-”

She uncapped the eyeliner. “I need to practice more.” Her bottom lip pushed out as her eyes widened, resting her hands on his knees as she pouted up at him. Eren groaned, hanging his head in defeat; he couldn’t refuse her anything, especially not when she looked at him like that. Mikasa hooked a finger under his chin, pressing a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth before positioning his face where she needed it to be. “Hold still,” she murmured.

He complied, resting his hands on her waist as she fumbled about his face, whispering when to close his eyes or tilt his face so she could get the proper angle. Eren paid pretty close attention to what she was using, (he may have gotten distracted staring into her eyes when her face was close to his,) and he noticed right away when she grabbed a tube of something she hadn’t used on her own face.

“Part your lips,” Mikasa said, holding the lipstick below his chin.

Eren rolled his eyes. “You’re not wearing lipstick.”

“This isn’t my shade.”

“But it’s mine?”

She nodded, her nose brushing against his chin. “Yup.” Mikasa dragged the lipstick across his lower lip. From the awkward angle he couldn’t see the shade she was applying, but something told him it didn’t look good.

Mikasa told him to close his lips but just before he did he grumbled, “It’s not my shade, is it?” The soft lift of her lips into a smirk was all the answer he needed. She had him press his lips together in such a way to spread the lipstick around before using a small tissue to wipe at the corners of his mouth, stepping out of his hold once she’d finished.

“Done,” Mikasa announced, sly grin still in place. She reached into the drawer, pulling out a small hand mirror and handing it to him. 

His eyeliner matched hers almost exactly, except she’d extended it down to his lower lid as well, the eyeshadow she’d chosen was a dark brown and green, and even shimmery, and Eren had to admit that it made his eyes look really fucking good. Mikasa had used a little bit of mascara, and blush, but Eren got distracted by the shade of the lipstick. It was a horrendous, bright purple color, standing out on his face proudly. Why did his mom even _have_ that color?

“Well?” She prompted, pulling the mirror from his immediate gaze. Mikasa bit her lip, trying to hold back her grin but her constant glances to his lips betrayed her.

“Holy shit, Mikasa.” He shook his head, letting her take the mirror and put it away. “It really is my shade.” She snorted, swatting his hand away when he reached to poke at his eyeliner. “It looks awesome,” he said, dropping his head to press a wet kiss to her cheek. “Mom was right, you’re really good at this stuff.”

Mikasa pushed his face away, laughing loudly. “Ugh,” she wiped her hand across her cheek, a bright purple streak of his lipstick staining both the back of her hand and her cheek. “You got lipstick on me.”

“What do you know,” Eren grinned, wrapping his legs around her waist to pull her close again, her fingers threading with his. He touched his finger to the lipstick on her cheek, smearing it onto her cheekbone and down to the corner of her mouth. “It’s your shade, too.” He dipped his head to kiss her, but Mikasa ducked away, twisting in his embrace and pulling her phone from her pocket. “Mika-“ He warned, resting his chin on the top of her head, but she only grinned, raising the phone in front of them and snapping a few pictures. He played along after the first couple, making goofy faces and pouting his lips like he’d seen Christa doing.

She flicked through the pictures on her phone, pausing on one where Eren was grinning, his eyes trained on Mikasa’s face as she smiled softly below him with her thumb hooked over her shoulder. Mikasa started tapping rapidly at her phone, and Eren recognized what she was doing immediately.

“Mikasa, no!” He tried to reach for the phone, but she held it out of his reach, arching her back to keep him at bay.

“Just on Twitter, Eren.”

“You have almost six hundred followers!”

She hit the ‘tweet’ button. “Only half of them go to our school.” Shutting off her phone, she turned to press a kiss to his cheek while Eren watched in dismay as her phone began to light up with notifications ranging from favorites to replies to re-tweets, or in Ymir’s case, all three with an announcement that she’d saved the picture to use at their wedding. Connie replied that it was now his Twitter header, Sasha did the same.

“You’re ridiculous,” he sighed.

Mikasa smiled, linking their hands and resting them on her stomach. “That’s why you love me.”

“Hm.” Eren ran his nose along the top of her head, squeezing his legs around her waist. “Pretty sure that’s not the only reason.” He dropped a kiss to the back of her neck, smirking when she sighed breathlessly and tilted her head.

“Eren, Mikasa breakfast is ready.” His mom popped her head into the bathroom. Eren pulled his nose from Mikasa’s neck, eyeing his mom with a small grin as she appraised his new look. “The eyeliner looks absolutely flawless, Mikasa,” she laughed.

Mikasa stepped out of his embrace, standing next to his mom. “Thank you. But I think what really seals the deal is the-“

“Lipstick,” his mom laughed again. “Oh, dear, I hope you got pictures.”

“Plenty,” Mikasa answered, taking Eren’s hand as he jumped down from the counter.

Eren rolled his eyes, stalking ahead of Mikasa and his mom to get to the kitchen, where a small spread of pancakes and eggs and fruit awaited them. He quickly fixed two plates, handing one to Mikasa and the other to his mom as they turned into the room. Mikasa suggested he wipe off the lipstick before eating to avoid tasting the makeup but he refused, leaning against the countertop as he took a large bite of pancakes.

“Eren,” his mom said after a minute, pointing a forkful of strawberry at him. “I do hope you’ll be wearing that out tonight.”

“On one condition,” he said around his mouthful of pancakes. He bumped Mikasa’s hip, grinning over at his mom. “Mikasa wears the lipstick, too.”

 


	5. Shark Bait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eremika Week Day 2- Hardcore; Back in high school, Eren and Jean made a bet for who could look cooler jumping over a tank of sharks on a motorcycle. Now, even though Jean's already left for school, Eren's determined to win the bet, and Mikasa is less than pleased.

“No.”

“Mikasa!”

“No.”

“It’s just one time!” Eren begged, clasping his hands together under his chin. Mikasa rolled her eyes, ducking around him in an attempt to get into his house, but Eren was very adamant about keeping her right there on the doorstep, matching her movements and blinking sporadically at her as if his bright eyes would change her mind. Well, they had before. But not this time.

Mikasa shook her head. “No, Eren. You’ll get yourself killed.”

“No I won’t,” he groaned. He batted his eyes again, jutting out his lower lip. Then he stopped, dropping his hands with a small grin. Mikasa felt her heartbeat quicken because he must have realized- “Why am I even asking? I got everything I need in…“ Eren turned on his heel, moving across the kitchen and towards the garage. “Here!”

“Eren, wait!” She dropped her bag on the floor, following him through the house. She flung open the door to the garage, grimacing as she watched Eren inspect the old bike in the back corner. “Eren-”

“It’s in surprisingly good shape,” Eren said, eyes flashing briefly to hers. “Maybe dad’s been working on it.” He kneeled by the bike, tugging the sheet off and allowing it to crumple on the ground. He ran his fingers over the smooth paint, ducking his head as he examined it. “Definitely should check out the breaks,” he murmured. “Ah, but I’m sure the local shop can do that quickly.” Eren stood back up, letting his fingers linger on the _Harley Davidson_ logo on the side before he leaned against the wall, crossing his arms and grinning victoriously.

Mikasa resisted the urge to sigh, to stomp her foot or go complain to his parents. When he’d first made the bet with Jean, Mikasa had thought they’d forget, (they’d made it during their sophomore year of high school, after all,) but after discovering Grisha’s old motorcycle in the garage, Eren had remembered the bet and was determined not to lose. But Jean had already left for a summer course before college started that fall, so Annie had offered to fill in for him. If Eren could jump the bike through a ring of fire and over a small shark tank, and Annie couldn’t, (or vice versa,) then he would win. In typical Jean and Eren betting fashion, there was no prize; only bragging rights for who’d looked cooler doing it.

“Please don’t do this,” Mikasa whispered after another moment, leaning heavily on the threshold to the garage. “Annie’s a dirt biker, she’s been doing this since she was eight!”

Eren scoffed. In all her years of knowing him, Eren had not once backed down from a bet. Granted, most of the bets he and Jean came up with were harmless; who could make the substitute teacher snap first, who could throw the most eraser shavings in Dr. Hanji’s coffee… nothing that could kill them. “It’s gonna be fine,” he waved his arm, as if to dispel all of her concerns.

He tossed the tarp back over the bike, making sure it was secure before crossing the garage again, stopping just in front of her. He took her hands, pulling her closer and dropping a kiss to her hair. She relaxed, but only slightly.

“It’ll be fine, Mikasa.” He said, smoothing his thumb over her wrist. “It’ll be…” Eren grinned, his head tilting as it always did when he had a breakthrough. “It’ll be hardcore.”

“It’ll be deadly is what it will be,” she grumbled, ignoring how proud Eren looked over declaring the act to be extreme. “I really don’t think you should do this.”“I know.” He wasn’t deterred in the slightest by her negativity, if anything he only looked more excited at the prospect of challenging Annie.

Mikasa knew she wasn’t going to change his mind, he was glancing back to the bike eagerly, most likely planning the best time in the morning to take the bike to the shop. She tried one more thing. “School starts in a couple of months. What if you get hurt?”

Eren shrugged, looking back to her with his lopsided grin. “Then I’ll have a cast for orientation, it’s not the worst thing in the world.” Mikasa hung her head, exhaling sharply. He really wasn’t going to give this up. Eren dropped one of her hands, tilting her chin up to face him again. “You’ll still come, right?”

“Of course,” she said. “Someone’s got to be there to get you to a hospital.”

“Isn’t Bertholdt an EMT?”

“Not the same thing, Eren.”

He grinned again, kissing her cheek. “This is gonna be fucking sweet. Besides, how hard can it be?”

Apparently, very hard.

Grisha had taught Eren how to ride the bike when he was fifteen, and after only a few practice runs around the block, (and one crash that resulted in a scraped elbow,) once the bike came back from the shop, he’d deemed himself ready. So a week after she’d finally accepted that he was going to do it, Mikasa found herself in the middle of a crowd of their friends and random spectators, sandwiched between Reiner and Armin on a set of makeshift bleachers facing an open parking lot, where a giant ring stood in front of a large, clear shark tank. Ymir had gotten the ring, the tank, and the sharks. When Mikasa had asked how, exactly, she’d gotten everything, Ymir had only laughed and said Mikasa probably didn’t want to know.

About ten minutes before eight o’clock, Connie and Sasha finished setting up the ramp, and then Ymir lit the ring with a match, the flames licking up and around until they settled. Everything was set up. Mikasa could feel her heart in her throat, worst-possible scenarios flying through her mind. He was going to die. Her fucking boyfriend was going to get eaten by sharks, or catch on fire, or _something._

“Okay,” Ymir announced, clapping her hands quickly. The parking lot wasn’t big enough or filled with enough people for her to need a megaphone. Sasha jumped onto Connie’s shoulders and they stood at the end of the bleachers. “Annie’s gonna go first, and if Eren does a better jump, or she dies and he doesn’t, he’ll win. Annie?” she called to the tent set up opposite the bleachers.

A second later, Annie drove out on her bike, a black motorcycle that Mikasa was sure was taller than the blonde. She pulled off her helmet, mussing her bun slightly as she shook her head and adjusted the collar of her sweatshirt.

Reiner whooped right next to Mikasa’s ear, yelling something about Annie kicking ass and throwing up his thumbs to her. Bertholdt was standing closer to the shark tank, but Mikasa saw him nod in Annie’s direction. Annie ignored them both, appraising the challenge cooly, almost as if she were bored.

“Our friends are fucking morons,” Armin whispered next to Mikasa, his palm pressed to his temple. She nodded in agreement. “Hey, Marco,” Armin turned to the boy standing behind them. “Did you call Jean?”

“Yep, I’ve got him on FaceTime right now.” Marco said, turning the screen of his phone to Armin. Jean waved slightly, glancing between Armin and Mikasa. “You sure you don’t want to call this off, Jean?”

“ _No way_ ,” Jean said. “ _I want to see Jaeger get his ass kicked and lose_.”

“You’re not even here,” Mikasa said dully. “This isn’t a bet anymore, it’s an opportunity for Eren and Annie to break themselves.” Jean spluttered something behind her, but she ignored him, turning back to face Annie and Ymir.

Annie met her eyes, slowly raising her hand to her head and tapping two fingers against her forehead, saluting Mikasa silently. Mikasa nodded back.

“Here we go!” Ymir laughed, jogging over to where Bertholdt stood.

Annie put her helmet back on, securing the strap at her chin before taking her mark. Ymir waved her arms as a ‘go’, and Annie revved her engine, kicking her foot up and heading directly for the ramp, her hood blowing out behind her. Mikasa feared it would catch on fire, but Annie got through the flames and over the shark tank easily, her front tire connecting with the small ramp at the end easily as she maneuvered herself to a stop.

Ymir clapped again, “Nice job, Annie! Eren, are you ready?” Eren drove out on his own bike, his green striped helmet glinting harshly under the street lamps. “Okay, Eren, Annie did the stunt perfectly, so if you fuck up she wins. But if you don’t, we go to the judges,” Ymir gestured to herself, winking. “To see who looked cooler. Got it?”Eren nodded, walking his bike to the start. Mikasa bit her lip, grasping Armin’s hand tightly in hers. She heard Jean say something behind her but her heart was pounding too loudly in her ears to catch it. Armin squeezed her hand gently as Eren revved his engine, Ymir waving her arms next to Bertholdt to signal his start.

Eren kicked his foot up, speeding to the ramp and taking off just like Annie had. Mikasa’s breath left her as he cleared the shark tank, avoiding burning alive and getting eaten by sharks that Mikasa was sure were illegal. His front wheel touched down, but instead of driving smoothly over to where Annie was waiting, the wheel twisted sharply, his back wheel turning way too fast before the bike fell, crashing against the ground and sending Eren sprawling, skidding until he came to a stop a few feet away, crumpled in on himself.

Mikasa screamed, pushing through the people in front of her to run across the pavement, not far behind Bertholdt, Ymir, and Annie. Annie tossed her helmet to the ground, sliding next to Eren, gently pulling his helmet off of his head, her hands hovering over his back.

“Bertholdt?” She asked, glancing up at Bertholdt as he dropped next to her.

“Help me get him onto his back.”

“Eren!” Ymir caught Mikasa before she could get to his side. “I’m not going to get in the way,” Mikasa snapped, twisting her way from Ymir’s hold. She fell to the ground next to Eren, across from Annie. Mikasa pushed his hair away from his face, touching her fingers to his neck and sighing in relief when she felt his pulse, strong and secure and familiar beneath the skin.

“Eren?” Bertholdt asked, helping Mikasa to get him to a sitting position. He was leaning heavily on Mikasa’s side, finally opening his eyes to glance around him. Ymir was hovering, worriedly, Historia and the rest of their friends standing a few feet back. Armin sat down next to Annie. “How are you feeling?”

“Uh,” Eren turned from her, spitting harshly, blood splattering onto the asphalt. “Got all my teeth, but uh, my arm hurts like a bitch.”

“Annie?” Mikasa demanded, leaning slightly over Eren’s body to check his arm.

“No wonder,” Annie said after a pause. “It’s fucking broken. I can see the bone.”

“Fuck,” Eren gasped, face distorting with pain. “Fuck, yeah, that hurts.”

“Bertholdt,” Mikasa said, taking Eren’s hand. He didn’t complain, only squeezed it harshly as he grimaced in pain again. “Call an ambulance.” Bertholdt nodded, standing up to fish his phone from his pocket, turning his back from the crowd to talk with the operator.

Eren groaned quietly, closing his eyes. Mikasa tightened her arm around his shoulder, taking care to avoid where Annie was still supporting his broken arm. Carla and Grisha were going to _flip_ ; they didn’t even know about the bet!

“Eren,” Armin leaned forward, touching the back of his hand to Eren’s forehead. “Eren, don’t fall asleep, you could have a concussion.” Eren grumbled something incoherent, but he opened his eyes again, staring straight up at Mikasa.

“Is it bad?” He asked quietly.

Mikasa glanced to his other arm, where the white of his bone protruded slightly from his forearm, blood dripping onto the ground and she shook her head. “You’re going to be fine.”

“Not what I asked,” Eren laughed.

“Ambulance is on its way,” Bertholdt said, sitting next to Eren’s head again. “They’ll be here in a few minutes, your dad’s on call so you should get into surgery pretty quickly.”

If at all possible, Eren’s face drained of even more color. “Fuck, I forgot he was working late tonight.”

Mikasa ran her fingers through his hair. “It’ll be okay Eren.”

“Uh Eren,” Ymir said, lips turned in a small smirk. Eren looked over to her, smiling as well. “Despite how great that fall was, hate to say it but Annie still won.”

“Figured,” Eren said, grinning at Annie. She rolled her eyes, grumbling something about breaking his arm again herself if he tried something that stupid again. “Did Jean see?”

Marco piped up from a few feet away. “Yes, and he is sorry that you got hurt.” Eren snorted.

The ambulance pulled into the parking lot, a few paramedics jumping out and gathering around Eren. They asked a few preliminary questions before pushing Mikasa away to help Eren to his feet. Mikasa stayed close to him as they walked to the ambulance, where one of the paramedics helped him onto the gurney. She ignored the woman who told her she wasn’t allowed to ride with him in the ambulance.

“You’re an idiot,” Mikasa sighed, taking his hand again as the ambulance began to move. She leaned forward, kissing his forehead gently.

“I know,” Eren said, leaning into her touch on his cheek. “But you gotta admit that was cool.”

It was, but she’d never tell. “Your parents are going to kill you, and your arm is broken.”

“Totally worth it.”

 


	6. Again and Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eremika Week Day 3- Soulmate; He knew her, he was completely sure of it, but as the years dragged on and his life began anew, he wasn't so sure if she was anything more than a fabrication created to appease his weary mind. Until he meets her again.

He knew her.

He’s absolutely sure of it, that she was out there somewhere, living a life completely separate from his own, surrounded by people who know her, know who she is now, know her favorite color, or her ticks or fears while he is left far away and in the dark.

He remembers everything about her from the last time he saw her, bloodied and lifeless in a beautiful field, motionless even as the survivors danced in the wake of a victory. And while he couldn’t remember exactly what they were celebrating, he knew he wasn’t able to. Nothing felt okay, he couldn’t be happy, not as he sobbed against her body, not as he realized he’d lost one of the few people who kept him tethered to his humanity.

He grew old, they all did. Armin said everything paled in comparison to the ocean, Jean became Commander of the remainder of the Survey Corps when Hanji retired, Sasha helped Historia to prepare the survivors of humanity to reconquer the world. They were heroes, all of them, deserving of every word of praise.

“You are too, Eren. You deserve this life more than anyone.” Armin tried to convince him, dragged him away from the walls to set up a new life near the ocean, far away from where her presence still lingered, but he couldn’t accept Armin’s attempts, couldn’t believe he’d done good, even as he grew and lived on without her, that he’d done anything right, especially to her.

He’d promised, hadn’t he? He swore to her they would always be together, and for the longest time, through the most difficult challenges, he truly thought he would get to be with her. In the end, though, he’d lost her, unable to give her the life she always dreamed of. He’d failed her, and somehow that outweighed anything he’d accomplished.

Even now, after waking up in new worlds, new lives, he was never with her. Perhaps his failure from before would keep her far away from him now, in a place where her dreams could flourish, a place without his presence to taint everything she had.

She was once his warmth, his ever-present constant to help him through the obscene things they endured, his light when the post-shifting haze threatened to steal him away from everything he’d known as she held him close, running her hands and fingers through his hair and across the expanse of his back, whispering words of reassurance to his sweat-slicked skin. In a world he could barely remember anymore, one thing always stood out, her; her dark hair, her subtle, rare smile, the way she vehemently believed in him, in Armin, in all of their comrades and how she’d sing to him, locked together in an embrace after a terrible mission, her beautiful voice keeping him captivated through the night.

Eren knew her, but he didn’t know her name, didn’t know where, (or if,) she was in this new life.

He knew her, he was sure, but as the years dragged on and the lives began anew, he thought maybe he only knew of her. And he didn’t know if that was any better. 

* * *

“Eren.” He felt a finger dig into his shoulder blade, moving to poke at his neck when Eren groaned and tried to shove his face even farther into his pillow. “Eren, get up.” The finger returned, this time shoved against the back of his skull.

Eren finally rolled over, glaring up at best friend. “What, Armin?”

“Get up,” Armin repeated, pulling Eren’s blankets away from his body. The chill of mid-winter air shocked him into an upright position, reaching for his blankets but Armin kept them at bay. “You’re going out.”

“We’re off from university,” Eren groaned, leaning over the side of his bed to find a sweatshirt and pull it over his head. “And Christmas is next week, what the fuck are we going to do?”

Armin shook his head, pointing to Eren’s closet. “Not we, you. Get dressed and meet me in the kitchen.”

Eren cursed under his breath, toying with the idea of falling back asleep, but Armin wasn’t above calling his mom to come help drag Eren out of bed, and he really didn’t feel like being doused with ice water that morning so he stood up, searching through his closet for only a moment before changing into jeans and a new sweatshirt. He made a quick stop to the bathroom before finding Armin at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee held tightly between his hands.

“Okay,” Eren said once he’d downed half of his own cup. “The fuck’s goin’ on?”

Armin slid a ticked across the table. “You’re going,” he announced as Eren read over the ticket. _Sina National Museum is proud to present the grand opening of the Survey Corps Exhibit. December 17-28th only. Admit one._

“Survey Corps?” Eren tossed the ticked back to the table, the name of the exhibit stirring something inside his head. Was it a famous exhibit? It couldn’t be- the ticket said it was the opening. Maybe something he’d learned in class. “I’m not going.”

“Oh yes you are,” Armin pushed the ticket back to him, the flimsy material curling up against his fingertips.

“Armin, I don’t even know what a Survey Corps is. Why should I go to the fuckin’ exhibit?” Eren asked, tipping his coffee back to his lips, pausing before he finished. “Do you even know what the Survey Corps is?”

“Yes,” Armin said, rolling his eyes. “We learned about it in school. And you’re going.”

“But-“

“You haven’t left this apartment since the semester ended, Eren. I know you’re pissed that you can’t remember this girl-“

“You don’t even believe she exists!”

Armin frowned, staring at him as if Eren were denying that it was his dog they’d found lying in the street. It was an expression Eren had become very familiar with since sharing his botched dreams with Armin. “You don’t know anything about her. Her name, where she lives, if she’s even in the damn country! I think it’s time you-”

“Don’t,” Eren interrupted, heat burning his cheeks at the way his voice wavered. “I’m not givin’ up on her, not until I find her or get concrete proof that she never fuckin’ existed, okay?”

“Okay,” Armin sighed. “But you’re still going.” He grasped Eren’s hand, placing the ticket against his palm and folding his fingers over it.

Eren scowled, reading over the ticket again. He’d only been to the national museum a few times with his parents or on school trips, but none of the exhibits had ever really interested him. “Are you goin’?” He asked after a long pause.

“No. You need to get out of the apartment and away from your thoughts.” Armin stood, taking Eren’s nearly empty cup and putting it with his own in the sink. “You need to get away from your thoughts, or they’ll eat you alive.”

Eren closed his eyes, bringing his fist to rest against his forehead. “They already have, Armin.” From the moment she entered his dreams she’d haunted him. Her smile greeted him in the mirror, her laughter followed him as he walked through his campus, the songs she sang played endlessly in his mind. Eren could never remember what she said or sang to him, could never hold onto the dream long enough to catch her face or hear her name, and it had torn him apart for years. 

Armin clapped a hand onto his shoulder, pulling him from her tormenting smile. “The exhibit started at noon and closes at nine. Please go.”

Eren nodded, dropping the ticket into his sweatshirt pocket. “Okay, yeah okay I’ll go and I’ll let you know if this Survey Corps shit is any cool.”

“I appreciate it.”

Eren grabbed his jacket, wrapping his old scarf around his neck when Armin told him it was the coldest day so far this year. He kept the ticket in his pocket as he left the apartment, deciding to walk into town instead of taking a bus to the museum right away. He had hours before the exhibit closed, plus there was always the chance that it was really busy, and Eren wanted to avoid a crown of over-eager museum goers.

He found himself in a small cafe a few hours later, nursing another cup of coffee after ordering something for dinner, watching through the window as a light snow began to fall, slowly coating the sidewalk. The sky stayed a dark grey even as he left, the snow falling faster, the slush pushed over from the street soaking his toes while he made his way to the museum, his head bowed against the wind and snow.

It was empty inside the lobby, the fluorescent lights casting unflattering shadows in front of the statues lining the walls. The room was empty save for the security guard by the inner doors and the woman behind the front desk. Eren showed her his ticket and she nodded, pointing down a wing as she explained how to get to the exhibit. 

“Just missed the rush, though.” She said as Eren pocketed his ticket stub. She laughed gently, turning back to her computer. “But something tells me you don’t mind.”

Eren grumbled out a “thanks” before turning down the hall she’d indicated, hands in his pockets as he followed the signs deep into the museum. He pushed his way into the room, blinking at the sudden lowlight. He followed the path marked on the floor, reading the plaques as he passed each glass case.

_Humanity built three walls to keep the Titans at bay…_

The cases were filed with three shields, labeled Sina, Maria, and Rose, and depicting what each faction of the government did, who joined the military. He spent a few long moments standing in front of the uniform case, the cloaks reminding him of something.

_The Survey Corps ventured outside the walls to combat the Titans…_

_The Coordinate led them to victory…_

_Names forgotten throughout history, but without them we would still be trapped inside those walls, or worse, devoured by the Titans…_

Eren had read most of this in his textbooks during school, how most information from almost three thousand years ago had been destroyed in a fire said to be started by angry ex-military policemen, so what was the big deal about the exhibit? Maybe that’s why it was empty so close to closing time- people already knew everything there was about the Titan Reign.

Once he’d circled through the entire exhibit, Eren returned to the case with the cloaks for the Survey Corps, Garrison, and Military Police. He recognized the cloak with the overlapping wings, more so than just from textbooks or documentaries, and he realized then, why it was familiar. It was the cloak he saw her wearing in some of his dreams, when she draped it around the both of them as they lay together.

Is that all he knew her from? A fabrication he’d made up from pieces of a forgotten history?

Moving slightly, Eren saw a case he’d only skimmed through. There were three full uniforms in it, each from the Survey Corps, but there was a scarf hanging above one of them. He dipped his head to the plaque, reading quickly: _The Coordinate, the Woman Worth A Hundred Soldiers, and the most Brilliant Strategist led humanity to victory as they led squads and motivated their comrades to never give up. It is a true shame that we don’t have their names, for we have these teenagers to thank for the lives we live today._

She wore that scarf, he knew, but there was no way he’d just been hallucinating about a war hero.

Right?

“Eren?”

He whirled, glancing around the exhibit he’d sworn had been empty before. A girl stepped around the corner, her dark hair tickling her shoulders as she leaned against one of the exhibit cases, a soft smile playing on her lips and he _knew_. He recognized that smile, shit it had haunted him for years.

“Mikasa?” He whispered, and her smile grew.

Mikasa pushed away from the case, stepping close to him until their faces almost touched. Eren gingerly cupped her cheeks. He wasn’t sure, still, if this was just a dream, if he’d finally snapped after years of dreaming of her, if his mind had gone so far as to conjure her in front of him, but her skin was real, soft and smooth beneath his fingers as he held her.

She closed her eyes, leaning into his touch. “I wasn’t crazy,” she murmured against his wrist.

“You saw them, too?” Eren asked, running his thumb across the scar beneath her eye.

“Every night. My roommate tried to tell me you weren’t real.”

Eren laughed, resting his forehead against hers. “Mine too.” He hesitated, his lips just above hers but she made the decision for them, stepping onto her toes to kiss him softly. “Fuck, I thought I made it all up.” He said after they broke apart, her fingers cradling his jaw. “Do you know anything?”

Mikasa shook her head, but he didn’t feel any remorse to the dreams he couldn’t decipher. He had her, why’d he need to understand anyway? “I don’t know why, but I knew I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Mikasa.”His dreams pushed their way to the front of his mind, but he found that the dread he used to feel at the sight of her smile had disappeared. “There’s a good coffee shop a few blocks away. You wanna go?”

“Yes.” She took his hand, but he stopped her before they could set off. She frowned up at him as he shook off his scarf, draping it around her neck. “Why-?”

“I don’t know,” Eren admitted, tossing the end of the scarf onto her face. “But it looks better on you.”

Mikasa smiled again, linking their fingers as they left the exhibit. She pulled the scarf over her nose as if she’d done it a hundred times before, and maybe in a way she had. Eren squeezed her hand, pulling her even closer as they walked the snow-covered streets. “Where’d you grow up?” She asked quietly, and Eren laughed, he laughed and he no longer feared that he’d done something wrong for she was with him, running with him across the street, and he was content to figure out everything about the woman laughing next to him.

 


	7. The Odds Are Never In Your Favor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eremika Week Day 4- Crossover; In an unprecedented decision, Eren volunteered to take Armin's place in the Games. He was determined to win and return to his mother, to Armin and Mikasa, to the life he'd come to know, but how could Eren plan a victory when his opponent was Mikasa, the girl he saved from death almost five years ago? [ Hunger Games AU ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, okay so I actually wanted to do a much longer crossover based solely on Mockingjay, where Mikasa was hijacked by the Capitol but I ran out of time. I still wanted to do Hunger Games, so consider this a kind of prologue to the main story, sort of more backstory to the characters and such. Expect a second installment from Mockingjay of the hijacking. So, enjoy!

“Armin Arlert!”

The name echoed through the crowd of people, a few tensing up, but most let out quiet sighs of relief because they survived another year at the reaping and some would never have the chance to be called.

Eren Jaeger, however, felt neither of those things at that moment. He felt his heart sink, his breathing becoming uneasy as if it were his name that had been called, his destiny sealed to die in an arena for the entertainment of others. He saw the crowd of boys part a little ways away, where Armin was standing. To an outsider, he looked completely composed, ready to leave for the Capitol and be prepared to fight, but Eren knew his best friend better than that.

Armin was fucking terrified.

And for good reason, too. Armin had never fought, never hunted, never trained himself for the remote chance that his name would be called. In some ways, it wasn’t surprising. Armin had placed his name in the pool several times in order to get more rations to care for his ailing grandfather. He might of had his name in there as many times as Eren. Eren caught Mikasa’s eye across the masses, she looked just as horrified, her hand raised as if by will alone she could save Armin.

Eren watched, fixated to the spot, as Armin tried his best to square his shaking shoulders, his eyes fixated on the makeshift stage, where Petra Ral stood in front of a few Peacekeepers, her hair a bright array of colors, a genuine smile lighting her features.

Armin began to walk through the crowd, and before Eren realized it, he moved. Eren shoved his way through the other boys around him, nearly knocking them down as he fought to get out of the mob of children. He thought he heard Mikasa scream from somewhere in the girl’s side, but he paid it no mind. Part of him demanded to stop, to allow himself another year of life, to take care of his mom and continue hunting to help the district, but he couldn’t fucking let Armin be killed. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he stayed silent in the masses, allowing his best friend to leave, to die, to be alone as Eren and the other kids used his death.

Eren finally broke into the small area between the boys and girls, Peacekeepers marching towards him from in front of the stage. Armin had paused about halfway to Petra, and he turned back to face Eren, eyes puffy and expression distraught. When he realized what Eren was about to do, his eyes widened, and worried, Armin shook his head, mouthing that he couldn’t.

But Eren was nothing if not stubborn.

“I volunteer.” Eren announced for the first time in all of District 12’s history, hands curling into fists at his sides. No fucking way Armin was being taken. “I volunteer as tribute.”

Petra smiled at him, curling her hand in an invitation to join her on stage. With two peacekeepers flanking him, Eren marched right past Armin, who was gaping, eyes blinking frantically between Eren and the stage, his hand outstretched, as if to catch Eren and bring him to his senses, but a Peacekeeper took Armin’s shoulder, pulling him back into the crowd.

“Fantastic,” Petra sighed, placing a hand on Eren’s shoulder to move him to the boy’s side of the stage. This was really happening, his mind working quickly to come up with a plan. He was strong, he could return to the District and continue to take care of his loved ones, couldn’t he? “And now, the ladies!” She dipped her hand into the other glass ball filled with little slips of paper, swirling her fingers around as she dipped farther into the paper, clutching one between two fingers as she raised it, shaking off the other papers. Whoever’s name was on that slip of paper would be his enemy, nothing more than another victim who’d kill or be killed.

Eren shut his eyes, his nails digging into his palm as he waited, breath baited and urge to run rising in him like a storm.

“Mikasa Ackerman!”

No.

No, anyone but her. It couldn’t fucking be her.

Eren swallowed thickly, watching as the crowd parted to allow Mikasa to walk through. Her steps did not falter, her head held high and eyes frantic as she made her way to the stage, holding Eren’s gaze the entire time. Even the Peacekeepers chose to let her walk to Petra alone.

How the hell was he supposed to fight against _Mikasa_? How could he fight against his best friend, the girl who’d been living with him for five years! Mikasa, who’d learned to hunt so she could help him get more food for the District, who helped him do the dishes and sewed with his mom and even went to visit patients with his dad? He couldn’t fucking kill her! She’d been one of the most important people in his life since… since the night he saved her life almost five years ago. The night he’d returned a bit too late from hunting, after he’d stashed his bow and turned to get back to his parents. But he’d noticed something, in an old, abandoned cabin on the outskirts of the District, a light was on in the window. He’d ignored the part of his mind telling him to leave, that it was none of his business, and instead he’d walked straight to the cabin, taking care of where he stepped and staying crouched to avoid being seen. Eren had peeked through the window, and immediately felt his blood boil at what he saw.

On the floor of the cabin, a young girl lay motionless, her hands tied tightly behind her back and her dark hair obscuring her face. A few feet away, a man sat in a chair, his arm thrown behind him, a carefree expression lighting his features as he spoke to the smaller man next to him. Eren wasn’t able to hear everything, but what he’d caught solidified his resolve.

_“D’y’know how much they pay in the Capitol for a girl like her?”_

_“When the country fell apart, these Asians fell with it. Fuck, we’ll be set for life.”_

_“A big shot Capitol man wants a pretty fuck.”_

Eren had quickly walked back to where he stashed his hunting tools and grabbed his knife before returning to the shed and knocking loudly. The conversation inside halted, and then the door opened, the larger of the two men looking around worriedly. When he saw Eren standing there, teary eyed with a lie about getting lost in the woods, he bent down, promising Eren that he was safe from any animals. Eren had immediately killed the man, and then repeatedly stabbed the second.

Untying the girl, Eren spoke softly, told her his name and asked for hers, asked what part of the district she lived in, if she was okay. She didn’t say anything except her name and then, “there were three,” and subsequently saved his life after the third returned and nearly choked him. He’d told Mikasa to live, and she did.

Afterwards, they stood awkwardly outside of the cabin. Mikasa tugging his jacket closer to her scrawny frame.

“My dad’s a doctor.” Eren had said, inviting her to his house to double check her injuries, and Mikasa agreed. She shivered again, looking back to the cabin with an unreadable expression.

“Where do I go?” She whispered, looking very small and frail and terrified, her pale skin almost ghostly in the moonlight, her shoulders shaking. “I don’t-“ He didn’t have to ask what she’d lost that night.

“You can live with me.” Eren had blurted, taking hold of his jacket sleeve, his fingers curling around her bony wrist. “My mom and dad, we’ll take care of you.”

“I shouldn’t,” Mikasa said, voice thick with tears.

Eren tugged off his scarf, throwing it around her neck and hair before taking her hand again. “Mikasa. Let’s go home.” She didn’t put up a fight after that, only nodded and allowed Eren to lead her through the forest and back to his house. He promised her the entire way that she’d be okay, she would be fine and he’d take care of her, she wouldn’t be hurt again. His mom had been horrified when he got home, but at the sight of Mikasa, of her bloody lip and bruised cheek and torn dress she’d softened, offering her a warm bath and bed after Eren’s dad took a look at her. She’d lived with him ever since, becoming a member of his family, his best friend, someone he loved and protected just as fiercely as she did with him.

Mikasa reached the stage, her dark eyes locking onto his. He hadn’t seen her cry since that night, but she looked close to tears again, her scarf pulled up over her mouth. He couldn’t kill her, he couldn’t fucking kill Mikasa! Not after everything they’d been through, not with everything she meant to him!

No, Eren thought, his hands curling again into fists. He wouldn’t fucking kill Mikasa. Maybe someone else would, and maybe he’d be dead before he had to witness it. But he had his mom, he had Armin, he couldn’t afford to die in these games. But she’d lost so much already, he’d given her another chance at a life, he couldn’t take that away from her.

If it came down to it he wanted Mikasa to be the one to return home.

Mikasa took her place a few feet from him, on the opposite side of Petra. Petra introduced them as the newest tributes, saying something about how this would be the best Hunger Games yet, and then she told them to shake hands.

Eren held his hand out, taking Mikasa’s quickly. He resisted the urge to pull her into his arms like he’d done countless times before, to tell her everything would be okay, even if he couldn’t promise it. More than anything, he wished it wasn’t Mikasa standing on the stage next to him.

They turned back to the crowd, and Eren watched in horror as the entire district kissed three fingers before saluting both Eren and Mikasa. He wanted to do it back.

A Peacekeeper took his shoulder, another doing the same to Mikasa, and they were ushered through the double doors behind them, Petra explaining that they had a few minutes to say goodbye to their families and loved ones. Eren eyed Mikasa, who walked with a faux confidence he may never be able to mimic. He was terrified at the idea of killing other people, of getting himself killed, and yet MIkasa looked as calm as could be, even after visiting time was done.

Once they reached the train, once they were introduced to their mentor, Levi, and Petra had left to speak to the conductor, they were alone for the first time. Mikasa stood from her chair and immediately sat with him in his, curling her legs over his lap as she ducked her face into his chest, her arms wrapping around his waist. He held her close, tears pooling in his eyes.

“Mikasa-“

“You’re going to win,” she whispered to his neck.

He pulled back, glancing at her sharply. “Don’t fucking say that, Mikasa. You’re getting out of this and you’re going to go home. Don’t pretend like you haven’t been training, like you haven’t been hunting with me.”

She shook her head desperately. “You have your mom, and Armin needs the help with his grandfather.”

“You can take care of my mom and Armin, Mikasa, you’re not losing another life!”

Mikasa pushed her face back into his neck, her shoulders heaving beneath his fingers. “Why this?”

Eren swallowed thickly, dropping his head against hers. “I don’t know. But you’re going home.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

He nodded. They had a few days before the games truly began. He could think of a plan to get Mikasa home by then. “Okay,” Eren said quietly, pressing a kiss to her temple.

Eren knew that by planning Mikasa’s return he was digging his own grave, but he couldn’t allow Mikasa to die in the arena. He wouldn’t. But he knew Mikasa wouldn’t let him die for her, either. He tightened his arms around her, watching as Panem’s scenery blew by the train windows, the woods slowly growing sparse as they left the District. He could feel her tears begin to soak his shirt, his own dripping slowly into her hair.

She wouldn’t allow him to die for her, but he wasn’t going to let her die again. He saved her life once, and he’d be damned if he couldn’t do it again.

 


	8. for alltid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eremika Week Day 5- Childhood; [ for alltid means forever in Norwegian ] Eren never imagined the new girl across the street would end up meaning so much to him, would become his best friend, become the reason he changed his life plans when her life was ruined by unimaginable tragedy.

nine

Eren paused in racing his firetruck against the stone surrounding the fireplace when he heard a loud truck pulling up outside. He dropped the toy, running excitedly to the front window at the possibility of a firetruck outside his house. Instead, all he saw was a big, white truck parked in front of the house that had been empty for almost a year, tall men mulling about and taking couches and chairs from the depths of it.

“Oh,” his mom appeared beside him, her hand smoothing through his hair. “It looks like the Ackermans are here.”

“Who?” Eren asked, looking back to his abandoned toy. He wanted to drive it up the fireplace again.

“Our new neighbors.” His mom took his hand, helping him down from the chair he’d stood on to see better. “Why don’t we go say hi?”

“Mom,” he whined.

His mom laughed quietly, leading him into the kitchen. “Don’t give me that look, Eren. It will be good for you. They might have a kid, and they might be around your age. Maybe you can make a new friend.”

“Only if they aren’t dumb.”

She shook her head, opening the door to the pantry to collect a few things. “Eren, that mentality will ruin you. You don’t want only one friend forever, do you?”

Eren wrinkled his nose, leaning around his mom to swipe a few chocolate chips from the bag she put on the counter. “What’s wrong with Armin, mom?”

“Nothing,” she sighed, mixing a few ingredients together in a bowl. “He’s a lovely boy, but would it really be so bad to have a few more friends?”

Eren laughed, nudging his mom’s hip with his head. “You sound like dad.”

His mom shook her head again, a small smile lifting her features. Eren watched as her mixture began to resemble cookie dough, but when he tried to get some on his finger while her back was turned she caught him right away. He climbed up onto the counter, swinging his legs idly against the dishwasher while his mom molded the dough into circles on the pan.

She handed him the spatula when the last batch was in the oven, and Eren sighed happily as he licked at it, watching his mom clean the bowl out. After the timer beeped, his mom started to pile the cookies onto a plastic plate. He reached for one, but she caught his wrist and broke one in half for them to share, instead.

“Mom, why can’t I eat the cookies?” He complained, pouting towards the plate.

“They’re for our neighbors,” she explained, smoothing tin foil over the plate. “Now go put your shoes on.”

Eren quickly pulled on his sneakers and a sweatshirt before darting back to the window, just in time to watch the big truck pull away and a man walk into the house before his mom called him from the front door. She held it open for him and he jogged out, reaching back for his mom’s hand after she locked up, cookies balanced on her free hand. She led him across the street, taking care to remind him to look both ways before they crossed. Eren knocked on the door loudly, glancing between his mom and the house just before the door opened and a woman with dark hair and dark eyes and kind features opened the door.

“Hello?”

His mom smiled brightly, dropping his hand to reach out for the woman’s. “I’m Carla Jaeger. We live right across the street and saw you move in and thought we’d welcome you to the neighborhood.”

“Oh!” Mrs. Ackerman laughed, accepting the cookies from his mom. She called back into the house to her husband, who appeared beside her after a few long seconds. “Thank you so much,” she said as Mr. Ackerman took his mom’s hand. “Please come in.”

Eren stepped hesitantly in front of his mother to enter the house, holding his hands behind his body and looking around the house. He’d only been here once, when he and Armin had accidentally thrown a tennis ball across the street and the old man living in the house had taken it. Eren and Armin had to persuade him to give it back, standing on the front porch and apologizing a million times to get it back. He’d seen a little into the house, then, but it looked a lot nicer with the Ackermans living there. Instead of a white sheet covering the couch and dusty paintings and dirty, scratched floors, the house was warm and colorful, with boxes littering the living room.

“This is my son, Eren.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, Eren.” Mrs Ackerman said, smiling warmly at him. He smiled back, shifting uncomfortably when Mr. Ackerman held out his hand, but he took it just like his father had taught him, shaking once before letting his hand drop back to his side. “I know our-“

“Mama, do you know where-” A little girl came running down the staircase, her black hair flying behind her and the hem of her dress sliding against the steps she passed. She stopped on the bottom step, glancing between Eren and his mom and her own parents before ducking to her mom’s side, standing a little behind the woman’s hip. He couldn’t see her entirely, but it looked like her hair and features matched her mother’s.

Mrs. Ackerman kneeled down to the girl’s level, placing her hands on the girl’s small shoulders and smiling over at Eren. “Honey, these are some of our new neighbors. Carla and her son, Eren. This is our daughter, Mikasa.”

Eren frowned as Mikasa greeted his mom, still hiding behind her mom. What kind of a name was Mikasa, anyway? But then again, she didn’t exactly look like any of the girls from his school. Maybe she was from really far away.

“Hi, Eren.”

He nodded, giving her a small smile. He really wanted to get home and get back to his toys. “Hi, Mikasa.” The name felt strange rolling off of his tongue.

Mrs. Ackerman stood up. “Would you like to stay for dinner? We’re ordering out, but we would love the company.”

His mom nodded, putting her hand on top of his head. “That sounds lovely. My husband is working late at the hospital tonight and this will give Mikasa and Eren a good chance to get to know each other before she begins school. Eren, why don’t you play with Mikasa outside?”

“Mom-” She gave him a look, one that told him he wasn’t allowed to fight this, and he nodded in acceptance. Mikasa looked to her mom, but Mrs. Ackerman only shook her head and gestured to the front door.

Mikasa led him back outside the house, sitting down on the porch steps. Eren stood on the walkway, pointing to his house across the street.

“That’s my house.”

“Oh.”

“Do you have any toys?”

Mikasa shook her head, playing idly with the zipper on her thin jacket. “They’re still packed up.”

“Oh.”

Eren kicked at the grass when neither of them said anything else. He didn’t know what to say to her, what did people even talk about with girls anyway? He’d only really spoken with Armin, but it was easy with him! Eren had known him for years! He could say the first word that popped into his head and it would entertain them for hours. Besides, girls had cooties.

“So where are you from?” Eren asked once the silence had stretched way longer than he liked.

“New York,” she said, chin propped on her palm.

“Cool.” Completely sure that there were no toys hiding in the bushes, Eren sat beside her on the step. “I’ve lived here forever. When do you come to school?”

“Mama said Monday.”

“You can meet Armin.”

“Who’s Armin?”

Eren grinned, leaning back on his elbows. “My best friend. He’s super smart and always does the best in class. He used to get beat up for it, but I stopped the bullies,” he said proudly. “But he doesn’t like _Star Wars_. Says it can’t be real or something.”

“That’s weird.” 

“Whaddaya mean?”

Mikasa frowned, her tiny nose wrinkling. “ _Star Wars_ is super cool.”

Eren turned to her, confused. “You like _Star Wars_?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you’re cool.” Eren said, catching her small smile as she turned away. He heard his mom calling from inside. “C’mon.” He took her hand, leading her back into her house, grinning because _finally_ someone understood just how awesome _Star Wars_ was.

* * *

 

thirteen

“Middle school sucks,” Eren grumbled, throwing his arms behind his head as he led his friends home.

Armin snorted behind him. “You’re only saying that because you hate your teachers.”

“Well, duh. They’re all annoying and don’t make learning any fun.” He turned to face Armin and Mikasa, walking backwards along the familiar path. “I can’t wait to get to high school next year. It’ll be so much cooler! Mikasa, are you gonna do any sports?”

She shrugged, pulling on the sleeves of her jacket. Spring was going to start soon, but winter was still holding on; they’d even gotten snow the weekend before, and Mikasa hated the cold. She’d said a few years back that it reminded her of some nightmares she’d had as a kid, where she was always cold and always alone. He and Armin had reassured her that would never happen, that it was only a dream, and though she’d smiled and thanked them, neither boy missed when she shivered and adjusted her jackets. “Probably.”

“It’ll be difficult to manage with all of the homework.” Armin reminded them, tugging Eren out of the way of a fallen tree branch. They were nearing Eren’s house and he could see both his parent’s cars in the driveway.

Eren shrugged. “We’ll manage.”

He jogged up the path to his front door, throwing it open and leaving it that way for Armin and Mikasa. He yelled his arrival into the house, both his mom and dad calling back to him. Armin shut the door behind him and Mikasa while Eren chucked his backpack in front of the couch.

His mom poked her head out from the kitchen, greeting them warmly. She kissed Mikasa’s forehead and ruffled Armin’s hair, tugging Eren in for a hug even when he squirmed. “How was school today?”

“Lame,” Eren answered for them, but he didn’t miss the way Mikasa shook her head to let his mom know that wasn’t how all of them felt. Eren grabbed his books from his pack as Mikasa settled on the couch next to him, her legs folded beneath her. Armin sat at the table, already working hard on what they’d been assigned for that night. 

His mom laughed quietly. “Well, I’m making dinner. Armin, Mikasa, I’m assuming you’re staying?”

“If you don’t mind,” Armin said, head bowed over his homework. His mom waved Armin’s comment off, disappearing back into the kitchen while Eren got started on his homework, battling out the math, the same as Mikasa.

After a few hours, when Eren only had a bit more of his science homework to do, he felt Mikasa’s head on his shoulder. He turned to face her, staring down at his homework, most likely figuring out the answers. He could feel his cheeks heat up as he tried to nudge her off, “C’mon, Mikasa, I can’t write with you there.” She complied, but only enough to rest her chin directly on his shoulder and he didn’t have the heart to ask her to move again, especially when she murmured the last few answers. “Sweet, you’re the best, Mika.” She pulled away as he dropped his books back into his pack, but he saw the tiny flush of her cheeks.

“Perfect timing,” his mom said from the kitchen, “Dinner’s ready. Go wash up, yes Armin even you. Your extra studies will still be there after you eat.”

Armin almost groaned as he put away his books and Eren laughed. Armin did his own studies so he could take more classes once he got to high school, even though it meant more homework and staying up really late, but Armin really loved it. Eren always saw the way his best friend’s face lit up whenever he learned something new. Mikasa noticed as well, and even studied some extra things with him, helping to quiz him and stuff.

Eren’s dad joined them at the table after he finished an after-work nap. His mom and dad asked about their classes and teachers, asked Armin how his grandfather was doing and if his parents had been back from England lately, asked Mikasa if her father liked his new promotion to detective on the police force.

“He does, thank you,” Mikasa answered, hands folded in her lap since she’d finished.

Eren begged to be let off the hook for dishes that night, and his father agreed, but only since Mikasa and Armin were over. Over the sound of the water running, Eren and Mikasa smushed Armin between them and played _The Empire Strikes Back_. Armin complained about how impossible some things were, but Eren ignored him, quoting some of the best scenes with Mikasa.

“Armin,” his dad called about halfway through the movie. “Your grandfather is in the driveway.”

Armin stood, collecting his books from the dining room. “I’ll see you guys at school Monday.” He waved, disappearing from the house, his blond hair fanning out behind him.

“I should probably head home, too.” Mikasa said quietly, staring out the window. Eren hadn’t even noticed how dark it was outside.

“Yeah, okay. Bye.”

“Eren,” his dad laughed, rustling his newspaper at the table. “Why don’t you walk Mikasa home?”

“Why?” Eren asked, frowning. “It’s just across the street.”

“Because it’s the nice thing to do, and it’s dark out. Now go.”

Eren mumbled an agreement, pulling on his spring jacket and his old scarf while Mikasa double checked that she had all of her things. She buttoned her coat up all the way as they stepped outside, shivering a little.

“You okay?” Eren asked, reaching forward to take her bag for her.

Mikasa nodded, but she shivered again. “I still don’t like the cold… or the dark,” she said as they waited for a car to pass so they could cross the street.

Eren paused just before the walkway to her house, unwrapping the scarf from his neck. “Here,” he said, throwing it around her own. “This’ll help keep you warm.” She stared at him in confusion, dark eyes almost shining in the moonlight. He was thankful for the dark in that moment because he was pretty sure he was blushing. “You remember what I said, right?” He asked as he took her sleeve, leading her up the walkway. “Those dreams don’t mean anything. You won’t be cold or lonely with me around. Me and Armin, we’ll make sure of it.”

Mikasa smiled, running her fingers along the fabric of the scarf as Eren held out her bag for her. “Thank you, Eren.”

“‘Course. See you Monday?” She nodded again, their fingers brushing as she took her bag and murmured out a “goodnight” before entering her house, the porch light switching off a moment later.

* * *

fifteen

“Hey, Kirschtein.” Eren stopped in front of Jean’s lunch table, placing his hands on the slick surface as he leaned across to grin at Jean.

Jean scowled. “What do you want, Jaeger?”

Eren cocked his head back to his own lunch table, where Armin and Mikasa were sitting with Sasha and Connie. Mikasa was talking to Annie, who was resting her hip against the table, arms crossed as they spoke. They’d had a bit of a rivalry since preseason started two months ago, but anyone could see the two girls were on the way to becoming good friends.

“Y’know your dumb crush on Mikasa?” Eren asked, watching as Jean’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head.

Jean ran his fingers through his dumb hair, frantically looking to Marco for help. “I don’t know what-”

Eren rolled his eyes. “You practically screamed that her hair was pretty in homeroom on the first day. It doesn’t take a genius to figure it out.” Then again, Mikasa hadn’t mentioned the incident, or Jean, so maybe she hadn’t noticed yet.

“Fine,” Jean grumbled. “What the fuck is it to you?”

Eren grinned again, sitting down across from Jean. The two boys hadn’t gotten off to a good start, in fact they’d both punched each other several times since school had started, but Eren honestly wouldn’t mind if it stayed that way. “Well, I think she might like you, too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! Okay, but you don’t really _look_ her type yet. C’mere.” Eren stood, walking around the table and hoisting Jean from his seat. One plus of strength training for soccer; it really helped drag around people he didn’t like. “First, fix your collar.” Eren popped Jean’s collar. “Tuck in your shirt and smooth down your hair.” Jean complied, way too eager to impress Mikasa. “She _loves_ cheesy pick up lines. You know any?”

Jean shook his head but whipped out his phone and after a minute or two of scrolling, he smiled. “This’ll impress Mikasa?”

“Definitely. Now go win her over!” Eren shoved Jean’s back, pushing him towards Mikasa’s table before taking his vacated seat next to Marco.

“Eren,” Marco groaned.

“Sh. Hey man can you record this? I left my phone at my table.” Eren asked, never looking away from Jean’s slow gait towards Mikasa.

“No way.”

Jean reached the other lunch table then, and he stood in front of Mikasa, one hand smoothing his hair again as he rocked back onto his heels. Mikasa paused in her conversation with Annie, the shorter girl eyeing Jean as Bertholdt came up behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Uh, hey, Mikasa.” Jean began, his voice uncharacteristically quiet, so much so that Eren had to strain to hear him. “Are you a fruit-?”

“Jean-“

“-because Honeydew you know how fine you look right now?” The entire cafeteria was silent, staring in complete horror at the train wreck in the corner. Eren could barely contain his laughter, but he _needed_ to see if Mikasa reacted. He saw Annie roll her eyes, Bertholdt visibly cringed, and Reiner stared, bug-eyed, from his own lunch table while Armin glanced worriedly between Jean and Mikasa. “M-Mikasa, do you want to go-”

“No, Jean, I’m sorry.” Mikasa tried to smile, her expression as controlled as ever. “I’m not looking to date anyone right now.”

Jean nodded, spluttering out a bunch of apologies as he backed away. He turned around, and Eren flashed him a thumbs-up, no longer able to hold in his laughter. Jean blanched, horrified, before flipping Eren the finger and settling at a random table.

“Was that really necessary, Eren?” Marco asked once Eren had stopped laughing, more or less.

“Aw, come on man,” Eren said, wiping a tear from his eye. “His crush was stupid and besides, he isn’t good enough for Mikasa.”

“And who is good enough for her?” Marco collected his things, piling his tray to be disposed of once the bell rang. “You?”

“Huh?” Eren frowned, turning back to face his table. Mikasa was shaking her head at something Annie said, looking uncomfortable as she glanced up to meet Eren’s gaze. She frowned, mouthing _what was that?_ Eren grinned, shrugging at her, though he knew there would probably be hell to pay later. “What are you talking about?”

“Never mind.” Marco sighed, standing after the bell rang, throwing his trash away before jogging to follow Jean from the cafeteria.

Mikasa caught up to Eren just as he left the room, her fingers curling around the crook of his elbow to pull him to a stop, Armin right behind her. “Why.”

Eren shrugged again. “You didn’t notice his crush.”

“Of course I noticed it, Eren. You didn’t need to embarrass him in front of everyone.”

“Oh come on,” Eren rolled his eyes, shaking off her hold as they started for their next class. “It was funny.”

“it was not funny!” Mikasa stomped her foot, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Why’re you so angry? Jean’s the one who got shut down.”

“You’re an idiot, Eren.”

“What the hell, Mikasa?”

She sped up, turning around the corner faster than Eren and weaving through the throng of students. He jogged through them to catch up, but when he finally turned to the next hallway he saw her disappearing through the door to the girl’s bathroom. Eren groaned, running a hand through his hair. He’d been making Mikasa angry more often, but he didn’t understand why!

“You’re both idiots, actually,” Armin laughed, clapping his hand on Eren’s shoulder as they walked.

Eren frowned, muttering something under his breath as they stopped at Armin’s locker to collect their books. Eren pulled his Chem textbook out, holding it in both hands and studying the glossy plastic hardcover. “I don’t get what’s wrong with her. It was just a joke! She doesn’t even like Jean, why should it bother her?”

Armin shut his locker, shaking his head. “It has nothing to do with how she feels about Jean, but it does have everything to do with how she feels about you.”

“What?”

Sighing, Armin led him to their class. “Maybe you’ll realize her, and your, feelings eventually.” They settled into their usual seats, but Mikasa had moved across the room to sit between Connie and Sasha. 

“Armin-“

“Okay, students!” Professor Hanji announced, grinning madly. “Let’s get started with stoichiometry!”

 

* * *

sixteen

Eren perked up when he heard the door to the weight room slam shut, the noise echoing through the empty hallways. He was sitting on the ground, propped up against the trophy case and waiting for Mikasa to finish her practice. Armin was already home, most likely studying or preparing for his summer studying abroad. Eren’s lacrosse practice had gotten out about twenty minutes before, so he’d waited for her like he did every other day. It was much more fun walking home with someone else.

“How was practice?” Eren asked once they’d started their walk to their block.

Mikasa shrugged, rubbing at her shoulder and grimacing. He saw her steps falter, noticed that she was walking a bit slower than usual. “Good. Petra worked us a lot harsher than usual, though, since we have about a week until our next game. How was yours?”

“Fine,” Eren said slowly, frowning at the way Mikasa’s lips twisted in displeasure. He stopped walking, shaking his head with an amused smile while Mikasa paused a few paces ahead.

“Eren-?”

“C’mere.” He jogged ahead of her, throwing his own pack over her shoulders and ignoring her confused splutters. He bent in front of her, offering his back.

“You can’t be serious,” she said after a minute.

“Completely serious, Mikasa. You’re hurt, or really sore, or something, and I bet you’re exhausted from the SAT prep course you’ve been taking, too.” Eren rolled his eyes, huffing slightly. “Just c’mon.”

“It’s five more blocks to our street!”

Eren sighed, looking over his shoulder to where Mikasa stood behind him. “Think of it as an extra workout, or something. You want to help me get stronger for the team, right?”

Mikasa nodded, and with a shake of her head she hooked her legs over his hips, her arms falling loosely around his neck. Eren stood, using a nearby tree to help steady his balance before looping his arms beneath Mikasa’s thighs, shifting slightly until her thighs weren’t digging into his stomach. Her chin fell against his shoulder as he began walking again, her temple bumping against his own, her warm breath tickling his cheek.

He cleared his throat, trying to ignore how much he really liked having Mikasa so close to him. “Are you overworking yourself in practice again?”

“No,” Mikasa said, and a quick glance showed him her eyes were closed, lips turned up slightly. “Annie accidentally shoved me into the bench. What about you?” She asked after a minute. “Reiner isn’t messing with you anymore, right? Because I’ll-“

“I know, Mikasa,” Eren laughed, deliberately nudging her head. “He hasn’t forgotten the time you threw him onto the ground when he tackled me. Reiner’s a friend. Jean on the other hand…”

Mikasa shifted slightly, resting her forehead against Eren’s neck. “I thought you two got over that last year.”

Eren grunted, choosing not to tell her about that day’s practice, when he hit Jean with his own lacrosse stick when they passed each other on the field. He settled on a quiet, “kind of?”

“You two are hopeless.”

Eren laughed, agreeing with her as he turned up her walkway. He paused at the door as she rummaged awkwardly through her bag for the key, and he bent down so she could reach the lock, all while she laughed breathlessly in his ear, sending chills racing down his spine that he really hoped Mikasa couldn’t feel. He insisted on carrying her all the way up the stairs to her bedroom, despite her insistence that she could be let down at any time, and dropped her unceremoniously onto her bed. Mikasa rolled her eyes, but she was grinning as she tossed him his own pack.

“Are your parents coming home soon?” He asked after a minute while Mikasa gathered some clean clothes.

She shook her head. “Dad’s working late tonight and mom’s out with Carla.”

“Oh yeah.”

“I’m going to take a shower. Don’t eat the entire fridge again,” she said, throwing a wave over her shoulder as she disappeared from her bedroom.

“No promises!”

He sprawled himself out on her bed, his head nearly hanging off the end while he texted Armin about seeing the new Marvel movie this weekend. Armin tried to talk his way out of it, said he had to study for his AP Bio test, but Eren knew for a fact that Armin had been studying for like three days already, and after a few, (okay fifteen,) texts, Armin agreed to see the movie.

From: Bowl Cult

_have you talked to Mikasa yet?_

Eren frowned. Why would he need to talk to Mikasa? They talked all the time!

To: Bowl Cult

_about what? i’m with her rn_

Armin only took a minute to answer back.

From: Bowl Cult

_never mind. I’ll leave that up to you_

Eren tossed his phone back onto Mikasa’s bed when he heard the water in the bathroom cut off. Mikasa walked back into the room a minute later, tying the drawstring of her, or rather _his,_ football sweatpants. He grinned, still hanging off of her bed.

Mikasa eyed him, rolling her eyes before asking, “What?”

“So that’s where they went.”

A light blush spread quickly across her pretty features, but she ducked her head, tossing her dirty clothes into the hamper in the corner. “Carla lent them to me a few months ago. I guess I just never gave them back and-“

“It’s okay,” Eren interrupted, propping himself up on his elbows as she sat on the edge of the bed. “They look better on you anyway.”

Mikasa smiled, pulling her scarf over her nose. Eren sat up, Armin’s words from the past couple years floating through his mind. The way Mikasa never got rid of his scarf, how she always came to any of his tournaments, how he went to hers, the way they could quote the entire fourth _Star Wars_ movie together, (much to Armin and his mom’s annoyance.) 

“ _It has nothing to do with how she feels about Jean, but it does have everything to do with how she feels about you.”_

He’d noticed a few of his sweatshirts disappearing from his room, noticed the way Mikasa’s hand would linger on his, how she seemed to lean against him even more while they watched movies together, how he always grabbed her hand to show her something or threw his arms around her shoulders. The way her hair seemed to shimmer and curl against her jaw when she ducked away adorably and _holy shit._ Was that what Armin had been hinting at?

“Mikasa,” he blurted. She hummed, looking up from her AP Bio textbook. “Do you like me?”

Mikasa frowned, staring at him as if he’d just grown a third head. “Of course I like you, Eren, you’re my best friend.”

“No, no I mean…” Eren paused, glancing around her room as he searched for the right word. “I mean, like, like like me,” he finished lamely. She looked away, breathing a “yes” so quietly into her scarf Eren feared he misheard her. He lurched forward, sitting behind her and gently tugging the book from her hands. “Really?”

“Yes,” she repeated, pink staining her cheeks. “Eren,” she murmured after he didn’t say anything for a minute. “What brought this on? I thought you knew-”

“I didn’t know.” He said. “I didn’t think you liked anyone.” Grinning, Eren grasped her shoulders, pulling her to face him because _Mikasa liked him_ , but before he could say anything else, she took his face in her palms, pressing their lips together softly.

She pulled back after a moment, but only enough to lean her forehead against his. “You staying for dinner tonight?” Mikasa asked.

“Yeah,” he whispered back, dipping to kiss her nose. “Gotta meet the girlfriend’s parents, and all.” She whacked him with her notebook, but Eren thought it was totally worth it to see the smile splitting her features.

“Go take a shower, Eren. You’re making my room smell.”

* * *

seventeen

“That English final _sucked_.” Eren grumbled, tossing his pack in the backseat of his car, narrowly missing Armin’s leg. He slid into the driver’s seat, starting the car and cranking the AC to dispel the hot air that currently clogged the car. Mikasa immediately began to fiddle with the dials on the radio until she found a station with a decent song, letting her hand hang out of the open window as Eren joined the long line of student cars trying to get out of the parking lot.

“At least it’s over,” Armin said, his chin tucked next to the headrest on Mikasa’s seat.

“Yeah!” Eren quickly turned out of the lot, speeding just a little bit towards his and Mikasa’s block. “And in three months we’ll be seniors, then we’ll graduate and get to see the world!” Eren was studying abroad during college. He didn’t care how inconvenient it might be, or how impractical considering he didn’t know any other languages, but he’d make it happen. He nudged Mikasa with his elbow as he drove, turning to face her properly at a red light. “Aren’t you excited?”

“Of course. But I’m not excited about splitting up.” She took his hand, lacing their fingers together on top of the console between them.

“It won’t be for long,” Eren said quietly. They’d had this argument before. “You’ll go to NYU with Armin, and we’ll see each other during every vacation.”

Eren swore he could see her pouting. “Are you sure you don’t want us to come with you?”

“Nah,” Eren shook his head. “I don’t want to distract from your studies.” He leaned over once he was sure the street was empty and he was driving slowly enough, kissing her quickly. He didn’t want to leave them either, but high school was almost over. Things were changing whether they wanted them to or not.

“As happy as I am that you two _finally_ got together last year,” Armin said, placing his fingers on Eren’s jaw to direct his gaze back to the street. “I’d appreciate it if your PDA didn’t get us killed.”

“Shut up,” Eren laughed, turning into his driveway as Mikasa sighed next to him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said, curling her fingers around the edge of her scarf. “Annie wants to go to a movie tonight. She’s coming to pick me up right now.” Mikasa gathered her things from the floor of the car. “I’ll see you guys in the morning?”

“Definitely,” Eren said kissing her temple. She twisted her fingers into his hair, pulling him across the console for a proper kiss, tugging harshly on his hair when he smirked against her lips.

Armin groaned. “What did I just say?”

“Pretty sure kissing while parked _won’t_ get us killed, Armin.” Eren laughed once Mikasa pulled away, shutting the door behind her and jogging across the street to her house. “Unless you’re really just jealous and want all of my kisses,” he said, batting his eyes back at Armin.

Armin rolled his eyes, shoving Eren’s face away when the brunet tried to land a kiss to his hair. “I am very, very okay with you not kissing me.”

“Suit yourself.” Eren grabbed his back pack, swinging himself from the car. “You coming over?”

“Well since I’m _already_ at your house.”

“Shut up.”

Later that night, after several snacks and half of Armin’s favorite documentary, Eren’s phone started to ring from the table across the room. He rolled his head onto Armin’s shoulder, but Armin pushed him away, not even giving Eren a chance to ask him to get up and grab it. Walking quickly, Eren grabbed his phone, frowning at the screen.

Armin paused the TV. “Who is it?”

“Mikasa.” He said, swiping his thumb across the screen. “Hello?”

“ _Eren_ ,” Mikasa gasped, sounding desperate, her voice thick. He heard her sob across the line and Eren felt a cold dread settle in his bones, freezing him to the spot.

“Mikasa,” Eren repeated, clutching his phone in a clammy hand. “Mikasa, what’s wrong? Where are you?”

He heard her choke back another sob, sniffing. “ _They’re gone, Eren, they’re gone._ ”

“Who? Where are you?”

She didn’t answer; but she was still crying quietly into the speaker. Was she still with Annie at the movie? Or had something happened to them on the way back? Armin rose from the couch, confusion spread across his features. Eren glanced at the screen of the phone when Mikasa didn’t make any noise for a long moment. She was still on the line, but something about where she was had her distracted and very, very upset.

“Do you want me to call Carla?” Armin asked quietly.

Eren shook his head. “Mikasa, Mikasa can you hear me?”

“ _Yes_ ,” she moaned, voice breaking.

“Where are you?”

“ _Police station_.”

Eren whirled, racing to the front door to pull on his sneakers and grab his keys from the hook by the door. “Stay there. I’m coming to get you.”

“ _Eren_ -”

“Everything’s gonna be okay. Stay put, okay?” She didn’t answer and after another few seconds, the line went dead. “Armin-”

“Go.” Armin interrupted, pointing to the door. “I’ll be here when you get back, and I’m calling your parents.”

“Thank you.” He yanked the door open, nearly sprinting to get to his car. Eren had never seen Mikasa cry, not even when she broke her arm the summer before their Sophomore year. But to hear her on the phone, in obvious distress, barely able to get words out through her tears… Eren could only picture the worst, and prayed to anything that he was wrong. The station wasn’t far from his house, and before long Eren was pulling into the driveway, barely removing his keys before he was jogging to the front door. He launched himself at one of the desks of a rookie. The woman looked up in shock, startling a little before her eyes dulled in recognition. “I’m looking for-“

“Over there,” she pointed to the lobby. He turned and after a quick scan of the room, he found her, sitting hunched against the wall, her fingers twisted into her hair and head bowed.

Eren didn’t hear whatever the woman said next, he was already halfway to Mikasa. He dropped down next to her, easing her hands away from her hair and smoothing the knots she’d formed. Now that he was close enough, he could hear her crying, her broken moans and sniffles that broke his heart in more ways than he could imagine.

“Mikasa,” he whispered, pulling her into his arms. Mikasa’s head rolled against his shoulder and she seemed to realize, then, that he really was there. Her hand clutched his collar and she pulled herself closer to him, messily wiping her nose on his shirt. “What happened?” Eren asked after a minute, pushing the hair away from her face. “Mikasa, what-?”

“They’re dead,” she murmured against his neck, her voice hauntingly cold, almost empty.

“Who?”

She heaved a deep breath, shuddering in his arms. “Mama… papa… Eren, they’re dead.” Mikasa ducked her head again, but this time she did not cry. Eren didn’t know if that was worse.

“They’re…?” Mikasa’s parents couldn’t be… dead. He felt dread settle deep in his stomach. He may never get her mom and dad’s teasing jokes when they found Eren and Mikasa asleep on the couch, or Mr. Ackerman’s lessons to shoot a gun, or Mrs. Ackerman’s light laughter when he helped her with dinner… but Mikasa- _fuck_ , she would never curl up at her dad’s side, or get to dance with her mom around the kitchen anymore, they wouldn’t see her off to college, or be there at her wedding or see their grandkids or kiss her goodnight… _her parents were dead_.

“Nobody even saw it happen. They were propped against an alley wall, abandoned and bloody, shot three times each-”

“Stop, Mikasa-”

“Their murderer was there, too. Shot himself after shooting them. No money stolen or anything, he just killed my parents-“

“Mikasa-“

“Papa’s supervisor is making the arrangements right now,” she said to his neck. “They’re trying to find any family I may have, but for now-“

Eren tightened his arms around her. “You know you always have a place to stay with me, right? Mikasa, if no one can… help you, you’ll stay with us.”

Mikasa nodded against him. He kissed the top of her head as he felt her tears fall against his skin again. Eren leaned his head against hers, watching as the officers around them spoke quietly. Mikasa’s breath evened out, but Eren had a hunch she wouldn’t be falling asleep that night.

“Let’s,” Eren paused, dragging in an unsteady breath. “Let’s go home, okay?” She didn’t acknowledge what he said, didn’t say anything as he curled his arm beneath her legs to pull her up with him as he stood.

He helped her into the car, but Mikasa pushed his hands away when he tried to buckle her in, slumping against the seat and ducking her head again. Eren stalled outside of the car, calling his mom to let her know they were on their way before slipping into the driver’s seat. Mikasa didn’t say anything during the drive home; she stared out the window, placed her hand upon the glass, hunched her shoulders, but she did not speak or cry.

“Hey,” Eren whispered once they’d gotten to his house. He didn’t miss the way she tensed when looking back at her home. “Mikasa,” he took her hand, trailing his thumb across her cheek. She didn’t look up to him. “You’re going to be okay. I promise.” She nodded slowly.

She insisted on walking inside on her own, but Eren was close behind the entire time. His mom met them just inside the house, pulling Mikasa into a hug she did not return, whispering promises and regrets and remorse to Mikasa’s hair. Eren’s dad told her he would help with any of the arrangements, anything she needed. Mikasa thanked them quietly, giving Armin a weak smile, but shaking off the hand he placed on her shoulder.

Eren followed her to his bedroom, where she curled up onto his bed without another word. Eren sat beside her, running his fingers through her hair and after a moment she shifted, to rest her head in his lap. They did not sleep, and Mikasa did not cry, and Eren realized that night she was far too broken to do either.

* * *

Eren didn’t see Mikasa much immediately following her parent’s deaths. Apparently, her dad’s supervisor, Agent Pixis, had contacted her uncle, or something, and together they’d arranged for Mikasa to fly out to live with him for her senior year. Although she was staying with Eren until her flight in early July, she spent most of her time packing up her belongings, meeting with Pixis, making plans for her parent’s funeral, their possessions and the house, or alone at the park a few blocks away. He’d tried to comfort her, to sit with her in the park, or help pack her things, but Mikasa always refused. And although she would come home with bloodshot eyes and fresh tear stains, she didn’t let him see her cry after that first night.

Eren drove her to the airport the morning of her flight, the day after her parent’s small funeral, holding tight to her hand while she stared out the window, the bottom half of her face buried in her scarf. She didn’t speak much these days, but she had nightmares again, and would wake him up in the middle of the night sometimes, folding his arms around her shaking body.

“So, uh, what’s Levi do for a living?” Eren asked as they walked through the airport together, her carry on bag slung across his shoulders. His mom and dad had offered to ship her suitcases and boxes out to Levi, so she only had the one.

Mikasa shrugged, squeezing his hand gently. “I think Pixis said he works as an editor.”

“Oh.”

He followed her all the way to the gate, as far as he could before they would have to part. Mikasa handed the woman behind the counter her ticket. The woman nodded, smiling kindly, “We just started boarding. You can go through whenever you like, but boarding will close in about twenty minutes.”

Mikasa thanked her quietly, and together they stood to the side as a few people walked through the gate to the plane. She turned to face him, reaching up to cup his face between her hands. “Eren… thank you for everything.”

He swallowed thickly. “Mikasa. You remember what I told you, right?” He took her hands, pulling her close. “You’ll never be alone.”

“I know,” Mikasa said. She kissed him slowly, pulling away to rest her head against his chest, right against his heart. He tucked his chin against her head, unwilling to let go. “I love you.”

An final call to board the flight played over the loudspeaker, and with a sigh, Mikasa stepped back. Eren took her hands again. “I love you, too, Mika.” She smiled; the first smile he’d seen since the incident. It was small and it was sad, but it was something. Eren shrugged off her bag, handing it to her. She hooked it over her shoulder, squeezing his hand again before turning to the gate. “Mikasa!” He called, just before she entered the gate. “Call me when you land, okay?”

She nodded, “I will, Eren.” Her smile fell, and before he could blink, Mikasa hunched her shoulders and disappeared down the tunnel to the plane.

Eren stayed in the airport long after her plane took off, his palm pressed to the glass of a window. He’d known things were going to change that year, with their last year of school and graduation coming up, but he never imagined he’d lose Mikasa like this. Stuffing his hand in his pocket, Eren finally left, his heart pounding in both anticipation for her call, and complete dread at the thought of facing the upcoming year without her.

* * *

“Have you spoken to Mikasa lately?” His mom asked as they folded laundry together in the family room.

Eren shook his head, wrestling with a fitted sheet until his mom took the other end to help. “Not since school started.”

His mom nodded, placing the sheet on the pile. “That’s understandable, Eren. She just moved, and you said she’s at a private school now? She’s probably still adjusting to her new house and schedule.”

“I know, mom,” Eren murmured, folding an old t-shirt. “But I miss her.”

“Why don’t you call her tonight? Or right now?” He felt her hand on his shoulder, the on top of his head. “I know she misses you, too. Don’t give me that look,” she laughed, taking the shirt from his hands. He didn’t recognize it, but after a minute he realized it was one of Mikasa’s old band t-shirts. “If you keep putting it off because you’re afraid she won’t answer, you’ll lose touch. Now go.”

“Okay, okay,” Eren grinned, kissing his mom’s cheek as he passed her. “Hey, mom?” She hummed, looking up from a pair of his dad’s slacks. “Last time we talked, Mikasa said that Levi was going to be observed by some social workers to see if he was a suitable guardian. If he doesn’t pass, she’ll be sent to live with her grandfather, or an orphanage if he can’t take her. If that happens-“ 

“If that happens,” his mom said, smiling softly. “You know I love Mikasa like a daughter. If it’s what she wants and the courts allow it, she’s more than welcome to come back.”

“Thanks, mom.”

He jogged to his room, laying down on his bed and quickly opening FaceTime on his phone to call Mikasa. Because of soccer and schoolwork, and Mikasa’s new schedule, they hadn’t gotten to talk a lot since she’d left, and Eren missed her like crazy. He’d called her a few times since school started, but the majority had gone to voicemail, and he always felt like shit when he woke up to her missed calls.

Just when he thought the call would end, Mikasa’s face appeared on the screen. She was looking away from him, yelling something in Japanese, and he figured it was at something that Levi had said. “ _Insufferable-_ ”

“Is he really that bad?” Eren interrupted.

“ _No,_ ” she breathed. “ _No, he’s not terrible. It’s a lot to get used to. Hang on, Eren._ ” The picture changed from her face to one of a hallway, empty save for a few dull pictures hanging on the walls. The screen shook, and he figured Mikasa was getting to her own room. He saw her pack fall to the floor, her shoes follow suit, and then she was back, sitting on her bed, back propped against the wall.

“Hi,” Eren grinned.

“ _Hi._ ”

“How’s school been?” He asked, holding the phone above his face. He really wished she was there with him, curled up at his side, laughing with his mom or pestering him to do his homework; laying her head against his shoulder to kiss his neck and distract him. 

Mikasa shrugged, the blurry picture shifting slightly as she moved. “ _It’s okay. Nothing like Trost, though._ ” She paused, her smile falling. “ _How’s the team?_ ”

“It’s good. Jean doesn’t suck as much as he usually does this year. The volleyball team’s doing really well, but Annie misses you,” Eren laughed quietly, sitting up to relieve his shoulders. “She won’t admit it, but she does.”

“ _I miss you guys, too. School isn’t the same without you and Armin,”_ Mikasa said.

“It’s not the same without you, Mika.” She pulled her scarf up over her nose, averting her eyes. “Hey, maybe I can come visit you over winter break.” He said, grinning. His mom would totally agree! He could start saving up the cash now, and by the time February rolled around he’d be good to get to her.

Mikasa shook her head, her voice muffled through the fabric as she spoke, “ _I’m nine hours away by plane, Eren. Plus, you need that money for traveling and college._ ”

“But I miss you,” he said, well aware of the whiny undertone.

She smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “ _I miss you, too, Eren. But visiting… it just isn’t in the cards right now. One false move and I’ll be moving again._ ”

Frowning, Eren ran a hand through his hair, swallowing thickly and nodding. “I guess you’re right. When’s Levi’s evaluation?” He asked, desperate to change the subject.

“ _The first one was a month ago. He’s been clean for a couple of years._ ” MIkasa said, slumping against the wall. “ _The social workers are going to come back every few months. If he slips up, my grandfather will get called, and if he can’t take me in I’ll go to the local orphanage._ ” Her lips twisted bitterly, eyes narrowing as scenarios Eren could only imagine plagued her. Living in an orphanage for the last few months before her eighteenth birthday was a very real possibility for her, and it scared the shit out of Eren.

“That’s not going to happen,” Eren grumbled. She blinked, looking back to him in shock. “My mom said you can live with us if the judges allow it, and uh, if you want it.”

Mikasa nodded. “ _I’d like that a lot, but we’ll see when the time comes, right?_ ” He heard Levi shout something from outside Mikasa’s room, and she rolled her eyes. “ _Eren, I have to-_ ”

“You’re still planning on going to NYU with Armin, right?” Eren interrupted.

“ _Yes, why?_ ”

“I’m applying. I’m going, too.”

“ _But what about traveling?_ ” Mikasa asked urgently, pushing away from the wall and pulling her phone closer to her face.

“Doesn’t matter,” he insisted, shaking his head. “I can do that after graduation, or we can. Maybe we can even convince Armin to come too, I don’t care. Going to NYU will mean I get to see you everyday, and that’s worth more to me than traveling.”

Mikasa worried her bottom lip, glancing away from the screen for a minute. “ _Are you sure?_ ”

“Completely.”

She laughed quietly, lips splitting into a genuine smile. “ _I love you, Eren._ ”

“I love you, too.” He said. “Call me when you can, okay?” Mikasa nodded, smile still in place when the call ended. 

Eren knew his grades were good enough to get into NYU, and if he had to do community service or some shit to ensure his acceptance, he’d do it in a heartbeat to be able to see Mikasa all the time again. He could figure out the rest later.

He reached to the floor to grab his laptop, quickly going to NYU’s page to figure out exactly what he had to do to get into the school and download the application. Eren would have to tell his parents eventually, and of course Armin, but that could wait until he finished applying. 

* * *

eighteen

“Eren, Eren slow down!” Eren glanced over his shoulder, slowing his near sprint to allow Armin to catch up to him, turning in place to continue his search when Armin grabbed his shoulder, pulling him to a stop. “Eren-“

“Move in day was _yesterday_ ,” Eren interrupted, rolling onto the balls of his feet. “She has to be here, and I need to find her.” He started jogging across the lawn again, albeit slowly so Armin could keep up.

“When was the last time you actually talked to her?” Armin asked through heavy breaths.

“February,” Eren admitted, scanning the campus for any sign of her. “Before her birthday.”

Armin sighed, or at least, Eren thought he did, it was hard to distinguish from his constant panting. “You do realize there’s a very good chance Levi lost custody of her, right? That she’s off in France with her grandfather or in an orphanage. Plus, she’s eighteen now. She can legally go wherever she wants, she might not be here.”

“No.” Eren growled, spinning when he thought he saw a flash of red fabric. Nope, just someone’s outrageously colored hair. “She would have told me. Armin, she has to be here.”

They circled the entire campus twice before Armin asked if Eren had tried calling her, shaking his head and calling him a moron when Eren said he hadn’t. They stopped in the quad, leaning against a couple of trees and watching as the other students passed them by, their arms hooked together, laughter floating across the campus. Classes didn’t actually start for a couple more days, and everyone was intent on taking advantage of that free time to discover everything the school had to offer- and hoard food from the cafeteria.

“Eren.”

“Yeah?”

“Call her,” Armin groaned, sitting down on the grass.

“Right.” He pulled his phone from his pocket, dialing Mikasa’s number quickly. He held it to his ear, re-dialing twice when she didn’t answer the first time. “Straight to voicemail,” Eren mumbled, leaning his head against the tree. She couldn’t be in _France,_ right? If she was, he may just drop college and use the funds to get to her, but then again, his parents might kill him for that.

“Eren-“

“Eren!”

He pushed himself away from the tree, recognizing the voice just as something collided with his side, sending them toppling onto the ground. Her arms wrapped tightly around him, her face pressed into his neck. Eren hugged her back immediately, pretty sure he was crying as he laughed loudly, dropping kisses against her hair, her ear, her cheek, anywhere he could reach because she was _here_ , for the first time in over a year, he had Mikasa back in his arms, and he never wanted to let her go.

“Mikasa,” he whispered to her hair, holding her close.

“I missed you,” Mikasa said, brushing her lips across his neck.

Eren pulled back, cupping her face, and smoothing his thumbs across her cheeks to brush her tears away. She was so fucking beautiful. “I missed you.” He wasn’t sure who moved first, but soon her lips were on his, moving desperately as she curled her fingers into the fabric at his shoulder to pull herself closer. He tilted his head above hers, deepening the kiss, felling her lips pull into a smile against his.

He rested his forehead against hers once they broke the kiss, looking at her properly since she’d reached him. Mikasa’s hair was longer than it had been last year, but her smile was still the same, his old scarf was still wrapped securely around her neck, her eyes shimmering still with unshed tears. Eren thought he’d be completely content staying in her arms forever.

“Mikasa…”

She kissed his nose, still smiling brightly.

Armin dropped down next to them, throwing his arms around both of their shoulders and squeezing harshly. Eren laughed again, ruffling Armin’s hair as Mikasa turned to press a soft kiss to Armin’s cheek.

“Hey, Armin.” She said, wrapping her arm around his waist.

“It’s really good to see you again, Mikasa,” Armin said, nudging her head with his.

“You too,” she murmured. “Nothing was the same without you guys.”

“No,” Armin agreed. “Nothing was.”

“Where’s your dorm?” Eren asked, threading his fingers with hers as they stood. She pulled his arm around her shoulders, staying as close as possible.

She hooked a thumb over her shoulder. “Hall A.”

“We’re in B.” Eren said. They were close. Maybe if they were careful, they could finally spend the night together again. “C’mon, we’ll help you unpack.”

Armin led them back towards the dorms, Mikasa tightening her hold around his waist as they walked. She looked so much happier than she had during their last few Skype calls, and Eren imagined that he did as well.

“Eren,” she stopped walking, allowing Armin to continue for a few seconds before continuing. “I love you.”

He grinned, wrapping his other arm around her to hug her again. “I love you, Mikasa.”

“Forever, right?” Mikasa whispered against his neck, repeating what he’d told her several times since they met. He nodded, dropping his forehead to rest against her head.

“Forever.”

 


	9. I Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eremika Week Day 6- That Night; Mikasa had dreamed of this night since she was a child, since she fell in love with Eren and they promised to be with each other forever. The night they would be married after the fall of the Titans.

Mikasa curled her fingers into the hem of her dress, smoothing out the wrinkles that had formed when she sat. The dress pooled around her, contrasting harshly against the muddy dirt and vibrant green of the grass. She let her fingers linger on her dress as she leaned her head back against the stone, breathing deeply.

She’d looked forward to this night for months, since a few weeks before the final battle against the Titans. The night she would marry Eren. It also happened to be the night the veterans and other survivors were being relocated to the beach, and Armin would soon fulfill his dream to see the ocean.

Mikasa still remembered when Eren had proposed.

They’d been lying together after a particularly exhausting expedition, Mikasa had been unharmed and Eren had finally finished healing, his face pressed to her shoulder and her arms wrapped around his back, her fingers kneading at any knots she felt. Almost asleep, Mikasa had been startled when he pulled back, hovering over her as he pressed urgent kisses to her face.

 _“Marry me.”_ He whispered to her neck, his fingers threaded through her hair and his heart bared to her.

_“Eren-”_

_“I mean it. When all of this is over, I want to marry you. I want to build a house on the beach near Armin and everyone else, and I want to give you the life you’ve always wanted.”_ He’d held her gaze during the entire speech, never once looking away as he promised Mikasa everything she’d dreamed of since the moment she met him. 

 _“Yes,”_ she’d breathed, placing a hand on his cheek. _“Yes, Eren, of course I’ll marry you.”_

They’d set the date for a few months after the estimated final battle, determined to marry if they were still in the walls, preparing to leave, or already gone, and the day had come before MIkasa could blink. The sun was setting behind her, bathing the courtyard in a beautiful orange and yellow light, casting long shadows in front of the stones surrounding her. Her fingers tightened against the fabric of her plain white dress, the one she and Sasha had made together a week before they set out to finally kill the Titans.

It was time.

Sasha emerged at the gate to the courtyard, a small, knowing smile on her lips. Her pack was slung across her chest, old Survey Corps cape secured snugly under her neck. “Hey,” Sasha said quietly. She leaned against the gate, linking her hands in front of her. “It’s time. Everyone’s waiting by the entrance to the castle.”

“I know,” Mikasa murmured, her voice hoarse from crying earlier that day. It had been almost three months. “Can I have a few more minutes?”

“Of course.” Sasha pushed away from the gate, throwing Mikasa one last look over her shoulder. “You look beautiful, Mikasa.”

Mikasa nodded, waiting until she couldn’t see Sasha anymore before she stood and brushed the dirt out of the folds of her dress. She faced the tombstone, bowing her head as a light breeze tugged at her hair, her shadow nearly obscuring the words on the stone. It was beginning to get dark and soon she wouldn’t be able to make out his name.

_Eren Jaeger_

_835-854_

_Incredible soldier, loyal friend, beloved savior_

“I miss you,” Mikasa choked out, wiping angrily at her tears. She’d been here nearly every day since Eren had died in battle. Armin had insisted on a proper burial ground instead of a burning for those who had died in battle; no one had objected. When she visited, she told the stone all about Armin’s preparations to move them out, of Historia’s work to get the rest of humanity into the open world, Mikasa’s precious memories of their time together. “We were meant to be married now.” She turned her head up to the darkened sky, the sky she was supposed to marry Eren under, but instead it would be the sky under which she left him.

“I’ll come back,” she promised, bunching the skirt of her dress in one hand. “Tell you all about the ocean, all about how beautiful Armin looks standing next to it.”

Mikasa placed her hand to the stone, stroking her thumb across his name, the crude carving of the letters dragging against her calloused hands. She couldn’t leave Armin and the others waiting, they’d waited long enough to see the outside world. Even if none of it would be the same without Eren there.

“I love you, Eren.” She bowed slowly, letting her hair curtain her face as more tears escaped her tired eyes. She turned away from the graveyard, wiping her fingers across her cheeks to dispel her tears as Mikasa grabbed her bag by the entrance, throwing her old cape over her dress and glancing back to the stone once more.

The night was young, and yet for her it was over. She walked across the field, to Armin and her surviving friends, a small, desperate smile on her features as Mikasa left her heart far behind her, buried deep in the ground with Eren.

 


	10. Hiraeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eremika Week Day 7- Change; Something happened to Eren while kidnapped by Kenny, something horrific enough to force him to isolate himself from his friends, and Mikasa begins to worry that she'll never see Eren happy again. [ Heavy spoilers for chapter 62 ]

“Jaeger. Eren. _Eren_.” Jean leaned around Connie at the table when Eren still didn’t answer, his gaze trained solely on his untouched meal. “Eren,” Jean tried again, “dude I asked you to pass the salt like, six times.”

“Oh.” Eren murmured, the first word he’d spoken since the squad returned two nights before. “Sorry.” Eren reached for the salt, sliding it across the table without another word.

Mikasa frowned as another silence settled over the group, everyone taking care not to look at Eren or Historia. Usually, Jean and Eren would argue or talk about _something_ , Sasha and Connie chiming in at some points. Usually, despite the severity of their situation, a dinner with the squad felt almost normal. But not last night, and especially not tonight.

Tonight, Eren sat hunched in his chair, his hands held limply in his lap, expression blank and gaze turned inwards as he ignored everyone around him. Historia had been similarly distraught the night before, and she was just as silent as Eren, but Mikasa knew there was something else, something worse going on with Eren. He hadn’t spoken to her or Armin since they reached him in Kenny’s underground base, nothing more than to ask if they were okay, if he was dying, _why…_ but once they’d left the grounds he’d been completely silent, retiring to bed the minute they returned and staying there for almost two days.

And it scared her.

Mikasa slid her hand across the table and when he glanced at her it looked like he would respond, he would reach out and take her hand and hold onto her like they’d both done so many times, but he didn’t. Mikasa felt Armin take her hand instead, his eyes somber, understanding.

The door slammed open, echoing throughout the room as Connie jumped in his seat. Levi paused in the doorway, his cloak soaked from the rain outside. He’d been in a meeting with Hanji all day, his only orders being to stay out of trouble. “Strategy meeting in the morning,” he said quietly before he continued on, not even commenting on Sasha’s messy eating.

Eren stood, collecting his dishes and walking to the kitchen before anyone else reacted to Levi, his footsteps gradually fading as he walked to the bedrooms. Mikasa pushed herself away from the table, her chair scraping harshly against the floor, too loud in the deathly room.

“Mikasa, wait,” Armin said, tightening his fingers around hers.

“I need to-“

“I think Eren needs to be alone right now.” Armin continued, lowering his voice as their friends began to clean up for the night. He stood from the table, holding her hand in both of his. “We don’t know what he went through while under that chapel, but I think he needs to work through whatever it is.”

Mikasa shook her head, glancing towards the stairs. “I think you’re wrong.” She whispered.

“Mikasa-“

“I don’t want him to be alone,” she snapped, taking her hand from his and tugging lightly on her scarf. “You’re right, we don’t know what happened, but whatever it is, it’s made him isolate himself, Armin. I don’t want him to be suffering alone.”

Armin sighed, nodding slowly. He started to say something else, but Mikasa turned on her heel, missing whatever it was as she walked upstairs and down a familiar hall, to a door she’d visited far more times than the higher ups would probably like, to the room Eren shared with Connie, Jean, and Armin. She knocked lightly on the door, not expecting an answer, and when she didn’t get one she pushed the door open, leaning heavily against it once inside, allowing her eyes to adjust to the dimness of the room.

Eren was in his bed, his back turned to the door and his blanket pulled nearly to his head. He was pretending to be asleep, trying to ward off any comments from his friends when they entered. Mikasa took a steadying breath, moving slowly to his bedside. She just wanted him back; she wanted the boy who gave loud speeches at poor times, the boy who’d protected her when their lives were all but lost, who was always laughing and fighting and so passionate about what he believed in no matter the circumstance.

Mikasa wanted the boy she so desperately loved back.

“Eren,” she said, voice barely above a whisper. She touched his shoulder gently, but he jerked away from her touch as if stung. “Eren,” she repeated, hoping the hurt she felt wasn’t reflected in her tone. She wasn’t losing him to himself. “Please, Eren-”

“Go away.” He muttered into his pillow, his shoulders tense and a hand fisted on his mattress. It was the first time he’d refused her, but she didn’t move; she wouldn’t leave him with his thoughts, not when the outcome was something like this.

Instead, she sat on the foot of his bed, placing her hand on his leg, smoothing her thumb over the blanket. Mikasa didn’t say anything, but she noticed that gradually his shoulders loosened, his head peeking out from the blanket as he cursed quietly, and after a few more minutes he sat up, slowly facing her. Mikasa swallowed thickly, pulling herself closer to him; he’d been crying. He let her cup his cheeks, run her fingers across his skin to wipe the streaks of tears away, but he did not look at her.

“I killed him.” Eren finally said, his voice hoarse, broken, as he dropped his head. He clutched his blanket in his hands, his mouth twisting into an expression of disgust, of pure hatred.

Mikasa shook her head, reaching for his hand once again. He didn’t shake her off. They hadn’t lost anyone in the underground, Sasha was hurt and everyone was exhausted, sure, but they were alive. “You didn’t-“

“Don’t, Mikasa.” His fingers were still lax beneath hers but he’d tensed again, his vibrant eyes focused on his lap. “You don’t understand. You don’t get it!” He shoved himself off of his bed, pushing his hands into his hair as he stood in the middle of the room, shoulders heaving.

Mikasa stood behind him, curling her fingers over his shoulder, but this time he did not relax. “Then tell me, Eren. Maybe I can help.”

“You can’t.” Eren hissed. “I killed him, I fucking killed him! I spent five years cursing what he fucking did to me, how he left us, hoping he’d show up again to explain why the fuck I had this power, but he’s been dead!” He stalked away from her until he stood on the opposite side of the room, his eyes wide and furious. She’d wanted something more than emptiness from him for the past two days, but not like this. “I thought I fucking hated him for abandoning us-!”

“Eren, you’re not making any sense.” But she had a sinking feeling she knew exactly who he was talking about.

“My dad. I fucking killed my dad when I was ten. When he gave me this ability. He made me into this, and I thought-I thought I could use it, could kill all of the Titans like I promised… and avoid becoming like them…” Eren glanced at her, desperate and terrified and altogether appalled as he slid down to the floor, folding his hands over the back of his head. “But I’ve always been like them-like those monsters…”

He’d accepted his ability and subsequent responsibilities long ago, and Mikasa had always known, (and told him, several times,) that he wasn’t a monster. Even when the townspeople and government shouted the opposite at him, she and Armin and their friends spent countless nights convincing him he was still human, still good. Eren wasn’t a mindless Titan, he was sentiment, he could choose to do the right thing, he wasn’t a monster. 

Mikasa dropped to her knees in front of Eren, gently working her fingers into his hair. “You’re not a monster,” she whispered.

“Yes,” Eren said, voice barely audible even at their proximity. “I am. I killed my dad, and I didn’t even remember. I’m no better than the rest of them.”

“That’s not true.” She tugged lightly on his hair, lifting his head to catch his eyes. He looked empty, his eyes watery and alarmingly dull, and she felt her heart begin to break. She hadn’t seen him like this since his mother’s death. “You didn’t know what you were doing-“

“Exactly.”

“No, Eren, that’s not what I meant.”

“The first time I shifted I immediately killed my dad.”

“That doesn’t make you a-!”

“Stop,” Eren whispered, taking her hands from his hair to hold them tightly between his own. “Please stop.” He stood, pulling her up with him and then Eren’s arms were around her, her head tucked under his chin as if he was comforting her, reassuring her that things would be okay. Her arms hung limply at her sides, her face pressed tightly into Eren’s chest as he held her close. He dropped a kiss to her hair before pulling away, brushing past her to sit back down on his bed.

Mikasa heaved a deep breath, whirling to face him as he dragged his blanket into his lap. “Eren-“

“Don’t.”

His tone left no room for response and he dropped back onto his bed, throwing the blanket over his head. Mikasa felt her eyes pinch as she stared at the lump in the bed that was Eren, the boy who’d breathed a fighting resolve into her, who’d told her over and over again that life was worth living and she had to continue on. The boy she’d been with for years and years, who she loved irrevocably, who was broken and changed in a way she could never understand. She knew him, inside and out, but she couldn’t reach him now, couldn’t help him out of the hell he found himself in.

Mikasa stepped quietly to his bedside, slipping under the covers behind him without a second thought. He stiffened as she snuck her arms around his shoulder, taking his hand and linking their fingers, but he did not snap at her or send her away; he did not say anything even as his shoulders heaved and his tears soaked their skin and he brought their linked hands to his mouth to stifle his cries.

* * *

Eren stayed very close to Hanji after the night Mikasa spent with him. He’d left early the next morning, choosing to find the Commander in the castle and stay with them for a couple of days. Levi had the rest of the squad relocate to the castle, resume their training and cleaning, and attend several meetings with Hanji, Erwin, and Zackley to prepare Historia for the throne, to make plans for reconquering Wall Maria, but Eren was never at any of the meetings. He stopped training with the squad, he either returned to his room extremely late or not at all, and he was barely at any meals. Instead, he was with Hanji or wandering the grounds alone, doing experiments or recounting his newest memories again.

Mikasa had tried to talk to him again after their night together, but he’d refused her, refused both Mikasa and Armin. She spoke to Hanji once, but they told Mikasa that Eren hadn’t mentioned anything after the first meeting the night they got him and Historia back. They let Mikasa know that Eren was still training, albeit alone, and that he’d thrown himself into as many experiments as possible to prepare for anything he’d need his ability for. Hanji also told her that he’d picked a room in a different wing of the castle and had been staying there most nights. Mikasa found his room easily one night, but she did not follow him in, not after the last thing he’d said to her.

“ _You can’t help me. No one can._ ”

When she saw Eren in the halls some nights, or when he left a meeting room right before the squad got there, he always looked distraught, his eyes hollow and puffy and skin sallow as he left as soon as possible. Mikasa had tried to join him once, but he’d told her to leave, not to follow him, and for the first time since they were children, Mikasa had let him go.

After training early one morning, Mikasa told Armin and Sasha to go back to the castle without her, that she’d be there soon for the next meeting. She lingered on the training grounds, debating whether she should try to talk to Eren again.She was desperately worried about him, but he didn’t want to talk, didn’t want to be near Mikasa or Armin or any of their friends. She wanted his safety and happiness more than anything, but after nearly two weeks of having him back, she was beginning to wonder if he’d ever return from his head.

Their next plan was about to be set in motion, Eren’s abilities put to the test, and while he’d readily accepted whatever Hanji would ask of him, Mikasa was terrified that whatever he’d be made to do would only send him farther into his spiral.

She passed through the doorway of the castle, pausing when she heard a familiar voice echoing through the halls. Mikasa watched as Hanji and Eren walked through the opposite end of the hall, Eren’s head bowed as Hanji spoke quietly about something, their hand placed tenderly on Eren’s shoulder.

“Eren-“ Mikasa called, unthinkingly, but she wanted to comfort him, to talk to him again, to hold him and help him get better.

He didn’t look up.

 


	11. I Like You Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based off the au post, 'finding each other's names on a Coke bottle;' Eren and Mikasa spend a day together after Armin insists, a day that doesn't end how either of them ever imagined. Word count: 5,411 [ M ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can totally explain the jump in rating I totaLLY CAN

The plastic of the bottle chilled his fingers as Eren reached for one of the Cokes, eagerly spinning it around to see the name printed on the back while Armin took one of his own and shut the door to the store fridge. He hoped it wasn’t one of the generic ones, like Soulmate or Best Friend, he needed a cool bottle to rival Ymir’s find of her own fucking name.

“What did you get?” Armin asked as they began to walk to the checkout counter.

“John.” Eren said, rolling his eyes. “Sounds too much like Jean. I might need to burn it.”

“Maybe you should share it with Jean,” Armin suggested, laughing at Eren’s disgusted look. “Don’t switch it out for another one.”

“Whatever.” He wouldn’t switch his bottle, that was no fun. Plus the only time he’d ever seen anyone put the bottle back had been when Reiner had been determined to find Annie’s name, and had gone through almost thirty Cokes. They walked a bit slower, looking for a checkout that wasn’t completely swamped with shoppers with carts piled way too high. With the holidays coming up soon, everyone was shopping for food and gifts, and the stores had been madhouses for the past few weeks. Finally, they stopped in the shortest line, but they were still behind a young couple with a babbling baby and an overflowing cart. “What name did you get?”

“Mikasa.” Armin said slowly, as if testing the name on his tongue. He repeated it a few more times until it rolled almost naturally past his lips, turning his Coke to show Eren.

Eren scowled, brushing his finger across the small candies littering the check out. “What kind of a name is Mikasa?” He grumbled, (okay he was a bit peeved that Armin got a unique bottle when his was a boring _John_ ), as the line moved forward and he took Armin’s Coke to pay for them. “It sounds like the spanish phrase for ‘my house’.”

“I applaud your originality.”

“It’s my name,” a quiet voice said behind them, and Eren whirled to face a girl with pretty black hair and even prettier eyes, who looked about his age and was holding a bottle of her own. Maybe she had a bet with her friends, or she was just thirsty, or wanted to find the strangest name she could, or maybe she was giving him a concerned look because Eren realized his mouth was hanging open.

After the silence had stretched for a few more seconds, Eren leaned close to Armin, placing his hand at his mouth in an attempt to guard his next words. “So much prettier than a house.” He must not have done a very good job, though, since the girl, _Mikasa_ , blushed slightly and pointed to the cashier. Eren turned again, this time to see the cashier staring at him as she repeated his total for a third, (fourth?), time. He quickly fished a few bills from his pocket, but before he handed them to the cashier he hooked his thumb back towards Mikasa. “I’ll pay for hers, too.”

The cashier looked magnificently unimpressed, reaching for Mikasa’s Coke. “You don’t have to-” Mikasa began, but Eren insisted quietly, and she relented. Afterwards, they stood at the end of the conveyor, an awkward silence settling over the three of them and Eren should just walk away, but he was didn’t-

“What name’s on your bottle?”

Mikasa looked a bit startled at Eren’s question, but she recovered quickly, glancing down at the bottle. “Erin,” she said slowly, nearly making him jump. “It’s not spelled how I imagined, though. I knew an Erin in high school, and she didn’t spell it like this.”

Armin leaned over, eyeing Mikasa’s Coke before pulling back with a laugh. “Eren,” he corrected. “A little different from Erin.”

“Do you know an Eren?”

“I’m with him right now.”

Mikasa looked over to him, surprise flashing in her eyes, or maybe that was the pale afternoon light painting a thousand jewels into her gaze. “Oh,” she said quietly.

Armin reached for Eren’s Coke, quickly replacing it with his own. “Okay, you two, go have fun.”

"Armin, what the fuck?” Eren asked, grabbing for his old bottle back, but Armin held it at bay.

“Yours says to share with ‘Mikasa,’ and yours,” Armin turned to face Mikasa, pointing between the two of them eagerly. “Says to share with ‘Eren,’ so go share.” He left without another word, flashing Eren a quick thumbs up before disappearing in the masses in the parking lot.

“Bastard,” Eren muttered, training his eyes on the script printed before him.

It was Mikasa that broke the long, but not entirely awkward, silence. “Do you want to get coffee?” Eren held up his bottle weakly, and a small flush spread across her cheeks. They already had drinks. “Ah, right. How about the park then? Something tells me your friend won’t let you back home until you spend time with me.”

“No, he definitely wouldn’t,” Eren agreed as they left the store and began to make their way to a park a few blocks down. “Not that spending time with you would be terrible,” he said, the words rushing when he realized that Mikasa could have been fucking offended by Armin forcing them together, but she laughed quietly, the sound inexplicably putting him at ease. It was too cold to stay out for long, but Eren figured they weren’t going to spend hours in a park, enduring the frigid wind as they drank.

Turns out, that’s almost exactly what they did.

Their drinks stood abandoned by the bench they sat on, unopened hours later as Eren turned to face Mikasa on the bench, her cheeks flushed a bright red from the wind and her hands completely swallowed by the sleeves of his jacket. (He’d insisted, she’d refused, but hadn’t protested when he threw it over her shoulders.)

Eren propped his foot onto the bench, throwing his arm over it lazily. He was glad he’d worn a sweater. “You’re not kidding?” He asked, snorting loudly when Mikasa shook her head.

“Nope. Annie got into a bar fight with Governor Reiss. She’s kind of banned from that bar now, though.”

“But the real question is, did he try to fight back?”

Mikasa laughed, the sound nearly taking his breath away. “He didn’t have a chance. Annie’s one of the strongest people I know, and when she’s drunk she loses some inhibitions, and she knocked him out before he could blink. His daughter convinced him not to file a suit.”

Eren made a face. “I didn’t know Reiss had a daughter.”

She shrugged, leaning forward to pluck a leaf from the ground. “Neither did we.”

“Ah.”

Mikasa picked lightly at the leaf as a silence settled over them, letting the little leaf bits drop into the wind to be carried away. They’d already been out here for hours, Eren couldn’t even _feel_ his ass anymore, and he knew Armin would let him back into their apartment now, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave, to excuse himself and part ways from Mikasa. He wanted to know more about her, to spend more time with her. He could just ask her to dinner, or something, but fuck, what if she had just been doing this to appease Eren’s strange friend?

“So,” Eren blurted, and her eyes flashed up to his. “You’re from California originally, right?” Mikasa nodded. “Must have been really weird moving to New York.”

“It was,” she agreed, dropping the disfigured leaf. “I’m still not used to the cold,” her smile was a bit sheepish as she lifted her hands, his jacket sleeves flopping against her wrists. “But I do love it. The colors are all beautiful, and my school is excellent, so it was worth the move. What about you?”

“I’ve lived here my entire life. My parents are actually only a few hours away, but Armin and I decided we wanted our own place when we started college.” Okay, now Eren was really, really cold. For someone who said she hated the cold, Mikasa looked almost unperturbed by the stinging rain- wait, rain?

He held his hand out, and a few drops of icy rain struck his palm before the skies truly opened up and the rain began to fall in earnest, soaking the asphalt, and worse, them. 

“Shit,” Mikasa took the word right out of his mouth. She popped the hood of his jacket, bunching her hair beneath as the water dampened their clothing.

Eren took the forgotten Cokes into his hand before reaching out for her hand. She took it without question. “My apartment’s a couple blocks away,” he told her, surprised that he needed to shout over the sound of the thunder. “Where-?”

“Half hour walk,” she interrupted, her nose twisting as stray drops dripped from her forehead.

He nodded, tugging on her hand gently to start them. “You can wait out the storm at my place.” His hair was starting to stick to his forehead and fall messily into his eyes, but with one hand full of soda and the other holding tight to Mikasa’s, he wasn’t able to brush it away. At least he knew the way home by heart.

“Eren, you really don’t have to-”

“I’m not going to make you walk home in the damn rain, Mikasa.” He glanced over his shoulder to see her nose scrunched up again, the small droplets racing down her cheeks, and she nodded as she matched his stride and then encouraged him into a run, still holding tight to his hand as she completely outran him.

She held the drinks for him as he fumbled at the door, looking for his keys. He was thankful for the tiny awning over the front step because they may not have been shielded from the wind, but at least the rain wasn’t drenching them at full force anymore. Finally, Eren remembered he kept his keys in his jacket pocket, and he turned to her, her hair matted against her face and her nose nearly burrowed into the collar of the jacket. He mumbled about needing his keys before reaching into the breast pocket, noticing the way Mikasa kept very, very still even after he pulled away.

He let Mikasa in first as soon as the door was unlocked, a sudden fear nearly making him drop his keys. He barely knew her and he’d just dragged Mikasa to his home! Her roommates could be worried sick, fuck she could think he was a murderer- maybe _she_ was a murderer! Armin told him he never thought things through, but letting her get sick walking home? Yeah, right.

Looking up, he saw her standing a bit uncertainly in the hall, raising the bottles with a small smile. “Right,” Eren said, pushing the thoughts from his mind. “Here,” he took the Cokes, putting them onto a counter and reached for her jacket before stopping himself. “I’ll get you a change of clothes if you want to go dry off in the bathroom.”

“Okay.” He pointed her down a different, shorter hallway, her socks squishing against the hardwood. Eren dug through his clothes for a few minutes, grateful that Armin had recently convinced him to do his laundry, bunching up a pair of sweatpants and his old soccer sweatshirt before changing into something else himself. He knocked quietly on the bathroom door, passing Mikasa the clothes once she’d cracked open the door.

“They might be a little big,” Eren admitted.

“It’s fine, thank you Eren.”

Eren got to work lighting the fireplace beneath the TV, just producing a spark when his phone beeped with a voicemail. He frowned, listening to it as he poked at the small flame. It was a delayed message from Armin, letting Eren know that he was hanging out with Jean, Marco, and Sasha that night, and wasn’t sure when he’d be back. Well, that took away Armin’s wisecracks if the blond found Mikasa over at their apartment. Eren continued to tend to the blooming fire until a proper flame was licking away at the wood before placing the screen in front of it, wiping his dirty hands on his jeans when he saw Mikasa round the corner into the living room, running a towel through her hair. She’d rolled the sweatpants a few times, the cuffs still dragging across the floor, but the sweatshirt fit her well enough.

She held the towel away from her head slightly. “Where-?”

“Uh, on the chair’s fine.” She dropped it onto one of the barstools before taking a seat on the couch, curling her legs beneath her as Eren hastily played whatever movie was still in the DVD player. He could still hear the thunder and the rain pouring outside, rattling the windows with no sign of stopping. Mikasa leaned her head against the back of the couch, her cheeks still a bit flushed from all of their time in the cold. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“I’m kind of hungry,” she said after a minute, glancing over at him and Eren realized that he’d hijacked her for most of the day, they’d been together for _hours_ and he hadn’t once thought that she needed to eat.

“Right, fuck, sorry,” Eren jogged into the small kitchen, trying to find something to make or re-heat for Mikasa.

She followed him to the doorway. “It’s okay, Eren. I can always wait until I get home, or we can order something.”

Order, that’s right, he and Armin had ordered out last night. “Actually,” he trailed off, digging through the fridge. When the fuck had Armin bought fifteen cupcakes? Eren found what he was looking for, dragging the take-out boxes from the fridge. “Leftover Chinese sound okay?”

“Perfect,” Mikasa laughed, helping him to spoon everything out onto two plates, grabbing their forgotten cokes for their drinks.

They relocated back to the couch, sitting pretty close in order to pick off of each other’s plates. The previews for the movie were just about to end, the music swelling around them as the screen faded from black. Mikasa eyed a piece of chicken and he laughed quietly. “Ah, Armin really likes spicy things,” he explained, picking a piece of beef from her plate. “Sorry-”

“It’s okay,” she bit into the chicken, barely batting an eye at what made Eren need to down half a glass of water.

“You’re crazy.”

“I’m sure I’ll find a rebuttal for that eventually.” She turned to the TV, guarding her plate from him when he tried to take more of her Lo Mein and ignoring his indignant cry and subsequent pout. She was good; even Jean gave up on him when he pouted. “ _Phantom Menace_?” Mikasa asked around a mouthful of chicken, arching her eyebrows.

“If you don’t like it, I can put something else on,” he offered, unsure whether to feel offended yet. He knew the prequels weren’t as popular as the originals, Jean had told him several times he was fucked up for liking _Phantom Menace_ the most, but he’d change it for her. Probably.

Mikasa shook her head, finally relenting her plate to his fork, her lips curling slightly at his triumphant shout. “It’s one of my favorites.”

Eren nearly choked on his food. “Really? Mine too!”

About halfway through the movie, Eren learned that she wasn’t joking about liking it. She quoted as many lines as he did, but she did whack the back of his head when he got too into some scenes and cursed off the characters. He was too distracted by a fight scene to notice Mikasa picking away at the last of his not spicy chicken, popping the last piece into her mouth with a tiny smirk when he finally saw her. He rolled his eyes, reaching for her plate but she stopped him, offering to take them to the kitchen herself.

“Hey, Mikasa,” Eren began when she re-entered the room, dragging his eyes away from the screen to ask if she wanted anything else, and the rain wasn’t falling as hard against the house anymore, so he figured it would be safe to order or… catch a bus if she wanted to, but the sesame seeds and drop of sauce on her cheek distracted him, and he spoke without thinking. “C’mere.”

She gave him a look, but complied, crouching down before him on the couch. He sat forward, dragging his thumb along her cheekbone, tracing over her bottom lip, and then down to her jaw, cradling it gently, her fair skin surprisingly warm against his fingers. He looked up slowly, his movements almost muddled as he caught her curious gaze, the trademark _Star Wars_ theme playing behind them, something warm curling into his chest.

“Mikasa…” Her breathing faltered, eyes boring into his as she leaned into his touch. The firelight cast a strange glow around them, he should really put it out lest Armin scold him for wasting wood, the color disappearing from her dark eyes in the shadow of the light, his thumb so close to her lip again, his face a breath away from hers.

Mikasa closed the distance between them, pressing her lips to his gently, as if nervous for how he’d react. Her mouth moved slowly against his, her eyes watching for any reaction, pulling away when he froze, too stunned to respond.

“I’m sorry,” she breathed, sending shivers down his spine. “I’m sorry, I should go-”

Eren slid his hands up to properly cup her face, pulling her mouth back to his and swallowing her tiny noise of surprise as he tugged her closer. She was stiff for a moment, a tiny wave of panic washing over him and he nearly pulled away until he felt her relax into his hold, her fingers curling into the front of his shirt as she kissed him back. He ran his tongue over the seam of her lips and she parted them with a little gasp that did funny things to Eren’s chest as he traced her tongue with his, grinning into the kiss.

They didn’t stay that way for long, though, as Mikasa broke the kiss to trace her lips across his jaw and down his throat, forcing a strangled groan as she pushed herself into his lap, settling her legs on either side of him, the weight of her hips against his taking his breath away, as she worked to remove his shirt. Mikasa dropped it somewhere on the floor, and then her mouth was back on his, biting, sucking and nipping as she ran her fingers over his chest, scorching him with her touch.

“Fuck,” he gasped, breaking away from her as she dug her nails into his sides. Eren nearly cursed himself for lending her a sweatshirt, a normal tee would have been _fine_ and a lot fucking easier to pull off, but finally he got Mikasa’s head through, her hair brushing his skin as she took the opportunity to litter his chest with kisses.

Eren dropped his hands to her thighs, running his hands down to her calves and hooking them more securely around his waist before twisting to press her back into the couch, draping himself over her. It was a bit awkward on the cramped couch; he had to prop one arm against the back of it and he’d accidentally pushed his leg directly against her arousal, but any thoughts of discomfort disappeared at her drawn-out moan.

“Eren,” he felt Mikasa’s hands at the waistband of his jeans, her fingers fumbling with the button. He grinned into the crook of her neck, pressing soft kisses to the underside of her jaw, and Mikasa seemed to forget all about his pants as her hands reached up to grip his hair, tugging slightly when he bit at her collarbone.

Mikasa used her hold on his hair to direct his mouth down to her chest. He ran his hands over her sides and up her back, feeling delighted at the way she shivered against him, until he reached the clasp of her bra, quickly tugging it off and letting it fall to join the growing pile of clothes on his floor before running his tongue between her breasts, rolling a nipple between his teeth and Mikasa arched against him, his name escaping her lips in breathy pants. He continued, taking care to kiss and nip at every part of her exposed skin, spending extra time exploring the dips of her impressively toned stomach. Her other hand moved from where it grasped his arm to cup his neck, holding him tightly as he bit at her hip.

She cursed quietly so Eren did it again, running his tongue over the spot before mouthing at it, hard enough to have her arching against him again, Mikasa’s nails dragging down his neck and eliciting a noise from him, not quite a moan, but _definitely not a purr_ , that even he was surprised to hear.

Mikasa laughed sharply, her hands dropping to cover her mouth as Eren pulled away with a roll of his eyes. She was lucky her laugh was one of the most beautiful things he’d ever heard. “I’m sorry,” she gasped around giggles. “I-” Eren sat back, watching her fight for composure for a few minutes before her breathing calmed, and she reached for his hands. “It was cute.”

“Shut up,” Eren groaned, fighting a smile as he dipped his mouth back to hers, feeling her grin against his lips. He’d let go of her hands in order to hold himself above her, and he trailed one hand down her stomach before dropping his fingers below the waistband of her sweatpants. She broke the kiss with a loud gasp, throwing her head back as he stroked her through her underwear.

He could feel himself straining against his jeans, desperate to finally be joined with her, but he’d be damned if he wasn’t sure she was prepared. Still, Eren found himself rolling his hips against her leg as he nudged her underwear aside to press his finger into her, her nails raking down his back in response, the sharp pain thrilling him.

“Eren-” Mikasa moaned loudly as he pushed another finger into her, the dying fire reflecting flecks of gold and red into her dark eyes. He worked a third finger inter her, his own need rising as he dropped his mouth to her neck again, tracing his lips across her jaw as he slowed his fingers, earning a high-pitched whine from Mikasa. Eren ran his tongue over the shell of her ear and to the skin behind it, biting harshly- and Mikasa cried out, grinding against his hand as if in a frenzy.

He pulled back, smirking broadly at the way her cheeks flushed a bright red. She tried to tuck her face against the couch cushions, but Eren still had his fingers curled into her, his arm caging her in. Finally, Mikasa spoke. “Oh shut up, you purred like a damn cat when I touched your neck.”

“It was cute,” Eren echoed, laughing quietly.

“Just-” Mikasa huffed, circling her hips to try and make him move again. Her fingers dropped to his pants again, finally snapping the button open and running her fingers along his length. “Just take your pants off.”

He did, working with Mikasa to _finally_ slip his jeans and boxers off, and then he pulled her sweats and soaked underwear down, moving his fingers inside her again. Eren lined his hips up to hers, but her hand on his wrist stopped him.

“Wait, Eren-”

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” She’d changed her mind. _Fuck_ , she hadn’t wanted this at all- “I’ll-”

Mikasa rolled her eyes; she must have noticed his change in demeanor immediately. “Condom.”

“What?”

“Do you have a condom?”

“Holy shit.” Mikasa laughed, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “Yeah, fuck, yeah let me go get one.” He was such an idiot. He nearly ran to his bedroom to dig through his dresser drawers, shoving his clothes to the side; he had to have some- ah. He grabbed one from the box, not even bothering to shut the drawer on his way out. Mikasa glanced over the back of the couch at his triumphant holler, a smile tilting her lips. “Okay,” he held the foil between two fingers, “got it.”

Mikasa grabbed it. “I see that.” She ripped it open, her movements hurried as she rolled it over his arousal, her fingers moving lightly over him. She threw her arms around his shoulders after, tugging his mouth back to hers and pulling him back down to the couch, where he rested his arms on either side of her head.“Ready?” He asked quietly, sweeping his thumb across her lip.

She nodded, tilting her hips up to meet his as he pushed into her, muffling his groan on her neck as she tugged lightly on his hair, shifting as if in discomfort. Eren held very still, his mind in a haze of heat and nails and _Mikasa_ , carding a hand through her hair, pressing his lips to her throat again and again until Mikasa rolled her hips against his, murmuring, “move,” against his hair.

He did, rocking into her with near frantic movements, her nails digging into his biceps as she matched his thrusts, his name falling from her lips quietly. She hooked her legs around him, urging him deeper, nearly undoing him as she dug her ankles into the small of his back. Eren kissed her again, taking advantage of her groan to deepen the kiss, run his tongue along her teeth, and bite harshly against her lower lip, earning another little moan.

“Shit,” he whispered against her slick skin, his hands bunching in the cushion. He shifted slightly, raising one of her legs higher on his waist, a shudder wracking through her body as he dug his finger into her thigh, keeping her as close as possible.

“ _Eren-_ ”

He pulled back slightly to press quick kisses to her cheeks, her forehead, down her jaw to her collarbones. Mikasa’s hands back in his hair, she yanked when he hit a particular spot within her, a high-pitched moan escaping her. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmured to her collarbone. The fire had died, leaving them shrouded only in the pale golden sunset bleeding in from his windows, the colors illuminating her skin, highlighting the marks he’d littered along her neck and chest, dancing through her heavy gaze. “Perfect…”

Mikasa pulled his head from her chest, eyes wide and lips parted in shock. “Eren-” He didn’t give her a chance to voice her concerns, instead he covered her mouth with his and ran his hand down her front to where they were joined, finding her clit after only a minute, pressing against it, pulling and twisting as she threw her head back. “Eren… I’m-”

“That’s it,” Eren said, surprised by the hoarseness of his own voice, as he quickened his fingers against her, holding her gaze. “That’s it, Mikasa, come for me…”

Mikasa’s fingers stung against his neck as she came with a loud cry, her face twisted in ecstasy, her legs shaking around his waist as he moved inside of her still, grinding his hips against hers as she urged him along. Her lips were slack beneath his as he muffled his groan against her mouth, his orgasm wracking through him after a few more shallow thrusts, Mikasa’s quiet encouragements against his cheek almost lost to him.

Her arms tightened around his shoulders when Eren tried to move after they’d both stilled, breathing still heavy, but he managed to prop himself on an elbow to run his fingers through her hair and push it away from her face. She glanced up at him, almost shy in the way her lips twisted into a smile. Eren grinned back, perfectly content with staying trapped in her arms, and she laughed quietly.

“I’ve never done that before,” she said, trailing her fingers across his jaw.

“Come so loudly?”

She rolled her eyes. “No. Sleep with a stranger.” Eren shrugged, pressing a kiss to the inside of her wrist, when her expression twisted and she thumped her fist against his shoulder blade; _hard_.

He grunted, sitting up with a scowl as Mikasa pushed herself away from him, standing before the couch shakily, one hand in her hair. “Shit, you could have told me earlier you were into that-“

Mikasa interrupted him. “We just slept together.”

“Yeah,” Eren agreed. He thought that was pretty obvious. Working to remove the condom with a grimace, Eren stood, feeling suddenly very cold without Mikasa’s body so close to his. He tossed the condom into the bathroom garbage, grinning slightly at the unruly mess Mikasa had made of his hair.

“We just _slept_ together!” Mikasa repeated, raising her voice to carry through the apartment. “You’re a stranger!” She continued once he re-entered the room. “This was a mistake.” She was still standing in front of the couch, but now she was wearing his long sleeve tee, the hem barely covering her as she touched her neck gently. She looked about ready to start pacing, or scream, or grab her clothes and get the hell away from him. Eren swallowed thickly, reaching for his jeans. She ran a hand over her neck, lips twisting into a little scowl. “Jeez, how many…”

“Hey,” Eren said quietly, taking her hands. He laced their fingers together, noticing the way she fidgeted where she stood. “It’s okay, we used protection and everything, you don’t have to worry about anything. Your clothes should be dry by now, and I don’t think it’s raining anymore. I can give you change for a bus-“

“I should go, huh?” She whispered, her eyes glued to the floor.

“If it’s what you want.”

Her hands squeezed his, her head snapping up. “What?”

“Well,” Eren said, very slowly. He lifted her hands in his, pressing kisses to each of her knuckles between words. “If you stay the night, and I take you out to lunch tomorrow, then are you still a stranger?”

“I guess not…”

“I’ll let you choose what we watch for the night.” He kissed the back of her wrist, then dipped his head to press a kiss to the mark sticking out above his shirt, cupping her jaw gently. “What do you say, Mikasa? Can I take you out on a proper date in the morning?”

“Okay,” Mikasa breathed after a short silence, leaning into his touch. “Okay. But I don’t have a change of clothes.”

“I can lend you something,” Eren grinned, kissing her quickly. “Not like I haven’t done it before.”

Mikasa rolled her eyes, reaching for his sweatpants as she settled herself back on the couch. “What’s Armin going to say when he sees me here?”

Eren really hadn’t thought that one through. God, Armin would be so smug. The bastard. He found his phone on the floor, checking it quickly after tossing Mikasa the remote. A few messages from his mom, a picture from Sasha of Jean absolutely wasted that Eren totally didn’t save for blackmail, and one from Armin. “Ah, he’s working on a final project for school… but he’ll be home by midnight.” Mikasa groaned, balancing her chin on her hand as she surfed the channels. “We can just hide out in my room until he leaves for work in the morning.” He dialed the local pizza place’s number.

“You’ll have to tell him eventually.”

Eren flipped his phone shut after ordering, raising an eyebrow at Mikasa. “Eventually,” he repeated.

She flushed prettily. “I just meant- If anything comes of this, you’ll have to tell him.”

He laughed, pulling the sweatshirt she’d worn earlier over his head before joining her on the couch, wrapping an arm around her as she leaned against his chest. “I will,” he promised, dropping a kiss to the top of her hair. He couldn’t wait for lunch tomorrow. Eren eyed the TV, tucking his chin against her head. “Cartoons?”

Mikasa tipped her head to meet his gaze. “I’m not changing it.”

“I don’t want you to.” Eren said, squeezing her gently as she laced their fingers together. “Want me to light another fire?”

She shook her head, nudging him lightly until his back hit the couch, her cheek resting against his heart. “I like you here.”

“I like you here, too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so since most of my fics are T or K, for now on, any post that has suggestive themes or full on sex will have [ M ] in the summary, so you can skip it if it makes you uncomfortable!


	12. As Long As I Have You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raising a baby in the middle of a brutal war against the Titans is hard. It's even harder when you're alone. "Daddy, what was mama like?" Word Count: 8,275

“Do you have the bottle?”

“Yes, Mikasa-”

“The extra diapers?”

“Yes, Mikasa-”

“She’ll need a bath tonight after her dinner, make sure you-”

“Mikasa,” Erwin interrupted, adjusting the baby in his arm, Keiko’s head resting gently on his chest. “Keiko will be fine. You have nothing to worry about.”

Mikasa nodded, unconvinced as her fingers tightened around Eren’s wrist. It had been nearly six months since Keiko was born, but Mikasa had yet to return to the field, taking time instead to stay with their daughter as the Corps got closer and closer to sealing Wall Maria. The expedition beginning today was to be the one where they finally reclaimed the wall, and as Levi said, they needed every “shit faced brat with experience” on the field, and that meant Mikasa.

Even if it meant leaving their baby girl alone for the first time.

Eren had gone on expeditions since their daughter was born, (mostly at Mikasa’s insistence,) but both of them had never been away from her at the same time. He was just as worried about Keiko as Mikasa was, but he trusted his abilities, and he trusted her, and everyone on the expedition. They’d come back, and Keiko would be fine.

“It’s just four days,” Erwin was saying. “I’ll take good care of her.”

“I know,” Mikasa sighed, dropping Eren’s wrist to place the baby bag on the floor by Erwin’s feet. She pressed her fingers to her forehead. “I know. I’m just worried.”

Erwin smiled gently. “With good reason, Mikasa. But I give you my word, Keiko will be well taken care of.”

Mikasa took Eren’s hand, threading their fingers as she nodded again, throat working, and Eren knew her to be thinking of a way to disobey Levi and stay, but the plans had already been made and it was her squad that had the biggest burden of the trip. Without her there, they would have no chance of succeeding.

“Captain Ackerman, Squad Leader Jaeger.” A quiet voice from behind reminded them that the Corps was waiting. Eren turned to face the new recruit, a young girl with a shaking hand pressed to her chest in a salute, her eyes betraying even more of her fear. “The Commander requests you take your positions.”

“Tell Hanji we’ll be right there,” Eren said, turning away from her bewildered look. “Mikasa, we need to go.”

“Yes.” Mikasa leaned forward, pressing her hand to Keiko’s bare head and her lips to Keiko’s cheek, lingering for as long as she could. Eren stepped closer, kissing the top of Keiko’s head as the young girl stared down at them, her head tilting slightly. “Eren-”

“See you in four days, Erwin.” Eren tugged on Mikasa’s arm, leading her away to where the horses were lined up, to where the rest of the Corps was stationed. He took her directly to her horse, slightly behind Hanji’s and directly next to Levi’s, her squad fanning out behind her, but Mikasa did not mount her horse and she did not look at him, her eyes trained back to the front of the castle, where Erwin still stood with Keiko. “Hey,” Eren said carefully, taking her face in his hands, forcing her to look away from their daughter. “Four days,” he said again. “Four days, Mikasa, and we’ll be back with her. You don’t have to worry.”

“But what if something happens?”

Eren paused, running his thumb over the lingering scar high on her cheek. He didn’t have an answer for her; there was no way to guarantee that they would even return in a few days, that they would survive the mission to see Keiko again, but they couldn’t focus on that. If they spent the entire mission agonizing over the chance of death, they wouldn’t have a chance to survive. Resting his forehead on hers, Eren whispered, “don’t think about it. Just remember her, and focus on what you need to do, and we’ll be home soon. Okay?”

Mikasa nodded, ignoring Levi’s quip about wasting their valuable time. “We’ll fight.”

“And we’ll win, and come back to Keiko.”

“Okay.” She pulled back, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I love you,” she said quietly.

He kissed her fully, ignoring Armin’s very loud complaint. “I love you.” Mikasa took his hand as she settled on her horse, and Eren made sure her pack was secure before taking his place between hers and Levi’s squad, to the one he led with Armin.

Hanji turned their horse, throwing a wink back to the rest of the Corps, and then they were moving, their horses running loudly to the slowly-opening gates, to the path that would lead them to their goal of five years.

* * *

The first thing Armin noticed when the dust settled was that the hole in Wall Maria was finally, _finally_ , sealed.

The second was that Eren was struggling to free himself from his Titan.

Armin jumped from the building he’d found a reprieve from the Titans on, curling his body at the shock of his heels crashing into the cobblestones. He righted himself as he ran to where Eren had collapsed next to the wall, slumping into a pile after hardening his skin. For now, there were no Titans surrounding them, but staying for too long would lead to an attack.

Jean was already there, his arms wrapped tightly around Eren’s waist as he tried to pull Eren from the gooey limbs that threatened to stay attached. “Dammit, Eren,” Jean swore. “It’s been five years, I thought you mastered this.”

Armin dropped next to them, reaching for Eren’s arm to yank it away from the heated muscle. Eren’s head lolled back against Jean’s chest, his breathing labored as Armin and Jean worked to free him from the Titan carcass. “That’s the most he’s ever hardened his skin, Jean. It was a gamble from the start. I’m surprised Eren could get himself this far out.” Armin had expected Mikasa to be the first one here, cutting Eren out without a second thought.

With a few more harsh tugs, Eren’s hands and legs were finally freed, the force nearly sending Eren and Jean sprawling. Eren tried to sit up, but he crumpled into himself, his hands and the bottoms of his legs still regenerating. Jean took Eren’s arm, slinging it over his shoulder as he picked Eren up and jumped hastily to the ground. Armin followed, sparing a look to the wall as he ran after them.

Where there was once a hole was now covered with the crystalline substance Annie had encased herself in, the same substance that had made up the underground of the chapel they’d almost lost Eren in years ago. Eren’s Titan form lay steaming next to the sealed structure, a few Titans crowding around it, eager for any humans that might have lingered, more leaving the scene to find food. They made significant progress that day, but they had been in Wall Maria for almost a week; there would be no telling exactly what they’d lost in the mission until they returned.

“Armin, where’s your horse?”

“Around the corner.” Jean stopped at the end of the street, adjusting his grip on Eren as Armin whistled for his horse before reaching into his pockets to fire off two signals in quick procession; one to say the mission succeeded, one to say they needed to retreat back to safety. A few more smoke signals lit up the sky, the sound of hooves mingling with Titan steps. 

Armin quickly swung his leg over his horse, sitting far back on the saddle as he and Jean sat Eren on the horse. Eren slumped against his chest, his heat nearly burning Armin as he hooked his arms beneath Eren’s, both to keep him from falling off the horse and to take the reins. Eren glanced up at him, hazy and disoriented with veins streaking down his cheeks and onto his neck, a thousand questions on the tip of his tongue, but his exhaustion proved too severe to mumble more than, “did I do it?”

Armin nodded furiously. “You did, Eren. Sleep now, we’ll be home soon.” Eren’s head rolled against his shoulder, the steam from his wounds clouding Armin’s vision. He glanced behind him, at the horde of Titans slowly making their way over to them. “Jean-”

Jean whistled loudly, but like so many years ago, no horse came to him. “Fuck,” he breathed. From farther up the street, a few more people joined the mass of the Corps currently retreating. “Hey, Connie! Give me a ride!”

Connie tugged on the reins of his horse, the animal whining as it was stopped. Once he spotted Jean standing next to Armin’s horse, he spurred his horse to run to them. “At least wait until we find a bed!”

“Fuck off!”

Connie’s grin fell as he reached a hand out, taking Jean’s forearm to help him onto the horse. Connie pointed to Eren as Jean struggled to sit comfortably, “Armin, dude, is he okay?”

“He’ll be fine,” Armin said, urging his horse into a gallop. The horde wasn’t far enough away to guarantee anyone’s safety.

They weaved their way through the streets, avoiding the few Titans lingering around buildings until they reached open fields, the houses and churches slowly giving way to trees and hills and rivers. The Corps worked themselves into some semblance of formation, the horde falling further behind them. A smoke signal from the front of the group, an order to change directions and avoid an oncoming Titan. Armin sighed in relief when he noted that the change in direction would send them closer to Wall Rose’s gate.

Eren suddenly jumped in Armin’s grasp, blinking rapidly, yet cringing at the fading sunlight once he opened his eyes fully. “Mikasa,” he gasped, looking around. “Armin, where’s Mikasa?”

He didn’t have an answer, he’d been wondering the same thing. He’d expected Mikasa to find them the minute she could, find Eren as soon as possible, after all she could do a lot better job cutting down any Titans that got too close than Jean could. “I don’t know,” Armin admitted, swerving to avoid a toppled tree. “She’ll have seen the retreat signal, though. She’ll meet us at headquarters.”

Except for a few close calls, they returned back to the wall without a hitch, the gate slamming shut behind Jean and Connie, but no one stopped. The mission had been successful, they needed to get back to the castle as soon as possible.

Hanji approached Armin once they returned to the castle, jumping hastily from their horse in a hurry. “Get him to the infirmary,” Hanji ordered as Armin helped Eren down from the horse. “I want a full status report as soon as he’s healed, got it?”

“Yes, sir.” Eren could stand on his own now, but he swayed still, so Armin helped him to sit down. They could move later, get to the infirmary in a little while. Besides, he could see Erwin walking across the lawn, Keiko nestled securely against his chest.

“You don’t think Mikasa got hurt, do you?” Eren asked suddenly, leaning against Armin for support.

It would be an easy explanation for why she hadn’t met up with them yet. “When you can walk, we’ll go look for her,” Armin promised. Erwin stopped next to Hanji and Levi, likely asking about the outcome of the mission. Levi glanced over to where Armin and Eren sat, his mask crumbling into one of distress, the pieces of his careful facade falling away to reveal an emptiness Armin recognized whenever Levi lost soldiers, whenever someone in the legion died. “Does Levi look-?”

“Squad Leaders Arlert and Jaeger?” They looked up, Eren shielding his eyes from the late afternoon light. Before them, a young girl stood with her hands behind her back, her head hanging in defeat. Armin recognized her immediately, a young graduate of the most recent Trainee Corps, her thin brown hair framing her face as she purposefully avoided looking at Armin or Eren. Marie, he believed her name to be, a girl Mikasa had chosen for her squad, had chosen to train personally. Saw something familiar in the young girl, Armin supposed.

“Yes?” Eren prompted, his voice thin and breathless. He’d succumb to his exhaustion again soon, Armin needed to get him to the infirmary.

“I’m sorry,” Marie choked, and Armin realized that she was crying. “I’m so sorry.”

“Hey,” Eren stood, reaching for her hand but she stepped back, shaking her head. “What-?”

“I couldn’t help her.”

Armin took Eren’s outstretched hand, standing as they exchanged wary looks. Neither of them particularly knew the girl, but Mikasa trusted her well enough. “Marie,” Armin said slowly, holding his hands up.

“We encountered an aberrant just after Squad Leader Eren sealed the wall,” she continued as if Armin hadn’t spoken, her shoulders heaving. “She told us to go ahead, she would take care of it, and we thought nothing of the order. She’s taken down more aberrants than Captain Levi, why should we have worried?” Next to him, Eren stiffened, his hands curling into fists; neither dared to interrupt. Marie slowly brought her hands from behind her back, a long piece of scarlet fabric and a boot dangling from her fingers. “We went back when she didn’t join us. This was all we could save I’m _so sorry._ ”

Eren’s hands shook as he reached for the scarf, running his fingers over the fabric, lingering on the darker, uneven splotches of red. “She-?”

“Eren…” Eren wrapped the scarf around his palm once, twice, three times, pressing it to his heart, bowing his head. His shoulders heaved, his eyes screwed as he struggled to breathe. Armin gripped his shoulder, pulling him close as he cried, thick tears spilling from his eyes, clearing the grime in tracks on his cheeks. Armin blinked back his own tears, but at Eren’s broken sob, his tiny pleads to _wake up_ , he broke as well, crying harshly into Eren’s hair. Mikasa’s boot fell between them, a memento neither wanted to look at.

“She’s dead!” Eren screamed, falling to his knees, taking Armin with him. “Fuck… _fuck_ , I should have been with her. I could have saved her!”

“Don’t. Please,” Armin begged, each word a chore through his tears. “Please, don’t blame yourself.”

“Squad Leader-” 

“Get away!” Eren snarled, lurching towards Marie, but Armin held him back. “You couldn’t help her either.” His fury was obvious; terrifying as his shoulders shook and his eyes flashed in despair.

Armin waved away Marie and the rest of Mikasa’s squad. They would deal with that later. “Eren stop,” Armin was pleading with him as Eren struggled in his arms, as if he wanted to transform, to destroy. Armin thought he understood; Eren had lost his mom to the Titans, his dad to his own Titan abilities, and now Mikasa to one as well. Armin felt his chest constrict; _Mikasa was dead_. His best friend, his _family_ , was dead. “It’s not her fault,” he wiped at his nose messily.

“It’s mine.”

“Eren-”

“I promised her.” Eren said, sounding suspiciously calm, empty as he leaned away from Armin, staring pitifully at Mikasa’s scarf with a dead gaze. “I promised I would protect her, give her a new life. I couldn’t even do that.”

“Armin, what-?” He looked up to see his friends, Erwin, Hanji and Levi standing before them. Levi pointedly ignored Eren, ignored looking at the scarf and the boot, his entire body tense. Sasha took Connie’s hand, hiding her face in his shoulder as Jean repeated his question.

Armin swallowed thickly, unsure if his heart could survive telling of what happened. “Mikasa, she-” But he didn’t need to finish; he recognized the way their faces fell with understanding at Eren’s mangled sob.

Erwin kneeled in front of Eren as Keiko reached for her father, her eyes shining with glee, incoherent syllables falling from her lips. “Eren,” Erwin said kindly, offering Eren his daughter.

Eren scrambled away from Armin, pushing himself out of Keiko’s reach, his eyes wide with fear. He glanced between his daughter and the scarf wrapped around his palm in terror as he jerked away from Keiko’s outstretched hand. “I- I can’t…”

“Please, Eren,” Armin said, wiping his cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.

Levi knelt beside Eren, his hand clutching Eren’s shoulder. His voice was quiet, almost inaudible when he spoke, “Keiko can’t lose you, too.”

Eren shut his eyes tight, holding his arms out and Erwin passed the young girl to Eren’s arms. Armin recognized the look in Eren’s eyes when he opened them again, the look of complete wonder and adoration and apprehension he’d worn when he held Keiko for the first time.

Then, Eren pulled Keiko to his chest, and he screamed. A moment later, Keiko began to cry as well.

* * *

Eren always paid the most attention in strategy meetings when Armin led them, but with Keiko propped in his lap it was harder to stay focused on the discussion around him. Keiko held his pen, running it messily over his paper and babbling happily. He’d recently started bringing her to meetings within the last month, after the Corps got the funding to finally team up with the Military Police and the Garrison to wipe out the Titans in Wall Maria. Eren didn’t have anywhere else to take her; Keiko was too young to stay in their room alone, and Erwin was needed at the meetings, so Keiko stayed in someone’s lap, either playing with a toy, his pen, or his hair.

“We’ll start in the South, closest to Shiganshina, and then fan out to take out the rest of them,” Armin was saying as he pointed to the map behind him. Their old squad, Levi, Erwin, and Hanji each had Armin’s plans in front of them as well, and would relay the info to the rest of the Corps in the morning. Once they cleared Wall Maria, they could finally seal Shiganshina, get to his goddam basement, and use Eren’s coordinate ability to end the Titans. It should be easy, a two day mission at worst.

But Eren knew better.

None of their missions were ever easy, the death toll was always higher than predicted, new challenges setting them back. And now,with Mikasa gone, they’d be at an even greater loss.

“Who’s leading Mikasa’s squad?” Sasha asked, interrupting Erwin while she reached for Keiko’s hand with an animated grin. Eren had been worried, at first, about Keiko being a distraction or preventing them from being able to do their jobs, but it had turned out okay. Everyone loved Keiko, and they’d learned to strategize above her consistent babbles and shrieks.

Armin glanced at Eren worriedly. “Eren. We’re no longer commanding my squad together. He’ll be leading his own now.”

Keiko squirmed in his lap as Levi and Armin gave everyone the starting date for the mission, and Eren noted it was past her bedtime. She turned to him, pressing her face against his shoulder and playing with the fraying ends of his scarf. She dropped his pen onto the floor, yawning gently and sagging against him. He figured she had fallen asleep, but the eleven month old pushed her face away from his chest very suddenly, her dark eyes fixed on his, her tiny fingers curling into his scarf.

“Mama.”

Eren froze, his mouth falling open as her voice pitched higher, her head tilting slightly; _a question_. He realized everyone had gone quiet, Sasha and Jean staring at him sadly, Levi pointedly ignoring him, Erwin looked nervous.

Wasn’t a baby’s first word supposed to be a happy moment?

“Eren,” Armin said very slowly, placing his papers down.

“Meeting’s over.” Levi said loudly. Eren wondered if it was just as hard for Levi to hear Keiko ask for Mikasa.

Keiko reached for his fingers, holding them as tight as she could while everyone slowly left the room, throwing Eren nervous glances as they went. Levi sat down next to him, gently taking Keiko from Eren’s arms. Eren immediately slumped in his seat, pulling the worn scarf over his mouth as if it were his own habit.

Levi draped his jacket over Keiko’s tiny frame, her dark eyes peeking over at Eren curiously. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know.” Eren sighed, pausing as he glanced between Levi and Keiko. “Mikasa would know what to do.”

“She was as new to this as you are, Eren.”

Eren nodded, swallowing thickly. If only Mikasa were still alive; he could have handed Keiko over when she asked for her mom, the two of them laughing as Eren grumbled about “dada” not being his daughter’s first word. “Where’d she even learn that word from anyway?”

Levi shrugged, running his fingers through Keiko’s black hair.. “Maybe she picked it up the last time we were in town.”

“I miss Mikasa.” Eren blurted, rubbing his eyes harshly.

“I know,” Levi said quietly, his head bowed. He kissed Keiko’s head, gently. “I miss her, too.” Keiko reached for Eren’s hand and he complied, allowing her to grasp onto his pointer finger as she smiled sleepily. They stayed like that for what felt like hours, curled into themselves and silent as Keiko squirmed in Levi’s hold. Levi spoke again, his voice hoarse with unshed tears. “Do you need a night off? I can get Erwin.”

Eren shook his head, reaching for his daughter. “Nah, no. I need to be with her.” Levi nodded and they stood, leaving the abandoned meeting room. “Hey, Levi?” Eren asked quietly, and Levi paused before the hallway his room was down. “I’m sorry. I know this is hard.”

Levi sighed, looking more exhausted than Eren had seen in years. “It was fucked up, Eren, but she was family. Don’t apologize. It’ll get easier eventually.” Eren tossed Levi his jacket. “She has your nose.” He left down the hallway, leaving Eren alone.

Keiko yawned loudly as they turned a corner, her eyes fighting to stay open until they heard a shout from down the hall of Eren’s name that had her startling in his arms, and then someone collided with him, engulfing Eren and Keiko in a hug. He recognized them immediately.

“Sasha.”

She grinned, taking Keiko from him to cover her tiny face in kisses. Sasha held Keiko on her hip, the young girl resting her head on Sasha’s shoulder and Eren couldn’t help but imagine the same thing with Mikasa. “You okay?”

“Ah, yeah. I think so.”

“Good. We were worried.”

“We?”

Sasha rolled her eyes, glancing over her shoulder to where Jean and Connie peeked around the corner. “We.” She waved them over. “Jean thought you were gonna hit someone-”

“I did _not_ , Sash.”

“-my money was on him.” Sasha knocked her hip against Jean’s as Jean grumbled something. Connie joined them, making faces at Keiko and earning several high pitched peals of laughter in return.

Eren ducked his head, truly grinning for the first time since Mikasa had died. He missed her like crazy, and he knew he always would, but he wasn’t alone. He had his friends, his _family_ , there with him, to help with Keiko if he needed it, to joke and offer some sense of normalcy, to offer company. He wasn’t okay, hadn’t been since that day, but he could be soon. It wasn’t an ideal situation or household for Keiko to grow up in, but it was full of love. And in their world, wasn’t that enough?

“Thanks, you guys.” Eren said quietly, interrupting an argument between Sasha and Jean. Armin took his hand, squeezing gently.

Connie threw his arm around Sasha’s shoulders, running his finger over Keiko’s cheek. “Of course, man. We’re here for you. Both of you. Whatever you may need.”

“Unless it’s diapers in the middle of the night,” Jean said, smiling.

Connie swatted at Jean’s arm as Sasha laughed. “ _Especially_ if it’s diapers in the middle of the night.”

They’d be okay.

* * *

Eren’s mind was on fire.

At least, that’s what it felt like. The trees and people before him blurred together, morphing into something intangible as he fell through everything and nothing at once, losing his footing while standing straight up. He couldn’t distinguish anything, couldn’t tell if someone was speaking to him or if that was the voice in his head, if he was being told to _calm down, don’t worry you’re fine_ , or _just sleep, let it take over and it’ll all go away_. Conflict surged through his chest, flooding his chest and muddling his brain, words useless to him, unreachable in the darkness.

_“Eren… Eren can you hear me?”_

Was that Hanji? He couldn’t tell if it was their voice, or the voice of a thousand men, ringing and slamming through his head, deafening him. 

What had they been trying to do again? Eren thought he could feel the sticky limbs of his Titan body holding tight to his human flesh, begging him back into its warm cocoon. That’s right, they had to test how many times he could transform in a row before dropping with exhaustion. There was no telling how many times he’d repeatedly need to transform in the future.

_“It’s been years, Eren,”_ Levi had said, standing opposite from Eren across the clearing. _“You should be better at this.”_

Ice crashed across his mind, soaking his thoughts and drowning him in smoke, burning his lungs and stinging his senses. How many times? How many times had he transformed? Was he supposed to again? Eren couldn’t even find his hand to bite, was he even standing?

He felt something snap behind him, and he collapsed into a pile, his arms and legs shattering to bits and shredding his skin where he lay. The blurry shapes around him slowly shifted into something that resembled Hanji and Armin. Or maybe they were Titans. He couldn’t tell. His head hurt, stung like something fierce.

Mikasa charged toward him, shrugging Levi’s hand from her shoulder as she nearly barreled through Armin and Hanji. No, that wasn’t right. Even she wasn’t allowed close to him until Hanji ended the experiment; she needed to get back.

“Daddy!”

That definitely wasn’t right.

Eren pushed himself to his knees, his vision finally clearing in time for Mikasa to hurl herself into his arms and bury her face against his shoulder, hardly deterred by his burning flesh. He held her carefully, smoothing his hand through her feather-light hair.

“Keiko, get back!” Armin called, but he didn’t make a move to take the young girl from Eren.

Keiko pulled away, placing her palms on his face, holding him steady; his anchor to keep from drowning in his Titan corpse. “Levi let me watch,” she said slowly. “Daddy, are you okay?”

Eren nodded, feeling his chest constrict. He planted a kiss on her nose. “Yeah… yeah, Keiko babe. I’m okay.” He would be. He had to be. For everyone, for humanity.

For Keiko.

Vaguely, Eren heard Hanji end the experiment, ordering Levi and Armin to clean up anything disturbed by Eren’s transformations. His head was still swimming but he could breathe now, his heartbeat slowly evening out, matching his daughter’s as she pressed little kisses to his cheeks and forehead.

Keiko smiled, keeping all of his attention on her as the voices in his head faded and the ice in his mind melted into a warmth he only seemed to feel with Keiko so close to him. She pushed his hair back from his head, staring intently, her dark eyes so familiar to him. “I love you.”

Eren pulled her close again, pressing his nose to her hair. “I love you too, Keiko.”

* * *

“Daddy, what was mama like?”

Eren turned back from the doorway, glancing over to Keiko. He’d thought she’d fallen asleep, but she was staring at him, her dark eyes barely visible under her hair. She’d recently moved into her own room across from Eren’s, and although she was almost eight, he stayed with her every night until he was sure she was asleep. He contemplated ignoring her, leaving the room and avoiding the question for, well hopefully forever, but he couldn’t do that to her.

“Keiko…”

She sat up, rubbing slowly at her eyes. “Please, daddy. You never tell me about mama.”

“Alright, scoot over.” Her grin was blinding, loosening the chains constricting his heart as Eren sat down next to her. Running a hand through his hair, he threw one last longing look to the door. He’d hoped this question wouldn’t come for a few more years at least. “What do you want to know?”

“Everything,” Keiko declared, reaching for her favorite doll.

“Tell me where to start.”

Keiko pursed her lips, tucking her doll under her chin. “Start with what mama looked like.”

“Just like you.”

“Really?”

Eren laughed at the way her entire face lit up, ruffling her hair. “Yes, really. Mikasa had your hair, your eyes, your chin. She was just as beautiful as you are.”

Keiko grinned, taking a lock of her hair and pulling it in front of her eyes, fascinated. She brushed it back over her shoulder, tapping her chin as she thought of the next thing to talk about. “How did you and mama meet?”

He faltered, his smile slipping. To her, it was an innocent question. She wanted to know how her parents met. But to him, it marked the night he first murdered someone. “Um,” Eren pinched the bridge of his nose. “Mikasa’s mom called my dad for a checkup, and he brought me along. But we got there after an… accident with Mikasa’s parents, so she came to live with me and my parents. We were best friends from that day out, until eventually we realized we loved each other as much more than just friends.” Maybe he’d tell her the full, true story when she was older. Or maybe letting Keiko believe their meeting had been innocent was the better option.

“So mama was your sister?” Keiko asking, her nose scrunching.

“What? No. No way.”

“But she lived with you?”

Eren groaned, running his hands down his face. “We never thought of each other as brother and sister.”

“Okay,” Keiko shrugged. “Was mama strong?”

“The strongest,” Eren said, leaning back on his forearms. Keiko followed suit, laying beside him and tucking her face against his shoulder. “She graduated first out of all the trainees, had a higher solo kill count than Levi- though Hanji always said that meant she was too reckless. Mikasa saved my life so many times, saved all of us.” It’d seemed like a fatal blow to the Corps when she died. Keiko squirmed, flopping onto her back next to him and pulling his arm around her. He started to run his fingers through her hair. “She was the strongest person I ever knew.”

“She was even stronger than Grampa Levi?”

Eren groaned again, rolling his eyes. “Did Sasha tell you to call him that?”

“Yes.”

“Good, make sure to tell Levi that when he hears you.”

“Why?”

“No reason.”

Keiko hit him lightly with her doll, laughing loudly as he tickled her neck in retaliation. When she settled, Keiko pulled her thick blanket over both of them, tucking it beneath his shoulder. “Daddy?” She whispered after a minute, propping herself on her elbow to glance at him.

Moonlight spilled through her open curtains, bathing the room in a milky glow and painting Keiko’s skin nearly as pale as her mother’s. She needed to fall asleep soon or she’d never get up in the morning. “Yes, sweetie?”

“Do you miss mama?”

The question stole his breath, punching a hole through his chest and ripping the careful stitches he’d made years ago. He missed Mikasa more than he’d ever been able to articulate. “Yes, Keiko, I miss her.” He forced a deep breath, “I miss her so much.”

Keiko threw her arm over his chest, hugging him tightly as he struggled to keep his composure in front of her. “Would she like me?”

“Like you?” Eren sat up, shocked, pulling the blanket away from Keiko’s face. She pouted back up at him. “Her beautiful, strong, incredibly honest and caring daughter? Keiko, Mikasa would absolutely love you.”

She looked about ready to cry as she worried her bottom lip. “Promise?”

“Swear it.” Keiko nodded, ducking her face against his chest as he lay down next to her again. She didn’t say anything, as if unconvinced by what Eren had said. “Hey,” he nudged her gently. “I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. You know those books Uncle Armin reads to you?” He felt her nod against him. “He read the same ones to your mom and me when we were little. And we promised that we’d get to the outside world and visit every place we’ve read about. Things have… changed since then, but we’re still going to get there. I’ll take you everywhere your mom wanted to go.”

“And we’ll take lots of pictures for mama?” She whispered eagerly.

“As many pictures as we can.”

He felt her grin against his chest, her breathing slowing down. Eren ran his fingers through her hair again, tossing an arm behind his head. He couldn’t keep his promise to Mikasa, but he’d keep it now. Losing their daughter wasn’t an option. He would free the world and take her everywhere she wanted to go. Keiko deserved it.

* * *

“I’m joining the military.”

The announcement startled Eren, his pen falling through his fingers and clattering against the floor, followed by his latest report. He glanced over his shoulder, to where Keiko was sprawled out on his bed, holding one of Armin’s books. The first book Armin had shown Eren when they were kids. She flipped through a few pages, stroking her fingers over a picture on one, her eyes filled with a familiar longing he’d seen Armin wear countless times.

Keiko shut the book very slowly before sitting up, her skirt tangling beneath her legs, her hair falling over her shoulder.

Eren turned away, reaching over the side of the bed to retrieve his fallen supplies. “No. You’re not.” He said as he placed them on the table next to his bed.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her stiffen, her hands curling to fists in her lap. Jean had once told Eren he hoped Keiko never inherited Eren’s temper, and Eren was beginning to understand why. Keiko argued constantly with Levi and Hanji, with Armin and Sasha over how missions should be carried out, over how long everything was taking to free the world. Eren had once broken up a fight between Keiko and a new Survey Corps recruit when the boy had said he’d only joined to be praised once they won. She’d broken his nose.

Eren understood his mother’s frustrations.

“This isn’t for you to decide.” Keiko said quietly, tying her hair back with a short ribbon. She’d scarcely mentioned the Trainee Corps over the past few years, but Eren had always ignored the questions, her requests to hear stories of his own training days. He thought it would be a phase, that she’d get over it, apparently he was wrong.

“Look, Keiko babe,” Eren ran his hands down his face, feeling very weary and tense. “Why do you even want to join the military?”

“So I can fight with you and uncle Armin. So I can protect everyone!” Keiko began, leaning forward eagerly. “You told me about the outside world. You read me Armin’s books every night for years, I want to help make that a reality! I’m tired of living cooped up in these walls like fucking animals, of watching you and everyone else leave- not knowing if you’ll come back at all. I’m tired of so many missions failing. I want to help!” She stared at him, looking so incredibly alive and willing to throw her life away and follow in his footsteps. Eren recognized the argument; it was almost exactly what he’d told his mother and father, what he’d preached to Armin and Mikasa and anyone else around him for years.

Eren sighed, and Keiko crumpled, as if sensing what he would say next. “Keiko. We have more than enough soldiers, Wall Maria is just about cleared out-”

“Daddy,” she interrupted, glancing at him sadly. “You sealed the wall almost twelve years ago. It should be emptied by now.”

She was right. The Corps had had enough recruits, enough talent and initiative to have ended this thing years ago, but the return of Reiner and Bertholdt, of the fucking Ape Titan, had set them back. Keiko was too young to remember the second attack on Trost. He wouldn’t bring it up now.

“There’s no reason for you to join,” Eren said after a long moment.

“I want to help! That’s reason enough!”

“You’re going to get hurt!” Eren snarled, pushing off of his bed and shoving his hands into his hair. Not her. Not Keiko. He couldn’t lose her, too. “People die in training, people die outside the walls!”

“So that’s a reason to stop fighting, because people die?” Keiko stood on the other side of the bed, her shoulders tense and eyes watery. She was as easy to read for him as Mikasa had been; and she was furious, furious and confused and so desperate to help. “Jean and Sasha have been training me. I’m not weak.” She stalked quietly around the bed until she stood directly in front of him, tilting her head to maintain eye contact. “I’m going to join.”

“I can’t lose you!” Eren grasped her shoulders, surprise flashing through her dark eyes. Not her. _Not her._ She resembled Mikasa in every way; from her hair to her eyes to the little tilt of her lips. It almost hurt to look at her. It hurt even more to imagine Keiko suffering the same fate as her mom. “I can’t lose you.”

Her expression softened and she reached up to gently removed his hands from her shoulders, holding both of his hands in hers. “You won’t,” she whispered, smoothing her thumb across the back of Eren’s hand. “I won’t die.” Keiko looked at him again, smiling sadly. He recognized the look in her eye- the same as Mikasa when she refused to accept an oder or decision. Keiko would not allow him to change her mind. She made her decision to help, to fight to free the world, and nothing Eren said would change that. “I won’t die. You and me, uncle Armin, everyone… We’ll be free.”

Eren pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her thin shoulders tightly. She nestled her face in his neck, whispering promises to his skin she had no control over. “Please,” Eren gasped as they broke away. “Please be careful.”

Keiko smiled brightly, standing on her toes to press a kiss to his cheek. “I promise, daddy.”

“Here,” Eren said quietly, reaching for his neck. He pulled off his scarf, wrapping it around Keiko, flipping the ends over her face for himself. She glanced at him, her dark eyes peeking out behind the bright scarf as she tilted her head.

“Daddy…” Keiko readjusted the scarf more comfortably around her neck. “Your scarf?”

“It was your moms,” he said, smiling sadly. He’d seen this picture before, the dark eyes and hair starkly contrasting against the red. “She’d want you to have it.”

Keiko threw her arms around him again, kissing his cheek and thanking him again before leaving his room to her own across the hall, shouting, “Aunt Sasha! He said yes!” He saw Sasha run past, laughing gleefully as she turned into Keiko’s room to help pack her things for three years of training, leaving Eren alone in his room, leaving him alone for the first time since she was born. Three years without his daughter, three years of missions and training exercises. Either of them could die, and it would take days to find out. Eren knew Keiko was strong. He’d snuck into a few of her secret trainings to know that she was already adept at wielding the dual blades and a gun.

But if anything happened to her, Eren didn’t know if he could forgive himself. Losing Mikasa had destroyed him, rendered him almost useless for months. Would he come back if he lost their daughter?

He didn’t want to find out.

Early the next morning, a carriage from the outer wall arrived to take Keiko away.

* * *

Three years passed slowly, filled with successful and useless missions, choppy letters sent from both Keiko and Eren, but the letters stopped as Keiko’s graduation loomed. Until a muggy summer day, only a week before the Trainees would graduate.

Eren sat in Armin’s office, upside down on his chair as they spoke with Hanji to plan a mission to Eren’s basement. Eren thought a small team could sneak past Reiner and Bertholdt, Armin believed the Corps should wipe out the Titans first, and Hanji seemed to want to go around everything, to lengthen the mission by weeks. A knock on the door forced Eren to sit normally as Sasha burst through, waving a single letter and a huge grin.

She handed it to Eren, and he read it quickly, recognizing Shadis’s slanted handwriting immediately. 

Keiko was to graduate at the top of the class, securing the number one spot over every other trainee.

* * *

Rain fell in thick sheets around him, soaking the blood into the ground, staining the earth with the blood of those who fell, those who lost their lives to get achieve this feat. Around him, the moans of the dying were barely audible beneath the cracks of thunder and the heavy rain. Titan carcasses littered the fields, the steam slowly dampened by the rain. Eren’s own Titan body lay abandoned behind where he sat, one arm and both legs working to regenerate. He glanced around the field, at his dead comrades, at the ones still breathing and looking for survivors, at the dead Titans and traitors.

At victory.

It was over. It had taken years, lifetimes, countless failures but it had worked. Somehow, he’d kept the promise he’d made decades before. No longer would humanity be stuck inside walls. They were free.

He needed to find Keiko. To find Armin and Jean and Sasha and everyone else. Eren had to wait until his legs were fully healed before he stood, ignoring the shooting pain licking up his legs as he set out to where Keiko should have been stationed. He passed countless bodies, felt bile creep up his throat as he passed a young girl huddled over a mangled body, terrible screams and cries wrenching themselves past her lips. Nothing would be the same now.

“Eren.”

He turned quickly, the sudden movement throwing him off balance, but Armin grabbed his shoulders, helping him to the muddy ground. “Armin,” he gasped, tears finally falling. He hugged Armin fiercely, crying into Armin’s tattered jacket as the world crumbled around them. It would take so long to rebuild.

Armin held him just as tightly, taking care to avoid his healing arm. “You’re okay?” Armin asked as they pulled away from each other. 

“Yeah,” Eren nodded, raising his arm weakly. “Nothing too bad. I think. I was out of it for a while. Are you okay?”

Armin gestured to his stomach. “I think a rib or two is broken. I just woke up and I’m dizzy, so maybe a concussion? We need to find Hanji and regroup.”

“Keiko.”

“I haven’t seen her yet.” Armin smiled sadly. “But she’s more stubborn than you and Mikasa put together. I’m sure she’s alive.”

Armin insisted that they wait a few more minutes for Eren’s strength to return, it would do no good if he lost consciousness again. As they walked, Eren cupped his hands to his mouth, shouting for the people he so desperately needed to see again.

They found Jean and Sasha huddled together against a battered supply cart. Jean’s head was wrapped, his arm cradled to his chest while Sasha looked hauntingly pale, her gaze trained on where her leg cut off abruptly below the knee. She perked up when Armin and Eren reached them, but she was in obvious pain.

“Connie?” Armin asked after they’d all assessed each other’s injuries. Jean shook his head, and Sasha began to cry. Armin swallow slowly. “Where’s Hanji? Levi?”

“No Levi,” Jean said quietly, and Eren felt his stomach churn. “Hanji’s with Ymir. I think the order to get back to the castle is coming soon. We need to collect the dead, meet with Historia, and plan for the future.”

And they could, they could do anything they needed to for as long as it took. There was no threat anymore.

“Have you seen Keiko?” Eren glanced between his friends, but none of them had an answer for him. She _wasn’t dead_. He stalked away, wobbling slightly but he needed to find Keiko. Ignoring Armin’s cries to come back, to wait for them, Eren marched over the nearest hill. Left rear- where Keiko was assigned. He was greeted by the sight of more death, of cadets and veterans working quickly to get the dead bodies into the carts, unperturbed by the stinging rain drenching their skin.

He scanned the field as he walked, glancing at every body enough to know that they weren’t Keiko, until he found her.

She was lying by a tree, motionless as the rain fell across her face, smearing the blood on her cheeks and clothes. Eren ran to her, his heart pounding, shrieking through his veins, too quiet, too quiet and too still. He fell at her side, grasping desperately at her wrist as a sob ripped past his lips, his chest heaving. No, no, no, no-!

Eren held her hand tightly, listening for a pulse, for _anything_ , his heart threatening to burst through his chest. _Too still, too quiet, she’s_ -“Fuck,” Keiko gasped, her body lurching, her lips pulled down in pain. She opened her eyes, her gaze moving slowly, hazily, to her hand, engulfed in both of Eren’s, to his face, and she tilted her head. “Daddy?” She whimpered.

“I’m here,” Eren sobbed, pulling her close. She grunted in pain, but threw her other arm around his shoulders. “I’m here- I’m here, Keiko babe. I promise.” He leaned back, smoothing his thumb over her cheek, wiping away the tears and blood that stained her skin. “Where are you hurt?”

Keiko glanced down at her body, grimacing. “My wrist.” She held up her other hand, and Eren saw the way it bent unnaturally. “My left ankle is sprained, my right leg broken I think.”

“Your head’s bleeding,” Eren said, pushing her hair away from her forehead.

“Is it?”

A long, angry cut ran from her temple into her hair. “Do you feel dizzy, nauseous, anything?”

“Both, but I don’t think it’s a concussion. I’ve been awake this entire time.” Keiko smiled sadly closing her eyes against the rain. “We’re alive.”

“Yeah,” Eren agreed, his laugh more like a sob than anything else. “We are. And you know what else?” She looked up at him again. “We did it.”

Her tears finally began to fall in earnest, her voice barely audible over the noise. “It’s over?”

They would never again hear a Titan stomping over the grounds, never again watch as friends and comrades and family were devoured by the beasts, never again go to war. 

Eren looked to the sky, allowing the rain to wash the war from his features. “It’s over.”

“I love you, daddy.”

“I love you, too, Keiko babe.”

She was quiet for a long moment; Eren began to worry if she had been wrong about not being concussed until she spoke again. “Do you think mama would be proud?”

Eren smiled, pressing his lips to Keiko’s palm. He’d known Mikasa better than anyone else, better than he’d known himself at times, and he finally kept his promise from so long ago; the Titans were gone, the world theirs for the taking. And he kept Keiko alive, too. She’d prospered under his care, learning to wield words, guns, and swords before training properly under Shadis. She helped save the world. They saved the world. And although Eren didn’t keep Mikasa alive, their daughter was safe. He knew Mikasa would love that. “As proud as possible.”

“Eren! Keiko!” Armin fell into their embrace, careful to avoid anything other than Keiko’s head as he kissed her forehead and cheeks over and over again. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

Keiko’s smile was blinding. “You too, Armin.”

Eren pulled Keiko to his arms again, hooking an arm under her legs and letting her wrap her good arm around his neck. They started back to where the others were waiting, where their future was waiting. “Hey, Armin. How long do you think it’ll be before we get clearance to leave?” Keiko giggled into his shoulder.

“I’m not sure. Could be a few months, maybe even a couple of years.” Armin said.

“Hm.” The world was theirs now, what was waiting a little while before leaving to explore? “Keiko,” she hummed in reply, sounding sleepy as she tucked her chin into her scarf. “Where do you want to go first?”

The sun peeked out behind the dark clouds, the rain beginning to lighten up as they walked. Keiko pressed her nose into his neck, a habit she didn’t even know she inherited from Mikasa. “The icecaps.”

Eren grinned, kissing her forehead gently. “The icecaps it is.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one day I will write these two happy with their child. today is not that day


	13. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from mikasas-ackermen on tumblr: Eren realizing he likes Mikasa

It takes the end of the world to realize he loves her.

It takes coming face to face with the Titan that killed his mom, surrounded by their friends and comrades, a situation more desperate than they’ve ever faced before; his arms are still healing, Mikasa is trying so hard to fight through her pain, but no one is close enough to help them. They’ll die here, in a heap on the ground.

It takes Mikasa throwing himself over him, desperate to save him even if it means her own death, and her ill-timed confession of feelings Eren had recently come to see, to realize how he’s loved her all along. To stand up and save her.

He can’t lose her. He can’t,  _can’t_  lose her in the open field, not to the monsters he’s lost more than enough to already. He refuses to leave her, ignores her when she tells him to go, doesn’t miss the way her arms close around him like a vice, the way her chest heaves against his back as she tries to stifle her gasps of pain.

Eren doesn’t get a chance to meet her in the infirmary, to tell her what he realized. They’re taken straight to an old cabin in the woods, Mikasa joining a few hours later once Hanji gets her away from the castle.

He wants to say something, but between experiments with Hanji, meetings with their squad, and constant interruptions from Levi’s ever-present new squad, Eren never gets her alone.

And then the plan goes wrong. Kenny Ackerman ruins their plans and takes Eren far, far and underground and away from those who love him as fiercely as he loves them.

She never leaves his mind even as he hangs strung up on an altar, as he learns that Rod Reiss needs Historia to eat him. He worries about Mikasa, about who Kenny Ackerman is to her, about Armin and Sasha, about Hanji and Connie and Jean, about the manipulation Rod is using to convince Historia of his plan. Of dying without getting to tell Mikasa how he felt.

But she finds him; she always does. Fights through anyone in her path to save him before he’s destroyed by Kenny or Rod, and Eren knows the ride back to the cabin is not the proper time to tell her. She’s upset about the Ackerman name; he can barely walk under the weight of recent memories and revelations and being starved by Reiss.

Eren can only hold her tight as they ride, whispering  _thank you_  to her back as she holds his hand and tells him again and again that he’ll be okay.

They’re pulled into a meeting right away, to begin explaining everything Eren and Historia learned, and it’s a blessing when Hanji finally says they’ll plan the new structure for the government later. Eren needs to rest and Hanji needs to change the bandage on their arm.

Mikasa isn’t there when he wakes up, but Jean, Connie, and Armin are all asleep in their bunks. Eren doesn’t know how long he’s been asleep, but his stomach is aching, (and maybe his heart when he sees she isn’t curled up at his bedside,) and his legs desperately want to be stretched, so he leaves his bed, creeps past Hanji’s room into the kitchen. He finds some fruit, something small to appease his stomach before he can eat large meals again, shivers when he notices that the door leading outside is open, propped with a small bucket and letting the frigid winter air in.

He glances outside, preparing to toe the bucket back inside and close the door, but he pauses when he sees Mikasa sitting on the top step, her thin blanket thrown hastily over her sleep clothes, her head bowed.

She jumps a bit when Eren peels the blanket away from her shoulder, sitting close to her and pulling the blanket around himself, leaning into her warmth. Mikasa takes his hand, resting her head against his.

“Are you okay?” She asks quietly.

Eren nods slowly, turning his nose into her hair. “Why are you out here?”

“Just… thinking.”

“About Kenny Ackerman?” The name leaves a sour taste on his tongue. Mikasa doesn’t repond, but her silence is answer enough. Eren changes the subject, hoping to take her mind off his most recent kidnapper. “How long was I out?”

“A few days.” Her fingers still against his neck. “We’re moving back to the castle the day after tomorrow.”

He nods again, feeling exhausted but oddly at peace as Mikasa works her arm around his back and smooths her fingers through the fine hairs at the nape of his neck. Eren hums against her hair, throwing an arm across her waist.

It’s freezing outside, their short breaths mingling with the snowflakes dusting the air around them, but it’s warm huddled under the blanket. They could get sick if they stay out much longer, but he doesn’t want to leave her. He missed this during the mess of the coup, while he was kidnapped by Kenny. He missed being so close to Mikasa, her fingers steady around his, her hand the only one allowed to touch his weak spot, her heart bared to him.

He loves her.

Eren feels his stomach clench, desperate to tell her now, but reluctant to ruin this; this peace, this  _thing_  they had together. He clears his throat. “So the coup was successful?”

“Yeah.” Mikasa takes his hand by her hip, linking their fingers and squeezing gently. She’s silent for a while, and Eren worries that she’s fallen asleep against him when she speaks again. “You remembered something, didn’t you? Something you kept from Hanji.” She doesn’t sound accusatory, only curious as she leans back and he raises his head to look at her properly.

“Yeah,” he grimaces, memories of his dad and Freida Reiss and his first transformation running through his head. He doesn’t want to think about it now, he and Historia will have to explain the rest in the morning anyway. “I’ll tell you before everyone else.”

“I trust you, Eren.” She works her fingers into his hair fully, scratching lightly at his scalp, staring intently into his eyes while the world continues softly around them. His anchor. “You can tell me when you’re ready.”

He loves her. One of the few constants in his life, Mikasa stayed with him through losing their families, through discovering his Titan ability, Corps expeditions and the coup; offering herself to him and his goal wholeheartedly while asking for nothing but his presence in return. Eren once thought she cared so much just to keep a promise to his mom, but he’s learned since then, through all they’ve experienced together, Mikasa does it because she loves him, too.

Eren cups her cheek gently, rubbing his thumb across her cold skin. She leans into his touch, eyes fluttering closed, and Eren wonders how long she’s been outside, alone in the cold with her thoughts instead of waking him first, because it’s what they’ve always done when memories of the past consume them. They never turn the other away, offering their bed or arms as a solace from the horrors they live in; a habit only strengthened from their childhoods. They know each other inside and out, stay with each other because doing so is one of the things that makes sense in this world-

“I love you.” He blurts quietly, shouting it in the dead of night, screaming because he needs to let her know; the words slipping from his lips to mingle with the light snowflakes, to fall between them in the silence that follows. She glances at him, blinking slowly, her throat working as if waking from a dream. “Shit… Mikasa, I-”

“I love you, too.” Mikasa says, calm and even and composed as she leans her forehead against his. He feels his heart slow, because even if he already knew it, it soothes him to hear Mikasa say it.

They stay like that, closer than they’ve been before, breaths intermingling as he holds her to him, his arms tight around her shoulders and Mikasa’s hand pressed firmly against his heart.

Eren drops a kiss to her temple before standing, pulling her up with him and wrapping the blanket back around her shoulders with his arm as they head back inside.

“Levi will kill me if I get you sick,” Eren says as he pushes the bucket away from the door.

Mikasa rolls her eyes. “A cold won’t keep me out of the field.”

He puts his arm around her again, pulling her close as they sneak up the stairs because he knows Mikasa won’t let something so small stop her. “So Kenny’s your-”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Mikasa groans, knocking her head against his shoulder, her skin reflecting prettily in the moonlight.

He kisses her forehead outside of the girl’s room, and Mikasa takes his face to press a proper kiss to his mouth before bidding him goodnight and slipping through the door.

Still grinning, Eren makes his way back to his room. They’ll discuss it more in the coming days, what they are, the futures they promised each other so many times. Now’s not the time to start a relationship, the stakes are too high, the threats too numerous, but that won’t stop them from aiming for one, won’t stop what they feel for each other.

He loves her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm always taking prompts! If you want, you can drop them in the comments or at my tumblr: miikasaa!


	14. Wish I Were Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of 1. Remembering You
> 
> Determined to find out exactly how Eren knew her name, Mikasa seeks him out to get answers. What she doesn't expect is the tale Eren tells her of past lives, giant monsters, and a love he thought he'd lost.

“Do you know him?”

“Who?”

“The boy from a few weeks ago. Eren. It looked like you knew him.”

Levi scoffed, turning back to the stove to stir the sauce he’d been warming up. “I don’t know every kid in this fucking city, Mikasa.”

She knew that, of course she did. “But you reacted pretty violently when he introduced himself. I thought maybe-”

“Maybe I hated his name.”

Mikasa rolled her eyes, groaning quietly. When Levi didn’t say anything else, she dropped her gaze to the textbook propped in her lap. Classes had just started, but her assignments were already keeping her up late. Plus, she hadn’t seen Eren since her first day in the city, and her thoughts were drifting to him more often than she’d like to admit. She often thought of how he’d reacted to her, his eager expression falling after only a few minutes, how he’d already known her name…

“Do _I_ know him?” Her voice was quiet and small, a hopeful question she couldn’t find the answer to in her mind.

“You said yourself you’ve never seen him before,” Levi said, dumping the sauce onto the pasta. “Primary school?”

Mikasa shook her head, tapping her pen against her bottom lip. “I would have remembered his eyes.”

“Disgusting.” He took the book from her lap, closing and sliding it across the table before shoving her feet off of the extra chair. Dropping a bowl in front of her, Levi took his seat at the end of the table. “Eat. We’ll get more furniture for your room in the morning.”

The next afternoon, Mikasa left Levi alone with the new furniture, saying she wanted to explore the city and find a few more bus routes before she got too swamped with schoolwork. But there was another reason, as well. It was her first day away from Levi since moving to the city with him, and she wanted to find Eren and get an explanation from him.

Mikasa stopped at the bench last, her hands shoved deep in her pockets as she scanned the crowds around her. It was nearing dinner time, the sidewalks and streets filled with people trying to get back home, car horns blaring and vendors screaming, a symphony to drown out her erratic heartbeat. This was stupid; what was she trying to accomplish? There was no guarantee Eren knew her, he might have heard Levi calling for her. Maybe he didn’t even live in the city and had only been visiting a friend.

She stood, heart pounding as she tried to think of the fastest way back to the apartment, when a flash of pale yellow hair stopped her. Mikasa ran to the nearest crosswalk, grasping the girl’s shoulder to keep her from crossing.

“What the fuck-” The girl turned, taking Mikasa’s wrist and squeezing harshly, as if to break her bones, but she paused, her icy eyes widening slowly, and then she sighed, tossing Mikasa’s hand away. “What do you want?”

Ignoring the girl’s hostility, Mikasa started, feeling inexplicably breathless as she spoke, “three weeks ago, you stood with a boy, also blond, right?” She should go, leave the girl alone, but Mikasa recognized her from that day, her droopy eyes, thin hair, the white sweatshirt. The girl didn’t answer. Mikasa groaned, trying to think of a way to explain the situation without sounding crazy. “I met a boy here, and when I turned around after leaving, he was with the boy you’d been with. Does that make any sense?”

“Oh.” The girl looked uneasy, her eyes darting between Mikasa and the road. She shifted her weight, brushing her hair from her eyes. “Yeah, I know him. So what?”

Mikasa swore her heart leaped as a smile fought its way to her lips, her pulse thrumming in her ears at the possibility of seeing Eren again. Maybe she wasn’t wrong for doing this. “I want to meet with him.”

“No.”

Mikasa frowned. “I-”

The girl stepped closer, glaring furiously up at Mikasa. “It’s not a good idea.”

“Why not? I just want to talk.”

“He doesn’t need you in his life.”

Mikasa narrowed her eyes, squaring her shoulder to use her height as an advantage over the girl. “I think that’s for him to decide.”

She practically snarled at Mikasa, staring harshly before finally stepping back, her shoulders sagging and her hair falling in front of her eyes. “Fine. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“What are you- hey!” The girl turned away, crossing the street and forcing Mikasa to jog to catch up. She resisted the urge to stick her tongue out at the girl’s back; she was taking Mikasa to Eren, no sense in pissing her off even more. “I’m Mikasa,” she said after matching the girl’s gait, while they waited for the light to change at an intersection. 

“Annie,” she said, sighing it into the breeze as she glanced at Mikasa sadly.

Annie led her down a few more blocks, through an alley, and around a small, gated park before pausing in front of an apartment building. They walked into the building and Annie stopped at a small call box, holding down a button. After a minute, the static cut out, and Mikasa could hear two people arguing about who would answer.

_“Hello?”_

“Armin, it’s me,” Annie said, shifting uneasily on her feet.

 _“Oh, hey! Come on up.”_ The call box fizzled back into silence as a loud _beep_ echoed through the room.

Annie pressed for the elevator, and they waited in silence, their shoulders squared and heads turned away from each other. In the elevator, Mikasa reached for her neck, pulling the scarf over her mouth while Annie popped her gum loudly, the tiny buttons lighting up as they rose up the floors. Mikasa wasn’t sure why she’d brought the scarf, (she still wasn’t sure why Eren had _given_ it to her,) but if things went wrong she could return it as an excuse for showing up.

They were in front of a door on the sixth floor when Annie turned to her again, looking almost desperate. “You’re sure about this?”

“Yes.” Her stomach was knotting, and Mikasa realized she hadn’t yet thought of what to say to Eren.

Annie knocked loudly on the door, and not a minute later it opened, the blond boy, _Armin_ , grinning down at Annie with a bowl in hand. “Annie-!”

“I brought a surprise.” She hooked her thumb back toward Mikasa.

Armin glanced at her, his smile falling immediately. “Annie… This isn’t-”

“Yo, Armin, if that’s Annie tell her she’s late and I want my movie back,” someone called from inside. Mikasa felt her stomach flip when she recognized the voice.

Annie took Mikasa’s wrist, brushing past Armin and leading her into the small apartment. “Wait, Annie! This really isn’t a-” She ignored him, taking Mikasa through the kitchen into the living room, where Eren was lying upside down on the couch, several twizzlers stuffed into his mouth as he watched the documentary playing on the TV.

“Eren.” He hummed, folding his arms behind his head without looking up. Mikasa felt Annie’s nails dig into her wrist, but Mikasa was frozen in place, unable to say anything to anyone in the room. Armin stood behind them, his hands hovering above Annie’s shoulders. “Dammit, Eren, get up.”

“Jeez, okay.” He stood, dropping the candy into its package and smoothing down the collar of his hoodie as he shut off the TV before turning, with a glare to face Annie. “What’s so import-“ Annie pushed Mikasa forward, and Eren stopped, stepping backwards and stumbling over a controller. “Holy shit.” He whined, looking to Armin desperately. “Annie-”

“She wanted to talk to you.”

“Eren,” Mikasa stepped forward; he matched her with a step back. “I want to know how you knew my name.”

He ignored her, looking between Armin and Annie for help. Annie shrugged, turning on her heel and pushing Armin from the room. “We’ll give you guys some time,” Annie said. Mikasa could hear their whispered conversation as Annie all but dragged Armin to the door, bits and pieces floating back to where she stood with Eren, broken sentences and cut off exchanges of _bad idea_ , _he really doesn’t need this_ , _this is so bad_ , until the door slammed shut and she was left alone in the silence with Eren.

His hand was raised, as if to be a barrier between them. “You need to go,” Eren said hurriedly, glancing around the room. He kicked the controller closer to the TV, pacing the space between them as he pointedly avoided looking at her.

“Eren-”

“You need to go,” he said again, brushing past her into the small kitchen, toward one of the bedrooms.

“Eren, wait!” Mikasa followed him, weaving her way through the clothes and books littering the kitchen floor. She grabbed his wrist and he froze, wrenching it from her touch and whirling to face her. She’d expected him to be angry, furious at her for showing up at his house and demanding answers, anything other than the undeniable sadness dulling his bright eyes, the tears pooling and threatening to spill. “Eren…”

“Please,” Eren whispered, looking away from her to wipe at his eyes. “Please don’t do this.”

“Don’t do what?” She took his hands gently, wishing to offer some comfort from the pain she seemed to bring him. He intertwined their fingers as if it was the most natural thing to him. “Please, Eren. Please explain this to me.”

“You aren’t going to like it.”

“Try me.”

“I’m in love with you.”

Mikasa frowned, dropping his hands as her stomach fell again. There was something in the sincerity of his voice… But they’d never met until a few weeks ago. “I don’t understand.”

“This was a mistake,” Eren said, pressing his hands to his face. “I’m sorry.”

“Well that was hardly an explanation.”

He stiffened, glaring at her through his fingers. “Why’d you even come here?”

“Why did you trip in front of me?”

Eren closed his fingers, hiding from her, his shoulder slumping. “I didn’t do it on purpose.” He mumbled it into his hands, turning away from her.

Mikasa rolled her eyes. “That was the worst fake fall I’ve ever seen.” She reached for his hands again, and he let her pull them away from his face, but avoided her gaze.

“You still got up to help me.”

“I had to make sure you didn’t hurt yourself.”

“You’re just like her,” Eren whispered, smiling sadly.

Mikasa stepped back, but his hold on her hands kept her close. “Your girlfriend?”

“No. You.” He sighed, resigned as he tugged on her wrist, gently leading her to the table and sitting across from her. “This isn’t going to make sense to you,” Eren warned, throwing his arm over the back of his chair. Mikasa nodded. “I know you from a past life.”

She couldn’t help it; she laughed. Covering her mouth, Mikasa laughed loudly, shaking her head until she realized Eren _wasn’t_ laughing, but staring at her sadly. “You can’t be serious.” Mikasa said once her giggles had subsided.

“Completely.” Mikasa moved to speak again, but he cut her off, holding his hands up. “Just let me explain, okay?” She nodded again. “You know about the Titan War, right? Well, we were a part of that. We both fought in the military after our parents died, and with Armin and a few others, we helped to save the world.”

She didn’t understand. The history textbooks spoke of this time, but the names of the heroes were never used, or when they were they definitely weren’t ‘Eren’ or ‘Mikasa.’ He couldn’t be telling the truth, wouldn’t she remember? Remember living through the war, the deaths of people she loved, or saving the world?

Mikasa shook her head. She had been crazy for doing this. He was just telling her lies, making fun of her, and his friends would jump out and laugh at his elaborate prank to embarrass her. “I should go-”

“Wait!” He grabbed her hand, staring at her desperately. “Please, at least let me finish.”

Everything inside her screamed to take her hand back, to flee the apartment. “Fine.”

Eren nodded. “Look, when you, er, the old you, were nine your parents were killed and I saved you. You came to live with my family after that, but the Titans broke down the wall and I lost my mom. We joined the military because I had the dream to see the outside world, and you refused to leave my side. I thought you were insufferable at first, and it took me a few years, but I realized you did it because you loved me. And when I almost lost you, I realized I loved you, too.” Eren paused, glancing away from her and propping his head in his hand. He shook his head, laughing bitterly. Mikasa swallowed thickly, her stomach curling uncomfortably. “The final battle is where I lost you. We were both heavily injured and I lost sight of you. I was exhausted from shifting. You… I know you thought I was dead, and I didn’t get to you in time to show you I wasn’t.” His voice broke and he turned away, breathing unsteadily.

Mikasa covered his hand with hers, squeezing gently as he closed his eyes. His shoulders were slumped again, his mouth turned down harshly, and his hand a rigid fist on the table. It hurt him to think about it, to tell her, to have her so close. “You can stop-”

“No,” he whispered, glancing back to her. He cleared his throat, straightening his back as if to give himself more courage. “I don’t remember everything that happened after I lost you, but I know I died in one of the carts on the way back. And then, when I was eight, it hit me. I was playing with Armin in my backyard, and I remembered everything. Couldn’t leave my fucking room for weeks I was so distraught with what I saw. My parents talked me through it, explained it. A few months later Armin remembered too, and gradually we found everyone else, but we never found you.”

A sharp pain burst across her head, catching her off guard and centering at her temple. She pressed her fingers to the spot, frowning. Nothing Eren was saying made sense. There were folklores, of course, of reincarnation, but the details were never expanded upon, and now all she had was Eren’s tale, his own memories. Her head ached fiercely as she tried to sort through everything he’d told her. 

“Why now?” She asked, staring at their hands. If this was true, if Mikasa once lived through the Titan Era, she should have remembered. Like Armin and the… _others_. She knew, now, why Eren had known her, but was it worth it? Mikasa had her answers, but Eren’s explanation had only raised more questions. She had once loved Eren, been close to Armin, but none of it mattered now. Mikasa was not the girl from then, and she did not have the memories everyone else seemed to share.

Oh, but how she wished she did.

Eren intertwined their fingers, rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand slowly, reassuringly, and Mikasa wondered how much of this was his own doing, and how much was a memory of his past actions.

“I don’t know,” he said, and Mikasa looked back up. He kept his gaze trained on their hands. “Honestly, I never thought I would see you again. Armin tried to convince me it was for the best, that it could mean you were safe and happy with your parents.” She chose not to tell him about the break in and brutal murders that had placed her in Levi’s custody in the first place. “When I saw you with Levi… I thought you’d- I thought you would remember me, too,” he finished quietly, playing lightly with her fingers.

Was she supposed to remember? Eren had said he remembered when he was younger, did it simply mean her time hadn’t come yet? “Wait,” she said slowly, brow furrowing as she tried to process everything. Her, a soldier? “You know Levi?”

“Shit.” Eren smiled guiltily. “Yeah, he was our superior during the war, and also your cousin. Is he still…?”

“Yes,” she frowned again. “So he did know you.” She scoffed, unsurprised that Levi had tried to keep her from seeing Eren. “The liar. Why wouldn’t he tell me?”

“There’s no guarantee he knows,” Eren said quickly, squeezing her hand again. “He might not.”

“He recognized you.” Mikasa said, and Eren made a face.

“Okay, yes, but he couldn’t have told you. One of my old teachers told us that if you tell someone who hasn’t figured it out on their own, it could really mess them up. Being forced to remember the trauma they went through could ruin what they’ve created in their new life and lead to violence or depression.”

“You’re telling me right now.”

“ _Fuck_.” He slapped his free hand against his forehead, groaning loudly. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled against his wrist, muffling his apologies in the sleeve of his hoodie. “Shit, Mikasa, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You caught me off guard and you wanted to know and I _wasn’t thinking-_ ”

Mikasa glanced to their hands again as Eren continued, apologies falling rapidly from his lips. He’d said earlier that they’d loved each other in their past lives. If she’d loved him, then wasn’t she supposed to find him again? She tried to picture it, living with Eren as a child, following him through the most brutal war in history, falling in love with his loud personality… but she couldn’t. Mikasa couldn’t see herself standing next to Armin and Eren, surrounded by their friends as they faced beasts as tall as skyscrapers.

She couldn’t imagine any of it.

Why couldn’t she remember?

Her head hurt.

“Why not me?” Mikasa whispered, her voice shaking. Eren’s mouth snapped shut, his hand falling heavily into his lap. He let go of her hand, sliding from his chair to kneel before her. Resting his palms on her knees, Eren tried to meet her gaze, but she avoided him, letting her hair hide her away.

“Mikasa…”

She shook her head, her hands curling into fists in her lap. “Why can’t I remember?”

Eren covered her hands with his as the silence thickened between them, both unsure of what to say. Mikasa felt her chest constrict, tears threatening to wet her eyes as she tried, tried _so hard_ to remember, to find familiarity in anything Eren told her.

“I don’t know why you can’t remember, but-”

Mikasa stood, her fingers reaching to grip her neck reflexively, a choked cry slipping past her lips when she touched the fabric of Eren’s scarf. This scarf meant something to him, to _them_ , and he’d given it to her to appease his own broken heart. He’d hoped it might jog her memories, make her remember everything, but it was nothing more than a scarf. She didn’t have the memories, didn’t know the significance of it, of Eren, of her past life, of _anything._

She didn’t know anything.

“I have to go.” Unwinding the scarf, Mikasa turned from Eren, heard him curse as he stood up quickly to follow her, but she ignored him, holding the scarf in her hands carefully. It meant something to Eren.

It meant nothing to her.

“Mikasa-”

“I’m sorry.” She dropped the scarf into his open hand before wrenching the door open and walking quickly to the elevator, but he stopped her, grabbing her wrist before she made it far down the hallway. Her throat ached.

Eren cursed again, tugging gently on her wrist until she faced him. “Please don’t do this.”

Funny how the meaning behind a phrase could change so quickly. Now, it was Mikasa with the tears in her eyes, the heavy breathing, while Eren struggled with finding the words to make her stay, to find an answer to what he considered a problem.

“This was a mistake.”

“Maybe not.” Eren said, holding the scarf out again. She did not take it. “Everyone else, yeah they remembered on their own, but what if that isn’t the only way to remember? What if some people do need to be immersed in the memories, told everything in order to recall?”

He looked so hopeful, staring at her with wide eyes, a hesitant smile playing on his lips as he held the scarf between them, his fingers secure around her wrist.

Who did he want her to remember for?

Briefly, Mikasa wondered if he’d separated her from the past life he was so hung up on.

“I’m sorry, I know this is a lot,” Eren continued when Mikasa did not. “Sasha’s having a movie night on Friday. Everyone’s going to be there, maybe you could come? Meet everyone again?”

She wanted to say no, turn him down and run, run and never look back, but something kept her there, glancing between Eren and his scarf. The desire to meet the people that had once meant so much to her? The opportunity to remember everything? Or the chance to get Eren off her back for good?

“Okay,” Mikasa whispered, unsure of her reasoning.

Eren grinned, tossing the scarf around her shoulders. She gasped, jerking away, but he didn’t seem to notice as he clasped her hands in of his. “Meet me outside Friday at six, okay? We’ll walk over together.”

Mikasa nodded, turning to the elevator. Eren followed, leaning against the wall as she waited for the doors to open. Once she stepped inside, Eren held the doors, smiling softly at her again.

“I’m so glad I found you.” He stepped back, letting the doors shut as Mikasa pressed for the lobby. “See you Friday, Mikasa!”

As soon as she reached the lobby, Mikasa bolted from the elevator, ripping the scarf from her neck to keep from losing it, her head spinning and aching as she pushed past everyone standing between her and the streets. She didn’t know him, didn’t know the history he was so keen on her remembering, she didn’t know _anything_!

And it didn’t upset her as much as she thought it would.

Mikasa didn’t remember him, but what of it? Was it truly a bad thing that she could not recall watching the people she loved get eaten? Wasn’t it bad enough she had to watch her family die at such a young age in this life?

“Mikasa!”

She stopped just shy of the doors and glanced furiously around the full room. Armin stood with Annie, his hands up to placate her as he stepped hesitantly to where she stood, and Mikasa thought of how frantic, crazed even, she must look to the strangers in the building.

Armin frowned, looking to Annie for help but Annie only shrugged, staring at Mikasa sadly. “Did something happen with Eren?” Armin asked, so kindly and knowingly because he knew, he knew everything about who she once was while she stayed lost.

“I don’t know you!” Mikasa screamed, her tears finally falling as she choked back a sob. “I don’t know any of you!”

“Mikasa- wait!”

She ran, shoving her way through the door and sprinting down the street. It had been a mistake. A mistake, a mistake, a mistake, and nothing more. She should have dropped it, ignored Eren and her own selfish desire to _know_.

Her vision swam as she ran blindly through the city, weaving her way around everyone and ignoring anyone who tried to stop her, to help her. She did not need help, she needed to get home, to Levi, to the family she’d managed to scrape together after years of uncertainty, to where things made sense, where she woke up each morning without the thoughts of Titans and lost loves and memories that were not her own.

She still did not have a key to Levi’s apartment, and she received many muffled complaints from the neighbors as she stood outside the door, pounding loudly with her fist. Wiping her nose on her free sleeve, she kept her eyes firmly on the peephole, determined to forget everything Eren had told her.

“I’m coming, stop with the fucking knocking already-” Levi wrenched the door open, his anger fading immediately as he took in Mikasa’s disheveled appearance, the tears streaking down her cheeks. “Mikasa…?” He took her wrist, pulling her inside the apartment. “What the fuck happened. Do I need to-?”

Mikasa shook her head, choking out a painful, bitter laugh. There was no longer a constant ache pounding against her skull, but a light pain that flared up whenever she tried to think through the things she’d been told. “I messed up,” she said, her voice cracking.

Levi glanced down to the scarf wrapped tightly around her palm. “You went to see Eren.” She nodded. “Fuck. I’m sorry, Mikasa. If you were supposed to find out at all, it shouldn’t have been like this.”

“I don’t care.” She shoved Eren’s scarf into his outstretched hand, and stepping around him and the half-built furniture to her room at the opposite end of the apartment, kicking off her shoes and letting them fall.

“Mikasa. ” She gripped her doorframe, everything about her threatening to fall, to crumble and shatter and remain in tiny shards on the ground. Levi stared at the scarf, bowing his head slowly. “Do you… do you remember?”

“No.”

Mikasa slammed the door shut, spinning to fall into her bed and folding her arms over the back of her head; the steady ache at her temple keeping her awake long after the sun set and her screaming subsided.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this continuation took so long but! There will be one more part and then this little reincarnation au will be done with. Thank you guys for reading! I hope you enjoyed!!
> 
> Edit, 7/1/15: Part 3 continued in chapter 23


	15. Royale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five years ago, Eren Jaeger joined the police force to apprehend the Ackermans, the most dangerous assassin duo the country has ever encountered. But as the incompetence of his department becomes clear, and his affair with Mikasa Ackerman stretches on, Eren must make a decision: stay with the police force or accept Mikasa's proposition. [ Assassin AU ]
> 
> Word Count: 10,051

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry my updates have been few and far between lately! All of my dumb one-shots end up being ridiculously long, but I hope you enjoy!
> 
> This one is borderline M; there's allusions to sex, but the most they do is make out against a wall.

“Look alive people, we’ve got another tip on the Ackermans.” Erwin Smith, the chief of the New York Police Department, dropped a large manila folder onto the conference table, a few papers spilling out as he took his seat at the head of the table. He began leafing through the papers, pushing a few across the table to the team assembled around him.

Eren picked up his paper, leg bouncing idly as he scanned the content quickly, passing it to his partner, Annie, once he’d finished. She appraised it silently.

“According to the anonymous tip,” Erwin continued, tapping at his laptop to bring up their spread on the criminals to the board behind the group. One blurry picture for each criminal. That was all they fucking had. Blurry pictures of a man, estimated to be in his early forties, Levi Ackerman, and a girl, known to be twenty-four- Levi’s cousin, they had discovered- Mikasa Ackerman. Both pictures were from a convenience store camera in Chicago, the only pictures of the Ackermans on file. “Their next target is the mayor of the city, and they’ll be striking this afternoon, at his press conference for improving education.”

From across the room, Reiner snorted. “That’s why they’re killing this guy? They don’t like his education policies?”

Erwin shook his head. “Mayor Dawk has a history of accepting bribes, making false promises, and lying about his legislation. I believe the Ackermans want to get rid of his corrupted influence. Subdue them.”

“Sir,” Eren began, glancing between the spread and the Chief. “Shouldn’t we send more manpower? Eight people hasn’t been enough to catch them before, and it won’t be enough now.”

“Are you doubting the ability of your team?”

“No. But sir, the Ackermans are the best killers we’ve ever encountered, we should be using all of our officers to catch them!”

Erwin narrowed his gaze, folding his hands beneath his chin. “We have other cases to attend to. We don’t have the option of sending everyone.” Eren tried to counter, but Erwin raised his hand to cut him off. The argument was routine; Erwin wasn’t going to budge. “No more of this, Jaeger. You have criminals to catch.”

“Yes, sir.”

Without saying anything else, Erwin stood from the table and left the room.

Eren re-read the paper slowly. “This says the conference starts in an hour.” He grumbled, crumpling up the paper in his fist. It didn’t tell them anything new, none of their presentations or spreadsheets had any new info. They were at a standstill with the Ackermans, as they had been since the criminals first appeared in the city eight months ago; as the country had been for almost five years. He looked down to Annie. “We should get going.”

She nodded, leaving the conference room quickly, the other officers, the “Elites” as some had come to call them, following after her. The Elites consisted of eight officers- Eren Jaeger, Annie Leonhardt, Jean Kirstein, Connie Springer, Sasha Braus, Ymir, Reiner Braun, and Bertholdt Fubar; all of whom graduated the academy a little less than five years ago, and had been handpicked by Erwin when the Ackermans first showed up in Manhattan. They were said to be the best, yet they’d accomplished nothing, and Mikasa and Levi were no closer to being apprehended.

Jean paused at the head of the table, quickly shutting down Erwin’s laptop before facing Eren. “Why do you still fight the Chief about this?”

Eren sighed, running a hand through his hair. “The Ackermans have been taking out political leaders across the country for almost five years. The FBI has no leads,” Eren scoffed, kicking his toe at the linoleum floor. “What kind of a strategy is constantly using anonymous tips and hoping you get there on time, anyway? If anyone gave a little more of a shit about this-“

“Everyone wants the Ackermans behind bars, Jaeger.”

“Well they’re doing a shitty job of showing it.”

Jean rolled his eyes. “Shut the fuck up. We’ve got a mission to complete.”

Eren grunted a curse as he followed Jean from the room, both men pausing at their desks to collect their badges and cell phones before making their way to the parking lot and respective squad cars. Eren was still muttering under his breath when he slipped into the driver’s seat of his car. Annie had her feet propped on the dashboard, a cup of coffee held between her fingers.

“I want real coffee,” She said lazily, dropping the styrofoam into the cupholder.

“After we catch the Ackermans.” Eren started the car. “Or improve the force,” he added after a moment.

Annie sighed, slumping into her seat as Eren began to drive. “I’ll never get a decent coffee.”

He parked next to City Hall, stuffing the keys into his pocket as he and Annie slowly made their way to the building. In less than an hour, Mayor Dawk would be giving his speech on the steps of the building; they had to find the vantage point. As usual, Eren and Annie were the first ones to arrive at an Ackerman scene, and as soon as they entered the building they drew their weapons, splitting up without a word. She would take the lower levels, he the higher, and they would meet back in the lobby.

Keeping his gun pointed to the floor below him, Eren stalked his way through the dimly lit hallway, looking for any sign of Levi or Mikasa Ackerman. They were known for their stealth- there was a reason only one picture of each existed. For all the department knew, their hits could have begun more than five years ago, when they took out the President and quickly became the most wanted criminals in the country, but it was that crime that had thrust them into the spotlight, that had spurred Eren into dropping out of college to join the police academy at 19; much to his mother’s disdain.

After assassinating the President, it became clear that Levi and Mikasa were targeting high-ranking political figures, and more importantly, corrupt, lying political figures. Eren could almost admire them for getting rid of the corruption; if their methods weren’t murder, of course. Reports and records showed the duo traveling the entire country, taking out leaders and politicians and moving on to the next city before any police force could think about getting close to them. The longest they had stayed in a city was Chicago for two months. But they’d been in New York City for almost eight months.

Eren slowly brought his weapon to his chest when he reached the threshold to another room, scanning the room slowly. If only the Chief would fucking listen to Eren, then he could have a whole team behind him, dozens of officers ready to actually take on the Ackermans and take the fucking job seriously. They would never catch the duo if no one fucking tried.

He was just about to turn into a new hallway when something hit square against his forearm and knocked his gun to the ground. An elbow slammed roughly into his midsection, but before he could buckle in pain, Eren was shoved gracelessly against the wall, a forearm digging into his neck and a finger curled into his belt loop.

“Eren.” His assailant breathed, and he finally opened his eyes.

Mikasa Ackerman stared back at him, her cold, stormy gray eyes calculating as she studied him. His hands fell to grip her waist and before he could respond, Mikasa closed her lips over his, removing her forearm from his neck to thread her fingers through his hair. Eren sighed against her lips, tilting his head over hers to deepen their kiss as he pulled her flush against him. He felt her lips curl up against his, one of her legs lifting to hook over his hip, and he followed suit. 

He ran his hands down her hips to her thighs, lifting her just as Mikasa jumped, wrapping her legs tightly around his waist and forcing a strangled groan from his lips. Eren whirled to press her against the wall she’d previously pinned him against, using the support to run his hands back up her body as she gripped his collar, dipping her head to run her tongue against his neck and collarbone, tightening her legs around his waist as he shivered against her.

Mikasa kissed her way back up his neck, nipping at his jaw and bottom lip before pulling back and resting her head on the wall behind her, between his fisted hands, a sly grin on her lips.

“Mikasa,” Eren groaned, touching his forehead to hers.

She stroked her lithe fingers through his hair. “It’s been a while,” she said quietly.

The last assassination had been almost three weeks ago, when the Ackermans took out he highest-ranking CEO in the city, surprising everyone when they deviated from their usual norm. Eren remembered that night clearly; he and the rest of the Elites had had split up to try and find the criminals before they escaped. Mikasa had found him first, curled her hand around his arm to tug him into a nearby supply closet and kiss him, drag her hips against his as he grasped her hair, used her shoulder and neck to muffle his pleasured cries. She’d slipped away from him before Eren could ask what the fuck they were doing, meeting Levi somewhere and leaving him restless and satisfied- and the police force with another dead body and even fewer answers.

Mikasa pulled back, kissing the underside of his jaw and he tightened his grip on her thighs, suddenly hyperaware that Levi was somewhere in this building. That Annie and the other officers were stalking the halls, trying to find and apprehend the killer in his arms. God he was fucked.

“Eren stop.” He blinked at the wall beside her head, slowly refocusing on her pretty face- briefly noting the small, fresh scar beneath her right eye. Every sensible part of him screamed to put her down, arrest her, or even just run away, but Mikasa was twisting her fingers into his hair again, making him look at her. “I know what you’re thinking.”

“Then give me a proper answer,” Eren said bitterly, grasping a strand of her inky hair. Her gaze narrowed, and he knew the topic was already dropped. Mikasa wouldn’t give him an answer, an explanation, a label; she hadn’t seven months ago and she sure as hell wouldn’t now. “Mikasa,” he tried again, but she shook her head.

“Levi isn’t in here,” she said after a long moment.

Eren sighed, frustrated and confused and pretty turned on. “We got the vantage point wrong.”

Mikasa nodded, eyes betraying no emotion towards the crime about to be committed. “Still using anonymous tips?” Eren grumbled a confirmation. “You think Smith would learn. Tips don’t work.”

“I’m here, aren’t I? Sometimes tips can be helpful.”

“Sometimes.” Mikasa emphasized, raking his hair back and sending pleasant shivers across his body. “There was a tip about our hit on the previous Vice President, but he’s still dead. Chicago was the smartest city, got pretty close by singling out the corrupted and predicting our movements. I thought for sure Erwin Smith would be three steps ahead; Levi spoke highly of him on our way here.”

“You shouldn’t be telling me this.” Eren said weakly, but he already knew that no matter how much information Mikasa gave him, it wouldn’t be enough to stop her. Hell, she could probably tell him the exact whereabouts, time, and victim of their next crime and no one on the force would take it seriously.“I’m disappointed,” Mikasa said, pursing her lips. “Levi was almost nervous about hitting this city. Apparently he knew Erwin in school, and yet Erwin hasn’t even tried to find him.”

Eren really, really didn’t want to talk about how shitty the police force was, so he dropped his head to kiss her again, cutting off whatever she’d begun to say next. “You’re talking a lot today,” he said once they’d broken apart. Mikasa shrugged, running her fingers over the buttons of his jacket. His stomach sank. “Is this another distraction?”

Mikasa shook her head slowly, letting out a heavy sigh. “Not… entirely.”

“Mikasa-”

“Quit making out with your shitty boyfriend. We need to fucking leave.”

Mikasa groaned, a low sound in the back of her throat, glaring over his shoulder as Eren let her down, feeling a hollow dread begin to settle throughout his bones. “He’s not my boyfriend,” Mikasa said quietly, crossing her arms over her chest. In any other situation, Eren could have laughed at her tiny pout, but he didn’t know that voice and Mikasa’s reaction was telling him exactly who was standing behind him.

“Everything’s set up,” Levi Ackerman said as Eren turned. “We need to go.” Levi looked older than the picture suggested, the heavy bags under his eyes and the downturned mouth made him look tired and angry and bored. Where Mikasa looked like a normal woman, Levi actually looked like a fucking serial killer. A serial killer appraising him with cold, dead eyes.

To our knowledge, Erwin’s voice from their first meeting on the Ackermans fled through his mind, both Mikasa and Levi know over thirty ways to kill a person without leaving a trace. They just choose to use the sniper guns.

He was so fucked.

Mikasa tugged on Eren’s sleeve before stepping away from him to join her partner. Levi whispered something to her, and she shook her head, glancing back to Eren without a word.

“Wait!” Eren called before they disappeared from the room. Levi and Mikasa paused, staring back at him with an eerily similar gaze. “That’s how you’ve been doing it? Setting something up and leaving before the actual death?”

“Sometimes,” Levi said slowly. “Except Dawk is dead, I set up a distraction for the rest of your pathetic force. Don’t you think we tire of the same old thing?”

Eren checked his watch quickly. “The Mayor’s conference doesn’t start for five more minutes!”

“And he’s dead right inside the doorway. Might want to get him before he starts to smell.” Mikasa rolled her eyes, following Levi from the room.

Eren bent to pick up his gun slowly, his eyes still trained on Mikasa and Levi’s retreating figures. Neither spared him a glance as they turned to one of the windows, slipping through and closing the screen- and it was suddenly as if they were never there to begin with. There were so many things he should have done, so many things he should be doing right now to send his team after them. Instead he sighed, holstering his weapon and heading back to the lobby.

Annie was waiting for him behind a receptionist’s desk, idly lining up supplies. She looked up when he slammed the door behind him. “What took you so long?”

“Ambushed,” he muttered, raking a hand through his hair as his cell phone began to ring; a call from Sasha.

“ _Eren_ ,” Sasha said, voice sounding very distant. “ _We found something on the steps of City Hall, something that wasn’t there during the preliminary search. We’re heading to the building across the street, we think the Ackermans-_ ”

“Don’t bother,” Eren interrupted. “It’s a distraction. Dawk’s already dead. Levi Ackerman set a fucking distraction.” He gestured to the front door, and Annie stood, jogging to catch up with him.

Eren heard Sasha repeat his message to the rest of the group.

There was muffled cursing on her end and a string of static before Jean barked into the phone, “ _What the fuck are you talking about, Jaeger? How do you know this for sure?_ ”

Eren pushed open the double doors of the entryway he and Annie passed through less than an hour ago. “The Ackermans ambushed me,” he said slowly, hanging up his phone before Jean could yell at him more. On the ground, just inside the doors to the steps outside, Nile Dawk lay splayed out before them, a single bullet hole in the center of his head, a trail of blood dripping down his coat and onto the floor.

Annie knelt beside the mayor, pressing two fingers to his neck. “Yeah,” she sighed, glancing at Eren. “He’s dead.”

* * *

Erwin had not been pleased about the lack of results, and had been even more upset about Eren getting ambushed and letting the criminals get away. But he still didn’t listen when Eren told him that a few changes to their current plans could have the Ackermans finally behind bars.

“Are you even fucking trying?” Eren had yelled the day after Dawk’s death, his fists clenched atop the conference table.

Erwin had fixed him with a dark stare. “I don’t need to remind you of our policies concerning insubordination, do I?”

“No, sir.” Eren had muttered, saluting quickly wh Erwin disappeared with Hanji, their coroner, to inspect the body for any clues. There wouldn’t be. There never was.

Eren huffed childishly, throwing his arm over his knee and leaning his head against the wall. It had only been two days since then, and they were already following another tip. It was finally clear to Eren; the New York police wouldn’t do more than follow tips and hope to somehow catch the Ackermans in time.

“This is ridiculous,” Eren said, stuffing his phone back into his pocket. Annie, along with the other Elites, was investigating the hotel where Senator Dot Pixis, a notorious Moonshine smuggler, was staying for the weekend, where an anonymous person claimed the Ackermans would attack.

“And here I thought New York would actually pose a threat,” Mikasa said from where she sat across from him, a taunting lilt to her voice. They were in the alley directly across from where Pixis was staying, hidden in the shadows of the two buildings while their respective teams were at work. She nudged his foot with her own. “Maybe I should call in a tip.”

“Maybe you should,” Eren snorted, curling his fingers into a fist. ”Wouldn’t make much of a difference.”

“No, I suppose not.” She trailed her fingers over the pebbles littering the ground. “Shame.”

“I could arrest you right now,” Eren murmured, closing his eyes. “I could have arrested you seven months ago.”

Mikasa laughed quietly, but not unkindly. “But you didn’t. And you don’t know how I fight. Honestly, Eren, do you think you could take Levi or I on alone?”

Eren exhaled sharply, cracking his knuckles with a practiced ease as an old memory surfaced, the memory of the first day Mikasa had kissed him. He’d been stationed outside of Wall Street, where Erwin had sent the Elites several times in the first few months after the Ackermans appeared in the city. He’d caught sight of her as she ducked into an alley, and Eren had given chase, following her into an abandoned building and cornering her. (It occurred to him a few days later that she had let him follow her.) She’d knocked his weapon and phone away before he stopped her, but instead of fighting him off, Mikasa kissed him harshly, distracting Eren from his ringing phone, from the plan, from everything. Of course, Mikasa had knocked him out moments later, and he’d been found by Connie after a few hours, after Mikasa and Levi killed the governor. He’d never expected to see her again months later, to kiss her again, for their… relationship to spiral into what it had become.

“Eren.”

Mikasa was tucking her phone back into her pocket, standing before him and holding her hand out with an unreadable expression. Eren frowned, locking his fingers with hers as he stood. “Something wrong?”

“No,” she said too quickly, looking away. “Levi sent me my position.”

His phone rang in his pocket, Jean’s dumb ringtone slicing through in he alley. The rest of the team was either onto something, or they were leaving. Or Pixis was already dead. “Go then. You don’t want to keep Levi waiting right?”

Mikasa worried her bottom lip, glancing around the alleyway with dull eyes. “Eren…” She pulled his hand, still clasped in hers, around her waist, placing her free hand on the back of his neck. He brushed a few strands of hair away from her eyes.

“Mikasa?” She sighed, and Eren felt his heart pound. She never stayed longer than necessary, never looked nervous or unsure of what was to come. There had to be something wrong, and despite the situation, Eren was terrified she was ending it all. “What is it?”

“We’re leaving.”

His chest clenched, tongue heavy as the gravity of Mikasa’s words sank in. “You’re-?”

She continued, finally looking up to him with a sort of urgency in her gaze he’d never seen before. “We’ve been in the city for too long. Our faces are known throughout the country now, we can’t stay here any longer. Levi says we have family out in Japan, we’ll go stay with them. He hasn’t said if we’ll continue… this.”

“No one’s even come close to finding you!”

“We can’t risk it, Eren.” Mikasa said, curling her fingers into his collar with a long intake. “Come with us.”

“…What?”

Her fingers danced across his jaw, the pads of her fingers burning his skin. “Levi’s asked Petra to come along. He says we can’t lose our greatest hacker,” she laughed quietly. So that’s how they stayed off the radar. “I think he can’t bear to let go of someone precious.”

Someone precious. “Mikasa… Leaving with you… I don’t even know you. You could-”

“Be a serial killer?” She interrupted dully.

Eren grimaced. “You know that’s not… what I meant. I’ve been here for my entire life, I don’t know if I can drop everything to follow a couple of killers to Japan.”

“I understand, Eren. I-” She shook her head, unspoken words falling between them like icy rain. Eren wasn’t sure what he was looking for; for Mikasa to tell him not to come, for her to tell him she wanted him to come, or maybe a different situation entirely- where Mikasa’s arrest and death weren’t wanted by the entirety of the country, and they could try this thing out normally. “I need to go.”

“Mikasa-”

“I need to get into position.” She ran her fingers down his neck again, eliciting a small shiver from him. Winding out of his arms, Mikasa jogged to the end of the alley opposite the building where Pixis would be, to dig into the duffel bag she’d brought, producing a grappling hook. Eren felt his stomach drop. “We’re leaving next week, after our next hit. Eren… do you trust me?”

Did he trust her? Mikasa was one of the most notorious criminals in the world, she’d been trained by Levi- who’s criminal record allegedly stemmed all the way back to his early teenage years- but she’d never once lied to him. she never gave him false information, never pretended what they were doing was anything less than fucked up. Mikasa never pretended she was someone else.

She’d never lied to him, but she’d killed dozens of people.

Lying, corrupt people who used their political influence to ruin the lives of the lower classes, but people nonetheless.

“I don’t know.”

Mikasa nodded, as if she expected his answer. “I’ll find you and tell you the plan at the next hit. You can back out if you want.” She re-zipped the duffel, tossing it to the end of the alley where Levi would probably retrieve it. She turned to face him again, frowning. “Just… be careful, okay?”

He surprised himself by saying, “you, too.” Mikasa turned from him, sprinting out of the alley.

Eren waited until he was sure she would be gone to duck out of the alley and peer around, spotting her on top of one of the buildings they’d sat between.He watched her until she ran to the other end of the building, where Levi had probably set up her gun- the gun that would momentarily have Pixis in its sights. The rest of the block was deserted, purposefully cleared while the Ackermans and Pixis were nearby.

In his pocket, his phone began to ring with a call from Ymir. As he answered, a figure stepped out of the building next to Eren, wandering to the duffel bag Mikasa had abandoned and checking the contents before slinging it over his shoulder. Eren’s breath caught in his throat.

“Look, kid,” Levi began, pulling a cigarette from one of his pockets. Eren dropped his hand, covering the mouthpiece on his phone. Ymir would chew him out later for ignoring her on a case, but she couldn’t hear this. Levi leaned against the wall, exhaling his drag to the air above him. “For some reason, the brat cares about you. I don’t give a fuck if you tag along, but if you hurt her,” he focused his steel gaze on Eren, narrowing his eyes. Eren swallowed, glancing to the pistol secured in the waistband of Levi’s trousers. “I’ll kill you.”

From the opposite side of the building, a single gunshot split the stillness.

The screaming began as his phone rang again and Levi disappeared into a building- his burning cigarette the only proof he’d been there at all.

* * *

“So you’re moving to Japan.”

Eren shrugged, groaning into his arms. He heard Armin drop his tools and sink into the chair beside him, tapping his knuckles on the back of Eren’s head until Eren lifted it from the pillow of his arms, glaring at his friend. Armin grinned, leaning over a clipboard to write out whatever he’d found on Pixis’s corpse.

“Where’s Hanji?” Eren asked, looking anywhere but at the corpse in the center of the room.

Armin nodded toward the door. “With Erwin. They said something about convincing him of a new tactic to stop the Ackermans.” He paused, twirling the pen between two fingers. “Won’t do any good if they’re leaving, though.”

Eren made a face. “Find anything on Pixis?” He’d avoid this conversation for as long as he could.

“No,” Armin sighed, tossing his pen onto the desk. “One bullet through the head. Same as everyone else the Ackermans have sent in. Eren-”

“I know.” He slumped in his chair, staring at the ceiling.

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.”

“Will you go to Japan with them?”

“I don’t know, man.”

Armin groaned. “You said Mikasa told you their last hit would be sometime this week, right? You only have a few days to make a decision.”

“I know.”

“Eren.” Armin’s voice dropped low with warning. He took the file on Pixis and stuffed it into a manilla folder for Hanji to check over before grasping the arm of Eren’s chair, forcing Eren to stop spinning.

Eren dropped his head, pouting. “What do you want me to say, man? I have no fucking clue what to do. There,” he reached for one of the rubber bands littering Armin’s desk. “Happy?” 

Armin was silent for a moment, staring intently at the door. “You like Mikasa right?”

“Yes.”

“Do you like her enough to end this life?”

Eren stretched the rubber band over all of his fingers, twisting it a few extra times around his pinky. “I don’t know. Maybe?”

“If you follow her to Japan,” Armin began, fiddling with his pen again- a habit he’d had since high school. “Eren Jaeger will disappear. You’ll have to go into hiding with them, and you’ll probably only be able to see your friends and family once or twice. To let them know you’re alive.” He paused, his hard gaze boring straight into Eren’s, demanding an answer Eren couldn’t give. “But if you don’t go with them, you’ll never see Mikasa again. Which are you willing to give up?”

Eren didn’t want to leave his family, desert his mom and dad outside the city, or Armin, or the rest of his team. He’d been with them for years, known Armin for almost his entire life. He’d lose it all if he left the country, disappeared from their lives, and- as Armin said- there was a very real chance he would never see the people he cared about again.

But would it be worth it to stay here? His dream to rid the country of the Ackermans, to make a huge difference on the force, was slipping away, and he was rapidly learning how unwilling his department was to accomplish their goals. He’d… fallen somehow for Mikasa, would it really be awful for him to leave with her? The last time they saw each other, Mikasa told him she wasn’t sure if she and Levi would continue killing after leaving.

He didn’t want to leave his home, but he didn’t want to lose Mikasa.

“Look,” Armin said when it became clear that Eren wouldn’t answer. “Remember back in high school, when I went to those STEM summer camps?” Eren nodded and he continued, balancing the pen on his knuckles and yanking the rubber band away from Eren’s fingers- his pinky had turned purple. “I met Mikasa at them, before she lived with Levi. She’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever met, and I believe she’s only doing this because it’s necessary. She had to stay alive after her parents were killed, and killing with Levi was what it took. I don’t think she wants this anymore.” Armin stood, dropping the pen to the table and clasping a hand on Eren’s shoulder. Eren felt his stomach clench. “I think a future with you is what she wants.”

“Armin…”

“Whatever you choose, Eren, make sure it’s what you want. Don’t make your decision for anyone else, and don’t let anyone else choose for you.” He left the room, leaving Eren alone with a looming Elites meeting, a corpse, and a decision he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to make.

 

Eren checked his phone for the tenth time since parking the car outside of the Met, looking for the confirmation to swarm the building. Annie sat beside him, wringing her hands around her coffee cup as she kicked her feet onto the dash with a low groan. She hated stake-outs more than anyone Eren knew.

Early that evening, Erwin had received a tip that the Ackermans would be attacking Rod Reiss, a governor well known for an affair he’d had years ago, and the subsequent bribes he’d participated in to keep it secret, who was visiting the city with his children. Ymir had been extremely vocal, demanding they take the offensive for once, but Erwin refused, especially because they did not know for sure if the Ackermans would attack. Or if any of them would be at the Met tonight. They’d only gotten a tip. The entire night was a guessing game.

Eren’s nerves were on fire- this could be his last night in this city, or the last time he ever sees Mikasa. He still hadn’t come up with an answer, what he would do or say when he encountered her again. Part of him hoped it was a fluke, that he had another day or two, and another part hoped the situation would become so dire that his decision would be made for him.

After another hour, Annie broke the silence. “Make a decision yet?”

“Huh?”

Annie’s smile was tiny, but he saw it in the curl at the corner of her lips. “Whether or not you’ll leave with Mikasa.”“How…?” Eren shook his head with an amused laugh. “How’d you know?”

“Please. You’re one of the best cops I’ve seen; there’s no way you’d let the Ackermans continue to surprise you, or let them get away after the first time.” She crossed her legs, propping her hands on her stomach as she stared out the windshield, the glare of a nearby streetlight plunging her face in darkness. “Plus, the number of hits has dramatically decreased. They’ve run out of targets, we’ve got them on file, it’s time to get out or get caught. And I’m betting neither wants to get caught.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Eren confessed, slumping in his seat. The headlights were directed at the front of the art museum, the car in position for both of them to jump and apprehend anyone who tried to get in or out- but there’d been no movement for upwards of two hours. He was beginning to wonder if anything at all would happen tonight.

Annie shrugged, tapping her deceptively delicate fingers against her arm. “Do whatever the hell you want. Want to get lucky with a killer for the rest of your life? Go for it. Want to stay and work for a force that hasn’t been at its prime for almost ten years? Do it. But whatever you do,” she turned to him, icy eyes narrowing imperceptibly. “Don’t regret it. I knew Mikasa in high school-”

“-did everyone fucking know her?”

“Once she’s gone, Eren, she’s gone for good.”

“I figured,” Eren sighed. “I’m so fucked.”

“Yeah,” Annie grinned, lips curling over her teeth, “you are. I’ll miss you, though,” she continued after a moment. “My first partner never got me coffee.”

“I knew you liked me.”

The radio on the dashboard burst to life, static echoing through the car, startling both of them and making Eren bolt straight up. Annie’s fingers immediately moved to her gun- their team only called on the radio when there wasn’t time for a phone.

“ _Eren, Annie_ ,” Ymir barked, voices screaming behind her. “ _We’ve got movement inside. Second floor. Get in there and apprehend the Ackermans- keep them and anyone else inside alive_.”

“Let’s go.” Eren secured his gun, dropping the keys into his pocket. Annie was already out of the car, running up the sidewalk to the front steps when Eren caught up to her, both ascending the stairs quickly.

Annie kicked open the door, glass shards and wood from the doorframe falling to the floor behind them as they quickly scanned the room. Eren stayed close to the wall, checking behind desks and podiums, keeping Annie in his peripheral.

“Clear,” Annie said, joining back at his side. “Keep an eye out for any security guards.”

“Right. You go through the hall with the lights, the Ackermans probably moved through there already. I’ll take the dark hall.”

“Be careful.”

“You, too.”

Eren pulled the door open, cringing at the loud creak of the hinges. He propped the door with a stopper to avoid more noise, holding the gun securely against his chest as he observed each room he passed. He didn’t see anyone- the exhibits were as empty as the lobby- but by the third or fourth room, Eren realized something was wrong. He ducked into the next room, checking for anyone before holstering his weapon.

He kneeled by a case of pottery pieces, and he knew. The alarms had been turned off- there were no sirens or alarms blaring to alert the police of his intrusion. But if Mikasa and Levi were planning to kill Reiss in the museum, why would they disable the alarms in the exhibits? Unless they were planning for a chase, but Eren knew they were smart and capable enough to avoid one.

Shaking his head, Eren took his weapon again, holding it at his side as he turned back to the door- just as a figure darted past. Eren ran to the door, but like a ghost, the figure couldn’t be seen.

“Shit,” he whispered, just before his phone beeped. He pulled it to his ear, ignoring the panic beginning to curl in his gut, to freeze his bones and send terrible thoughts streaming through his mind. “Yeah?”

“ _This section’s clear_ ,” Annie answered quickly, sounding out of breath.

“Over here, too. I’ll head to the second floor.”

“ _Don’t bother, Ymir and the others are up there. Get to the third floor. We’ll regroup there_.” She stopped, and Eren expected the connection to end, but Annie spoke again, a near silent whisper into his ear. “ _Have you seen them?_ ”

“No,” Eren said, his heart beating unsteadily in his chest. There was obviously someone inside- he wasn’t sure whether he would be relieved or disappointed if it wasn’t Mikasa.

“ _Me neither_.” The call ended, and again he was left in the silence.

He passed the door to the second floor, climbing the remaining stairs and keeping constant watch of the hallway- he couldn’t get surprised by whomever was in the building. He couldn’t lose his life.

Eren drew his gun again and pushed through the door, glancing around the room with bated breath. He heard nothing- no footsteps from his team downstairs, no movement or voices from who they were chasing, only the eerily still silence and his frantic heartbeat to match the clack of his shoes on the tiled floor. Moving through the exhibits, Eren checked every closed and opened door, double checking each hallway before moving on, but again and again, he saw nothing.

Coming up on the last exhibit in the museum, Eren pulled his phone from his pocket, holding his gun at his side. He was beginning to think this was a mistake, deploying the team in the museum- if there was something happening tonight, they would have found it by now. They hadn’t seen Mikasa or Levi, or someone the duo would be targeting. It was a pointless mission, one they should end now and regroup back at the police station..

“Eren?”

He whirled, dropping his phone and pulling his gun, swallowing a scream as he turned to face the intruder, his finger dancing near the trigger. Mikasa stood before him, her body drenched in the shadow of one flickering light, her hands raised before her chest and gaze trained on the gun he pointed at her head.

Eren lowered his gun, glancing around the room for her partner- but there was no one else in sight. He felt something akin to relief flood his body, a sort of calm to quiet the dread that had gnawed his insides for the past week. “Mikasa-”

“What are you doing here?” She stalked forward, out of the shadows, searching the room quickly before stopping nearly a foot away from him. Not exactly what he was expecting.

“What are you talking about? Isn’t this your final hit?”

“No…?” Mikasa kicked at his phone, sending it spinning into the wall. “Who would we kill in a museum in the middle of the night?”

Eren frowned, flexing his grip on his gun. “Reiss…?”

“Reiss?” Mikasa repeated, tilting her head. “That moron? Please, he doesn’t need our help to ruin his life.”

“But you said-”

“Eren,” she interrupted, crossing her arms over her chest as frustration snaked its way onto her features. “It was tomorrow. Levi wanted to take Erwin out at his press conference. Your entire team’s here?” He nodded. “Great.”

“Why Erwin?” Eren flicked the safety on his gun.

“Levi still hates him from high school, or something. I don’t care.” She shrugged off her pack, digging through the contents quickly before cursing and pulling it back onto her shoulders with a bitter laugh. “Bastard took my gun.”

She spun on her heel, walking silently to the door Eren had recently entered through. “Wait, Mikasa.” She stopped just before the door, turning back to him. “If this isn’t a hit, why are you here?”

Mikasa looked away, and if Eren hadn’t known her as long, hadn’t spent hours with her in abandoned alleys and buildings, he would have missed the hint of sheepishness in her eyes, the way she tugged her bottom lip between her teeth. Was she… embarrassed? “Arsonists,” she said quietly. “We followed a couple of them here, stopped them from attacking this place.”

“You two stopped arsonists?” Eren asked, biting back a smile.

She glared at him. “It was Levi’s idea, actually. A way to… give back, after everything we’ve taken. After all the lives we’ve ruined. ” Mikasa stepped away from the door, letting her fingers drag across the wall as she walked. Her voice had gotten quiet, sad almost, as she spoke. “We can’t change what we’ve done, who we killed. We can never be normal.”

“Normalcy’s overrated,” Eren whispered, tucking his gun into the waistband of his uniform. He stood behind her, dropping one hand to cup her hip. She stood in front of one of Vincent van Gogh’s paintings- Irises, her fingers barely touching the frame.

Mikasa placed her hand over his, linking their fingers and squeezing- her head bowed as her shoulders hunched. “Not to me.”

Standing rigid in his arms as the memory of dozens of kills no doubt flooded her mind, Mikasa was silent. Eren moved closer, his arm curling around her waist to pull her closer, but she still did not relax.

He wasn’t sure when it happened, but Eren knew he loved Mikasa, in some way, somehow. Despite her dark past, her actions, and the bounty on her head, he wanted her to be safe- to get a chance at the normal life she so desperately craved; the normal life tragedy long ago ripped away from her.

“Have I ever told you that I paint?” Mikasa asked after the heaviness began to make her squirm. She stepped out of his embrace, but left her hand held held securely in his.

“No.”

A faint smile pulled at her lips. “I’ll show you sometime.” She quickly sobered, squaring her shoulders with a heavy breath. “If you come with us, Eren, you can’t be normal either.”

“I know.”

“Have you…?”

“Yes,” he squeezed her hand, nodding slowly. “I have.”

Muffled voices from just outside the door startled them apart. Mikasa immediately reached for her pack as the sound of footsteps got louder and closer, groaning in frustration after remembering Levi had her gun. “Eren-”

“Yeah,” he said, making a face. “It’s my team. We’re meeting up here to plan what to do next.” He could almost make out the voices from behind the door he’d entered through, Jean and maybe Sasha arguing about something. Mikasa would be gone in a moment, and his team would come up empty handed, return to the station with no good news for Erwin, and-

“Give me your gun.”

“What?” Eren glanced over his shoulder, but Mikasa moved him swiftly, twisting his arm behind his back and taking his gun with her free hand. She kicked at the back of his knees, knocking him to the ground below her. “What the fuck are you doing?” He hissed as she pressed the cool metal of the barrel to his temple.

She exhaled sharply, breathing uneasily above him as she twisted his arm again. “I’m sorry,” she whispered as the door burst open and the Elites swept through into the room, guns leveled at Mikasa.

“Ackerman.” Reiner said. “Let him go.”

“Drop your weapons.” Mikasa ordered, her voice- the dead, emotionless one Eren had come to associate with her assassin persona- echoed in the hollow emptiness. When no one moved, Mikasa pressed the gun even harder against Eren’s head. “I said drop them!”

“Guys, just do what she says.” Eren begged, quickly picking up on Mikasa’s game.

A long moment of silence followed and then Annie sighed, lifting her gun in one hand- the other up in a surrender- and placed it on the ground. The others followed suit, Jean the last to comply after Ymir elbowed him in the stomach.

“Ackerman,” Annie sighed. “Good to see you again.”

Eren could picture the wicked smirk on Mikasa’s lips. “Same to you, Leonhardt. Now, kick your weapons over.” They did, the guns landing both in front of and behind Mikasa and Eren. “No one has to get hurt-”

“This is your idea of leaving?”

Ymir lunged for her gun, but Mikasa promptly trained hers on Ymir, forcing her to stop. Eren risked a glance- knowing full well that Mikasa would not shoot him unless absolutely necessary- to see Levi standing in the other doorway, a pack similar to Mikasa’s donning his back and a machine gun slung over it. Mikasa groaned.

“I thought you were waiting outside,” she groused.

“I was,” Levi said, stepping into the room. Ymir was still halfway to her gun until Levi paced over, kicking the guns away from Eren’s team so that they passed Mikasa. “Until one of those idiot arsonists admitted there was a bomb.”

“A bomb?” Jean snarled, taking a large step forward. Mikasa turned the gun on him. “Why the fuck are we here, then? We should be-”

“I disabled it,” Levi interrupted coldly, taking his place next to Mikasa, crossing his arms over his chest as he appraised the police department’s finest. Eren sighed, glancing at Levi and shifting slightly in the loosening hold Mikasa had him in; they’d never had a chance of beating the Ackermans. Even now, with no planned kill and several officers to two killers, they were still on the defensive.

He was glad he was getting out.

“Or maybe,” Levi continued, his dull voice echoing through the room. “It’s on the first floor, with the original timer still set to go off in less than five minutes.”

Mikasa’s gasp was the loudest in the room. She glared at her partner, her nails biting severely into Eren’s forearm. “Levi-”

“Relax.” His gaze did not falter from the officers. “It’s in the lobby, it won’t ruin any art.”

Her grip loosened with her relief until she pulled Eren back to his feet, pressing the barrel of the gun to his throat. “We’ll be taking our leave, now.” She said. “Disable the bomb or don’t, but don’t forget about the arsonists down there.”

Levi absentmindedly picked up a few guns from the floor. “I’d say you have about four minutes left.”

“Mikasa,” Annie began-

A shot rang through the room.

Eren crumpled, his hands quickly falling to his calf- to the blood steadily streaming from where Mikasa had shot him. Before he could blink, she slammed her elbow against his temple- briefly disrupting his vision. Someone screamed, and his team was rushing for their weapons as Eren lay, mouth agape as blood quickly coated his hands and darkened his pants. His head spun- questions skirting through his head as pain licked up and down his leg and bloomed across his head.

“I’m sorry.” He barely heard her, barely registered Levi leading Mikasa from the room by her elbow as someone shot at them in their retreat.

She had to do it. It had to be convincing- someone had to get hurt to avoid suspicion. She’d hit the side of his leg on purpose, there was so much blood- spilling from between his fingers, trickling down his leg and making his head spin. Mikasa was stronger than that- she could have knocked him out if she wanted. She could have killed him.

“Eren. Eren! Can you hear me?” Hands cupped his face- he could tell that much- lifting his head from the ground. Hands checked his forehead, an extra pair tying cloth around his leg. “Jean, forget them! We need to get out of here before that bomb goes off!”

“Sasha?” Eren whispered. His leg stung.

Sasha’s warm face crowded his vision, her worried expression the only thing he could focus on. “Can you stand?”

He nodded, putting all of his weight on his good leg, but stumbled as soon as he tried to take a step. Sasha caught him, tugging his arm around her shoulders to keep him upright. “Ymir! Quit firing, we need to go!” Ymir cursed, leaving her post at the window to take Eren’s other arm.

His head rolled against his shoulder, much too heavy for him to keep up as Sasha and Ymir all but carried his down the stairs. “Ymir,” he slurred, and she hissed at him to be quiet, but he had to let her know. “They weren’t after Reiss. He’s safe… his kids are safe.”

Ymir was quiet as she and Sasha struggled to get him through the door to the second floor staircase. He heard Jean and Annie arguing somewhere below them- about disarming the bomb? “Shut up, Eren.” She said, “just shut up and survive this.”

When they reached the lobby, Eren could barely make out the team around the bomb, which was beeping steadily, the display showing a number Eren couldn’t read- fuck his head hurt.

“We need to disarm it!” Jean yelled, reaching for the bomb.

“I told you,” Annie snarled desperately, swatting his hands away. “Levi fucked with the wires, none of them match up. Our only option is to leave, to make sure everyone survives.”

“And leave the lobby in ruins?” He spit.

“Which matters most to you- a lobby or your life?”

“Fuck you two,” Ymir interrupted angrily. “Annie, how much time’s left on that thing?”

“Thirty seconds.”

Reiner grabbed Jean’s wrist, pulling him away from the bomb. “There’s no time. We need to get Eren to a hospital and take the arsonists.”

Jean wrenched his hand away, following Reiner and Connie to the front steps with a bitter snarl of, “fuck the Ackermans.”

“Ymir, let’s go.” Sasha tightened Eren’s arm around her shoulder, leading them to the steps, where the rest of the team was moving the arsonists away from the doors.

Eren’s feet began to drag, his head dropping forward as his eyes shut. His leg burned, his head throbbing from where Mikasa had hit him- all he wanted was to sleep, to forget what had happened, to be anywhere but the steps of the museum.

“Don’t fucking close your eyes, Eren.” Ymir’s voice kept him on the brink of consciousness, his feet thunking awkwardly against the stone.

The bomb began to beep even faster- Sasha cursed, and she and Ymir tried to speed up but it was no use with Eren as a deadweight between them, the others raced down the steps-

Eren heard the explosion before he felt it.

His body was thrown against the ground, into an uncomfortable heap with Ymir and Sasha as he buckled, scrapes and burns tearing at his back and arms- glass falling over them in a painful shower of wood and stone. He couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, as Ymir tried her best to shield his body from the wreckage plummeting onto them- but that wasn’t his blood dripping onto his cheeks.

Someone far away was screaming, wailing and shouting out orders, mixing with the ringing in Eren’s ears as he choked out a cough. Eren’s head was pounding, something heavy keeping his arm pinned to the ground, and one desperate look showed his arm twisted unnaturally under a wooden beam. The voices around him blurred together, both Ymir and Sasha’s weight moving from atop him. They wanted him to speak, or wake up, he wasn’t sure, everything was spinning around him as flames licked their way across the front doors. Sleep called to him, begged him to let go, to be rid of the pounding in his head, of the blood streaking from his arm and the tourniquet around his leg, of the fire threatening to consume everything around him.

Sirens rang in his head as his eyes finally closed, and the last thing he saw was two figures standing on the roof of the museum.

* * *

“Hey… I think he’s waking up.”

“Eren? Eren, it’s Armin. Can you open your eyes?”

Eren groaned, trying to turn his head away from the light assaulting his eyelids. A steady beeping reached his ears and he recognized it from every visit with his dad, the starchy sheets covering his lower body, the flimsy pillow beneath his head- the IV stuck in his arm.

“At least we know he’s alive.”

“Shut up, Jean.”

He opened his eyes, blinking fitfully at the vibrant fluorescent lighting. He’d hated it since he was a kid. Something squeezed his hand and he turned groggily to face Armin sitting close by, both of his hands cupped around Eren’s, Jean and Sasha sitting on either side of him. “Armin?”

“Hey,” Armin whispered, glancing to the machines that monitored Eren’s heart rate. “How’re you feeling?”

“Like I was shot,” Eren groaned again, shifting to a more comfortable position on the bed. The pain in his leg had dulled to a distant throb. His arm felt stiff, thanks to the cast that was already adorned with signatures and a crude drawing. “And elbowed in the face.”

“So exactly as you should, huh?”

He shot Armin a grateful smile. “Yeah.” He froze, memories of the night flooding his mind- Sasha and Ymir had been the closest to the explosion with him, but one glance at Sasha, and the bandage wrapped around her forearm, briefly eased his mind. “Ymir-”

“She’s okay,” Sasha said, reaching to push the hair out of Eren’s eyes. “She’s getting coffee with the others.”

Eren nodded. Dragging his dry tongue over his teeth, Eren slowly recalled everything that had happened before the bomb went off. It must have been a few days since, which meant that Mikasa and Levi were gone and Erwin- “Is Erwin alive?” He blurted, staring desperately at Armin.

“Yes.” Armin tilted his heard, brow furrowing. “He was their next target, wasn’t he?”

“Yeah,” Eren said over Jean’s cry of disbelief.

Armin dropped his hand, pulling his small backpack onto his lap. “Jean, Sasha, why don’t you get Eren something to eat? It’s been two days and I’m sure he’s starving.” They left with little fuss, Sasha finally convincing Jean to go after threatening to switch archery partners for a week. Armin continued digging into his pack before producing a thick white envelope- unaddressed and sealed.

“Mikasa left that?” Eren asked, pushing himself to a sitting position and ignoring the flare of pain in his leg. He lifted his sheet quickly- yup, his entire calf was wrapped in white bandages, obscuring the stitches surely done by his dad.

“Nailed to my front door,” Armin shook his head with a small grin. “Be sure to thank her for scaring me in the dead of night.”

“I will. What’s in the envelope?”

Armin turned it over in his hands, running his finger over where it was sealed. “I don’t know.” He held up a piece of paper. “She told me to only let you open it.”

“Sounds like her,” Eren said fondly. “Gimme.” He tore into the envelope, revealing one piece of paper and a ticket. Eren read over the paper quickly, his eyes glancing between it and the plane ticked in his palm.

“What’s it say?” Armin asked, leaning around Eren’s hand to see better.

“‘Burn if you don’t use it.’” Eren read, flipping it over to the back, where three names were printed boldly in the center of the page. Their new names. He folded the paper back into the envelope.

“Plane ticket?”

Eren chewed at his lip, nodding slowly. “Osaka, Japan. Flight leaves in exactly two weeks.”

“You should be out of the hospital by then.” Armin fiddled with the straps on his pack as Eren tucked the ticket back into the envelop. Armin sighed, deep and full of unspoken concerns, his still blue eyes boring into Eren’s. “You’re sure about this?”

“Yeah.” Eren tapped his fingers against his IV idly. “Hey, Arm.” Armin looked up- a thousand warnings flashing through his gaze. “Promise me something. Two months after I’ve gone, tell my mom and dad what happened. I dunno if I’ll be coming back, and I don’t want them to worry.”

“I promise.” Armin smiled sadly, reaching for Eren’s hand again. “I’m going to miss you, Eren.”

“I’ll miss you, too, buddy.” He curled his palm under Armin’s linking their fingers as the sun set outside Eren’s window.

When visiting hours ended, Eren gave Armin his official resignation from the police department to be handed in to Erwin early the next morning.

* * *

Eren stopped just shy of the door to the inside of the airport, hoisting his carry on higher on his back and resting his weight on his good leg. His stitches were mostly healed, though they’d need to be taken out soon, but the area where a bullet had hit still ached when he walked for too long. At least he convinced his dad almost a week ago that he could manage with just a brace and no crutches. His arm was still in a sling, held securely to his chest.

People streamed past him, exiting the gates to reunite with family and friends, to meet with bosses and business owners, speaking rapidly in languages that Eren did not yet understand- although he did recognize some Japanese phrases from a class he took in high school.

“Sir, are you alright?” A flight attendant spoke to him in English, touching his shoulder gently. “We’re about to close the gate, did you forget something?”

“No, I’m fine,” Eren insisted, offering a polite smile. He checked his phone again, unsure of what he was looking for since neither of them had the other’s number, but quickly shut it off when he saw three missed calls from his mom.

Breathing deeply for courage, Eren pushed through the door and quickly made his way through families and friends to get to the opposite wall. No meeting place had been set up, but he knew them well enough by now-

Strong arms wrapped themselves around Eren’s waist as a body collided with his, a well-known face pressing into his shoulder as Mikasa hurled herself into his embrace, wary of his broken arm. Eren smiled, clutching his good arm around her shoulders and burying his nose in her hair. She felt familiar in his arms, safe almost, as they stayed locked against each other.

“Ethan,” Mikasa pulled away and promptly began with his alias. Her smile blinded him- the pure relief and elation shining in her eyes, her expression revealing the strain of the last few years on her more than anything else. He thought she’d never looked more beautiful.

“Melanie.” She stepped on her toes to press her mouth to his, smiling against him as she nipped at his lower lip.

She broke the kiss, resting her forehead against his. “I was worried you wouldn’t come.”

“I thought about it,” he admitted, trailing his fingers through her hair. She’d cut it short, almost to her jaw, within the time he saw her last. “But I’m here now.”

“Yeah,” Mikasa kissed him again, quickly. “You are. Let’s go get your luggage.”

“Where’s Louis?” Eren asked as he followed her through the airport. He’d expected to see Levi standing right behind her the entire time.

Mikasa stood before the luggage console, staring at the small window and waiting for the luggage to begin pouring out. “Keeping watch,” Mikasa said, glancing back to him. “He’ll meet us at the car.” As the bags arrived, Eren stepped forward, leaning over to collect his before it could pass. She tugged him up by his scarf, unraveling it from his neck before wrapping it around her own with a playful smile, the bright red a stark contrast to her fair skin. “It’s cold.” Mikasa took his duffle from him, pulling it over her shoulders.

“It is,” he agreed, taking her hand in his good one and linking their fingers. “You got a studio in your new place?” Eren asked as they approached the exit.

“Yes.” Mikasa squeezed his hand, small smile still lighting her features. He could get used to seeing that.

“Good. You can show me your paintings.”

“I can’t wait.” She paused, glancing away uncertainly. “I’m sorry about shooting you.”

Eren shook his head, wrapping his arm around her and pressing a kiss to her temple. “Don’t be,” he breathed, trailing his lips along her hairline. “I know you had to do it. Plus, now you can be my nurse.”

Mikasa grinned, leaning her head on his shoulder. “Louis’s the one with medical training.”

“Fuck.” Mikasa laughed, pulling away to take his hand again as they merged with the crowd mulling outside of the door. The cool night air ruffled their clothes, wind howling around them as headlights flashed three quick times as Levi’s way to tell them where he was. “Let’s go home.”

 


	16. Exactly As It Should Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After one of Hanji's experiments accidentally turns Mikasa into a young child, Eren is asked to look after her until an antidote can be found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from anonymous on tumblr: okay, um..how about mikasa accidentally ran into one of hanji's not-doing-so-well experiment? it turned mikasa into a 5 years old kid and hanji insisted that eren should be the one who took care of her until they found the cure because they said he's her closest thing to a family.

"Hey, Hanji, you wanted to see me?" Upon opening the door, Eren ducked, narrowly missing the knife that sailed above his head, a knife that was now embedded in the doorframe where he’d previously been standing.

From deeper inside of Hanji’s lab, someone cursed, glass shattered, and Eren heard a gleeful scream.

"Hanji…?" Eren tried again, venturing deeper into the room. Some kind of gas had settled in the air, making it difficult for Eren to see more than a few blurry shapes-their desk, some tables, an overturned chair, and more.

His hip struck the corner of a desk, making him hiss as he knocked over a few glass beakers. Eren paused, waiting for a reprimand, but nothing followed and, judging by the state of the room and the panicked whispering he’d begun to hear, some beakers were the least of their concerns.

"Eren!" Hanji perked up right in front of him.

Eren screamed; absolutely sure his heart stopped for a moment.

Hanji cackled, patting his cheek for good measure as he leveled his fiercest glare at them. The strange smoke was started to clear up, disappearing out of the window they must have opened earlier. With a grin, Hanji ducked back into the mess of their lab, rifling through papers and cracked glass, muttering quietly the entire time.

"Look, Hanji." Eren hovered behind them, unsure if he should offer aid. Hanji was throwing papers and boxes every which way, no rhyme or reason to it. "Did you need me? Dinner’s soon, and Levi will be pissed if we don’t get there on time."

"Oh!" They snapped their fingers, whirling to face him uncertainly. "Yes, actually, I need you to watch over someone."

"Someone…?"

The last of the smoke had cleared from the room, revealing the area to be as ransacked as a village after a titan attack. What the hell had happened here? Most of their really dangerous, really messy experiments were done outside, and Levi would have known if Hanji was doing something.

"Ah, here she is!" Hanji straightened, gesturing to the young girl hanging onto their leg. A young girl with straight black hair, dark eyes, and a red scarf wrapped neatly around her neck. "Mikasa-"

Eren had to pinch himself to make sure he was awake. “Hanji, what the hell-!”

They looked positively scandalized. “Don’t curse in front of a child.”

"What happened to Mikasa!?" Just that morning she’d been tucked under his arm, their legs tangled beneath the discarded sheets while she ran her nose along his neck when he refused to let her go, to get up and start their day. They’d had lunch together! But he hadn’t seen her since she was called to Hanji’s halfway through the meal. "The fuck did you do to her?"

"I’m not sure," Hanji admitted, touching their chin lightly. "She was helping with a few small experiments, we mixed a few substances, that smoke appeared, and poof!" They clapped their hands together, startling Mikasa into hiding behind their legs again. "Baby Mikasa!"

"She isn’t a baby," Eren muttered, kneeling slowly. He held his hand out, offering the young girl a small smile. She took his hand hesitantly. "Hey, Mikky," he started, using the nickname Armin had recently come up with. "I’m Eren. Do you know me?"

Mikasa shook her head.

"I think she’s a bit too young." Hanji said.

Eren ignored them. “Well, I’m your best friend.” Boyfriend.

"Eren, do you mind taking care of her somewhere else? I’ve got to figure out the antidote and a lab is no place for a child."

"I don’t know." He’d never taken care of a child before, let alone the child version of his girlfriend.

Hanji ushered them from the room, a hand on Eren’s back to guide them through the wreckage of the lab- and to shove him through the door while he tried to protest. “Great! I’ll find you later tonight to reverse it-“

"Hanji-!"

"Thanks! Oh," they paused, suddenly serious as they held the door halfway closed. "She’s still very adept with knives." Eren’s gaze flicked to the knife stuck crookedly in the doorframe. "And you’re the closest to family she has. I wouldn’t trust anyone else looking after her. Good luck!"

"Hanji!" With a reverberating  _bam_ , the door shut inches from his nose.

After a long pause, when Eren was sure he wouldn’t punch through the door, he glanced down to Mikasa. She stared intently at the floor, the scarf that used to fit so snug around her neck suddenly too loose.

"Well, come on." Eren squeezed her hand lightly. "Let’s get you somewhere safe before anyone else sees you."

"Would that be a bad thing?" She asked quietly.

Eren shook his head, leading her down a corridor leading to his room. “Not at all, but I’m not sure how the others would react to you suddenly being a child.”

"Suddenly?"

"Mikasa?" He opened the door to his room, smiling faintly as she ran inside, kicking off her standard boots to jump onto his bed. "Do you remember anything from earlier?" She shook her head, engrossed in his maneuver gear belts. Hers must not have survived the experiment.

He settled himself on his bead, leaning his head against the wall as Mikasa happily explored the room. She’d been in here countless times, (Eren had  _finally_  gotten a private room after their last mission), but couldn’t remember any of it.

"Mr. Eren?"

"Just Eren, Mikky."

Mikasa nodded intently. “I’m hungry,” she announced, climbing back onto his bed with a pout.

Eren grimaced. “I know, but-” He really couldn’t take her to the mess hall like this. “Let’s just wait until Hanji meets up with us, okay?” Her pout deepened, but she nodded again. “So, Mikasa. What do you want to do when you grow up?” He had to kill time somehow.

She smiled softly, ducking her chin into her scarf. “I want to be like mama. I want a family.”

He grinned, holding out his hand for her. Mikasa had told him this several times before- into the crook of his neck while they lay together late at night, after a successful mission, when he reminded her of his promise from almost three years ago.

She lifted his hand, playing gently with his fingers as she told him of her dream- the small house she’d live in with her two children. Two, of course, because otherwise they would get lonely. How, if everything was safe, maybe she’d own a dog or cat. And a large garden to plan flowers, tomatoes, and other fruits and vegetables she watched her mom tend to for years.

As she spoke, she moved closer until her head rested against his shoulder, the strands of her hair tickling his throat. Mikasa stopped playing with his hand, choosing instead to intertwine their fingers.

"Eren?"

"Mhm."

"What do you want when you grow up?"

Eren smiled, raising his gaze to the ceiling as his free hand reached to smooth down her hair. “Something similar to your dreams. I want to explore the outside world, free it from titans, and live by the ocean. Give you and Armin everything you deserve.”

"Armin," she repeated slowly, testing the name on her tongue. She asked no questions about who Armin could be. "Why me?"

His hand dropped to her back, rubbing small circles. Mikasa yawned against his chest, adjusting herself to rest comfortably against him. “Well,” Eren began slowly. “You don’t really… understand this yet, but you’re incredibly important to me. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again forever, MIkasa. I’m going to give you the calm, family life you’re always wanted. I’ll stay with you forever.”

Into the fabric of his shirt, she whispered, “oh.”

"I know it’s a lot," Eren admitted, suddenly very concerned about her reaction. But Mikasa didn’t say anything else, curling her legs up beneath her as she leaned heavily against him. "Don’t worry about it," he returned to running his fingers through her hair as her breathing evened out. "It’ll all make sense soon."

Mikasa hummed against his neck, their linked hands falling limply against his thigh. Eren breathed a laugh- she wore the same sleeping face as a child that she had as a teenager.

"Eren!" His door slammed open and Hanji eagerly ran into the room, followed by a severely angry looking Levi. Eren shushed them and they nodded, tip-toeing to his window, opening it.. "I’ve got the antidote."

"Great," Eren shook Mikasa’s shoulders gently.

Levi sighed, glaring at Hanji as they twirled a small vial filled with green liquid between their fingers. “I expect a full report on  _how_  you turned my best soldier into a child in the morning, Hanji.”

"Yeah, yeah," they laughed, throwing the vial onto the floor.

The same smoke that had greeted Eren in Hanji’s office earlier that day filled the room, filling his lungs with a strangely sweet scent as it thickened and then escaped out the window.

Mikasa, eighteen years old and just as beautiful as he remembered, sat up, rubbing at her eyes with a groan. “Eren?” She murmured, glancing between him, Hanji, and Levi. “What-?”

"I’ll explain later," Eren promised, dropping a kiss to her forehead. "It’s good to have you back."

"What are you talking about?"

"C’mon." He took her hand, jogging from the room toward the main part of the castle. "I’m sure they’re still serving dinner." Mikasa tugged on his hand, making him slow down so she could rest her head against his. Eren wrapped an arm around her waist, smiling against her hair. Safe and warm against him, they made their way to the mess hall, everything exactly how it should be.


	17. Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren only took the job at Smith's Facility to earn enough to start his life abroad, but when he meets Mikasa, a troubled patient who only lets Armin take care of her, his plans begin to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from Anonymous on Tumblr: can you do eremika in asylum au pleaseee?? btw your stories are hella gr8 girl!
> 
> Warnings for vague mentions of suicide and self harm.

He hears the rumors on his return to his hometown.

He hears the words whispered in passing, told before the firelight in various taverns, repeated again and again between anyone willing to lend an ear; anyone willing to pass along the information. They speak behind their hands of a woman, a child some say, who’s spent half of her life locked away in Smith’s facility. Most say he’s trying to make her better.

Some say he’s trying to kill her.

Eren doesn’t care much for the rumors, doesn’t pay any mind to the men and women who receive so much joy from speaking of this girl, from talking about the dreary confines where she lives.

They make bets to how much longer she’ll survive.

He’s only returning home for a few months to work for his friend, Armin, to save up enough and travel across the country, where he’s heard the jobs are better. Where’s there’s more work for a man, barely out of schooling, who’s worked several small jobs for most of his life.

The rumors only increase as he approaches his home, both in numbers and brutality- his neighbors tell him they can hear her screams from across the lane. Eren finally tells them to leave him out of this gossip.

Eren spends the night at his old house, devours his mother’s cooking and sits for hours in front of the fire with her. His father’s not home yet, spending extra time at the hospital lately. Eren knows his job at the facility will limit his time with his father, with the man who taught him medicine, but Eren didn’t mind much. He’s fine with any time spent with his father.

In the morning, no one talks to him about the facility, but one neighbor, an elderly woman he’s known for his entire life, tells him she’ll pray for his safe return. He ignores her.

They whisper about him, now, as he crosses the lane, strolls down the street to the nearly abandoned road just outside of town. They say he’s got a death wish, no one works a short while for Smith; he’ll stay forever or die trying to get out.

Again, Eren ignores them, feeling his mood darken with intensity. Honestly, had any of them visited the patients in the hospital? Or were they just too scared to face the people they locked away?

He was still fuming when he arrived at the facility, a large, nondescript building nestled between tall trees. Ivy snakes up the stone wall, tangling around the door and grows over the barred windows. The path Eren walks stops short of the doors, forcing him to cross mud and dirty leaves to get to the door. The building looks about as unhappy as anything Eren could imagine; taller than most, bricks falling loose, bars on the few windows.

He wouldn’t be surprised if this place only made its patients even unhappier.

The door opens slowly, groaning loudly into the early dawn, as if the effort to open took more than the door was willing to use. Eren grimaces at the sound and peers around the door, but he saw only darkness.

A girl steps forward, crossing her arms over her chest as she assesses him with an icy stare. She wore white scrubs and a white sweatshirt, and her pale blonde hair was tied back. She must work inside.

“Armin’s pet?” Her voice was as cold as her expression, and despite the warm summer morning, Eren shivers.

“Friend.” He calls back bitterly.

“Well come on.” She turns on her heel, disappearing into the dark hall. Eren jogs to catch up to her, the door slowly falling shut behind them. For a brief moment, he couldn’t see, until his eyes adjust to the dim light, the few torches lining the wall. The hall was narrow, the same bricks that lined the outside did the same in here, only they looked wet; slimy.

Eren was overcome suddenly with the desire to  _flee_ , but he needs this job, and he’d never been a coward before.

After the girl led him through the hallway they came to a room filled with couches and shelves stacked with books. A few patients were milling about, paying them no mind. The girl nods to the herself, then turns into the hall to the left, just as sad and wet as the last.

Eren hates the silence, the hollow echo of their footsteps sounds too loud in his ears, suffocating him as they walk. He needs to break it somehow, needs a reprieve.

“Um-”

“Annie.” She interrupts, glaring at him over her shoulder. Annie points to a closed door adorned with a plaque that read  _Director_. “That’s Smith’s office. You’re only allowed in there if invited by him.”

Eren swallows thickly, beginning to think that maybe those rumors hadn’t been very far off. “Where’s Armin?” He asks as they start walking again.

“With her.” She didn’t need to specify. The girl the gossips loved to tear down.

Armin, back when Eren had asked for a temporary job, had made it very clear that no positions were available. Every patient had a nurse, and there were more than enough doctors to keep them alive, as healthy as possible. After a lot of whining from Eren, though, Armin had admitted that Mikasa Ackerman, their most notorious patient, had no nurse to look after her, and that he’d been assigning extra duties to some doctors in order to keep her safe himself.

She didn’t want anyone to take care of her, Armin told him, said she’d scared most off with her silence, her morbid words. She only lets Armin see her, bring her her meals, deliver any treatments.

Eren had later heard a rumor that she’d nearly scratched the face off of a nurse they assigned to her. He wasn’t sure if he believed it.

Eren would try to be her caretaker. If she accepted him, he had a job. If not, Armin couldn’t help him and Eren would be back under his father’s wing. And though working for his father wasn’t a terrible thing, Eren would rather not go back to being known only as “Grisha’s Apprentice.”

A shrill scream from down a neighboring hallway caught their attention, pulling Eren away from his thoughts. Annie grasps at his sleeve, tugging him to stand flat against the wall as three doctors in long lab coats, and a nurse, dressed in the same scrubs as Annie, sprint past. They disappear around a corner, and a moment later the screaming cuts off.

“Who-?”

“Jean Kirschtein.” Annie says, signaling for him to continue following her. “Hysteria. He’s the worst in the middle of the night. Marco’s trying his best to help, but nothing seems to be working.” Eren nods as another scream echoes through the hallway.

Annie leads him down the longest hallway so far, pointing out each patient and mentioning their nurses or doctors. He might know all of them eventually, but for now the names, save for a few, don’t stick.

She stops in front of a door, gesturing for Eren to look. A girl sits on a bed inside, her brown hair falling limply against her cheeks. The room is sparse, like the others, only containing a small bed, a desk in the corner, and a dresser against the opposite wall. When the girl sees Eren and Annie in the doorway she waves- and Eren notices thick white bandages wrapped around her hands.

“Sasha Braus. She tries to claw her hands off whenever we change them,” Annie murmurs, waving back to Sasha.

A guy with a buzz cut brushes past them, greeting Sasha warmly with a tray of food and a huge smile. Eren sees her brighten considerably before the guy knocks the door closed with his hip.

“Come on. Her room’s at the end of the hall.”

Eren feels his throat dry, his resolve slowly slipping away as he follows Annie. Maybe it would be better to just work for his father again, at a normal facility where the patients didn’t scream their way through the day, didn’t try to rip their own skin off- but could he really leave? Eren had never abandoned a task before, and he wouldn’t now. Especially when these people’s lives could be improved with him around.

Annie knocks on a door with a piece of paper, like the other doors, tacked on the front. Only instead of an entire name, the name of the head doctor and nurse, there was only  _Ackerman_  scrawled in a familiar writing. Eren recognizes it as Armin’s.

A voice answers calls from inside, “Come in.”

“You better go alone.” Annie says, glancing back down the hall. “She doesn’t really like me, plus your little tour made me late to Bertl. Good luck.” Without another word, she jogs down the hallway to a closed door they’d passed earlier, slipping inside quietly.

Eren heaves a deep breath and pushes the door open..

“Close the door,” Armin says. Eren does, slowly looking up from the floor.

Armin sits in a chair by the desk, his elbows propped on his knees as he stares at a spot in the corner. Drawers from the dresser were strewn across the floor, but the thing that surprises Eren the most was Mikasa. She was on her bed, sitting up by her pillow with her knees tucked against her chest, her face pressed against them, and her arms folded over the back of her head- as if she was trying to force herself into something so small to cease to exist.

From the rumors he’d heard in town, Eren had expected her to approach him, spit in his face or yell at him, maybe even hurt him before he’d gotten fully in the room. Not… not this- this woman, so small, so  _scared_ , curled up and alone in her room. Alone in her mind.

Her shoulders tense.

“Eren.” Armin stands, looking wearier than Eren remembers. “It’s good to see you.”

“Uh-” He looks between his best friend and the girl trying to disappear. ”You, too.” He takes Armin’s outstretched hand, squeezing tightly to cover his apprehension.

Armin moves back to stand at Mikasa’s side with a hand pressed very gently against her back. “Mikasa? There’s someone here I want you to meet-”

Mikasa’s head snaps up.

Eren curses, surprising himself with a big step back. She looks  _terrified_ \- her eyes wide, tears streaking down her cheeks as her mouth opens and closes soundlessly. Mikasa looks up to Armin, and then down to where his hand was now on her shoulder. She takes an unsteady breath, and from where Eren stood he could see she was shaking.

“Hey- hey, Mikasa. It’s okay.” Armin was saying, but she ignores him, uncurling her body to force herself to her feet. She looks frail, her long black hair knotting around her face, her skin pasty and sallow, and her dark eyes staring at Eren Eren.

Armin still had both hands on her shoulders, but whatever he was saying wasn’t registering with her. She takes a hesitant step forward- Eren matches it with another step back.

With his heart pounding relentlessly against his chest, Eren raises his hands to try to tell her without words that he wasn’t there to hurt her. He wants to  _help her._  “I-”

“Get out.” Her voice surprises him, too. It was hoarse, quiet, conveying how scared, how _trapped_ , she felt in the situation.

Eren tries again. “Mikasa, please-”

She shakes her head, frantically whipping her hair back and forth around her face. Her shoulders were shaking again, fresh tears falling down her face. “Please.” She whispers as Armin curls an arm around her shoulders, shooting Eren an unreadable look. “Please leave.”

Eren glances at the drawers on the floor, Mikasa’s few clothes scattered around them, and back at her- sagging in Armin’s embrace as she chokes out a sob- he turns on his heel, sprinting from the room.

* * *

“I thought I’d find you here.”

Eren looks up to see Armin at the end of the hall, dressed in regular clothes. Eren smiles, gesturing widely with his arm for his friend to join him. Armin groans as he sits, cracking his neck. The sound bounces hollowly against the walls.

“How’d you know I’d be here?” Eren asks after a few minutes. They were facing Mikasa’s door, the door that had remained closed for the entire day.

Armin says, “I know you. You’re going to stay, aren’t you?”

Eren throws his arm over his knee, gaze burning into the door. “I think so. I can’t… I can’t leave her like this. Armin,” Eren rolls his head against the wall to face Armin. “I want to help her.”

“I don’t know if anyone can,” Armin admits, his eyes falling to the floor.

Eren tries to ignore the burst of apprehension threatening to consume him. He’d watched his father help so many people, cure them of diseases Eren could barely remember the names of, but this woman,  _these people_ , might not have a chance? Might be stuck in this facility, alone and afraid, while rumors of their lives danced outside? The thought makes his stomach turn unpleasantly.

“What-” Eren takes a deep breath, looking away from Armin. “What’s…  _wrong_  with her?” The word feels awful on his tongue.

“I’m not entirely sure.” Armin says, folding his arm behind his head. “She’s terrified of everyone, can barely stand being around anyone. She screams if someone touches her accidentally. I’ve heard Erwin throw the term X _enophobia_ around, but I don’t know if there’s anything we can do.”

“Why’s she okay around you?” From what he’d seen and heard since returning to town, Armin was the only person who could go near her.

“Again, I don’t know. Ever since she came here after her parents died, she’s only let me near her. Won’t let anyone else bring her meals or administer her meds.” Armin sighs, rubbing tiredly at his eyes. “I don’t know how much longer she’s got.”

“An entire lifetime.” Eren says under his breath, closing his eyes. He feels Armin stiffen next to him. “An entire fucking lifetime stuck in her head, scared of everyone around her.”

“Eren-”

“I’m staying. I want to help her.”

“I know you do,” Armin says, sounding tired and frustrated. “But her safety comes first. You’ve got one more shot, Eren. I can’t bear her trying to kill herself again.”

Eren feels his breath leave him in a rush. He could only imagine it: Armin walking in to see the woman he’d been trying to help for years so close to death, so  _willing_  to end it all, end all her silent suffering.

“I know.”

Armin stands, extending a hand for Eren. “It really is good to see you again,” he says as Eren used his friend’s strength to help him to his feet. “How long’s it been?”

“Ah, four years? Five?” Armin knocks three times on Mikasa’s door. A low groan was the only response. Eren wonders how long that had been a nightly routine for them. “You’d just started here when I left.”

“Well, it’s been too long. Come on,” he mimicks the grand gesture Eren used earlier. “I’ll show you to your room.”

Eren nods, following Armin back down the hall. He takes one more look at her door before they turn the corner. Tomorrow, he’d try to get through to her- his last chance to help her.

* * *

“Good morning, Mikasa. I brought your breakfast.” Eren nudges the door open with his hip, carefully holding on to the tray Armin had given him. That morning, Armin had given him some advice: use her name, keep some distance, maintain eye contact for as long as she lets you, don’t touch her. Armin was in a different wing checking on his patients there, but he promised Eren he’d be able to hear Mikasa’s screams if anything went wrong.

Eren’s eyes fell to the bed, but she wasn’t sitting there like the day before. He scans the room to find her on the floor at the foot of her bed, her legs crossed under her and one of Armin’s old geography books opened before her.

“I thought I told you to go away.” She says without looking up.

“You did,” Eren says, placing the tray on the top of her dresser. He drops to his knees to organize her clothes back into the drawers when she speaks again.

“Don’t.”

He frowns, pausing in the middle of folding a shirt. “Mikasa-?”

“Don’t.” Mikasa closes her book very slowly, raising her gaze to meet his. She doesn’t look quite as scared, as sad, as she had yesterday, she just seems… tired.

“Okay,” Eren relents, dropping the shirt. He stands, wiping his hands idly on his scrubs. A strange silence fills the room as Mikasa fiddles with the cover of her book. He scrambles for something to say before Mikasa got scared again. He remembers the food. “Do you want to eat-?”

“Where’s Armin?”

“He’s busy.” Eren says, picking up the tray. “Juice first, or-”

“I want Armin.”

“I know, but he’s busy right now.” Eren sits, giving her enough space to stretch out if she wanted. He puts the tray between them, just in front of her fingertips.

She scowls at her book before shoving it under her bed. “He always brings my food.”

Eren nods, willing himself to let his frustration pass. It wasn’t her fault, it was his, he’d cornered her in her room, broken her routine with no warning. He was surprised she wasn’t shaking again. He couldn’t get angry at her for this, for anything; he needs to be patient if he wanted to help her.

“Not this morning.” He says each word slowly, watching her face for any reaction, but there was nothing more than her lips turning down. Eren pushes the tray closer with the tip of his shoe. “You should eat.”

“No!”

In a blur, Mikasa kicks her leg at the tray, sends it spiraling against the far wall and the food and glass shattering to the floor as she jerks to her feet, her shoulders heaving. She glares down at him, fists hanging by her sides. Eren stays his ground, glancing between her and the fallen food laying with her clothes, and back to her, but she wasn’t looking at him. He vaguely notices she had begun to shake.

She moves again, shoving at the drawer Eren had started to reorganize, a scream wrenching past her lips. She runs to the door, pounding her fist against the wood three times before she stops, one hand flat on the chipped paint, the other curling over her own hip.

Mikasa stares at the door, at the dirty white that had become her entire life, and her shoulders sagged, her anger melting away as quickly as it had surfaced. She drops her hand to meet the other, pulling both of her arms around her midsection to hold herself together.

“Please.” She whispers, dropping her head. “Please go.”

“No.”

So much for patience.

Her eyes snap back to his, mouth moving as she struggles to form any words. “I-” She gasps, shifting her arms to wrap securely around her stomach.

Eren stands slowly, hyperaware of the way her shoulders were hunched, the way her throat and mouth worked as if she could not breath, and how Armin was still down the hall. Armin was too far to save this moment- by the time Eren got to him or he heard a call, Mikasa might do something irreversible. Her safety was the biggest priority.

He steps over some fruit, closing the distance between them quietly. He’d stop if she told him to. She doesn’t move as Eren approaches, touching her forearm gently, applying just enough pressure to let her know he was  _there_.

When Mikasa didn’t say anything, her frantic breathing was the loudest sound in the room, Eren takes another chance and pulls her into his arms.

Mikasa stiffens, tensing under his touch. He felt her mouth move uselessly against his chest, her arms squished between their bodies as Eren wraps his arms around her back, trailing a hand idly along her neck as her shaking gradually began to subside.

Finally, once she’d fully caught her breath, Mikasa breaks the silence. “Why…? Why can’t you just leave?”

He stares at a spot on the back of the door, where the faint outline of a mirror stands out against the pale white paint, and he’s reminded of what Armin said the night before. “I’m not giving up on you.”

“I don’t understand,” she whispers, turning her head to press her ear against his chest, where his heart rests. “Why do you care so much?”

Eren stops stroking her back, resting his chin on the top of her head. He’d thought he had a solid answer last night, but now, with Mikasa curled into his embrace, he wasn’t as sure. “I hate seeing people in pain,” he says. “My dad’s a doctor and… I want to help. Anyone I can, I want to help them.”

“What if there’s nothing you can do?”

She sounds like Armin. The realization brings a sad smile to his lips. “I keep trying. Until the last second, until there’s nothing left to try, I keep going.”

“You’re naive.”

“Or optimistic.”

The door opens loudly, Armin pushing himself into the room with with frantic speed. “I heard screaming, and then everything was quiet. Mikasa, are you-?”

Mikasa unwinds her arms from herself, shoving away from Eren with impressive strength to stand at Armin’s side, turning her back to Eren. They speak quietly, Armin nodding along to whatever she says, glancing over her shoulder to catch Eren’s gaze.

Armin takes her hand, smiling gently. “I’ll get you some more food, okay? Eren?”

“Yeah, I’m coming.”

She turns away as he passes, her arms around her stomach again as she stares sadly at the mess of clothes, food, and drawers on her floor. As Armin shuts the door behind them, Eren catches Mikasa sitting in the middle of the mess, drawing her knees to her chest.

Armin leads him through the hallways, the twists and turns still difficult for Eren to navigate on his own, before he speaks again, just outside the cafeteria.

“She wants to have lunch with you.”

Eren tenses, leaning against the wall uncertainly. “That’s a good thing, right?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Uh, yeah, man. I’m free.”

“Alone.” Armin says, and Eren’s beginning to wonder if he’s forgotten Eren was there. “Outside.”

“Dude.” Eren snaps in front of Armin’s eyes, watches as he slowly focuses. “That’s a good thing, right?”

“Mikasa hasn’t left the building since she came here, Eren.” Armin pinches the bridge of his nose, exhaling harshly. “Six years. She hasn’t been outside in six years. She hasn’t even _asked_. What did you do in there?”

“Nothing bad. I told her I wasn’t giving up on her.”

Armin smiles dryly. “Was this before or after you refused to leave and she kicked over her food?”

Eren makes a face. Armin knew him way too well. “After.”

“I’m not surprised.” Armin ducks into the dining room, leaving Eren outside.

Mikasa wanted to go outside, she wanted to go outside for the first time in  _six years_  and she wanted him to be the one to take her. Did that mean she wasn’t angry about this what just happened? About yesterday? Or maybe she was angry, and she’d let him know when they were alone together, far away from everyone else. The rumors hadn’t been true, Mikasa didn’t violently drive her caretakers away by clawing at their faces, but she was strong- even for someone so frail.

She could just want to talk, Eren thought. Their conversation had been interrupted, she might just want more information on why he was staying, why he was so stubbornly set on helping her. He’d find out tomorrow, and dammit, somehow he was going to help.

“Come on.” Armin pulls him from his thoughts, a tray of food balanced on his arms. “It looks like she missed her morning pills,” he says through a sigh. “We’ll have to wait to see if she needs to be put back on full time watch. I’ll show you where I keep her pills in the morning, but right now, Ymir wants to play chess with you.”

* * *

With a newfound resolve, Eren makes his way down a path from the back entrance of the facility. Armin had explained early that morning that a garden was nestled between some trees about a hundred yards behind the building, and that several years ago the staff planted more flowers, moved a few benches there, and turned it into a safe place for patients to visit when they needed a break from their dreary surroundings.

He follows the path into the forest, a picnic basket with their lunch leveled on one arm and Mikasa’s favorite books in the other. It was Armin’s idea, in case she didn’t feel like talking.

The path opened into a little clearing and the trees gave way to the benches and potted plants before closing off again on the other side. Mikasa sits on one of the benches, her legs folded beneath her.

She looks up as Eren approaches, the soft wind rustling her hair away from her shoulders. She wasn’t dressed in her issued white shirt and pants, but then again, neither was he. Instead was wearing a large read sweater and a dark green skirt.

Mikasa watches silently as he places the basket onto the table between the benches and dropped the books down next to them.

Her hand reaches for him when he moves to sit on the bench across from her, her fingers missing his sleeve by a lot.

“You can sit next to me.”

Eren nods, wiping his palms on his pants as he sits. He digs into the basket, pulling out sandwiches, crackers, fruits, and her pills.

“I’m not hungry.”

“You need to eat.” Eren says, offering her a sandwich. Armin had warned him that she tried to skip out on meals sometimes.

Mikasa frowns but takes the sandwich from him anyway, tearing small chunks and bringing them to her lips leisurely. Eren picks at his own sandwich, repeatedly glancing at Mikasa. She hadn’t said anything about her recent shift in behavior- was he supposed to mention it? He’d already fucked up being patient and calm, but this could be crossing a line.

She snatches the small cup of pills next to the basket and takes them without complaint, sipping her water. Then, she drops her half-eaten sandwich back onto the table and folds her hands in her lap.

“My parents died in a garden.”

Eren nearly drops his sandwich, his muscles tensing as his gaze slides over to where she sits, perfectly at ease. A small smile plays at her lips; he can only wonder how long it took her to say something like that so nonchalantly.

“Mikasa-”

“Our garden, to be precise,” she continues, as if Eren hadn’t spoken. “I was nine. My parents were showing me how to tend the roses, explaining all of the flowers we had when three men showed up. I recognized one of them, I’d seen him lurking around my house. They killed my father immediately.”

Eren shifts closer to her, holding his hand up uncertainly. When she didn’t protest, he rests his hand atop hers. “You don’t have to tell me-”

“I heard one of them say they needed my mother alive, but she fought.” Her gaze was trained on a tree across the clearing, but he could tell she was far away, in the garden with murderers. “She fought them, begged me to run, but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t leave. One of them hit me, and I think they believed me to be dead, and once they thought their prizes were worthless, they left.”

“Where did you go?” Eren whispers when she doesn’t speak for a long moment.

“The only place I could think of.” Mikasa sniffs, eyes falling shut. “My only family, my cousin, lived in the town over. I walked there, and he found me screaming in the marketplace a few days later, covered in their blood. I stayed with him until he died in an accident, and one of the neighbors brought me here. Told Smith my screaming disrupted her sleep.”

“And you’ve been here ever since.”

She nods. “For the first time… no one’s left me. Armin has stayed with me since the beginning. Everyone else…” Her lip quivers, shoulders tensing as she shifts her legs. She pulls her hand away from his. “They always leave.”

“Mikasa…”

“They always leave me.”

“Hey,” he keeps his voice quiet, gentle, as he moves closer to her. He tries to imagine it, the unbearable pain of losing her parents, her  _family_ , and then her sole relative a few years later. She begins to make sense to him, then, not all of her personality or who she is, but a small part makes sense. “That’s why you don’t want a nurse, isn’t it?”

“Yes.” Tears spill from her eyes, roll slowly down her cheeks. “I can’t… I don’t want anyone else to leave. They always leave, Eren.” She faces him for the first time since he entered the clearing; her pretty face twisting into an expression of panic. “Why? Why do they always leave? I want-” Her voice breaks on a sob, her shoulders hunching as she brings her hands to her face to hide behind

Eren scrambles for something to say. He couldn’t change what happened to her, what she witnessed and experienced to end up a prisoner inside her own mind, convinced that anyone she grew close to would be snatched away from her. But he could make her a promise.

“I won’t be here forever,” Eren begins, cringing when she glares at him through her fingers. “But,” he continues when she moves to speak. “I can act while I’m still here. I can’t promise to be here, to be with you for the rest of our lives, but I can promise to try my hardest to make every day we have together matter. To try my damnedest to give you another reason to get up every morning.”

Her voice was almost inaudible as she says, “do you… do you mean that?”

“Yes,” he insists, moving closer to her. She grasps his hand, threading their fingers together. “I told you I’m not giving up. Look,” this was a shot in the dark, and Armin will probably call it a mistake. “I plan to travel across the country working here for a while. If you… if you want to and feel up to it, maybe you could come with me?”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Me neither,” Eren admits. Mikasa snorts, catching him off guard. “But I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to spend your entire life in this facility, either.”

She looks away, pursing her lips and staring at a tree across the clearing. Eren could tell there was something carved into the bark, but he couldn’t make it out. He wonders if it meant something to her, if this facility meant something to her. Armin said she’d been here for six years, she could have an attachment to this place.. He wanted to take her away from that, take her outside of the country, to where anything could go wrong.

Eren expects her to refuse, to turn him down, maybe tell Armin she doesn’t want him as a nurse anymore, but then she smiles. A small, ghost of a smile that barely tugs at her lips, but it was there.

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to make a decision now, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”

“You don’t know that for sure.”

“You’re right.” She faces him again, but instead of the sorrowful look he’d come to anticipate, she looked almost curious, hopeful. “I don’t know.”

Mikasa leans away, letting go of his hand to take one of the books from the table. She holds it up between them, and Eren recognizes it as the same encyclopedia on oceans that Armin had shown him when they were kids; the one that spurred his dream to travel.

She places it in his lap and tolts her head. “Will you read to me?” He frowns, confused by her request, until she continues. “Armin reads to me when I can’t sleep.”

Eren gets it then, as he nods and props the book up between them, his thumb held carefully between the pages to show as much of the pictures as possible.

She’d accepted him.

It wouldn’t be pretty. Her nightmares would keep both of them up, her screaming and fits would create tension, and Eren was sure there would be days when both would want to give up on the other, on what they’d agreed upon today, but he’d acknowledged this already.

And maybe, he thought, as he begins to read with her chin resting on his shoulder, maybe one day she’d be better than she was now. Not perfect, not even okay, but  _better_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm always accepting prompts here or at my tumblr- miikasaa!!


	18. Won't Go Home Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halfway through their last year of high school, Eren moved across the country with his family, and despite their best attempts to keep in touch, things eventually ended between them. Now, six years after seeing each other last, a drunk message from Mikasa brings them together again. [ M ]
> 
> Word Count: 6,777

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I see Mikasa in NYC and Eren in L.A. but you can choose any cities/country!

Mikasa wakes to an incessant ringing, the sharp, _loud_ , standard ringtone on her phone ringing again and again from somewhere close by. She groans, her face pressed into her pillow where she’d passed out on the couch last night, only a thin throw blanket to keep the morning chill at bay.

She cracks an eye open, immediately flinching away from the light slipping into the room between her blinds. Her phone was still ringing, how many times did that make? Two? Three, maybe?

She ignores it, pushing herself to sit up on the couch, her blanket slipping from her shoulders. She kicks off her shoes, shrugs out of her sweater, and, after brief consideration, chucks her jeans to the floor. She’ll pick them up later, when her head doesn’t feel like an anvil is resting atop it. Her phone has stopped ringing, and she sighs in relief when the ringing in her ears begins to die down. It’s still there, the low hum of a horde of insects bouncing around her skull, but at least she can open her eyes all the way. She considers that a win.

Her phone rings again.

Snarling, Mikasa grabs her phone from where she remembers, (vaguely recalls, really, it’s more of a blur,) shoving it last night under a pillow. She recognizes Armin’s number, but hadn’t she told him she was going out with Ymir and Sasha last night? He should know better than to call her after that; at least not this early in the day. Sasha and Ymir were notorious for finding any reason to drink during a night out.

“What?” She asks, her anger leaking into her tone.

“ _Did you mean it?_ ”

The voice is so hauntingly familiar it sends a new pain flooding through her body, a fresh ache, a yearning for something she’d lived so long without. Something like nausea sweeps through her, takes her breath away and intensifies the pounding in her head. She pictures it: the last time she heard his voice, and long before that, the last time she held his hand, brushed her fingers across his dark skin…

How he couldn’t hold her gaze as they said goodbye.

“I-”

“ _Did you mean it?_ ” Eren repeats, and Mikasa can picture how tightly he’s holding the phone.

“I- I don’t…”

“ _Mikasa._ ” She can see it. The curl of his lips around her name.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She admits, running a hand down her face. How long has it been since she last spoke to him? Four years? _Five_?

He laughs, breathless and so full of life. “ _Mikasa, are you_ drunk _?_ ” That’s right. He’d seen her like this once before, he would recognize the signs.

“Hungover,” Mikasa mutters, pressing a finger to her head. The pounding has stopped, but there’s a constant ache and the feeling of a weight crushing her skull. She continues through his next laugh, “Eren, what are you talking about?”

“ _You really don’t remember?_ ”

“Hangover.” She reminds him, voice flat.

“ _Ah, right._ ” He pauses and she hears him speak with someone, whom she assumes is Armin, before a door shuts on his end and he continues. “ _Do you want to see it for yourself or should I just tell you?_ ”

That was easy. “Just tell me, please. My laptop’s too far away and my headache’s getting worse.”

“ _Aspirin._ ” 

“Later, Eren. Is it something bad-?”

“ _You said you want to meet up._ ”

Mikasa was floored, her gaze falling to where she’d dropped her heels. Pulling her phone from her ear, she checks her messages and calls, but finds nothing to say she’d contacted Eren last night. Her stomach lurches uncomfortably, memories of the last time she’d seen Eren swirling through her mind. He’d visited almost six years ago, and after dinner with Armin and her parents they’d promised to stay in better touch, to visit more than twice a year. That was the last night she ever saw him. Mikasa had desperately wanted to see him again, of course, but with her budding career and his crazy hours at school, their plans fell through, and she hadn’t wanted to become a burden to him, so she kept quiet. She kept quiet and lost touch with the love of her life.

She speaks again after finding her voice. “I’m sorry. I really… I don’t know where-”

Eren laughs again, not unkindly, before explaining, “ _on Facebook. You sent me a message._ ”

“Oh?” When Eren first moved across the country, Facebook had been almost as useful as their cell phones to keep in touch. Once they both started college and then full time work, though, their time for the site decreased exponentially, and they went from interacting constantly there to barely posting. Eventually, Eren remade his profile during his last year of college, around the time Mikasa stopped using hers except on rare occasions.

“ _I saw it when I woke up this morning. It says,_ ‘want meet with you? coffee.’ _The spelling isn’t… great, but the message gets across._ ” Mikasa hears him shove something, whatever it was falls to the floor with a muted _thump_. “ _Here, I’ll send it to you._ ”

A moment later, her phone chimes and she quickly checks the message from Armin’s cell. Using her fingers to enlarge the blurry picture of his computer screen, Mikasa recognizes her outdated profile picture as she reads what she wrote a little after two that morning.

_wnt meet wiht you? cofeee._

“Oh.” Her voice is barely above a whisper.

“ _Mikasa?_ ” Eren says after a few minutes, when it’s clear she isn’t going to say anything else. She hums, curling her legs beneath her on the couch. Her heart thuds painfully in her chest, almost loud enough to distract her from the pain centering around her temple. The thought of seeing him again after six years simultaneously lifts her spirits and sends her mood plummeting to the floor. “ _Oh, shit, Armin needs his phone and I have to head out. Um, remember the cafe across from the local university? Where we had our first date?_ ” How could she forget? “ _Tomorrow. If you want, meet me there at two._ ”

She could do that. She has a meeting in the morning, but she could meet Eren at that cafe. “Okay,” she says, smiling.

“ _Awesome!_ ” He sounds breathless again. “ _And Mikasa?_ ”

“Yes?”

“ _It’s really good to hear your voice again._ ”

* * *

Eren Jaeger has sent you a friend request

_Confirm              Deny_

* * *

She spends the rest of her day nursing her hangover and cursing Sasha and Ymir for buying her drinks last night. She hadn’t gotten drunk since her second year of college, after a few particularly bad tests in a row. Eren had been visiting that week, had taken care of her, held her hair, and rubbed her back while she complained again and again about things she couldn’t remember now.

Mikasa misses him terribly, and after hearing his voice and setting a time to meet, she felt familiar anxiety curl its way into her chest. What if things didn’t go well? What if the time apart had changed them too much, and they found they no longer fit together- in any way? They’d barely begun dating before he moved halfway through their last year of high school, what if he’d met someone else? It could be a meeting just for closure, and she was nervous for the outcome.

Annie stops by after dark, when Mikasa’s just finished brewing her second pot of coffee and her splitting headache has all but disappeared. Annie turns on her lights and guides her to the shower, (too cold like any other time Annie helps out,) and tells her to make sure she washes her smelly hair before walking back into the kitchen.

When Mikasa leaves the bathroom, she sees Annie left her some food on the table next to some of her pajamas. Mikasa changes quickly, tossing her towel into a hamper. She checks her phone as she eats the greasy food, a small towel still wrapped lightly around her hair. One message from Armin’s number from Eren to confirm the address for tomorrow, and a few from her parents and Ymir.

She turns in early that night, her worries and expectations for the day to come keeping her mind awake far longer than she’d like. Soon, though, exhaustions creeps through her, and she falls asleep with Eren’s smile on her mind.

* * *

The bus downtown gets her to the cafe almost twenty minutes before she’s to meet Eren there, so she waits just outside the entrance to gather herself. She was about to see Eren, who was still technically her boyfriend when she saw him last, but after losing touch for so long, she knows their relationship ended some time ago. It was almost too much, the thought of sitting with him again.

He’d given her a way out, Mikasa realizes. He said to come only if she wanted to. Eren still knew what she needed, even after all this time.

With a heavy heart and a nervous smile, Mikasa pushes her way into the cafe, scanning the area for any empty seats when she spots Eren, already sitting at one of the smaller tables by a window. He’s got his eyes trained on his phone, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth, but what she can’t help but focus on is his hair. It’s shorter now, with an undercut, and the earring he’d worn after losing a bet in high school was noticeably absent from his ear. But the hunch in his shoulders was still the same, the tilt of his lips and the air of being totally in his element remained completely unchanged. He still took her breath away. He’d been nearly an hour away at Armin’s and he still got there before here. The thought makes her grin.

“Mikasa?”

She startles from her thoughts, glancing up to see Eren stand from his chair. She waves hesitantly and he smiles, the same gorgeous one she spent years memorizing, as she weaves through the other patrons to get to him. Mikasa extends her hand as Eren opens his arms, both of them freezing awkwardly next to the table until Eren laughs, easy and light, and takes her hand.

“Hi,” Mikasa says as they sit.

“Hi.”

“You look good. I like the hair.”

“Thank you.” Eren shrugs, reaching to run his fingers over the shorter hair. “You look good, too. I like your bracelet, and is your hair longer?”

Mikasa nods; she’d cut nearly all of it off in college. She examines the gold and red bracelet he’d pointed to, “Armin gave it to me for Christmas.” He hums.

In the silence that follows, Mikasa drops her eyes to the hard plastic of the table while Eren gestures something to a waitress or barista by the counter.

It’s strange, Mikasa decides, looking at him again as he laughs at something. It’s strange being so close to him again. She’s hyperaware of his knee bumping against hers, of his hand, less than an arms length away, the way he’s rolled the sleeves of his shirt to his elbows and leans effortlessly back in his chair. Of everything they never said.

Mikasa clears her throat, focusing on slipping off her own coat as Eren turns to face her again. “I ordered what you used to get in high school,” he says. “Is that okay?”

“Of course,” she says, surprised he remembered. “Thank you, Eren.”

He tilts his head, watching her, and the usual intensity of his gaze forces her to drop hers again. Mikasa wants to kick herself; the only time she’d ever been this shy around him was when she realized the extent of her feelings in school and ignored him for a week. Then Eren laughs again and deliberately knocks his knee against hers. “We don’t have to do this.”

Her heart stops. “We-?”

“I knew you better than anyone else, Mikasa,” Eren interrupts, smiling softly. “We can skip this awkward stuff. Tell me about your job.”

“Ah.” She smiles too, some of the earlier tension leaving her body. “I work at Smith’s Publishing House now, have been for almost four years. Remember my cousin? Levi?” Eren nods, making a face at the name and Mikasa can’t help but laugh. “I work closely with him, directly under Smith. Which reminds me, I have a few manuscripts to go through this week.”

“Sounds like a lot of work,” Eren says, leaning away from the table as a young woman sets their drinks and a few pastries down before them. They thank her, pausing from their conversation to take a few sips. Mikasa instantly recognizes the taste of the wickedly sweet coffee she used to order before switching, the heavy caramel flavor bringing her back to their old coffee runs. “Do you like it?” Eren asks, and she knows he’s referring both to her drink and her job.

She tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I really do.”

His grin widens. “Good.”

“What about you? Still working with your dad?” She times the question for right as he bites into a croissant just to see the glare she knew he’d level at her. Mikasa bites into her own danish to hide her smirk.

He swallows quickly before nodding. “Sort of. That’s actually why I’m on the East coast again. Remember how my dad used to work at the hospital around here? When the Chief of Medicine there heard I’d gone to medical school, too, he offered me an internship there. I’ll still put in the same hours, but my dad’s name practically gives me a residency.” Eren scoffs, flicking a few crumbs off the table. Mikasa remembered how angry he’d been in his first year of college, when several of his dad’s colleagues contacted him to offer their advice or practices. Eren had turned each of them down until now.

“Oh?” Her heart lurches, not uncomfortably, at what that implies. “You’re going to be working here? For how long?”

“At least a year or two.” Eren shrugs, popping the lid of his cup to swipe any whipped cream that hadn’t melted yet. “If I like the place and the people, it could become my permanent job. In the meantime, though, I just gotta find an apartment close by and get ready for even more ridiculous hours.”

She stifles a laugh. “How have you managed all of that?”

“Drugs.” He answers, fixing her with his most serious look.

Mikasa reaches across the table to slap at his shoulder, nearly making him drop his food. “I’m sure that’s it.”

Eren winks before shifting the topic to his last year of college, to how relieved he was to have finally graduated. About the small town he moved to, the high school he finished his senior year at, how his mom’s health had finally turned for the better within the last couple of years. He tells her about the few friends he’d made, but how his long hours at school and working for his dad made incredibly close friendships nearly impossible.

In turn, Mikasa tells him about their friends from high school, how Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner are still dating, that Connie and Sasha finally moved in together. She mentions her weekly dinners with Armin, how she and Levi tried a similar thing but dropped it quickly, how her parents recently moved somewhere warmer but let her keep the apartment. How she’d saved a seat for him at her college graduation hoping they’d see each other again.

“Right,” Eren says, rubbing the back of his neck as he looks away. “Armin told me about that. I’m sorry, Mika, that was the year my mom was diagnosed and we were in the hospital a lot-”

“I know.” She takes his hand, squeezing it tightly. “You explained over the phone, remember? Don’t be sorry.” He nods, relief washing over his face. That had been the last time they spoke; soon after her phone had been stolen and her number changed.

Eren nods again, dropping his gaze to the floor and chewing on his lip as the conversation lulled. Mikasa taps her heel against the floor in a quick staccato, brushing her fingers against her empty cup. Were they going to talk about their relationship? Work through what had happened to them? About the missed calls and lost chances? Or did Eren not want to even talk about it, to keep everything light and shallow? She’s about to ask, just to break the heavy silence, when a voice rings across the shop.

“Eren Jaeger.”

They both turn to see Jean Kirschtein, a mutual friend from school, standing a few feet away, arms crossed across his chest and a broad smirk on his lips. He shakes his head on his way over, smiling at Mikasa once he reaches them.

“Jean.” Eren says slowly. For a moment, she’s afraid they’ll fight again, but they’re both relaxed and grinning widely.

“Never thought you’d show your sorry face around here again.”

“And miss the chance to reunite with you? Never.”

Jean snorts, holding out a hand for Eren, who takes it and initiates the squeezing war to see who’ll let go first. Jean does, but makes sure to slap Eren’s hands down from their victory pose. “Hi, Mikasa.” After a few more pleasantries, Jean seems to really study where they’re sitting and he smiles knowingly. “So you two got back together? I’m not surprised, I always figured the distance wouldn’t be too much-”

“Jean,” Eren whispers urgently. Mikasa glances back to see him drop his finger from his neck.

“Oh, shit. Sorry I didn’t-”

Mikasa waves away his concerns. “It’s fine, Jean.”

“Right, uh well. I’ve got somewhere I need to be. Eren, it was good seeing you again.” He leaves slowly, shooting apologetic glances at them as he mumbled something about a meeting or a date. She wasn’t really paying attention.

“Bastard sure can kill a mood still.” Eren says, making a face in an attempt to bring them back to their previous comfort, but Mikasa’s attention was focused elsewhere. Focused on the top few buttons on his shirt, undone to reveal the top of his collarbones, on the way they’d gradually shifted closer to each other over the course of the afternoon, how his leg hadn’t moved from where it rested against hers for the better part of the hour. How if she moved just a bit closer to him, she could rest her head on his shoulder or kiss him-

Mikasa jerks back, nearly breaking her cup from the force of her grip. Where had that come from? That desire to kiss him? Did she _want_ to kiss him? Of course she did, she always did. But things had changed now. They weren’t seventeen anymore. They both had careers to focus on, and he could have a partner back at his home-

“Mikasa? Mikasa, are you okay?” She barely registers his hand on her shoulder, the way he shakes her gently, his voice nearly inaudible over the hustle of the cafe. “Where did you go?”

“I’m sorry.” She tries to smile, but Eren looks unconvinced. He rubs his thumb across her shoulder, and she knows he won’t let her drop this. “It’s just,” she sighs heavily, raking a hand through her hair, dispelling a few bobby pins. “It’s hard,” she admits. “It’s hard to sit here with you, to try and pretend like nothing has changed. Everything’s changed. I miss-” She stops, her throat tight.

“I know,” Eren says after the silence stretches. He drops his hand to take hers, linking their fingers. “I miss it, too.”

Some time later Mikasa stands, gathering their trash with a newfound resolve. She’s spent too long wallowing over losing him, over building her life without him in it. She makes a decision, then, one that might not help her move on and cause her to regret it, but it’s hers.

Eren is pushing their chairs in when she gets back from the trash cans. He hands her her coat when she’s close enough, swinging his own onto his shoulders. He looks… disappointed, whether over the way their afternoon went or that it was over she couldn’t be sure.

“It’s getting late,” Eren says as she buttons her coat, glancing out the window at the increased traffic. “I guess we should-” She takes his hand, curling her fingers with his and pressing her lips to his palm. His breath hitches. “Get out of here?”

Mikasa nods, squeezing his hand as she leads him from the cafe to the bus stop on the corner, the wait for the bus and the distance to her apartment almost too much to bear with his chest pressed to her back and his hand held securely in hers.

* * *

Eren’s hands were hot, too hot, burning her skin where he runs them up and down her arms, touches her collar and neck, but his lips were hotter. He’s got her pressed to the wall outside her apartment, one knee pushed between her legs as he litters kisses across her cheeks and nose. Her grip on the drug store bag was nearly as tight as her hold on his hair as she guides his lips to her neck. He hasn’t kissed her mouth yet.

“Mikasa,” he says, lips dangerously close to her ear. A shiver runs down her spine, cooling the heat that seems ready to consume her. His hands drop to her hips, dragging his thigh between hers before moving it entirely. She bites back a groan, raising her head to meet his gaze. “Keys.”

“Front pocket,” she answers, unwilling to let go of his hair. He indulges her, his hands digging through her coat pockets as she scrapes her nails across his undercut, where the hair has only just started thickening before twisting her fingers in the longer locks. It’s nothing like he used to wear it, but it suits him. She likes it. She likes him.

Eren holds her keychain between them, flashing her a smirk as he drops an arm around her waist. “You always had a thing for my hair, huh? Even as kids,” he says as he unlocks the door.

She grasps his hair again, pulling roughly and his laugh turns into a hiss. “You never minded.”

“No.” They drop their shoes by the door and Eren removes her jacket before his. “I never do.” Eren surveys the apartment silently, a fond smile on his lips as Mikasa unbuttons his shirt. “It looks almost the same.”

She pauses, caught off guard. “Tell me what’s different.”

“Your parents took the old couches. There’s a few more paintings near your TV. New counters in the kitchen.” Placing a hand over hers, Eren lifts her chin to meet her gaze again. “It smells like you.”

Her heart was racing, breath stuck in her chest as he recognized the few differences in a house he hadn’t seen in so long. She doesn’t want this, this hollow ache in her chest, the uncomfortable lurch of her heart when she thinks about what could have been; what stayed the same and what became of them. Mikasa won’t let him know this, so she settles for scrunching her nose and saying, “ew.”

He laughs, mumbling something that sounds like, “it’s not an insult,” but she’s got her fingers on his shirt again, finally undoing the last of the buttons. Mikasa runs the pads of her fingers down his dark chest, across every dip of his toned stomach and sides. Different from high school. But somehow the same. He pushes her cardigan from her shoulders, trailing his hands down her arms with the fabric as she shivers.

Too slow. Too familiar. Before the panic can set in, she guides his hands to her thighs, and he catches on, supporting her weight as she jumps into his arms. She drops her lips to his neck, biting along his collarbones and shoulders, sucking hard at his pulse point when he curses and stumbles through the apartment.

He nudges her door open, pausing in the doorframe when Mikasa uses his hair to bare more of his neck to her. Eren gently takes her hands and lies her on her bed with about as much ease as she remembers- she flops some, he curses a lot, and a stray elbow knocks into her gut. But Eren’s laughing as he hovers above her, and her smile’s back, and she thinks maybe she’ll be okay.

Eren takes his time pushing her shirt over her head, sitting on her thighs as she squirms under his touch. He chucks her shirt to the floor before unclasping her bra, running his tongue along the valley between her breasts. Mikasa feels almost _too_ exposed beneath his wandering hands and lips, the way his weight settles comfortably over her as he kisses up her neck.

“You’re so beautiful.” Mikasa looks away, sure her cheeks have flared red as Eren kisses across her stomach. He leans back, as if afraid he’d crossed a line. “I mean it, Mikasa-”

Mikasa tries to smile, touching his jaw gently. “I know. You’re-” She swallows her unease, “you’re beautiful, too.” Eren dips his lips to her neck again, (she’s glad he can still recognize her expressions,) biting her shoulder harshly.

She hisses, arching against him as he soothes the skin with his tongue. She can feel his smirk against her neck as she drags her hands to his jeans, fumbling with the zipper when his nose drags across her cheek. Eren rests his forehead against hers as she pushes against his waistband, his nose against hers, his warm breath fanning across her skin. Mikasa falters, heart hammering so loudly she worries Eren can hear it. His mouth is so close to hers, arms on either side of her head- she needs to move, needs him to move, she can’t get caught in her head now.

Hooking her legs over his hips, Mikasa tilts her chin to nip at his jaw as she grinds against his hardness. She pushes his shirt down his arms, slips one hand under his waistband as he shrugs it away, her fingers skirting delicately over his boxers, but he catches her hand, lifts it to join her other in his hair.

“Slow down,” he whispers, running his palm up her thigh. “We have all night.”

She might not make it that long.

“Eren-” She wants to protest, but he presses a kiss to the corner of her mouth, taking her breath away as he leans back to remove her pants. Mikasa curls her hands into fists, lifting her hips to make it easier for Eren. It was supposed to be different- fast and heavy, hard enough to make her forget everything for just a little while, but he was changing everything, tossing her mind back to when they were only teenagers.

A long kiss to her thigh pulls her from her thoughts; Mikasa rests her weight on her elbows, watching as Eren tugs her pants off her legs, fingers loosely cupping her ankle as he presses kiss after kiss up her leg.

She sighs, but it turns into a squeal when Eren blows a raspberry against her inner thigh, grinning against her skin as she laughs too. Eren winks, squeezing her thigh, and Mikasa feels the tension leave her body. She could enjoy this, this night with him, instead of treating it like something useful to clear her head. Eren turns his attention to her other leg, giving it the same treatment as the last. He nudges her underwear over her hips, discarding them somewhere on the floor before biting her hip.

Mikasa nudges him with her leg, twisting her hands through his hair. “Get on with it,” she tries to demand, but she’s breathless, breathless and happy with Eren hovering over her, his hand splayed across her stomach. He relents, pulling her underwear down as kisses her stomach, tracing his tongue and teeth across her defined muscles, down to her inner thigh, ignoring her tugs on his hair to get his mouth where she needed it most. Finally, he licks at her core, pulling a quiet moan from her as he works his tongue between her folds.

Mikasa gasps, falling heavily back onto the bed as he pulls one of her legs over his shoulder. She’s still got his hair tangled between her fingers, a lifeline of sorts as he moves his tongue faster within her, moans of his name and curses spilling from her lips. Eren’s hands burn her where they skim over her breasts and touch her thighs to pull her closer.

Eren pulls his mouth away and she whines, yanking his hair as he laughs, nipping at her hip before pressing his lips against her clit. He laughs again when she shudders, her hands flying from his hair to grip at the sheets.

He stops, pulling back to appraise her, sweaty and heaving, her hair fanned against her pillow, and he looks incredibly serious for a man who just had his tongue inside her. “Mikasa, you’re sure-”

“Yes,” she gasps, grinding against his hand. “Please, Eren, I-”

He pushes two fingers inside her, dropping his lips back to her clit as she arches, a fist pressed to her mouth to muffle her groans. His pace is relentless, his strokes at her clit matching the push of his fingers inside her. She whimpers at the press of a third finger, her hips shaking under the hand that keeps her pinned.

Eren recognizes her tells, though, the shaking of her legs on his shoulders, the curl of her toes against his back, the way her moans rise in pitch, and he slows down, dragging the pleasure on. His tongue is slow, methodical against her when he nearly pulls his fingers all the way out. She’s on edge, her entire body tense and hot and ready, _so ready_ , but he seems determined to torture her.

Mikasa curses, tries to grind against him but his hand on her hip keeps her still. “Eren,” she groans, crying out when he pushes his fingers into her harshly, spreading her. “Eren, please-”

He mouths at her clit again, curling his fingers inside her perfectly, (she doesn’t dare imagine when he got so experienced,) and she comes with his name on her lips and her heels digging into his back. Eren strokes her through it, pushing his fingers into her again and again until her long moan becomes a whine, and he grants her reprieve.

She throws her arms over her eyes, chest heaving. She feels him running her tongue over her inner thighs before he kisses his way back up her body, spending extra time just below her breasts, where he remembers her to be sensitive. Mikasa feels arousal settle again deep inside her as he rests his forehead against her shoulder, his hardness pressing against her core through his clothes.

Mikasa smiles, breath slowly becoming easy again as Eren hovers above her. He rests his weight on one arm, brushing her damp hair away from her face. He kisses her forehead, her temple, the tip of her nose, the corner of her mouth, before pulling back to grin at her. Just as smug as she remembers. She wonders if it was an expression of satisfaction he’d only worn with her.

Something warm and sweet blooms in her chest at the familiarity of it all- her ankles crossed at the small of his back, his fingers petting her hair and scalp as he watches her, smiling softly and so full of happiness. She’d set out for something different, but she found herself fully enjoying this.

“You still make the prettiest face when you come,” Eren says once her breathing fully settles.

“Oh my god.” Mikasa looks to the ceiling as if it could help her, sure her blush has spread across her entire body. She slaps at his bicep, his laugh echoing through the room after he tells her it was a compliment. She rolls her eyes, crossing her arms across her chest. Eren rests his chin on her arm, smiling a goofy puppy smile at her. “How was that simultaneously the worst and best thing to say there?”

His smile gets impossibly brighter. “Talent.”

Mikasa rolls her eyes again, uncrossing her arms to tug adamantly at his waistband. Eren glances down to her hands, her fingers slipping below his jeans, and back to her, a silent question shining in his eyes. She nods, and he rolls next to her to pull off his pants and boxers.

Leaning over the side of the bed, Mikasa digs through their discarded clothes until she finds the drug store bag. She takes a condom, shoves the rest in a drawer, and faces Eren, watching her silently, propped on one arm. She kisses his jaw, his shoulder, the inside of his hip, before rolling the condom on him easily, grinning at the way his breath catches.

She touches him gently, faint strokes of her fingers along his shaft, the thick vein and across the tip, barely applying pressure. Eren curses above her, and again when she pulls away entirely.

“Come here,” is all he says, gathering her hands in one of his as she lays down beside him. Eren leans over her again, pulling her nipple into his mouth and rolling it between his teeth as he pushes two fingers into her. Still sensitive, she whimpers into his shoulder. He waits, running his tongue over her collarbone, kissing her eyelids, her nose, until she’s rolling her hips against his fingers and he moves them again, stretching her with a third. “This is what you want?” Eren asks, his lips a breath away from hers, a hand smoothing along her thigh to hike her leg over his hip.

There was no hesitancy in her answer. “Yes. And it’s what you want?” She’ll give him an out, too.

No pause in his, either. “Yes.”

Mikasa wraps her arms around his shoulders, careful to avoid the nape of his neck as she nods, then his hand is at her entrance, spreading her folds and she feels him, pushing into her, filling her. He moves slowly, careful to give her time even when he’s fully sheathed within her.

“You can move,” she whispers, curling her fingers into his hair. “It’s okay.”

He does, rocking his hips against hers with a gentle urgency, pulling almost entirely out before thrusting into her again. Mikasa throws her head back, his name falling from her lips as she matches his thrusts, pulling his hair to get his mouth to her neck.

The pace he sets is slow, strong and unhurried as he fills her, hips moving against hers again and again. He murmurs her name against her skin over and over again, her sighs and moans masking what he buries in the crook of her neck, words she can feel but not hear. Eren pushes her legs further up his hips, reaching deeper inside her, brushing against her in a way that has her crying out, back arching beneath him.

A warmth settles between them, not the kind that heats the room during hookups or quick fucks, but a kind she recognizes, a soft intimacy. The kind that comes from a deeper connection, from knowing the ins and outs of a person for so long. It was like Eren had said at the cafe- he knew her, and she knew him too. Time had passed, changed their bodies and minds, but it did not change this- their knowledge of what the other truly liked. He would always know her favorite food, she would remember his favorite word, he knew that she truly loved when he kissed or nipped her earlobe, especially during sex, she knew to avoid his neck but scrape her nails down the entirety of his back. She would always love him, and she hopes he’ll know that, too.

“Mikasa?” His hand is on her cheek, and when Mikasa opens her eyes again he has stopped moving, his worried face hovering above hers. He brushes his thumb along her cheekbone, pushing her hair away from her face. “Hey, what’s wrong? We can stop if you-”

“No, I’m fine. It’s fine. I-” _I miss you. I love you, please don’t leave me again._ “It’s okay.”

“Mikasa…” Eren still looks uncertain, even when she tightens her legs around his waist and grinds her hips against his, moving again after giving her one more pointed look. She wants to talk about it, about _them_ , but now wasn’t the time; the feelings were still too raw.

He groans, her name hidden in a slew of curses as she digs her nails into his lower back. Mikasa brings her hands to his face, pulls him away from her chest as she cups his cheeks. “Eren, kiss me.”

And he does.

His lips are warm and wet and strong against hers, mouth moving as fervently as she remembers, as passionately as ever. Eren presses his tongue to the part in her lips, exploring her mouth after she gives in, until all she could see, feel, and taste was him.

Dropping his hand to where they’re joined, Eren touches her clit and she gasps, breaking their kiss. Eren bites her lower lip, kissing her again before she can catch her breath, and Mikasa wonders if he missed this as much as she did. He pulls at her clit again, his slow strokes filling her completely, and she comes, clutching his shoulders and moaning against his mouth. He follows after a few more thrusts, forehead resting against hers as he rolls his hips through the last of his orgasm.

Slowly, she unhooks her legs from his hips, and he takes it as a cue to move, slipping out of her gently and kissing her again at her noise of discomfort. He drapes his legs over the side of the bed and Mikasa drags her hand across the floor, smiling in satisfaction when she produces his shirt. It smells like him, his earthy scent washing over her as she settles on her side, watching as Eren disposes the condom in her bedside trash. Then he pulls on his boxers and grabs his jeans from the floor.

Mikasa grasps his wrist, bowing her head at the way his shoulders tense. “Stay,” she whispers, her voice muffled by her pillows. “Please.”

Eren sighs, long and tired. She isn’t sure how much time passes, but eventually he moves to lay next to her, his head propped on his fist. Mikasa tugs the covers over them, tucking her head under his chin and hooking her leg over his hip, seeking his unnatural warmth. He strokes her hair, gentle and soothing.

“What are you thinking?”

She struggles to organize her thoughts. His warmth and careful touches nearly putting her to sleep, but she knows they have to do this. They don’t know when they’ll see each other again. “How much I’ve missed this,” Mikasa admits, tossing an arm across his waist.

“Mikasa…”

“I know.” Too much had changed.

He’s quiet for so long Mikasa believes he fell asleep, but his fingers curl into her hair and he coaxes her head back to look at him. He looks sad, sad and somehow hopeful. “There was never anyone else.”

Mikasa swallows the lump forming in her throat, unsure if her voice would work. “For me either.”

“It won’t be the same,” Eren says, and he smiles carefully. “But I’m here for at least a year, Mika. Maybe… maybe we could try this again?”

Everything she’d dreaded since he called yesterday seemed silly, inconsequential now that she was here, wrapped in his arms with the chance to be with him again. Things had changed, but maybe they could find a way to fit into each other’s lives again. The warmth he always seemed to fill her with returned, and she smiles, nodding happily.

“I’d really like that.”

Eren’s grin blinds her as he whispers something she doesn’t catch, dipping his head to kiss her again. His arms are warm and tight around her, and Mikasa can’t stop smiling. It occurs to her, when his breathing slows and she begins to drift off, that his last words sounded suspiciously like what she’d yearned to hear from him for so long.

* * *

When Mikasa wakes up, Eren is gone, but she finds her favorite breakfast cooling on the stove and his number scrawled on a post-it with a note to keep his shirt.

* * *

Mikasa Ackerman has accepted your friend request!

Write on Mikasa’s wall?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick timeline just in case it isn't as clear as I think it is in the fic  
> 17- halfway through the school year, Eren moves away  
> 21- Eren visits for the last time  
> 23- Mikasa graduates from college; Eren's mom is diagnosed (illness is purposefully vague) and he misses the graduation  
> 27- Eren graduates college, moves back to work at his dad's old hospital
> 
> I had no way to fit this in but Eren TOTALLY got gum stuck in his hair a few years before he graduated college and had to hastily cut it off before a final, liked it, and decided to keep it that way.


	19. wanderlust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [ Inspired by Lindsey (Lipstick)'s 15th drabble in Girls and Boys. ]
> 
> Eren knew nothing would change if he told Mikasa how he felt, but that didn't stop him from wishing, from wanting her to love him the way he so desperately loved her.
> 
> Word Count: 2,074

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I absolutely fell in love with Lindsey's 15th drabble, 'Siren', and this idea wouldn't leave my head. Her note at the end especially stuck with me and this was a fun little way to combat writer's block and I hope you like it! Her writing is amazing and I highly recommend it and I hope this does your au world justice!
> 
> You can read 'Siren' [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3430940/chapters/8982406)!!

“You should tell her.”

Eren startles, nearly dropping his cup as Armin wedges himself onto the lawn chair with Eren. Armin’s got his own plastic cup but Eren knows, that like his, it isn’t filled with any liquor.

Eren waits until Armin stops moving before he answers. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It’s a tight fit on the chair, but they’re used to the proximity. He finally gets comfortable after throwing his legs over Eren’s.

They’re at one of Reiner’s after-finals parties, before the high of the summer before senior year truly kicks in; one of the only ones Eren or Armin goes to. Their friends are all dispersed around the backyard, along with a good portion of the school, some sitting around the fire pit, others dancing by the deck, but most are in various lawn chairs, discussing finals and summer plans and hookups. Eren and Armin are close enough to be involved, but far enough away to avoid being overheard.

“Eren,” Armin sighs.

“Don’t-”

“You’ve known her for almost ten years,” Armin continues as if Eren hadn’t spoken. “I know you Eren, and I’ve seen how you’ve been looking at her since the start of high school.”

Eren tips his cup to his lips; finishing off the drink he now wished _was_ alcohol. “Armin-”

“She looks at you the same way.”

Eren laughs, and it sounds sharper than he’d wanted. “Sure.” He looks at Mikasa, sitting across the circle from them, squished between two boys Eren didn’t know. But he knows Mikasa. And he knows there’s a very high chance she was going home with one of them.

Armin props his chin on his fist, nudging Eren when they’ve been quiet for too long. “You know why she does it.”

“Yeah.” One of the boys next to Mikasa leans in closer to whisper something in her ear and she laughs, the fake laugh Eren’s come to associate with these times. It’s loud, almost too childlike, and nothing like the quiet laughs he and Armin manage to get.

He’s known for years why she does it, why she lets these strangers touch her so intimately, lets them trail their lips on her skin: to satisfy a part of her that wanted to _go,_ to be anywhere and everywhere else at once. Mikasa once told him, high off her ass and tucked messily under his covers, that she wished she’d lived somewhere else- been born in a different place- where she could be strong and small at the same time, to be trapped but given the wings to fly, while her certain death lay written on her palm. Where she could flourish and suffer and live an impossible life, but at least have an idea of who she was before possibly allowing herself to stay in one place.

Eren had written it off as stoned ramblings, but even now, almost a year later; he had no idea what she’d meant.

“Do you think… things would change if you told her?”

“No.” His voice is a whisper, as if afraid of voicing what he already knows to be true. “We’re… home to her. Some kind of rock keeping her tied down.”

Armin doesn’t say anything for a moment, and they watch as Mikasa takes the same boy’s hand and allows him to lead her into a dance. Eren can see Reiner and Annie watching from outside the circle, but they won’t say anything. They know not to.

“What if it’s what she needs?” Armin asks, his question nearly being drowned out by a girl’s drunken shriek.

“I don’t know what she needs.” Eren says, frustration creeping into his tone. He knows what to do when she knocks on his window at 3am, when she calls from another town over, or when she’s curled in front of a toilet, bottle still in hand before he carries her to bed and stays up all night to make sure she’s okay. “I don’t think she knows either.”

“I love her,” Armin says quickly, almost urgently as Mikasa lets go of the boy’s hand and turns to face them. “I really do, but I still think you should tell her.”

“It’s not that important, Armin.”

“I think it is.”

“It’s just a dumb crush,” Eren laughs, raking a hand through his hair. “Just weird feelings for a best friend. They’ll go away soon enough.” Armin throws him a disbelieving glare, and Eren isn’t surprised at all. He never could lie to Armin. “Fine. You know what? If they’re still here by the time school starts, I’ll tell her. Okay? First day of school, I’ll tell her.”

“Good.”

“It still won’t change anything.” Eren mutters, looking for answers in the folds of his cup.

“You’ll never know until you say it.”

“Armin.” Mikasa reaches them then, dipping her head to kiss Armin’s cheek. “Eren,” she says, the soft lilt of her voice like a dagger he lives to be cut by, and extends her hand to him. “Dance with me.”

Eren wants to refuse, to forcefully tear away his feelings for her, but he takes her hand anyway, untangling his legs from Armin’s. They don’t get far before she fits into his arms, draping both of hers over his shoulders to play with the ends of his hair. Eren keeps his arms firm around her waist, (an anchor, he realizes with a quiet sort of panic,) while she ducks her head to rest against his shoulder, peppering the skin with light kisses.

When she sways a little too far, Eren instinctively pulls her closer, nearly overwhelmed with her scent and her presence so close to him. Hell, they’ve always been close, but now Armin’s gotten his mind spinning, digging up ideas. Eren pictures a different life, a different world, where they could dance together in a kitchen, laughing and twirling while their food lay forgotten, too busy wrapped up in each other to worry about such things. A world where Mikasa spends the night in his bed because she craves his touch, and not because she’s too intoxicated to get home or her cousin refuses to unlock the door again. Where he spends countless hours tracing how much he loves her into the smooth expanse of her back.

A world where she loves him the way he wants her to.

“Let’s go,” Mikasa says when they’ve been standing still for too long. Her words are slurred, head heavy against his shoulder, and he knows what he needs to do.

Eren pulls her arm around his shoulders without a second thought, a confirmation to her request. He hears Armin bid them goodnight, but he’s too focused on keeping Mikasa steady to respond.

By the time they reach his house, Eren’s carrying Mikasa in his arms, her heels dangling from the hand supporting her legs and her head rolling against his shoulder. He nudges the front door open; forever grateful that his mom leaves it cracked for him. In the morning, his mom and dad will express their usual disdain and concerns about Eren and Mikasa sleeping in the same bed so often, about Eren dedicating so much of his time to taking care of her; but they’ll fall on deaf ears. They always do.

His parents love Mikasa like a daughter, they always let her know as much; they just don’t love what they’ve been seeing for the past few years.

Eren lays her as gently as he can on his bed, somehow managing to prop her up long enough to get his comfiest sweatshirt over her head. He makes sure there’s a clear path to the bathroom before retrieving a glass of water and aspirin for her. He’s still tucking the blankets around her when she grabs the front of his shirt, just conscious enough to ask him to stay, and he can’t refuse. He never could.

He knows nothing will change if he tells her, and he’s sure she already has an idea of it anyway, but it doesn’t stop him from wishing. Doesn’t stop him from _wanting_ things to be different, to be able to smooth the furrow in her brow with his lips instead of his will, to wake up with her in his embrace still, instead of sneaking out through the window; lost in a world he cannot reach.

And, as Eren pulls Mikasa into his arms for the night, he thinks it shouldn’t be like this: the sinking feeling in his chest and the ache in his heart. Maybe what he wants isn’t right, but he thinks what it is now is even worse.

* * *

Eren skips the first day of school.

He tells his mom and dad, and they send him off with a quiet understanding and desperate hugs, telling him to be careful. With just her old scarf hanging out of his back pocket, Eren walks the six blocks to her, his chest tightening with every step.

He sits on the grass when he gets there, leaning his back up against her headstone as he holds the scarf between his hands; careful not to disrupt any memorabilia her friends and neighbors had left.

Eren had forgotten about the scarf, forgotten about the days they used to trade off wearing it until leaving each other for the night. She’d told him she lost it at the end of middle school, and he’d forgotten how much it meant to both of them until he’d arrived at the hospital that night. Until he reached her room, breathless and more terrified than he ever remembered being to find Levi standing motionless next to her covered body. Levi had explained what the doctors told him, told Eren he’d take care of the funeral arrangements.

 _“She’d want you to have it,”_ Levi had said, dropping the scarf into Eren’s hands as he fell to his knees, breaking in ways he never thought possible.

Despite the record-breaking heat, Eren wraps the scarf around his neck, pressing his cheek into the hot stone. “It’s the first day of senior year,” Eren says, not bothering to keep his voice from breaking. “I’ve applied to Sina University. I know you never wanted to go to college, but I swear, Mik, you would have loved this place. Oh,” he wipes at the tears that have started to fall, but soon gives up as new ones replace them. “They’re already saying Armin’s going to be Valedictorian.”

A light breeze picks up, ruffling his clothes and hair but does nothing to calm the heat.

“I miss you,” he chokes out, fingers curling into a fist next to the only picture at her grave. He was there that day, just outside her reach at the creek while Armin took more pictures than necessary, only two weeks before the accident. The autopsy revealed that she’d been sober that night, but the car hadn’t seen her crossing the street in time to stop, and the driver kept on going, stealing a life and leaving the ones who loved her with an irreparable break.

When the sun begins to set and the ache in his neck becomes almost unbearable, he stands, brushing the dirt away from his jeans and wiping once more at his tear tracks. “I hope you’re happy up there,” Eren says, sweeping his fingers over the top of her headstone.

“I mean it. I hope to any God there is, Mikasa, that you’ve found what you couldn’t down here. I hope that you’ve found where to be impossible and fantastic in the same breath. Even though you always were fantastic,” His voice breaks on a sob, and he closes his eyes. “Because I still can’t find it, I still can’t see whatever it is you saw. I- I’m sorry.”

Eren bows his head, overcome with regret. He should have been there that night. He swore to take care of her, but when she needed him most, he _wasn’t there._

He blinks his eyes open, barely able to make out her smiling face in the picture. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do more than love you. I’m sorry I couldn’t be what you needed, I’m sorry… I’m _sorry_ -”

Armin’s words from so long ago drift through his head, but he’ll never get an answer now, never get the chance to get one. Eren should have tried harder, should have held on tighter before he lost her, he should have told her- should have _been there_.

He’ll never know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you liked it! I might come back to this world, (and maybe let them be happy,) but I'll leave it at this for now. I've wanted to do an Eren pining fic for a long time, and this is the first one that came out.
> 
> Thank you, Lindsey, for destroying me with your drabbles and I really hope you liked this.


	20. I'd Do It All Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After leaving town for three weeks on a business trip, Mikasa returns home to see a new addition to her little family: a stray dog Eren adopted while she was away. Mikasa always liked cats better, but she decides to give the dog a week, and is forever grateful that she did.
> 
> Word Count: 6,735

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to Melanie (StormyInk)!! Happy birthday babe!

The first things Mikasa sees when she gets home are Armin’s shoes, laid neatly next to Eren’s, and a leash. She drops her backpack on the floor, dragging her suitcase inside as well, before removing her shoes. Next to the fridge she sees two bowls, and she counts three tennis balls scattered around the kitchen.

“Hello…?” She winds her scarf tighter around her neck, wandering further into the house.

Armin answers after a beat. “In here, Mik.”

Turning into the living room, Mikasa comes face to face with Armin, seated on the couch with an arm propped behind his head, and Eren on all fours, wiggling his butt in the air to mimic the wagging tail of the dog poised in front of him.

A _dog?_

It’s small, with thin, dark brown fur that almost matches Eren’s hair, and a fairly short tail. When it turns to lap at Eren’s cheek, she sees its rather long face and floppy ears, and a patch of white fur around its left eye to match the white splattered on its belly and paws. Mikasa decides that it’s cute, but she thinks it would be even cuter if she _wanted_ a dog.

The dog, or puppy maybe, woofs and Eren does, too, a goofy smile on his face. He reaches for a toy, a long purple octopus woven together out of different lengths of rope, and dangles it over the puppy’s head, retracting it just as the puppy jumps. The puppy whines, jumps again, and Eren lets it catch the toy this time to initiate a game of tug.

Mikasa glances around the room to find more toys, a harness, and a pair of Eren’s old flip-flops chewed up before the TV stand. Three weeks. She was gone for _three weeks_ , and already it looked as if the dog had been living with them for ages.

“Eren.”

He startles, looking up at the sound of her voice and hastily dropping the toy octopus. Then, he smiles, lips spreading wide as he jumps to his feet, the dog weaving haphazardly through his legs. Eren crosses the distance between them in a few long strides, and before she can ask him about his new _friend_ , he sweeps her into his arms; pulling her so close her toes barely graze the floor as he spins her, laughing heartily.

And Mikasa’s laughing, momentarily forgetting the dog and the messy state of the apartment as he kisses her, slow and languid, and filled with everything she’s missed since they parted in the airport. Her hands cup his cheeks and she feels him smile before Armin pointedly coughs behind them.

They break apart, Eren resting his forehead against hers, and Mikasa brushes his hair from his eyes. It’s gotten long, she notes with a grin; she likes it.

“Don’t worry, man,” Eren says, snaking his arm around her shoulder to pull her closer. “Your kiss’s coming next.”

“Pass,” Armin snorts.

Eren kisses her again before laughing, breathless and happy and completely at ease. “I thought you were getting home tomorrow.”

“I convinced them to let me go a day early,” she says.

“I’m glad.” His voice drops lower as he presses a kiss to her temple. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Mikasa watches Armin stand, taking care to step around the dog bed and blankets in front of the couch as he nears them. He nudges one of Eren’s arms, making just enough room to tug Mikasa into a hug.

Armin ruffles her hair, ignoring her muffled complaint against his chest as he pulls back, smiling brightly. “How was the trip?”

“It was fine. Long. A lot of paperwork.” She rolls her shoulders, wanting nothing more than to change out of her dress and crawl into bed with Eren. “But fine.” The dog yaps from somewhere in the room; Mikasa makes a face. She’d almost forgotten the thing. “Eren…”

Eren grins sheepishly. “Don’t say anything yet.” He drops to the floor, sitting cross-legged and patting his lap. The dog perks up and jumps from its bed, running across the room to settle in Eren’s lap, barking happily as Eren scratches behind its ears.

Mikasa looks to Armin for help. “How.”

Armin shakes his head, kneeling down to offer his hand to the dog to lick at. “We went with Ymir and Historia to visit Sasha at the shelter, what, two week ago?” He glances at Eren, who nods excitedly.

“Yeah. She told us not to get attached, but…”

“You got attached?” Mikasa finishes, her voice dull.

“Yeah!” The dog lies on its back in Eren’s lap, exposing its full white belly, (and sex to Mikasa,) and Eren automatically drops his hand to rub small circles on her chest. “I saw this pretty girl a couple hours after we got there, and ended up playing with her for the rest of the afternoon-”

“And ignoring his friends the entire time,” Armin interrupts.

Eren continues as if Armin hadn’t spoken. “And I fell head over heels for her.” He leans down to nuzzle his cheek against the dogs. “What was I supposed to do? Leave her there?”

Mikasa and Armin answer simultaneously, “yes.”

Eren pouts, pulling the puppy against his chest protectively. “She loves me, too.”

Mikasa sighs, tucking her dress underneath her as she sits across from Eren. His intense love and devotion was endearing for the most part, but this was starting to remind her of the day Eren brought home an injured squirrel when they were twelve. His mom helped him nurse it back to health, and her dad helped him build a little hut for it, but even after it gave him rabies, Eren told her he didn’t regret it.

The puppy tipped her head at Mikasa. “What’s her name?” Mikasa asks.

“Shira,” Eren answers proudly.

“Shira?” She repeats, testing the name on her tongue. She glances to Armin, but he only shrugs. “How’d you come up with that one?”

Eren looks away, a hint of red dusting his dark cheeks. “Sasha needed a name on the adoption form and it was the first one I could think of.” She tries to picture it: Eren determinedly holding onto Shira as Armin and Historia try to talk him out of buying the dog without at least calling Mikasa, and Sasha cheerfully going through the adoption process with a giant grin on her face. Mikasa would bet that Ymir had pictures.

“Her breed?”

“They actually had no idea,” Eren says as Shira stands from his lap, trotting around the room and starting to chew on a rawhide bone. “Sasha told me they found her in an alley, no tags or owners to be found; a messy and dangerously skinny thing. She thinks there might be some beagle in there, though.” He meets Mikasa’s gaze, looking more than a little sad. “I couldn’t just leave her there, Mik.”

“I know you couldn’t, Eren, but you should have called me first.” She tucks some hair behind her ear as Armin sits next to her. “That way I wouldn’t have been so floored walking through the door.” Shira suddenly perks up, eyes trained on the front door, where the sound of their mailbox being opened and then shut could barely be heard. Mikasa scowls. “Or have the chance to talk you out of it. Do your parents know about her?”

“Oh yeah! Mom, dad, and your parents came to meet her a few days ago.” He shoots her a smug look. “They loved her.”

Shira runs for the door, barking madly and yelping as she jumps, trying to see through the small windows on either side of the door. She scratches at the doorframe, her yelps turning into high-pitched yowls, and Mikasa wonders how such a small dog could have such powerful lungs.

Eren jumps up after Shira, scooping her into his arms mid-jump. “Hey! Didn’t I say no barking?” She barely reaches across his chest, her body squirming in his hold to try and catch a glimpse of the mailman.

She turns to face Armin, leaning back slightly on her hands. “Aren’t beagles the ones that-?”

“Bark a lot and loudly?” Armin finishes, offering her a weak smile. He looks far too used to the dog for her liking. “Yes. We’ve taken her to a few training classes, but not barking has been the hardest for her to learn.”

“She knows how to sit, stay, and roll over, though!” Eren says after finally getting Shira to calm down. “Little girlie should be all set in a couple months!” He sits back on the floor, cradling Shira against his chest and scratching her ears. Shira’s tongue lolls out of her mouth as she pants happily.

Mikasa makes a face. “Eren, you know I like cats better.”

“I know.” Now he has the decency to look properly embarrassed. “But we never really talked about it or decided which one we were going to get and Shira had _just_ been rescued a few days before I met her.” He lifts Shira until their cheeks were pressed up against each other facing her, and pouts. When it doesn’t work right away, he tries again, “give her a week. If you still hate her, we’ll take her back to the shelter, okay?”

Mikasa sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose and staring at the ceiling. He was right; they’d been talking about getting a pet before she’d been called out of town, but she thought she’d have more say in it. When she looks at Eren, nuzzling his nose against Shira’s, she finds she doesn’t hate the idea of having Shira around. Mikasa doesn’t hate dogs, and as long as the dog doesn’t tear their house apart, she figures it wouldn’t be a problem.

“Okay.”

Eren’s grin is blinding as he scrambles to his knees to reach her and press a sloppy, fast kiss to her cheek. “Thanks babe!” Her nose scrunches. “No babe; got it. But you’re going to love Shira, I promise!” He puts the dog right in Mikasa’s lap, leaning over to get in Armin’s personal space. “Armin, she said-!”

“I’m sitting right here- Eren!”

Mikasa winces as Shira’s nails dig into her skin, and the dog sits up, tilting her head at Mikasa curiously. Shira sniffs at her wrist. Mikasa scratches Shira’s head, the fur soft and silky beneath her fingers and she thinks she could get used to having another energetic fluff ball around, just as Shira bites her wrist hard enough to draw blood.

“You bit-!”

Eren grabs Shira just as Armin pinches Mikasa’s cheek to stop her swear in its tracks before taking her hand to inspect it. “It’s not bad,” he tells her. She huffs, chin against her other hand as she glares at the dog, happily nestled in Eren’s arms. “You’ll want a bandage, though.”

The doorbell rings and Eren moves to answer it, Shira barking madly in his arms. “That must be Sasha and the others with the pizzas.” Shira’s barking suddenly mixes with Sasha and Connie’s screaming as they fight to be the first one through the door as Jean holds the pizzas above their heads and curses at them to be quiet. “Also,” Eren calls back as he closes the door behind Annie. “Shira might have peed on a pair of your heels.”

“Which ones?” Mikasa asks as Armin wraps her wrist, feeling more tired than when she stepped off the plane. She could handle losing any pair except-

“The black ones!”

“ _Damn it!_ ”

* * *

Mikasa wakes up to an ass in her face.

In all the years she’s known Eren and Armin, and all the times they slept at each other’s houses or napped in the same bed, she’s never woken up to an ass. She’s dealt with Armin’s foot, Eren’s elbow, a knee, and even Eren’s finger in her ear, but never a dog’s butt.

She sits up, scooting as far to the edge of the bed as she can and running a hand over her face. It’s early, earlier than she thought she’d be waking after everyone left last night, and she thinks about getting a few more hours of sleep, but the dog’s in her favorite spot- head nestled against Eren’s shoulder- and she’s already up.

She pushes herself from the bed and changes into her running clothes, tying up her hair before pausing. She glances at Eren, tangled messily in his half of the sheets, with one arm tucked beneath his head and the other touching the space she’d recently left. Mikasa missed him terribly while she was away, and she wished they could spend the day together, but Eren had his own job as a cop to do. Her company had given her the day off, however, so she’d be home when he was done.

Mikasa traces his cheek; feather light strokes of her fingertips over his brow and nose, a small smile playing on her lips. She presses a kiss to his forehead, smoothing her hand over his hair as Shira growls out a warning, but doesn’t move.

Mikasa sticks her tongue out at the dog as she leaves.

Upon her return, Mikasa finds a note from Eren tucked awkwardly under a glass, his familiar scrawl messier than usual, and she figures he must’ve been in a hurry. Pushing sweaty strands of hair from her face, she pours herself a glass of water before reading the note- her nose scrunching in irritation before even getting halfway through.

_Mikasa, I’m really late. Can you walk Shira? Once around the block- her leash is hanging by the door and there’s poop bags in the basket with her harness. I’ll see you tonight. Love you!_

She sees Shira sitting by the front door, tail thumping lazily against the floor as she tilts her head at Mikasa. Mikasa makes a face, but she knew she had to take the dog out, otherwise Shira would make a mess on the floor somewhere, and it wasn’t fair to the dog.

Deciding to wait on a shower, Mikasa leashes up Shira and stuck a few bags into the strap of her sports bra as she opens the door, immediately getting yanked forward by Shira. Mikasa holds her back though; lengthening her strides so Shira has to slow down- she doesn’t want to accidentally let go of the leash.

However, Shira tugs harshly on the lease, jerking Mikasa to both sides of the sidewalk as she sniffs at a flower, then darts over to sniff, bite, or bark at something else. Mikasa tries to keep her straight, to move her along, but Shira doesn’t want to listen as she nearly runs into the street to bark at another dog, or tries to chase someone away, or stays rooted underneath a tree, barking at a squirrel.

They make it back to their street, though it takes far longer than Mikasa figures it does when Eren walks the dog, but soon they’ll be home and Shira can do whatever it is she does during the day.

Mikasa’s unlocking the front door, Shira’s leash wrapped around her palm, when Shira starts barking _again_. Mikasa ignores it, fumbling with her house key as the dog starts pulling at the leash, barking even louder, and then bolts from the steps, the leash flailing behind her.

“Shira!” Mikasa calls, tearing down the front walk, a cold panic sinking like a stone in her chest. Eren _adored_ Shira, if she…

There were no cars on the street, but who knew what would happen if one did come, if Shira veered from her path into the street; if a driver didn’t see her in time.

Mikasa screams for her again, her legs beginning to ache as she follows the dog up the sidewalk, dozens of scenarios, (each worse than the last,) playing through her head. Mikasa’s beginning to worry she won’t catch her when Shira stops in front of someone, running into their legs in her haste and wagging her tail happily.

“Armin!” Mikasa realizes she’s crying, purely out of frustration, when she reaches Armin and Shira. He’s kneeling in front of the dog, petting her head with her leash held in hand.

Shira wiggles excitedly, barking at her friend as Armin stands and swipes his thumb under Mikasa’s eye, brushing away her tears. “Hi Mikky.”

“She got away,” Mikasa mutters as they start back to the house, pointedly looking away from him. She crosses her arms under her breasts, blowing at the stray hairs falling across her face.

“I see.”

“Armin, what if something had happened?”

Armin takes her keys, scooping Shira into his arms before unlocking the door. “Nothing happened.”

“But-”

He knocks his shoulder against hers, offering a kind smile as she worries her bottom lip. “You just have to be a little more careful next time, make sure her leash is wrapped around your wrist and held in hand.” Mikasa nods, not quite meeting his eyes. “Hey. The day Eren brought her home, he lost her under the couch.”

Mikasa snorts. “Really?”

“Really.” Armin unhooks Shira’s leash, letting her free in the apartment. “He thought she’d get stuck or hurt under there, but he got her out, and he’s gotten better with her. You’re going to do just fine.”

He pulls her into a one-armed hug, rubbing her shoulder with an open, warm palm. She leans into him, despite the lingering sweat from her morning, briefly wondering if he’d had plans to stop by or if Shira’s appearance on the street had brought him over. “Thank you,” she murmurs into his sleeve.

Armin nods as Shira comes bounding back to them, dropping one of her toys at Armin’s feet. He pushes Mikasa further into the house before reaching for the toy. “Go shower. Have you eaten anything yet?”

“No.” She kicks off her shoes.

“I’ll make some breakfast.” Armin tosses the toy through the hall, and Shira chases it madly, a growl building behind her teeth. As Mikasa collects her things, she hears him say, “I just hope he doesn’t lose your damn baby under the couch.” Mikasa throws a hairbrush at him. She misses, but his laugh echoes after she closes the door to the bathroom.

And that night, when Eren gets home to see Mikasa and Shira sitting as far apart as possible from each other on the couch with Armin grinning between them, he makes the right choice not to ask.

* * *

They stumble in late one night, their movements a little sluggish from the drinks at Ymir and Historia’s engagement party. Eren’s hands are hot on her hips as he pulls her into their home, her nails clutching his forearms as she manages to kick the door closed behind them.

Mikasa nearly trips as she nudges off her shoes, but Eren holds her steady with strong hands on her shoulders. “How much did you drink?”

She isn’t sure if he’s actually slurring his words or if she imagined it. “I don’t know,” she admits. At least her head’s not spinning as much as before. “Ymir kept bringing them to me. I lost count after five.”

“Hm.” Eren kisses her forehead, guiding her to their bedroom. His voice takes on a singsong quality as he kisses along her nape, his lips a pleasant warmth on her heated skin. “I think she likes you.”

“How will I break the news to Historia?”

“I’ll help.” He unzips her dress and unhooks her bra before tugging one of his sweatshirts over her head, mussing her hair in the process. After helping her into bed, Eren disappears from the room to take Shira out, turning off lights and locking doors and windows on his way back. She buries her face into the collar of his sweatshirt.

“Eren.”

“Yes?” Placing a glass of water on her side table, Eren tosses his suit jacket onto the dresser, followed by his shirt.

Mikasa doesn’t answer at first, her tongue weighing heavily as she shuffles until her feet are hanging off the end of her bed, her weight supported on her shaky forearms. He’s been in that suit for too damn long. She waits until he turns before raising her leg to push her foot against his crotch, grinning victoriously. Her plan worked perfectly.

Or maybe not so much, as Eren’s got his eyebrows raised and looks as if he’s trying not to laugh at her. “Mikasa?” He asks after a minute, taking her foot from where she’d managed to kick his knee.

She decides to ignore that minor setback, shaking her hair out of her face. “I want you.”

He doesn’t respond, setting her foot back on the bed before climbing over her, his knees on either side of her hips as she lies down. Mikasa curls a hand into his hair, tugging his mouth to hers; his lips warm as she kisses him. Hooking a leg around his waist, his sweatshirt riding up her stomach, she reaches down, fingers barely brushing the waistband of his boxers before Eren takes her hand and holds it above her head.

“You’re drunk.” Eren kisses the tip of her nose.

“Drunk,” she complains, pulling her lips into a pout. Eren snorts, nudging her leg away from his hip. She realizes her mistake too late. “I’m not. Drunk.”

“Yeah, okay Yoda.”

Mikasa tugs on his hair, kissing him again and trying to pull him closer, but he breaks the kiss with a laugh to press his lips to her forehead and cheeks. He cards his fingers through her hair, gently working through the knots as she sighs contently, the routine strokes of his fingers working to calm her. Mikasa reaches for his free hand, linking their fingers just before Shira jumps onto the bed and barges between them, barking happily in Eren’s face. Mikasa resists the urge to groan.

“I thought we agreed no dog in the bed.” Her head is still just fuzzy enough to allow her thoughts to slip into words.

“We’re not sleeping, yet.” Eren says, gathering the dog in a smothering hug. “Hey girlie!” Shira laps at his nose and cheek, her tail thumping wildly against the bed.

Mikasa throws an arm over her eyes, this time actually groaning. “I hate that dog.”

She feels Eren freeze next to her, murmuring to Shira in an attempt to quiet her. “Mikasa…”

“She’s in the way all the time, and she peed on my _favorite_ shoes.” She’s well aware that she’s whining, but she can’t stop the words from spilling, falling between them as empty weight. “She scratches me when you aren’t looking, and I know she’s been hiding my keys. And she sheds. A _lot._ ”

Eren is silent, scratching loudly at Shira’s head before he sighs and lies on his back next to her, Shira still perched on his chest. “A week.” She manages to turn her head, meeting his gaze as he does the same, his bright eyes searching hers dejectedly. “You promised a week, Mikasa.”

“I know-”

“There’s still three days left in the week.” Eren sits up, still cradling Shira against his chest. “I’m sure you’ll find something about her to like.” He takes Shira back to the living room, and Mikasa hears him latch her crate before he returns, dropping his slacks next to the bed and tossing the covers over them, running his fingers through her hair as Mikasa shoves her face into his chest.

“I’m sorry.”

Eren laughs, quietly and not unkindly, lifts her chin to catch her eyes. “Don’t be. I kind of had a feeling it would be like this.”

Mikasa pauses, her words caught on her tongue before she finally says, “I don’t hate Shira.”

“I know.”

“Eren?” He hums in acknowledgement. “I love you.”

He pulls her closer, pressing a kiss to her head. “I love you, too.”

* * *

Mikasa hates Eren’s late night shifts on the force; she hates how the house feels even colder when he isn’t around, and especially hates the little bundle of nerves that she can’t seem to shake for the two nights he works late. She’s always afraid that he’ll get caught in a bad scuffle with a criminal, or hit in the crossfire, or targeted by someone and instead of him at the door, it’ll be Chief Hannes with his hat pressed against his chest and bad news burning his throat.

Eren always tells her not to wait up- he knows how her mind works, especially when she stays up, stressed and worried and too wired to sleep, but she hasn’t followed his advice yet. It makes the early hours of her job harder, but she thinks it’s worth it to see him get home, safe and without harm.

Pulling a thin throw blanket from the back of the couch over her shoulders, Mikasa tucks her legs beneath her, seeking a little more warmth while she reads through her current case study. Levi sprung it on her at the last minute, setting the meeting for two days from now, and though she sometimes hated working with her cousin, (his crude humor and perpetual apathy didn’t make for such great teamwork,) he always managed to give her some of the most interesting cases.

Her vision’s just beginning to blur, the words on the paper merging together when Shira jumps onto the couch next to her, plopping her chin on Mikasa’s thigh. Mikasa tosses the study onto the coffee table, rubbing her palms against her eyes as Shira fixed herself into a more comfortable position, staring at Mikasa with her big, brown eyes.

“Hi, girlie,” Mikasa says, trying out Eren’s favorite nickname. She starts to gently scratch behind Shira’s ears, tilting her head at the way Shira whines, low in her belly. “Hm, one day left, huh? What are we going to do with you?”

The week Mikasa had promised Eren was up tomorrow afternoon, and she’d have to decide whether or not they’d keep Shira. Mikasa didn’t hate the dog, in fact she’d come to love their morning runs, the warmth Shira emanated when curled next to Mikasa’s leg, and the unyielding energy that reminded Mikasa of Eren. But in the course of the week, Shira had torn through one of Mikasa’s skirts, peed twice on the rug, shed on everything, and barked so much Mikasa wasn’t sure she’d ever forget the sound.

The only question was: did the bad outweigh the good?

Shira whines again, a long, pitiful sound that immediately worries Mikasa. She stops scratching Shira’s head, listening to the dog’s sporadic breathing, her rapid panting, and the way Shira can’t seem to raise her head from Mikasa’s thigh. Normally, Shira’s bouncing with energy until she tuckers herself out, but that’s certainly not the case tonight.

“Hey.” Mikasa shifts, the blanket falling from her shoulders as she carefully pulls Shira into her lap, stroking her fingers along Shira’s belly. “What’s wrong?” Mikasa isn’t expecting an answer, but Shira’s constant whining is beginning to sound like crying, and Mikasa can feel her worry shifting into a panic.

Mikasa takes Shira’s face into her hands, and feels her heart stop at the little bumps that have begun to spread across Shira’s mouth and throat.

“Oh no.”

In a blur, Mikasa has a jacket and a pair of boots on, her cell phone pressed to her ear as she waits for Eren to pick up. Shira watches, sprawled out and short of breath on the couch, while Mikasa paces around the room.

“ _Hey, Mikasa! What’re you doing up-_ ”

“Something’s wrong,” she interrupts, her voice rising in panic.

Eren shouts something to a coworker, and then it’s quiet on his end before he asks, “ _What is it? What’s wrong?”_

“I don’t- I’m not sure.” Mikasa groans, tugging a hand through her hair. Her chest clenches at another pitiful whine from Shira. “Her throat… She- Shira, she can’t breathe, I-”

“ _Mikasa. Mikasa, calm down._ ” He pauses, probably waiting to make sure she’s listening before he continues. “ _Over by the strip mall, about a block away from the high school- you know the place?_ ”

“Yes.”

“ _Three blocks north, there’s a twenty-four hour animal hospital._ ” Eren’s speaking too quickly, something he does when he’s scared or unsure. “ _It’s where I took Shira for her shots- Trost Animal Hospital. Armin can give you directions if you need them, Mikasa. Get Shira there. I’ll meet you as soon as I can, okay?”_

“Okay. Eren-”

“ _Go._ ”

Mikasa stuffs the phone into her pocket before gathering Shira into one of her blankets, holding Shira against her chest as she runs for the car. She knows where the animal hospital is, she visited once with Eren’s dad when she’d thought of being a vet, and the traffic is light enough at 2am that she gets there with no trouble.

At the reception area, with Shira crying into her neck, Mikasa explains the situation, the strange bumps she saw, how lethargic Shira had seemed. The woman, a tall, young looking redhead with kind eyes and a patient smile takes down all the information Mikasa was telling, somehow understanding her broken sentences. She has Mikasa quickly fill out a form before carefully taking Shira into her own arms.

“You can follow me into the office.” The woman places Shira on the table in a small room, unfolding the blanket and resting Shira’s chin on her front paws. At the opposite side of the room there was a door that Mikasa figured led to where they did any operations, but it seemed they’d be staying in the small room as the woman began examining Shira.

Mikasa stood in the corner, worrying her thumbnail between her teeth and choosing to ignore the chairs to shift her weight from one foot to the other. It felt like an eternity was passing as slowly as possible when a loud bang from the reception area made her jump. She heard Eren’s voice, loud and frantic as he argued with a man at the front counter.

She glances out of the room, and once he’d finished signing something, she gestures with her arm to join her. He’s still in his police uniform, but she notices that he’d ditched his hat and gun as he slips an arm around her waist, pressing a kiss to her forehead. Mikasa hears his breathing hitch when he sees Shira, lying on her side on the table.

“Are you okay?” He asks, humming the words against her hair, squeezing her waist.

“Yes.”

Eren walks to Shira’s side, petting her back as the woman gives her a shot and turns back to the computer beside the table to fill out some information. “All set,” the woman says.

“She’ll be okay?” Eren scratches Shira’s ears. Shira’s stilly lying almost motionless on the table, but as Mikasa nears them she can see the dog’s breathing slowly returning to normal.

The woman nods, printing out a sheet of paper and handing it to Eren. “She’ll be just fine. She had an allergic reaction to something. Have you changed any brands lately?”

“Yes,” Eren says, folding the paper into his breast pocket. Mikasa leans against the table, trailing her fingers along one of Shira’s paws. “We just switched her treats a few days ago.”

“Go back to the old treats, but give her a few days to recover.” The woman wraps a blue bandana around Shira’s neck, ruffling her fur with a big smile. “If the bumps don’t go away or her energy doesn’t return by the end of the week, come back and we’ll take care of her, okay?”

“Okay.” Eren takes Shira into his arms, cradling her head against his shoulder as Mikasa folds the blanket over her arm. They’re silent as the woman leads them from the room and they pass the front desk again, where two men with a turtle were speaking. In the parking lot, as Mikasa directs them where she’d parked the car, Eren finally breaks the silence with a long, relieved sigh, and a question over the top of the car. “You’re sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, I am.” She scratches at the back of her wrist, a habit she’d picked up as a young child. Her stomach clenches as she glances at Shira. It had just been allergies, but to Mikasa, it felt as if she’d almost _lost_ Shira. “Oh, Eren, the insurance- I didn’t hav-”

“I had the card with me.” Mikasa nods idly, her hands shaking and making her miss the keyhole on the car door. “Hey.” Eren rounds the front of the car, waving with his shoulder for her to join him. They lean against the car, Shira sleeping against Eren’s chest as Mikasa pulls her jacket tighter around her frame, suddenly missing her scarf as she leans against Eren’s side.

Finally, Mikasa sighs. “I was afraid,” she says, when it becomes obvious that he’s waiting for her to feel ready enough to speak, whispering the words into Eren’s sleeve. “I thought… I thought something awful had happened, that she wouldn’t be okay.”

“She’s okay.” Eren shifts Shira into one arm to wrap the other around Mikasa’s shoulders. “She’s okay, and so are you. You did everything right, and Shira’s just fine.”

Her chest still aches, lingering wisps of panic floating pricking her mind. But she’s breathing easier now- as is Shira, and Mikasa knows what she wants to do.

Mikasa scratches the top of Shira’s head, a tired smile pulling at her lips. “I want to keep her.”

Eren perks up next to her. “Yeah?”

“Yes.”

He kisses the top of her head, smiling so widely she thinks it will split his cheeks. “Thank you,” he breathes, shuffling Shira into Mikasa’s arms and offering to drive them back. She lets herself doze on the way home, one hand intertwined with Eren’s and the other drowsily stroking Shira’s nape.

* * *

It used to be rare that Eren and Mikasa were both home early enough to have a proper dinner, but since Eren’s schedule at the department had settled and become normal, they found themselves with a little more time together. Enough time to sit together at their chipped table, takeout or something Eren made spaced between them and Shira sitting patiently at their feet, waiting for scraps to fall.

Tonight, they’ve already finished talking about their respective days at work, finished finalizing the plans to visit their parents at the end of the next month, and Mikasa is just beginning to suggest they find some ice cream and put on a movie when Eren’s uncharacteristic silence has her trailing off.

“Eren?” Mikasa asks, nudging his knee with her toes. She feeds Shira, perched in her lap, a small scrap and watches as Eren startles, glancing at her, then Shira, then back to her. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah,” he says with a laugh that was meant to be reassuring, but only makes Mikasa worry. He runs his hands down his face with a smile she can’t quite place. “Just… ah, fuck it.”

“What are you-?”

“Will you marry me?”

Mikasa’s breath catches in her throat, eyes wide as Eren smiles sheepishly. Truthfully, she’d imagined being married to him several times over, but she’d never been able to picture the day one of them asked. She hadn’t thought it would be like this, but she didn’t think any other way could be more perfect for them.

“You know,” Mikasa says, voice thick with tears that haven’t yet fallen. Eren takes her hands, urging her to let Shira down and stand before he takes a knee and pulls a small velvet box from his pocket. “Most girls dream of a big fancy proposal.”

“I tried to plan one,” Eren laughs. “Nothing felt good enough for you. I think Armin’s hair’s started graying with how long I agonized to him over this. Remember that surprise party for Ymir? How we celebrated a month early? Yeah, well…” Still holding one of her hands, Eren kisses each of her fingers before continuing, his striking green eyes never straying from hers. “I love you, Mikasa, I have since we were kids. I love how dedicated you are, your strength, the way you love so fully and with all of your heart, and even the way you put your cold toes on my legs at night,” Mikasa chokes out a laugh, crying in earnest now. “I’ve loved everything about you for as long as I can remember. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Mikasa can’t quite find her voice. “Eren…”

“Will you do me the incredible honor, and marry me?” Eren opens the box, revealing a small silver band with a small diamond sitting in the middle, and a tiny red band winding through the ring. It’s perfect.

“Yes.” Mikasa says without any hesitation, the word barely intelligible through her tears. “Yes, Eren, _yes._ Of course I’ll marry you.”

He slips the ring onto her finger, kissing her palm before she’s tugging him up by his collar and kissing him fully, mouth moving against his as she grips his shoulders. Eren breaks the kiss with a laugh, wiping away her tears with the pad of his thumb. Their food lays forgotten on the table, Shira barking beneath their feet, and Mikasa can’t remember a time she felt happier. She couldn’t wait to tell everybody; her parents and even her coworkers, and especially couldn’t wait for the moment they were married.

Eren kisses her forehead. “I love you, Mikasa.”

Resting her cheek against his chest, she listens to the steady beat of his heart. “I love you, too.”

Then, at the same time, “I can’t wait to tell mom.”

Shira yaps again at their feet and Eren scoops her up into his arms, keeping close to Mikasa as he kisses her cheek and lets Shira licks the other. She was so glad Shira joined their family.

* * *

Mikasa’s favorite nights were ones like these, when a storm of snow or rain raged outside, but she was curled against Eren on the couch, covered with a thick throw blanket and using his arm as a pillow. Shira was nestled atop their legs, sleeping in a circle, sometimes jerking awake to find a more comfortable position.

They had the fireplace going, the familiar crackle and Shira and Eren’s deep, even breathing the only sounds in the room. She’ll have to get up to put out the fire soon, but for now she doesn’t intend to move.

Mikasa looks away from the window, just beginning to frost over, to turn on her side to face Eren. Their six-month anniversary was coming up within the week, but Armin had told them not to plan anything, said he’d take care of it, had said he wanted to make up for laughing for nearly an hour when they told him how Eren proposed. She twirled her wedding rings on her finger, smiling to herself; sometimes she still couldn’t believe it.

Now she has a surprise of her own, something she’d confirmed almost two weeks ago but hadn’t found the right moment to spill.

She trails her fingers over his cheek, pressing her lips to his forehead, his nose, and his eyelids. “Eren.”

“’M awake.” Eren says, taking her hand from where she was poking his ear. He kisses her palm, opening his eyes with a yawn. “What’s up?”

“I have news.”

He looks instantly more alert, worry flashing through his vibrant eyes as he props himself on an elbow. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Mikasa says, feeling the beginning of tears prickling at the corners of her eyes. “No, Eren- I’m pregnant.”

His voice was barely above a whisper. “You’re…?”

She makes a noise between a snort and a laugh. “Yeah.”

“We’re…?” Eren grins, splitting the quiet air with a huge laugh.

“Yeah.”

“You’re going to be a mom?” Mikasa nods, unable to find her words. “And I’m going to be a dad? Holy shit. Holy shit, _yes_!” He kisses her so swiftly; crushing her to him so quickly they accidentally dispel Shira onto the floor. Shira jumps onto his back, though, barking excitedly as Eren kisses her again and again, whispering “I love you’s” against her nose.

Their family was growing, and Mikasa’s heart soared as she pictured the next little member.


	21. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa unlocks her legs from his thighs, toying with the hem of his shirt. She shoves her foot against his leg, making him stumble slightly as she crosses her arms over her chest and leans back. “Take your shirt off.”  
> “Yeah?”  
> “Yeah.”  
> [ M ]
> 
> Word Count: 2,950

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got stuck on part 3 of the reincarnation au and this was basically just an excuse to write early summer blowjobs with these two dorks. I hope you like it!

Eren almost always woke up early, usually without an alarm on schooldays, but he preferred to sleep in on the weekends before meeting with Armin or Mikasa or his dad at the hospital. The sun slipping through the cracks in his blinds, however, told him he was pushing it.

His mom normally woke him up on the weekends, a little deal they had so long as he cooks some breakfast for them, only he doesn’t hear her moving around downstairs or playing music quietly in the garden. Eren opens his eyes, rubbing his palms against his face until his visions clears and he sees a post-it on his pillow from his mom, telling him she’ll be out for most of the day running errands.

Groaning, Eren stretches, pushing himself out of bed and stumbling to the bathroom just down the hall. He catches sight of the time, after eleven, and figures Armin and Mikasa have definitely been awake for some time, and he knows none of them made any plans for the weekend, so he’ll call them.

Eren grabs the half-eaten bag of popcorn he made last night from his floor, popping a few pieces in his mouth while trying to remember where he dropped his phone when Mikasa tosses it to him from her perch on his desk.

“Thanks,” he says around another mouthful, halfway through unlocking his phone before realizing the situation. His head snaps up to where Mikasa is sitting, legs crossed with his assigned schoolbook open on her lap, one hand covering her mouth to hide her smile. He also realizes she’d opened the windows, the warm almost-summer wind clearing out the leftover popcorn smell. Briefly, Eren thinks she might have scaled the house to climb through his window, but he’d broken his leg the first time he tried eight years ago, and they’d mutually decided to use doors. Eren laughs, dropping the popcorn again and crosses the room to her. He presses his lips to her cheek, smiling when she leans into his touch. “G’morning.”

“It’s almost noon.” Mikasa flips through a few pages, as if Eren wasn’t covering half of her face with kisses.

“It’s morning until I’m fully awake.”

She shrugs, but she’s still grinning. “Fair enough.”

Eren pulls back, easing the book from her lap. “How’d you get in this time?” Even before they started dating, Eren and Mikasa spent most of their free time at each other’s house or Armin’s place, so finding Mikasa sitting in the kitchen with his mom, reading quietly in the study with his dad, or sleeping in his bed wasn’t a surprise anymore. But sometimes she still climbed through the first floor windows to scare him.

Mikasa takes his hands and holds them at her sides until he’s close enough for their noses to brush against each other. “Carla left the back door unlocked again.” Her lips were so close, but she was purposefully keeping her chin tucked so they didn’t touch.

“Maybe it was a hint to quit picking the locks,” Eren suggests, resting his forehead against hers.

Mikasa hums, trailing her fingers over the backs of his hands and up his arms, slowly and carefully tracing nondescript patterns with her nails. Her touch is cold, eliciting goose bumps across his skin, even though the room suddenly feels a lot hotter as Mikasa brushes her fingers under the sleeves of his t-shirt and across the back of his neck.

“Any word from Armin?” Eren shivers, small and quick, but he’s sure she doesn’t miss it.

“He’s at Sasha’s to work on the Physics project.”

“Oh yeah. We have to finish that toda-”

She kisses him then, tilting her chin to nudge their lips together as her legs close around his upper thighs to pull him closer. He’s nearly hunched over the desk, his hands planted firmly on her hips as she touches her tongue to the seam of his lips and works his mouth open. He’s so distracted by her heel digging into the back of his thigh that he’s slow to notice her hand moving to his chest until she breaks the kiss and holds him back from kissing her again.

Eren’s thankful for the chance to gather his thoughts, though, as Mikasa leans back and wrinkles her nose. “You taste like stale popcorn.”

“I wonder why.”

She laughs, and even after so long, the breathy gasps make him smile, too. Eren leans in to kiss her again, but she drops a finger to his lips, a wicked gleam in her eyes as her laughter fades but her smile does not.

Mikasa unlocks her legs from his thighs, toying with the hem of his shirt. She shoves her foot against his leg, making him stumble slightly as she crosses her arms over her chest and leans back. “Take your shirt off.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Eren’s quick to comply, pulling his t-shirt over his head as Mikasa jumps from his desk. She stands before him, until her clothed chest was pressed against his bare one, curling her fingers over the waistband of his sweatpants and walking him backwards to his bed. The backs of his knees hit his mattress and he falls back, shuffling higher as Mikasa follows with her legs on either side of his waist and her hands cupping his face to kiss him again.

He’s hyperaware of her entire body; her legs squeezing his waist, her chest brushing against his, the ends of her hair tickling his chin as she kisses him, her fingertips burning his chin and branding him with her touch, the clean scent of her hair, everything that’s driven him crazy for years. Eren lets his hands roam down the expanse of her back, bunching her shirt in a fist when she bites his lower lip, and he gasps as her tongue touches his.

Mikasa shifts her hips, tilting her head above him and he swears his heart might stop. He manages to get a hand under her shirt, to touch the clasp of her bra before Mikasa breaks the kiss, her hand catching his before he can undo her bra. She pulls back just enough to keep distance between their lips, her hair pooling against his collarbones.

“Not yet.”

Eren groans, heat rising through his body as she traces the pads of her thumbs along his throat. “You’re killing me, Mik.”

She shrugs innocently, gathering his hands from the small of her back to hold them above his head with graceful ease. He shivers at the first press of her lips to his throat, and she trails hot open-mouthed kisses along his jaw and throat, pausing every few minutes to suck a mark onto his dark skin. Her teeth graze his pulse and he groans again, tilting his head back, and he feels her smile against his skin.

Eren can’t help the sounds that start falling from his mouth, the moans and whispers of her name as she moves lower, her lips following the path her fingers set first. She’s let go of his hands; trusting him to keep them high, keep his body stretched before her like a canvas to paint and mark with bruises along his taunt chest. And he does, his fingers tightening on the headboard every time her teeth sink into his chest.

“Mikasa…” He squirms under her touch, the cool press of her hands doing nothing to curb the heat threatening to suffocate him.

Mikasa rakes her nails down his chest and over his abs, his back arching with a gasp at the sting. She kisses the tops of the marks and over his chest, grazing her lips and tongue over his nipples, his breath shortening the lower she moves.

Eren swears he can feel his heart trying to burst through his chest as Mikasa kisses his hipbones, her fingers just barely dipping under his waistband. She pulls away suddenly; the loss of her touch just above where he needs her most makes him breathless. He blinks, slow and delayed, staring up at her with hopeless confusion. She bites her lip to hide a smile.

“Have you thought more about that tattoo you wanted?”

“I- _seriously?_ ” Mikasa pushes her palm against the bulge in his pants, making him hiss as she stares expectantly. Eren smirks, more out of frustration than anything else and shakes his head as she applies more pressure against him. She always knows exactly what she’s doing.

She tightens her hold until he’s completely tense beneath her, his chest heaving as he tries to focus on answering her question. “You wanted those wings, right?” She prompts, her free hand smoothing over his thigh “From those dreams you had?”

“Yeah,” he manages, the word barely passing his lips before she splays her fingers over his dick, taking care not to touch anywhere else. “Yeah. The overlapping green and white wings-“ Eren gasps, his eyes falling shut as she squeezes him, her fingers curling around him as much as they can over his sweats.

Eren curses, wrenching his eyes back open when she doesn’t move again. Mikasa tilts her head, the perfect picture of innocence above him, as if her legs weren’t tight around his thighs and her hand wasn’t tormenting him.

“Where?”

He can’t remember what they were talking about, his head foggy with the desperate need to get her to keep touching him, to drown in her lips and teeth and hands. “Um-” Mikasa taps her chest with her pointer finger, just above her heart and he manages to recall what she was waiting on. “On my chest. My heart.”

Mikasa smiles, and he can feel his heart skip a beat at the promise of what’s to come. “It’s going to look really good,” is the last thing she says before she’s pulling his sweats down, shifting her weight momentarily to tug them from his legs and then her mouth is on him, her hair brushing his thighs as she presses the flat of her tongue to the base of his dick over his boxers.

Eren groans, her name falling from his lips in a string of curses as his back arches and his head snaps back. She holds his thighs with the tips of her fingers as she moves her tongue over him with practiced ease. She moves slowly, letting her tongue run over the cloth with leisure while Eren struggles to keep his head clear. He’s achingly hard, desperate for more, but she’s taking her time and dragging her teeth over him as if she hadn’t been building him up for so long.

She kisses back to the waistband of his boxers, nipping at his skin before finally, _finally_ , tugging his boxers down to join the rest of his clothes on the floor. She wraps her hand around him, the heat in the room suddenly overwhelming and concentrating where her lithe fingers were stroking him.

Tilting his chin, Eren watches as she ties her hair back and flashes a quick grin his way, probably pleased with his uneven breathing and the way his hips jerk under her touch. Mikasa scrapes her nails up his thighs and he moans, unashamed as she repeats the motion and he _almost_ curses himself for letting her know about that. His arms have started to ache between holding them above his head and the anticipation, but those thoughts disappear the second her lips touch his dick, and the breath he didn’t realize he was holding leaves him in a rush.

Mikasa presses wet, open-mouthed kisses along his shaft, running her tongue over the base and to the tip, just barely letting her teeth touch him. She takes him into her mouth, hollowing her cheeks as Eren curses, hands tightening into fists and he knows she’ll be the death of him. She takes him further, and it takes every last ounce of his control not to buck into the wet warmth of her mouth.

He’s babbling, he’s sure of it, but he can’t make out anything he’s saying over the ringing in his ears. His hands tighten around the headboard; small bumps in the wood digging into his palms as she moves, dipping her head down and pulling away to swipe her tongue over his tip again and again until Eren’s certain his chest will burst from how erratic his breathing is.

Her hands run up his thighs and Mikasa swallows around him, humming as he cries out and shakes under her touch. Her hands are steady on his hips, keeping him still as she hums again, his hands dropping to the bed beside him to grip the sheets.

Eren struggles to keep his eyes open, to watch the way her lips curl over him, wet and slick as her quiet sounds go nearly unheard under his praises. Her eyes flicker up to his, and he’s confident Mikasa’s smirking before she grips his thighs and takes him deeper, ignoring his loud curse to swallow around him again- and it’s a good thing she’s holding him so tightly when his hips jerk and another moan of her name falls from his lips.

He reaches almost blindly for her hair, curling a hand through the strands carefully, never demanding anything from her. She pulls back anyway, wiping the back of her hand over her wet mouth.

“Mik- I…” Eren can feel his heart threatening to jump from his chest, but she wraps a hand around his dick, pumping slowly and never letting him catch his breath. He can’t think of what he meant to say, of what he wanted to tell her, and he settles on a whispered, “oh my god.” She smiles, lips red and swollen and he really wants to kiss her.

He knows she has an idea of what he was trying to say, as she touches his hand in her hair and says, “it’s okay. I know how much you like it.” And without warning, she sinks down again, pinching one of his thighs as her lips close around him again.

His hand tightens in her hair, the other gripping the sheets by his side as he struggles to keep his hips still. Eren feels his release burn low in his gut as Mikasa bobs her head with practiced ease, her nails biting into his thighs and her eyes never leaving his. He’s coming undone, breathless and sweaty with the image of her before him; her spit-slicked lips taking him again and again and loose strands of hair framing her pink cheeks.

Mikasa trails a hand up his inner thigh and wraps her fingers around his base as she curls her tongue over his tip, moving faster and jerking her wrist. His back arches, moaning loudly, and his legs begin to shake beneath her.

“Mikasa- I’m-” Eren manages. “I’m so close-” It’s a warning coupled with a tug of her hair, but she doesn’t let up, twisting her wrist and hollowing her cheeks to moan around him and he comes with her name on his lips, throwing his head back with a loud cry as his hips jerk wildly. Mikasa doesn’t move, swallowing everything he has and moving her palm over him until he’s whining from oversensitivity.

She gently coaxes his hand from her hair, linking their fingers as he manages to throw his arm over his eyes, dragging deep breaths as he slowly regains himself. He can still feel the sting on his chest and thighs from where she scratched him so many times, a smile spreading his face at the thought of the marks they’ll leave.

Eren feels Mikasa settle next to him, propping an arm on his chest as she leans over him, drawing idle shapes on his chest and whispering something he can’t catch.

Finally, he finds enough of his voice to say, “holy shit.”

Mikasa laughs, quiet and calm, but he hears the hoarseness of her voice as she replies, “You’re just easily impressed.”

“Don’t have to be when I have the most impressive girlfriend in the world.”

She tugs his arm away from his face, and he’s pleased to see a deep red blush coloring her features. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Ridiculously good looking.”

“There it is.”

He doesn’t have the energy to respond again; instead he curls his fingers against her cheek as Mikasa leans up to kiss him softly. Mikasa sighs against his mouth, her warm breath fanning over his features as she whispers, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Eren says, stroking her cheek as she hums in contentment.  She ducks her head under his chin, throwing a leg over his, and he remembers, (far later than he’d like to admit,) that she’s still fully clothed. “Hey,” he nudges her, tilting his chin to meet her gaze. “I could return the favor.”

She taps her chin. “I don’t know, Eren. We do have that very important Physics project to finish.”

Eren rolls his eyes. “But we have all weekend for that, and we have no idea when my mom will get home.”

Mikasa slips out from under his arms, sauntering toward his door and pausing just outside his room to throw a smirk over her shoulder. Eren sits up, reaching for his boxers and hissing at the sting on his chest. “Maybe you can change my mind over lunch.”

“Breakfast!”

Her voice echoes from down the hall, “it’s _noon_ , Eren!”

Eren tugs on his discarded sweats as he follows Mikasa from the room, tearing down the stairs and chasing her into the garden, catching her in his arms and spinning her through the grass until they fall, laughing and breathless and tangled together, like they had all the time in the world.


	22. Beyond The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt from mrsstampede on tumblr: How about Eren dies and meets ghost Mikasa, that has never been able to move on. She helps him understand that he is now dead and needs to pass on to the next world. They help each other move on.
> 
> Word Count: 1,726

It’s bright.

So bright that he can’t look, blinded by whatever light is currently engulfing him. Which, he thinks, doesn’t make any sense, since the last thing he remembers is a dark road illuminated only by streetlights and the moon peeking over the horizon.

He thinks he might have fallen asleep, but his eyes aren’t heavy from slumber, he doesn’t feel drowsy and his limbs feel unusually light and nothing about the airy sensation coursing through his veins feels normal.

“ _Eren_.”

His eyes open, and he’s greeted by the sight of a white, pale gold light surrounding him, but he can’t find a source for the light or the voice. He can’t make out where he is or how he got there. He can’t see or feel anything.

Then, before he can blink, the light begins to transform, swirling around him so rapidly he fears he’ll be sick, but there’s no uncomfortable twist in his stomach as the light fades to the corners of the new room- a hospital room. A hospital room that he recognizes exceptionally well. The room he stayed in when he broke his leg. The room he stayed in when he’d been drunk a few months before graduation and had broken his wrist in a fight.

_Dad._

The word comes to him in a rush, bringing with it dozens of memories of words and places and his home and his room and his parents…

_This is… my dad’s main room at the hospital, right?_

_Then what the fuck is going on?_

“ _Eren_.”

He turns, trying to find whomever was speaking to him, but no one else was there. As he wanders further into the room, however, he notices something he hadn’t before- there were two beds in the room, each occupied by a person. A boy and a woman; two people in similar beds with similar dark hair and skin, familiar facial structures, and careful breathing being monitored by several machines.

He finds himself drawn to the woman’s bedside, his eyes trailing over her marred face. He knows her, he’s sure of it, he just can’t place a  _damn name._

_“Eren.”  
_

_“What_?”

He whirls, meaning to scream the word and let it rip through his lungs to finally draw out the owner of the voice and confront them, but instead it is a whisper; a whisper that fucking hurts. A whisper that doesn’t seem to surprise the girl standing at the head of the other bed.

She almost blends in with the pallid white walls of the room save for the shock of dark hair spilling over her shoulders and the vibrant red line marking her neck. Almost everything about her said gentle; her hands clasped on her opposite arms, her head tilted as she watches him with dark eyes, her pale pink nightgown hanging limply on her frame, but none of it make any sense. What was he doing in this room? Who were these people, who was  _she_?

“Who are you?” He asks, and despite trying to talk louder, his voice stays soft. “What’s going on?”

“My name is Mikasa. I’ve come to guide you.” She doesn’t look away from him even as the machines at the head of the woman’s bed splutter loudly before settling again.

He scrunches his face, taking an instinctive step back. His hip knocks against the side of the bed, but he does not feel it so much as he sees it. “Guide me where?”

“To your next life.”

His chest feels tight, his breathing suddenly erratic as he stares at her. She had to be kidding. He… he couldn’t be  _dead…_  could he? This had to be a joke, a cruel joke orchestrated by a friend- his friends did that stuff right? They’d jump out soon enough, introduce Mikasa as someone they met in the hall or in class, explain why the fuck they thought this was a good idea.

Any minute now.

“I know this is confusing,” Mikasa says slowly. “But I don’t think you want to be here when your father gets back.”

His dad… “What the fuck are you talking about?”

She tilts her head, something akin to confusion fluttering across her fair features. “You died just after he left for coffee and to call your grandmother and best friend. You won’t want to see his reaction.”

Somehow, her words make a bit of sense to him, and the terrible, sinking feeling he anticipates doesn’t consume him. Instead, a wave of almost relief floods through him, and he wants to cry when he finds he isn’t shocked or upset because he can recall it- the drive with his mom into town to get cookie dough, the radio playing a throwback he couldn’t even recognize, and the sharp flash of headlights before his screams were drowned out by the screech of metal and tires and his mother’s sobs.

“I’m dead.”

Mikasa nods. “Yes. My condolences.”

“Some fucking sympathy would be nice,” Eren snaps.

He swears she rolls her eyes. “I’ve been dead for nine years, Eren. I don’t-”

“What did you just call me?”

She blinks, her calm expression finally falling to confusion. “Your name.”

“Eren.” He says it quietly, again and again as he recalls even more. It’s him. His name. His great-grandfather’s name. Then that means… “That’s me?” Eren points to the other bed, where a boy he now recognizes as himself lies motionless, the machines hooked up to his body letting out one constant, low-pitched  _beeeeeep_.

“Yes.”

He faces the woman’s bed again, and he’s mortified to realize that he knows her as his mom. “ _Fuck_.” Eren grips the sheets at her side, bowing his head as his shoulders tense in rage and agony, but he finds he can not cry- not for himself, not for his mom lying a few feet away from his dead body, not for the life he’ll miss out on or the people he’ll leave behind. “Is she…?”

Mikasa is suddenly at his side, her arm nearly brushing his. “She’ll be fine.” She glances up at him, her mouth tilted in a soft smile. “You saved her life, Eren.”

“But I’m dead.” He sniffles, wiping at a nose that was not running eyes that were not tearing up.

“Yes. They’ll miss you.”

“What about you?”

“Me?”

Eren glances between his mom, her breathing slow and easy, and his dead body, one of his body’s hands hanging off the side of his bed as if to reach for his mom. “You said you’ve been dead for nine years, right? And that we need to go. Then what are you doing here, shouldn’t you have moved on?”

Mikasa frowns, gripping her arms again as if she were cold, and he can’t be sure, but he thinks he sees the cut on her neck drip ever so slightly. “Yes. I don’t know why I’m still here, but I was pulled here when you died. Maybe taking you to your new life will help me find mine.”

“I can’t leave her.”

Her face falls, crumples in sadness and fear, and she looks back towards his body. “You can’t stay here.”

“I can’t leave my mom!” Eren says, anger rushing through him when he can’t raise his voice. “I can’t leave my dad or my friends! I don’t want to be without my family!”

“It’s too late, Eren. There’s nothing left for you here.”

“I can stay,” he says quickly, scrambling for time. “I can watch over them, keep them safe and stay near them-”

“ _No!”_ Mikasa slams her fist on his mom’s bed, making him jump and his mouth clamp shut. “You can’t. You don’t know what it’s like… wandering alone for years, watching the people you love more than anything learn to cope without you. It will eat at you,” she meets his gaze again, a subtle fire burning deep in her dark eyes. “It’s not fun or beneficial to anyone. We need to leave.”

“Only if you come with me.”

“What? Of course I’m coming with you, I have to get you to your-”

“No,” Eren shakes his head, his hands curling into fists by his mother’s head. On a whim, he reaches out to smooth her hair away from her face, but his fingers sink through her skin and she jerks, gasping loudly as he pulls away with a shout, and if he still had a heartbeat he knew it would be wild. He really was dead. He waits for his mom’s heart rate to settle again before continuing. “Come with me into my next life. You don’t know why you’re stuck here, right?” Mikasa nods, her eyes trained on his mom’s bruised face. “It couldn’t hurt to bring you with me.”

“There could be repercussions.”

“Fuck them.”

“I suppose…” She turns to his body’s bed again, tugging lightly on his shirt sleeve to get him to follow. He figures it should be strange to see himself dead, but the sight does not bother him anymore. Mikasa touches one of the machines, and the beeping gets steadily louder until it reaches what Eren thinks was the proper volume and two nurses scramble into the room.

“ _Someone page Doctor Zoe! And call Doctor Jaeger, now!”_

Mikasa looks to the ceiling, a small smile on her lips again. “I suppose if there are any consequences, they can’t catch us until we die again.” She slips her hand down his arm, lacing her fingers with his. “And who knows? Maybe I’m supposed to be a part of your next life.”

She leads him to the other side of the room, where the pale light he saw earlier begins to collapse around them, surrounding them in a golden warmth that slowly begins to weigh on his conscious. Eren takes a chance, glancing behind him to see his dad rush into the room and fall to his knees, a scream wracking through his body when he immediately realizes there’s nothing to be done.

Mikasa squeezes his hand and he doesn’t stop walking; there’s nothing left for him to do in this life.

They walk together, his dad’s sobs fading to the background of his mind, and Eren loses grip of Mikasa’s hand as a new light shines directly into his eyes and the loud cries of a baby ring through his head.

“ _Congratulations, mister and missus Jaeger! It’s a boy…!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> obviously I know nothing about heaven/hell/reincarnation or which one/ones actually happen in life. I just chose reincarnation bc then Eren and Mikasa could actually meet each other in their next life. And if Eren's about 18, and Mikasa died 9 years ago, guess what that means >:)


	23. Time Can't Heal Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She’s made a mistake.  
> Everyone here had a pre-existing idea of who Mikasa should be. Everyone beyond this door thought they knew her- how was she supposed to get through this?
> 
> Part 3 of the Reincarnation AU
> 
> Word Count: 7,425
> 
> warning for mentions of character deaths and attempted drug overdose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a million years, here it is: the final part of the Reincarnation AU! A big thank you to the people who hounded me about it on tumblr, you're rad. I hope you guys enjoy this!!
> 
> Part 1: Chapter 1- Remembering You  
> Part 2: Chapter 14- Wish I Were Here

Mikasa never imagined she’d spend her first full week of school alone in her room and trapped in her thoughts. For days she’s only shuffled into the rest of the apartment when she needed the bathroom or to take whatever food Levi had left out for her. Mikasa had tried to keep up with her schoolwork, but she couldn’t focus on her studies for long, and she’d been grateful when Mina Carolina had emailed her and offered to send her the notes.

Every time she tried to distract herself, her thoughts just circled back to Eren, to the conversation they’d had. To the day he admitted that they’d known each other in a past life- as absurd as that sounded- and that he’d been looking for her for years. That they’d once fought a war together, faced impossible odds before skyscraper giants, and been… lovers?

It was all too confusing.

Eren had told her he remembered everything and that all of their old comrades and friends did as well, but she didn’t know anything. Mikasa couldn’t recall a war or titans or haunting green eyes. The only life she knew was this one.

Mikasa only knew this life- knew the small house she’d grown with her parents in, remembered the break in that left her without any family for years. She knew for certain that Levi found her a few years later, and he’d promised to take care of her before moving them to a new country and helping her find a school.

She knew all of this to be true. She wasn’t sure she could handle other universes swimming in her head.

Mikasa tosses her history textbook onto the floor, officially giving up on schoolwork for the night. Not that she’d ever really started, but thoughts of Eren were distracting her again. He wasn’t even with her, but the way he’d looked when explaining their history, the expectant gleam in his eyes as he waited for her to remember… the sad smile he wore when he gave her his scarf again.

_The scarf_.

It was just a stupid scarf, yet it meant the entire world and then some to Eren. To Mikasa, however, it was just a piece of fabric half visible under the growing pile of her laundry. She doesn’t know the history behind it; she shouldn’t have accepted it.

Mikasa burrows deeper into her bed, pulling the blankets she could reach over her head and letting her eyes adjust to the darkness. She had to break this funk- forget about Eren and the past that wasn’t her own, forget about those things and move on with her life. College just started and she couldn’t afford to fall behind now, to lose her scholarship or waste the money Levi’s spent on her. She’ll give herself the rest of the weekend.

“This place is disgusting.” Mikasa smiles into her comforter, curling her legs against her chest when she hears Levi click on her light. She doesn’t hear anything else until he pulls her sheets away from her body and hisses- probably at the clothes and wrappers he finds her lying in. “Get up.”

“No.” Mikasa shoves her face under her pillow, but Levi takes it, too, throwing her sheets and pillow onto the floor. At least it was still warm out, Mikasa wasn’t sure if she could keep from hitting him if it were cold. He grabs her wrist, dragging her to the edge of her bed, but she digs her heels in and yanks her hand free. “Levi-!”

“You promised him, didn’t you?” Mikasa stiffens, turning her head away from Levi, but she can see him start to collect her clothes into her hamper. “It’s Friday.” His voice was quiet, barely audible across the room, but his words hit her like bricks she’s been beaten by all day. She knows what today is. Today, Mikasa was to meet Eren for a movie night with his friends as a chance to introduce her to everyone who used to know her. Just thinking about it makes her stomach lurch uncomfortably.

“I know.”

Levi leans against her desk, flipping through her bio-chem textbook before closing it with a sigh. He drops a pair of her jeans into the hamper and crosses his arms over his chest as he appraises her disheveled appearance, finally meeting her eyes. “So what are you going to do? Blow him off? The city’s only so big, Mikasa, you’ll run into him.”

“I know.”

“This is fucked up, it really is-”

“I don’t… want to go.” Her quiet admittance silences him, and as she bows her head she can see his jaw clench and his arms tighten around himself. “He… Eren,” she continues, throat working as she searches for words. She never explained everything that happened with Eren to Levi, and she was grateful that he’d never pushed it. “You should have seen his face when he told me. God… it was like he couldn’t wait for me to remember, for things to be like the past, to get me to… to love him again.” Mikasa chokes back a sob, wiping her nose with her sleeve. “He shattered when I left. How…? How can I do that again? To him… to _me…_?”

“So don’t go.” Her head snaps up, watery gaze searching his, but even after almost four years, she still can’t read him. Levi abandons her hamper to sit beside her on the bed, his arm brushing against hers and hand awkwardly clasping her knee. In any other situation, Mikasa might’ve laughed. “Don’t fucking put yourself through that again. You didn’t move for _two_ days after meeting with him; you don’t deserve that, and you don’t owe Eren anything-”

“But what if there’s a chance?”

Levi groans, “You know what Hanji said.” Levi had invited Hanji Zoe, an old friend from high school, over after Mikasa had admitted a little of what Eren had said to her, but everything Hanji had explained during the visit did nothing to ease Mikasa’s worries. Hanji had told them that if Mikasa were going to remember, she probably would have by now, especially after Eren broke one of the rules to tell her everything. There wasn’t anything else anyone could do. Mikasa had asked them about the headaches she’d had after talking to Eren, but Hanji didn’t have an answer, and the strange pain hadn’t come back in almost four days. “Going to see him won’t bring back any memories.”

“But-”

“No buts.” He pats her knee again, awkward affection neither of them had really gravitated towards, before standing. Levi grabs her hamper and the last few shirts littering her floor, and Mikasa believes their conversation to be over, but he pauses by the door. “Make your decision,” Levi says with a sigh. “But whatever you choose to do, make sure it’s what you want. You’re not the person he remembers, and you don’t owe him shit.”

Mikasa shakes her head, a small smile tugging on her lips as she wipes the last of her tears away. “You have the best way with words.”

“Fuck off.” Levi kicks open her door, balancing her hamper on his hip as he heads for the laundry room. “Get in the shower,” he calls back. “You smell like shit.”

Mikasa allows her thoughts to wander again in the shower. With her head hanging under the spray and her hair plastered to her chest, she lets herself think back to her meeting with Eren, to everything he told her. To him, it was a memory, but to her, it was a story. And if she was being truthful, Mikasa didn’t want to see him again- not tonight, and not ever. She doesn’t think he managed to separate her from the girl he’d once known.

Eren had been desperate for her to remember, but after reflecting on their conversation for days, Mikasa wasn’t certain whom he wanted her to remember for.

If Hanji was right, then there wasn’t even a reason for her to see Eren again. Who could she be to him if she wasn’t the soldier girl he’d once grown up with?

She holds her blow dryer up to her head, running a brush through her hair with rhythmic concentration, and decides she’ll go to see him one last time, at least to give him some closure, and then she can forget this ever happened. She can try to forget about the boy who thought he knew her so well, forget that her guardian knew of a life she didn’t, and forget everything that wasn’t her studies and eventual field of work.

A loud knock on the door breaks her reverie, and she blinks away from her reflection in the mirror as Levi says, “If you’re done wasting time, it’s almost six.”

In her room, she shifts through the clothes Levi hadn’t taken to wash, dressing quickly and tossing her robe onto her chair. After a moment’s hesitation, she picks up the scarf from the floor.

“Question,” Mikasa says as she leaves her room, trying to find a comfortable way to tie the scarf. Levi hums in acknowledgement, not looking up from his newspaper or mug of tea. “Will you ever tell me our story? From the past life?”

“Maybe when you’re older.”

Mikasa scoffs, but she’s smiling as she passes him. “I’m not a child.” She finally settles on a knot for the scarf, slipping her phone into her pocket as she passes Levi.

“Call if you need anything.”

“I’ll see you later.”

When she makes it to the outside of Eren’s building, she falters. They’d decided on a time, but was she supposed to meet him at the door to his apartment? He’d said they were going to Sasha’s, so was he going to meet her outside? But she doesn’t have to worry for long when he calls for her, and she sees him crossing the road opposite his building.

“Hey,” Eren says once he reaches her, and Mikasa doesn’t miss the way his smile widens when he sees the scarf. She fights the urge to throw it on the ground. “Sorry, I was setting out snacks with Annie and I kind of lost track of time. Were you waiting long?”

“No.” He leads her across the street, a hand near the small of her back that makes her skin crawl. She uses a discarded trashcan lid to step further away from him, and though she sees him eye her curiously, he doesn’t make a comment.

It’s easy to get buzzed into Sasha’s apartment, which- he tells her on the elevator ride up- she shares with Annie, and two other girls named Historia and Ymir, and far sooner than Mikasa would have liked, they were standing outside the door. Eren barely knocks once before the door opens and a girl Mikasa doesn’t know greets them with a beaming smile.

The girl’s hair frames her face where it fell out of her ponytail, and her warm smile grew bigger when her gaze settles on Mikasa. “Hi! Oh, Mikasa, it’s so good to see you again!”

“Mikasa, this is Sasha.” Eren tells her, but his words were muddled in her ears. Mikasa feels discomfort and dread stir in her stomach, feels any hope she’d secretly harbored for tonight slip away with a forced smile.

_It’s so good to see you again._

She’s made a mistake.

Everyone here had a pre-existing idea of who Mikasa should be. Everyone beyond this door thought they knew her- how was she supposed to get through this?

* * *

 

Eren nudges Sasha’s door open with his shoulder, shaking his head slowly to keep her from hugging Mikasa. He knew tonight was going to be difficult for her, so he wanted to take things slow. And judging from the way Mikasa had tensed up in the doorway; a hug from a stranger was the last thing she needed.

“Come on,” Eren says to break the silence. He reaches for Mikasa’s hand, but lets his arm drop before touching her. Her arms are crossed, expression guarded even as she offers Sasha a polite smile. “Let’s meet the others.”

He waits for Mikasa to enter before pointing to everyone dispersed around the apartment. “Jean, Connie, Historia, Ymir…” Eren says, gesturing to each of his friends. Mikasa smiles kindly and returns small waves, even lets Jean take her hand, but she doesn’t say anything; and though Eren had been expecting something like this, it was still worrying him. Nothing bizarre had happened, no one was screaming or crying, and Mikasa was still wearing the scarf he’d given her.

That had to be a good sign.

“Mikasa!” Sasha jumps in front of them, almost making Eren trip. Everyone has turned back to their previous conversations, but he catches Armin and Annie watching them closely from a couch. “Do you want a drink?”

“Just a water is fine, thank you.”

Armin waves them over to the couch, the other one occupied by Jean, Ymir, and Marco. Eren holds their drinks until she sits, legs crossed and body turned slightly away from him, before handing Mikasa her drink and glancing at the TV screen. They usually start the movies an hour or so from now, but he figures they’ll start earlier for Mikasa’s sake.

“So, Mikasa,” Armin says, leaning around Eren to catch Mikasa’s eye. An uncomfortable, unusual silence settled over the group- not even Sasha had anything to say- and Eren knew everyone was anxious to see if Mikasa would recognize them, knew they were waiting with bated breath for the spark to let them know their friend was back. But so far there was nothing, and Mikasa’s been playing with the cap of her water bottle for almost five minutes. “How are your classes?”

“They’re fine, thank you.” Mikasa says politely, controlled and composed; nothing like the way she’d been falling apart in front of him a few days ago.

Eren feels an overwhelming sense of guilt wash over him as Mikasa and Armin start talking about Organic Chemistry. He was the one who revealed everything to her, selfishly thinking he’d get the girl he loved back if he could jog her memory. He’d ignored everything Hanji said to him in high school to try to drag Mikasa back into his world, and now she looked incredibly uncomfortable seated next to him, and Eren still felt as empty as he had when he remembered Mikasa’s existence years ago.

“Mikasa,” Jean says, once her conversation with Armin trails off. She nods at him, capping and un-capping her drink every few seconds. “How are you liking the city?”

That gets a smile out of her, and Eren childishly glares at Jean over her shoulder. “It’s beautiful, nothing like the little town I grew up in. There are a lot of busy people.”

Jean laughs, quiet and kind, and encourages her with another question. “How long have you been in town?”

“A little over a month. “I moved here with my cousin.”

“Levi, right?” Without hesitation, Eren whips off his shoe and throws it at Jean’s head, missing the mark but hitting Jean’s upper shoulder and earning both a curse from Jean and a smack on the back of his head from Annie. Jean chucks the shoe back to Eren. “The _fuck_ , Eren?” Eren’s gaze lands on Mikasa again, and Jean falls silent at the way she’s staring at her hands, her expression twisted into something Eren can’t read.

“Yes,” Mikasa says after a long silence. “I guess you already knew that, huh?”

“He was your only relative last time,” Historia says with a shrug, meeting Mikasa’s eyes when almost everyone else looks away. “Jean probably assumed, like an asshole, it was the same this time around.”

“It is.”

Eren whips his head around to face her, eyes wide and mouth opening and closing uselessly. He’d thought this time would be different. She should have had her parents with her this time; she didn’t deserve to lose them again.

He can’t find anything to say as Ymir leans across the coffee table, (how she doesn’t break the glass every time she does it, Eren doesn’t know,) to nudge Mikasa’s knee. “Perk up, kid. Jean had a crush on you last time, he’s still flustered around you.”

Jean reaches around Marco to shove his empty can in Ymir’s face, but she’s laughing as she pushes him away and curls an arm over the back of the couch where Historia’s sitting.

Mikasa turns to face Eren for the first time since they got to the apartment, her features scrunched in confusion. She drops her water on the floor, leaning back slightly to observe his face and he feels heat rise in his cheeks; he never thought he’d be under her scrutiny again.

“Jean… liked me? I thought you said we… were together…?”

Eren shakes his head, thinking up a response to try and ease her confusion as Ymir snorts. Even Connie and Sasha are grinning again. “You two were never together,” Ymir says, an easy smirk on her lips. “We always thought you were hooking up, though.” Sasha nods eagerly in agreement.

“We were always together,” Eren explains, shifting his weight in discomfort. “Just never… really… in a romantic way.”

“Oh.”

Another silence settles over the room, but it doesn’t last long as Sasha tosses a few movies onto the coffee table, asking everyone to vote on which one to watch. They settle on some sci-fi superhero flick Eren forgets the name of as soon as Sasha finishes passing around snacks, and he finds himself thinking back to his past life instead of focusing on the opening credits of the movie.

Back then, he’d resolved to tell Mikasa his feelings after the final battle, when the danger was finally gone and he could afford to love someone without the threat of them being eaten by Titans or killed by conspirators. He can recall the final moments of that life, someone pulling him from his Titan carcass, the screams of the survivors mixing with the moans of the dying, and finding Armin wrapped in Sasha’s embrace, motionless as Eren falls at their sides, a scream ripping through his lungs.

_“Mikasa…” Eren manages to say, blood falling from his lips. He takes Armin’s mangled hand, choking back another sob. It was never supposed to be like this. “Where…?” One of Eren’s arms is missing, there’s a deep gashing running through his leg, (he thinks it might be broken), and his wounds aren’t healing but he needs to find her… find everyone… he needs…_

_“I don’t know!” Sasha cries, her eyes puffy and red with blood streaked across her face. “I don’t know where anyone is!”_

_He squeezes Armin’s hand, fresh tears wetting his eyes as he raises Armin’s bloody palm to his forehead, begging for things to be different. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, choking on the words. “I’m so sorry.”_

_Someone collapses at Eren’s feet, and through his tears and hazy vision he recognizes Ymir’s distinctive face. “We need to get to base,” she gasps. “Find the survivors, we need to get them help. Eren… why aren’t you healing?”_

_Eren doesn’t have an answer. He glares at the gash on Ymir’s collar, at the sleeve of her jacket she’s tied around her bicep. “Why aren’t you?”_

_She doesn’t respond._

_A cart rolls past, but Ymir manages to get the driver to stop and Eren’s relieved to see Jean, looking relatively unharmed except for his very noticeable limp. Between Jean and Sasha, they manage to get both Eren and Armin into the cart. Ymir takes the reins, allowing Jean a chance to rest._

_Eren forces himself to sit up, curling his arm over the edge of the cart. He glances around the entire field as they ride to base, searching for any sign of her through the clouds of deteriorating titan carcasses. Her orders had been to stay close to Eren, to protect him as he used his Coordinate ability to end it all, but he’d lost sight of her early in the battle._

_He was alive, and though he had no proof, he had a gut feeling she had something to do with that._

_The war was over, and once all the politics got settled, they could finally begin to live. He could tell Mikasa everything he was too scared to say with their lives in such terrible danger. Without Armin, though, Eren isn’t so sure how much living they’ll be able to get done._

_“Jean,” he says, not looking away from the field. They’ve stopped to help a few more injured into the cart, but Eren’s head was throbbing, his arm burning from where Jean had tied a makeshift tourniquet around his stump of a bicep. He just wanted to sleep…_

_“I saw her,” Jean’s voice is quiet, but not quite as weak as the other’s. “Her gear was broken, she couldn’t stand and had to beg someone to cut you out, but you weren’t moving at first. Eren,” Jean turns to face him, his long face tense from pain or the effort not to cry. “She thinks you’re dead.”_

_“No…” Eren tries to stand, but the pain in his broken leg flares up and his good leg gives out. He hangs as much as he can over the side of the cart, his breathing labored- they couldn’t leave her behind to die- someone had to save her! “No! Mikasa! Mikasa!” His glare lands on Jean again, tears choking his voice. “You saw her, you left her behind!”_

_Jean shakes his head, wiping at his tears with a calm despondence. “She begged me to, but I couldn’t leave her. Levi found us, told me he’d get her to safety and ordered me to find survivors. I didn’t have a choice, Eren.”_

_Levi had her, their strongest soldiers were saving each other, and they would be okay. But Eren couldn’t help but think of everything that could go wrong on the way to the temporary base. “Mikasa!”_

_Jean grabs the back of Eren’s shirt to keep him from falling out of the cart. “Sit down idiot! You’ll fucking kill yourself!”_

_They make it to the base, several soldiers helping everyone from the carts, but Eren refuses to leave Armin’s side. A medic starts to protest until Moblit runs up behind her, relaying a message from Hanji that Eren was to be taken directly to the wall and hidden in headquarters until everything was settled._

_Jean, Sasha, and Ymir climb into the cart with him and Armin, Moblit taking the reins to get them back to the walls- but a lone figure riding into base makes them pause._

_Eren recognizes him immediately._

_Several medics run to Levi’s side, but he waves them away and dismounts his horse on his own, turning to his companion once his feet were settled. Levi gets the person settled in his arms and walks, weary and slow, towards the nearest medical tent._

_It wasn’t the exhausted way Levi walked, or the way he kept glancing down at the person in his arms that drew Eren’s attention. No, the thing Eren couldn’t tear his eyes from was the red scarf dangling off the motionless body._

_The red scarf he’s wrapped around her neck years, the black hair he’s run his fingers through so many times, and the red dripping from where her leg abruptly stopped below her knee._

Mikasa _._

_“No…” Eren falls onto his side, pain ripping through his body as he struggles to get to the edge of the cart. His ears are ringing, the bandages hastily wrapped around his legs and arm soaked through with his blood and everything he meant to tell her, everything he’d promised to give her- her new life, freedom, the chance to have a family- slips away with the snap of the reins against the horse’s backs._

_Ymir catches on first, leaning over Sasha to grab Eren’s uninjured arm. “Don’t, Eren! We need to get you-”_

_“I don’t care!” He rips his arm away, reaching the edge of the cart, but Jean’s hold on the back of his shirt doesn’t allow him to get any further. “Mikasa! Mikasa, no! You can’t! Mikasa, I-!”_

_Levi’s head snaps up, gaze meeting Eren’s halfway across the field. He looks between Eren, trying to fight off Jean’s grip, and Mikasa, lifeless in his arms, and shakes his head slowly. It’s then Eren notices Levi’s crying. And that it’s the first time he’s ever seen his Captain cry._

_Eren’s head pounds, and he’s sure he’s lost feeling in his leg but she’s so close, so close and completely gone from him. He’ll never see her smile again, never hear her quiet laugh, never stay up all night planning where they’ll go after the war when nightmares keep sleep at bay._

_A scream wrenches past his lips, mixing with a sob as he wails, screaming for her again and again to wake up, to be sitting at his side and fretting over his injuries. It never should have been her, or Armin, or anyone he lost today. They deserved the world. More than him, more than anyone he knew, the people he loved deserved the chance to have the lives they’d wanted._

_“_ Mikasa!”

_Eren screams again, screaming at himself and his inability to save his loved ones, until his shrieks break into uncontrollable sobs and he registers someone tugging him fully into the cart before his vision finally fades._

At twelve, with all the willful ignorance of a child, Eren had believed he and Armin would find Mikasa quickly. She’d be at school, in a different class, and soon they would be reunited and share their lives again.

By sixteen, he hadn’t found her. He’d been angry and pissed off and begged his parents to let him take a road trip with Armin to try and find her. They’d refused initially, but that summer they took him, if only to shut him up.

And once he turned eighteen, he was half-convinced he would never see her again. That perhaps she hadn’t been born into this new world and he’d need to wait a few more lifetimes to find her.

That was until he saw her sitting alone on a bench.

“Eren.”

Something hits the back of his head, and after blinking slowly he realizes it was Annie from the other end of the couch. She raises an eyebrow expectantly, and Eren notices almost everyone glancing his way, expressions ranging from annoyed to worried.

“Huh?”

“You’re missing your favorite part. And you haven’t quoted one scene,” Annie says, crossing her arms over her chest. “What’s got you so distracted?”

His gaze falls to Mikasa, her knees tucked against her chest and her head tilted as she watches him, her expression a mix of curiosity and concern. “Nothing,” Eren says, clearing his throat and turning his attention back to the TV.

Jean snorts. “I don’t believe that for a second.”

“Well no one fucking asked you, shithead.” Eren snaps, glaring fiercely at Jean, his head still weighed down with the memories he’d tried not to think about for years. Jean makes a face, throwing a hard candy at Eren. They used to fight almost daily in middle school, but by the time they reached the beginning of high school, and Jean remembered their past, things had settled. It didn’t mean Eren liked insulting him, though. Eren sighs, looking between Mikasa staring intently at her water bottle, and Jean, who looked like he’d already forgotten about it. “I’m sorry.”

Jean doesn’t look up from his bag of popcorn. “Don’t worry about it.”

Just then, both Sasha and Connie scream out the main character’s catchphrase, startling almost everyone into laughter at the varying pitches and frequencies at which the duo were speaking. Once everyone was settled and the room was almost quiet, Eren feels a tug on the sleeve of his hoodie, and then Mikasa’s face was next to his, her lips by his ear.

His stomach drops, his breath catching in his throat as she speaks, her voice a quiet whisper to avoid disrupting the others. “Is that normal? Even back then… were you two fighting?”

“Yeah.” Mikasa sighs, almost unnoticeable if he didn’t felt her warm breath on his neck. Eren stares straight at the TV, not trusting what he would say or do if he were to face her again. “We got over it, just like before. But we… I don’t know. It’s kind of a long story.”

Mikasa pulls away with a quiet, “oh.”

He sits back until he can see her from the corner of his eye, watches as she tucks her legs beneath her and rolls her water bottle between her hands. Her hand dances toward her throat, _a habit_ , she’d told him on the street that day, but his stomach sinks again when she seems to flinch away from the scarf.

Eren doesn’t know what to do as Mikasa continues to fidget, to drop her bottle in her lap only to pick it up a second later, to cross and uncross and re-cross her legs several times in one scene, or to open her mouth as if to speak only to frown and look another way.       Armin nudges him in the side, jerking his chin Mikasa’s way as a question, but Eren shakes his head. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know what to do.

About halfway through the movie, Mikasa stands up, a finger tucked under the scarf as if to pull it away. “I need some air,” she says quietly. She stares at the ground as she says it, her shoulders tense and hair falling to curtain her face.

Sasha points toward the small kitchen. “There’s a balcony through the glass doors. You can go out there if you want. They don’t lock on their own.”

“Thank you,” Mikasa murmurs, stepping around Reiner and Bertholdt where they sat in front of the couch and walks through the kitchen, shutting the doors behind her.

Bertholdt speaks first. “Do you think she’s okay?”

“Doesn’t look like it,” Annie says, leaning around Armin to glance at Eren. “What did you do?”

“What makes you think I did something?” Eren scoffs, but his heart was racing, and he avoided looking at anyone in the room. Mikasa hadn’t looked perfectly fine when they met outside his apartment, but he’d chalked that up to nerves and uncertainty. He could have misread her entirely; what if she’d been trying to hint that she didn’t want to do this? Shit, what if she wanted to leave?

Annie narrows her eyes. “You two were talking. Did you say something stupid?”

“No!”

“I don’t think we can blame this entirely on Eren,” Historia says, folding her hands under her chin. “This was a lot for her. To suddenly be surrounded by people who once knew her, I’m only surprised she lasted so long.”

Eren doesn’t like the way that sounds. “The fuck is that supposed to mean-!”

“Eren-” Armin’s hand closes around his bicep before he can surge forward, adrenaline coursing through him. He hadn’t even realized he was trying to stand.

“Wait a minute,” Eren looks around at everyone in the room; most wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Do you all agree with Historia?”

Ymir shrugs. “Not going to lie, Eren, it was kind of a bad idea to bring her here.”

“What-?”

“If she didn’t remember on the street,” Ymir continues, her dark eyes boring into his. “Or at your apartment, what made you think _we_ would help?”

“You really think there’s no hope?” His voice is small, almost pitiful. He’d been so sure that Mikasa could remember at any time, even if it took longer than all of them, but it wasn’t looking very promising anymore. “I just… I wanted her to know. I wanted her back.”

“None of us are the same as last time,” Ymir says quietly. “Especially her.”

Armin bumps Eren’s shoulder with his own, but even he can’t muster a smile. “You should go talk to her. She’s been out there a while.”

Eren nods, standing on shaky legs to follow Mikasa outside. She doesn’t move when he opens the door, but he notices the way she hangs her head when he settles next to her, folding his arms on the railing.

It’s not cold, but in that moment standing next to the girl he used to cherish above all else, his blood suddenly feels like ice, like he was promised the sweetest salvation only to be crushed in his final moment. Mikasa has the scarf pulled over her mouth, but he knows it has nothing to do with the weather. Eren stands close, but far enough away so they aren’t touching, despite how desperately he wishes he could take her hand again, draw her against him and hold her head to his chest, to kiss her forehead or hear her laugh again.

Had he even seen her smile in this lifetime?

“I can’t do this.”

Her voice surprises him. Although she’s speaking barely above a whisper, her voice is thick with unshed tears. Eren steps closer, and she matches him by shuffling away.

“Mikasa-”

“Don’t.” She laughs, a bitter and unhappy sound. “This was a mistake.” Mikasa swiftly rips the scarf from her neck, sending her hair flying in several different directions, and Eren’s hope spiraling off the balcony.

“There’s still a chance-”

“A chance of what, Eren?!” Mikasa shoves away from the railing, holding the scarf between them as if it disgusted her. “I should have listened to Levi. To Hanji.”

Wait. “You know Hanji?”

Mikasa groans, throwing her head back and breathing deeply for a long moment. “Of course. You know them?”

“High school bio teacher. How-?”

“One of Levi’s friends.” She grimaces. “Let me guess, we knew Hanji in our past life?”

“Yeah,” Eren says, nodding slowly. “They were a Squad Leader, and later the Commander. And honestly, a pretty good friend by the end of it-”

“I don’t care.”

Eren finally pushes away from the railing to face her again, his heart thundering painfully in his chest. He had to be careful here: these could be the last moments he ever shared with her. He needed to convince her to stay, stay with him and try. He steps closer, taking it as a good sign when Mikasa doesn’t move away. “Mikasa…”

“Don’t you get it, Eren?” She looks up to him, and his heart lurches at the tears swimming in her dark eyes. She shoves the scarf against his chest, forcing him to take it. “There’s no chance. There’s no future for me here! Hanji told me that if I were going to remember, I would have already. Everyone in there-!” Mikasa gestures wildly towards the apartment, where the others could no doubt hear them. “Everyone in that apartment thinks they know me.”

“Of course they know you-”

“They know who I used to be!” Mikasa tugs her hair away from her face, her hands unsteady as she pulls her hair into a quick bun. “I’m not even convinced this past life of yours existed or that I was a part of it-”

Eren shakes his head, desperation lacing his voice. “You were. You were such a huge part, Mikasa, I would have died so many times without you there-”

“Not me!”

“Yes!” Eren slams his fist on the balcony railing, his voice betraying the calm exterior he’d been trying to keep up for her sake. Mikasa glares at him, her gaze darting from the scarf wrapped around his hand and back to his face. “Yes, you! Mikasa, you were there and you’re here now and I don’t know why you can’t remember any of this shit but I miss you.” His voice cracks, but he can’t find it in himself to be embarrassed as he steps forward. She doesn’t move. “I’ve missed you since the moment I remembered you existed. I’ve missed you for almost nine years. I convinced my parents to drive me almost halfway across the fucking country to find you, Mikasa.”

“I never asked for any of this.”

“Mikasa-”

“You don’t love me, Eren.”

“Yes I do!”

“No!” She points an accusatory finger at his chest, poking him just under his heart and he realizes he’s closed most of the distance between them. “You don’t! You love the girl who went to war with you. You love the girl who followed you to her own death, who risked her life for yours without a second thought and died in some horrific world. Not me. You don’t know me, Eren, and you sure as hell don’t love me. You love the idea of me.”

Eren’s heart plummets and he scrambles for something to say, an explanation for why he couldn’t let her go, couldn’t stand her leaving him. Maybe… maybe he had wanted her to remember so he could get his love back, but that wasn’t the only reason! She’d been such a huge part of his life before, was it so wrong to want her in this life, too? Was it so wrong to want to spend time with one of his best friend again?

“You’re wrong.”

“Then tell me who I am, Eren.” She steps away, crossing her arms over her chest and fixing him with a glare cold enough to put Annie to shame. “Tell me why you love _me_. Tell me everything you know about me, about how my parents died, about the months before I wandered into an orphanage, or about how long it took to get to America. Or how about the three months when Levi almost lost me? Oh, I know, how about the week Levi and I were both hospitalized for drug overdoses? Tell me.”

“I… I can’t.”

Mikasa laughs bitterly, nodding like she’d expected his answer. “I know. I know you can’t, because it was never me you loved. Everything you think you love, you think you admire? Those were traits of a girl who died long ago… and I need to go.”

“No! Mikasa-”

“Nothing good will come from this, Eren! You’ll spend your time waiting for the girl you loved to come back, and me? I’ll be forced to listen to you and all of your friends talk about your lives together- about wars and squads and high school and hookups and I can’t do that, Eren.” She looks away, her mouth twisting and her hands curling around her biceps. “I can’t,” she sniffles, closing her eyes and shaking her head, fidgety and unsure and looking so uncomfortable standing before him. “I can’t do that. I can’t pretend that I know anyone in there or that I know you. I’m not doing this.”

Eren reaches for her hand, but she jerks away before his fingers touch her skin. “Please. Please, Mikasa, we can make this work- I can’t lose you again.”

“You’ve never lost me, Eren.”

“Mikasa-!”

“I’m leaving.”

“I- wait!” Mikasa pushes away from him, nearly throwing open the sliding doors to get away from him. Eren looks at the scarf in his hand again before tearing after her, following her through the kitchen and past the living room. It was silent in the apartment, the movie paused and his friends pointedly looking anywhere but at the scene unraveling behind them.

“Please don’t go!”

Mikasa doesn’t turn around, not when he calls for her again, not when his voice breaks in distress, not when his hand brushes against her back.

When she does stop, they’re outside Sasha’s apartment in the hallway. Mikasa faces him again, and he only feels worse when he sees the tear tracks staining her cheeks. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. When he’d remembered their past nine years ago, he’d thought he’d get everyone back, get another chance at the happy ending they were robbed of last time.

“Don’t follow me.” She says it with such conviction he could almost believe she wasn’t crying before him, or that he wasn’t shattering in a hallway with her, or that he would never see her again. “Just leave me alone, Eren.”

“Please-

“Don’t.”

Mikasa turns on her heel, clutching her sweater closer as she walks down the hallway, never once looking back as she waits for the elevator, and she doesn’t look at him again while the doors close, separating them forever.

And Eren doesn’t try to follow her.

He doesn’t go back into Sasha’s apartment; instead he picks up the scarf from where he’d dropped it in his rush, and squashes it between his fists. It was meaningless, anyway.

When he’s sure enough time has passed since Mikasa left, Eren takes the stairs down to the first floor, dropping the scarf in the trashcan by the elevator, and walks as slowly as he can back to his apartment, dragging his palms over his eyes whenever his vision blurs.

Eren has no fucking clue how all this reincarnation shit works, or if they’ll meet again in their next lives, if next time he won’t know of their past or no one will remember, but he does know that he’s lost her now. He’ll never have his best friend, his almost lover, back at his side. She won’t fret over his injuries or walk him to class; they can’t meet for coffee or stay up half the night pointing out constellations. He’ll never get to know her, to trace everything he couldn’t voice against her back in the middle of the night.

Eren thinks he’ll always love Mikasa, even as he unlocks the door to the apartment she’ll never step foot into again, even as he thinks through the possibilities of them having a chance in a lifetime far from now; he’ll always love the girl he fought a war with.

The girl he first saw sitting alone on a bench.

He’ll never forget the love he’s always felt for her.

* * *

The scene is terrifyingly familiar; Mikasa wrenches open the door, kicks off her shoes and throws her sweater as far into the living room as she can, and she isn’t sure whether she manages to close the door before she yanks on a pair of sweats and collapses under her covers.

The sheets smell like Levi’s favorite detergent, and though she’d once laughed at the fruity smell, now it feels more like something to ground her. She can always count on Levi’s flowery soap and crude humor. She can count on the memories of her parents or Levi’s extensive tea collection. She can count on this.

“Mikasa?” She doesn’t answer, burying her face under her pillow, but she knows he won’t drop it. “Didn’t do a very good job of pretending you weren’t here, your shit’s all over the floor.” Levi pushes open her door, and she hears him shuffle his way to her bed before he sits next to her, dropping a hand onto her shoulder. “Didn’t go so well, huh?” Mikasa shakes her head. “Do you want to talk about it?” Again, she shakes her head. “Ah, didn’t think so.”

He moves his hand from her shoulder under her pillow to touch the side of her head, stroking his fingers through her hair and it’s so similar to what her mother used to do after her nightmares as a kid it brings a fresh wave of tears to her eyes. “Eren…”

“You don’t have to say anything.” He continues to comb through her hair until her quiet sobs calm down, until her tears have nearly run dry and all she wants is to sleep for a week. “I didn’t even know we were cousins until months after we first met.”

“Levi-”

“I only found out late in the war. Our serial killer uncle couldn’t be bothered to clear any confusion before he fucking died.”

Mikasa snorts, surprising herself. “A serial killer uncle? Really, Levi?”

She can hear his smirk when he says, “Guess I should start from the beginning, huh?”

Mikasa falls asleep like that: Levi’s fingers warm and steady in her hair, his voice a low murmur as he talks about their past life and the strange, almost familial bond they shared by the end of it. And though she still isn’t sure what to think of all of this, she does think she’ll be okay eventually.

And when she runs into Eren at a corner store, almost four months later, Mikasa knows she’s okay when she nods to him once before leaving, and once again retires his profile and their short time together to the back of her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaand that's that! from the very beginning, I knew there wasn't going to be a chance for all of this to work out for them, (as much as I wanted it to,) but I have plans for maybe a different reincarnation thing, that might have a chance of a happy ending. but either way, I hope you guys liked it and let me know what you thought!


	24. kilig

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s the first time they’ve been together this way in months, so Eren takes his time, slowly working along her body to reassure her this would end the second she wanted it to, but Mikasa doesn’t want to stop. [ M ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kilig- The stupid-silly rush you feel immediately after something good happens, especially when it comes to love.
> 
> I actually wrote this one before Home Is In Your Arms, also during a 12 hour car trip. Unbelievable.

Eren tells her they need to be quiet.

He whispers it against her lips, his mouth hovering so close to hers, his hand splayed across her naked stomach.

She knows this, of course, it’s why she has one hand balled against her mouth, stifling the small noises Eren pulls from her lips as he trails his own along the valley of her breasts.

They don’t want to wake their daughter.

Mikasa laces her fingers through Eren’s hair as he moves lower, taking care to kiss as much of her skin as possible. She knows he’s eager, excited to touch her and make love to her again, but he’s taking it slow. He has a hand on her hip; smoothing circles on her skin and reassuring her that this would end the second she said something. Eren hasn’t tried to push her at all since she got pregnant, never once becoming cross with her if she kissed him then pushed him away, not once arguing with her when she asked him not to join her in the shower.

She doesn’t want to stop, though. Audie had just begun to sleep through the night after months of keeping both of her parents awake and edgy. This was the first time they’ve gone this far in months; in fact, it was the first time Mikasa had even let him see her undress since giving birth.

She doesn’t want to stop.

Eren kisses the top of her breast, rolling her nipple into his mouth and tugging lightly, dragging a gasp from her. He’s still going slowly, kissing across her chest to give the same attention to her other breast, and the hand Mikasa still has pressed to her mouth is more of a precaution at this point.

He kisses down her stomach again, occasionally nipping at her skin or sucking a mark onto her hip as she sighs above him and squirms under his touch.

“You are,” he sighs against her belly button, shooting her an honest smile. “So beautiful.”

They haven’t spoken much since they put Audie down for the night, but to her surprise, Eren’s sudden confession has tears prickling the corner of her eyes.

Mikasa looks away, staring at the baby monitor on the dresser. She hasn’t  _felt_  beautiful, not since she had to stop going to the gym, not since the last two months of her pregnancy, and especially not since giving birth. Her body had changed some, the new fullness of her breasts had not gone away, (Eren had quit making jokes about them after the first time, when she’d burst into tears and left the apartment,) her stomach was no longer as toned, and she swore she could see her arms losing their muscle everyday.

So, no. She does not feel beautiful.

“Hey.” His warm hands cup her jaw, gently turning her head to face him. He’s hovering over her again, his brows furrowed with concern. “Hey.” Eren takes her hand and uncovers her mouth, linking their fingers. “Mikasa-”

“Eren-”

“You are so beautiful,” he repeats, resting his forehead against hers. His eyes, so vivid and so gorgeous, stare intently into hers. “The most beautiful person in the entire world. You always have been, since the first day I met you in the park and tried to push you from the swing to use it.”

She barks out a laugh at the memory of the childhood spat that eventually led to their easy friendship, surprising herself with the noise. Eren uses his free hand to wipe at the few tears that managed to escape, smiling hesitantly. “Even though I look like this?”

“Breathtaking?”

“Eren.”

“You were gorgeous carrying our incredible daughter, and you’re stunning now, Mikasa.” He presses a kiss to the tip of her nose. “You looked beautiful at junior prom, even after Sasha spilled her drink on you.” A kiss to her forehead. “You nearly knocked me out walking through that door at our wedding.” Kisses to both of her cheeks. “The day you told me you were pregnant, you were absolutely radiant.” Eren pulls back, smiling brightly as he squeezes her hand. “And every day in between, you were beautiful. And every day after, you’ll be beautiful.”

She sniffles, but her heart was no longer sinking, and instead she only feels the usual swell of love and elation tugging at her chest that accompanies Eren’s presence. “You’re such a sap,” she says, her voice breaking.

“The sap you married.”

He kisses her then, moving his mouth slowly, reassuringly, against hers, but after a few minutes, Mikasa becomes impatient. She realizes he might be unsure if she wants to continue after that, but she squeezes the hand laced with hers and drags it between their bodies, nudging at the bottom of Eren’s shirt.

He takes the hint, breaking the kiss to shrug his shirt off and toss it somewhere into the room before he kisses her chin, along the slender arch of her neck, and back down her body, moving even slower than before.

Pausing at the waistband to her sweats, Eren appraises her silently, her heavy breathing and mused hair and heavy lidded eyes. He tugs at them gently, raising an eyebrow. “Is this okay?”

Mikasa nods, a smile crossing her lips. “Yes.” He pulls her sweats and underwear down her legs and presses his lips to her ankle as soon as he drops her clothes. “Eren,” she giggles, and he trails his lips up her calf before taking her other leg and giving her ankle and calf the same attention.

He alternates between her legs, sucking a dark mark onto the inside of one thigh, then pressing several kisses to the other, or kissing around her ankles and all the way back up to her hipbones.

Mikasa squirms above him, but he holds tight to her leg as he kisses her skin again and again. He’s purposefully avoiding where she needs him most, trailing his lips to her inner thigh only to drop lower again before he reaches her core.

Finally,  _finally_ , (and maybe after a curse or two from Mikasa,) Eren kisses her core, blowing against her skin and making her squeal loudly.

Mikasa clamps her hands over her mouth as Eren’s eyes widen comically and they both pause, gaping at the monitor for a scream or a cry or any sign that Audie’s woken up. But there’s nothing from the monitor save for the static they’ve become accustomed to.

When they’re sure their daughter is still asleep, Eren laughs quietly, muffling the sound against her hip. Mikasa sighs in relief, curling a hand into his hair as her breathing normalizes.

“It’s only going to get harder as she gets older,” Mikasa says once Eren’s stopped laughing.

He shrugs, dipping down to kiss just below her belly button. “We’ll practice a lot then.”

She’s about to say something else, but then his mouth is on her, and he’s working his tongue between her folds, and whatever thought she’d had before is lost with a loud sigh from her and a breathy chuckle from Eren.

Eren thrusts his tongue into her again before pulling away and replacing his mouth with his hand, gently pushing one of his fingers up into her, and then another, and Mikasa finds herself desperately clinging to his hair and clamping her hand harder against her mouth. Perhaps it’s the amount of time since they were last together this way, but she finds herself clutching at Eren’s hair, finds her hips rolling desperately against his hand and his name spilling from her lips, muffled against her palm.

Eren presses a third finger into her, stretching her before thrusting his fingers harshly. It’s good, it always is, but it isn’t  _enough_.

Mikasa wants to feel him inside her, above and around her. She’s missed him these past few months, and she’s sure he’s noticed, especially from the noises she’s making.

“Eren,” she gasps, breath hitching when he curls his fingers and hits the spot within her. Her voice catches on a moan as he repeats the motion, slowly moving to touch his lips to her clit and she has to bite her palm to keep her groan to herself. Mikasa notices, as he thrusts his finger into her at the same time he dips his tongue inside, that he’s got a hand pressed to the front of his pants and she tugs intently on his hair. “Eren,please.”

He pulls away and she tugs on his hair again, guiding him up to her and kissing him once he’s close enough. She can taste herself on his tongue, the thought making her whimper as Eren grinds his clothed hardness against her.

“Pants,” she tries to demand, but she’s much too breathless as she scratches at his sides, but he complies, scrambling out of his clothes before leaning over her again. “Condom.”

Eren snickers, reaching over to rifle through the bedside table drawer. “Don’t want another kid with me?”

“Not  _yet_.” Mikasa rolls her eyes, trailing her fingers down his chest as he works the condom on. “Plus, your mom thinks Audie will have your personality.”

“A tragedy.” He rolls back over her, sobering immediately as he gazes down at her and brushes stray hair away from her face. “Ready?”

She’s breathless when she says, “Yes.”

He pushes into her slowly, taking his time to ensure she feels no pain- similar to most everything in their lives, and Mikasa groans, knocking her head against the pillow as Eren stills above her, waiting for her approval. She quietly tells him to move, her hand clasping the side of his neck, and her nails digging into the fine hairs on his nape.

Eren rocks his hips into hers, groaning quietly and pressing his face to her shoulder. He peppers her collarbones and shoulder with kisses as he moves, thrusting his hips against hers as she meets his every move.

Mikasa moves her hands to his back, clinging onto his shoulders as she muffles her cries against his skin. They’re exhausted from working and taking care of Audie all day, but she’s missed this- Eren’s hands gripping her hips as he thrusts into her, his lips all over her skin, her hands trailing over his back and ass, tangling her fingers into his hair as he whispers into her ear, telling her again and again that he loves her, she’s beautiful-

“You feel amazing,” Eren murmurs against the shell of her ear and she whines, louder than she would have liked as he gently kisses the lobe

Eren pulls back to push her legs further apart, sinking deeper into her and dragging a whimper from her lips. Mikasa presses her cheek into the pillow as Eren sits back slightly, rolling his hips against hers again, the new angle making her cry out, and she’s grateful she remembered to cover her mouth again.

He’s doing most of the work by now, thrusting into her over and over again, running his hands up and down her thighs and then he’s palming at her clit, rubbing his fingers against the small bundle as Mikasa bucks against him.

She calls out his name as he continues, her words muffled against her palm, but Eren leans back over her, nudging her hand away with his nose and stroking her clit until she comes, her high pitched moans and whines swallowed by Eren’s mouth as he works her through her orgasm, kissing her and moving his hips and hand against her until his pace stutters as he follows.

Eren pulls out of her, kissing her forehead at another whine, disposing of the condom and grabbing a discarded sweatshirt from the floor and offering it to her. She zips it up to her throat and reaches for his arm, nearly yanking him back into bed as he drapes his arms around her shoulders.

He laughs quietly against the top of her head, reaching down to pull the blankets over them. He kisses her hairline and the side of her face he can reach, as she’s tucked her face against his shoulder, and Mikasa smiles, sweaty and spent and happy.

“I love you,” Eren whispers against her hair, running a hand down the expanse of her back under his sweatshirt.

Mikasa hooks a leg over his, sluggishly tilting her head to kiss him again. “I love you, too.”

Audie begins to cry.

“ _Fuck,_ really? Now?” Eren says, already untangling himself from Mikasa’s hold.

“She definitely didn’t inherit her timing from you,” Mikasa grins, sitting up with a yawn.

“Rude.” He leans over the side of the bed, gently pushing her shoulders back down and kissing the top of her head. “Relax. I got her.” He tugs on his boxers and sweats before he jogs from the room to the nursery across the hall.

“Bring her in here!”

Audie’s screams get louder as Eren opens her door, cooing at her and asking what was wrong in his ridiculous baby voice, not expecting an answer. He reappears in their doorway a minute later; Audie tucked in her blanket, (a gift from Carla,) and held securely against his chest.

“She’s probably hungry,” Mikasa says, raising her voice to be heard over Audie.

Eren shrugs, rocking a bit as he walks to join Mikasa on the bed again. “Not sure. Maybe she just missed her dada.” He shoots Mikasa a triumphant, smug smile as Audie’s crying begins to quiet down.

He hands their daughter to Mikasa after she finishes unzipping her shirt below her breasts, and Mikasa adjusts her to lay just at her chest, murmuring nonsenses. “Maybe she was cold. You are ridiculously hot, after all.” Audie’s cries taper off and she latches easily, her chubby arms stretching toward Mikasa’s hair.

“I know.” He winks at her, and Mikasa rolls her eyes. “Don’t hear you complaining.”

“Saves on the heat.”

Eren snorts, climbing behind to Mikasa and resting his chin on her shoulder, staring lovingly at Audie. Audie already had a small patch of dark hair on her head, but neither of them could figure out if it was closer to Eren or Mikasa’s color, but Audie has Eren’s bright green eyes and dark skin. Plus, she was loud.

He knocks his head gently against Mikasa’s, reaching a hand around to fiddle with Audie’s fingers. “God, she’s gorgeous.”

“Yeah,” Mikasa agrees with a smile, running the tip of her finger over Audie’s nose. Although Audie hadn’t exactly been planned, they made it work, and now neither could imagine a life without their little girl. “She is.” Eren kisses the side of her head, his arms warm and strong and secure around her and their daughter. Mikasa couldn’t think of anywhere she’d rather be. “You’re burping her.”

“Oh, come  _on_!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was looking up baby names during the drive and found Audie, which means of noble strength, and I thought it was appropriate. I’m still figuring out my perfect eremika baby name, so far I’ve used Carla, Keiko, and Audie, and the more I use it the more I’m starting to warm up to Audie. I hope you guys liked this!!


	25. Strawberry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa wakes Eren up in the middle of the night due to her cravings, and of course Eren sets out to get her everything she wants.
> 
> Word Count: 1,738

On the edge of his dreams, trapped somewhere between consciousness and the deep sleep he craved, Eren was being chased. Through the haze of his mind, he knows he’s not really being chased, that the shapeless landscape he’s running through doesn’t exist, but he’s just gone enough to believe a giant sloth is following him.

Which makes no sense, since sloths are slow, but this one matches Eren’s pace, almost taunting him by staying just far back enough to give Eren the illusion of getting away. It’s always there, though, directly behind him whenever he chances a look over his shoulder.

The sloth catches up to him, raising one giant paw-

-And pokes Eren between his shoulders.

“Eren.”

That was definitely not a sloth.

He’s poked again, harder this time, and it jostles him a bit before someone whines, “Eren, wake up.”

Mikasa.

The sloth is gone, and instead of sprinting through some murky sunset, Eren was in his bed, Mikasa’s finger digging into his shoulder, the back of his neck, and then his lower back while she whispers for him to wake up, but he’s so _warm_. He doesn’t want to wake.

With a groan and a half-assed grab for her hand, Eren forces his eyes open, checking the clock and nearly whining himself when he sees the time. He has to be up for work in a few hours, but Mikasa’s kicking lightly at the back of his shins, and he knows he won’t fall back asleep like this. Eren also knows he won’t fall asleep while she’s upset or agitated, but he chooses to keep that to himself as he wearily rolls over and hooks his arm around her shoulders, pulling her against his chest and hoping she’s just uncomfortable.

She doesn’t settle, though, squirming in his hold and accidentally kneeing him in the stomach a few times. At least he hopes it’s an accident. Mikasa runs her fingers over his arm, leaning further into his embrace to press fleeting, soft kisses to his eyelids, and finally he opens his eyes again, yawning loudly.

“I’m hungry,” she announces, before he’s even tried to rub his eyes.

“We have leftovers,” he murmurs into her neck.

Mikasa’s fingers curl through his hair, and she hums with discontent. “I don’t want leftovers.”

He’s too tired to remember everything they have, so instead he asks, “What would you like?”

“Strawberries.”

They have strawberries, he thinks. “Okay-”

“From that market across town.”

Eren groans his displeasure, and when he pulls back he can barely make out Mikasa smiling guiltily in the faded moonlight. It wasn’t her fault, though, Eren knew cravings were a part of pregnancy; he had just been hoping his dad had exaggerated his storytelling.

“What’s wrong with the ones we have?” He asks through another yawn.

“They’re too sweet.”

Eren will go, of course he will, just as soon as he musters the willpower to leave their bed. “I dunno, Mik. I’m kind of tired.”

She pouts, dropping her fingers from his hair as Eren shoves his face against the pillow again. “I’m not marrying you if you don’t go.”

He doesn’t mean to, but he snorts, grinning into the pillow. “That’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told.”

Mikasa whines again, aiming a kick at his thigh. “Eren, please.”

Leaning forward, he presses a kiss to her temple, her nose, and finally her mouth. “Of course I will,” he whispers against her lips. She smiles again, sitting up with him as Eren stretches, trying to remember where he hung his keys. “You’re lucky you’re cute.” Mikasa nods knowingly, threading her fingers through his hair to pull his face to hers and kiss him again.

“Thank you.”

Eren rolls his eyes, dropping his hands to her stomach to smooth his palms over the bump there. It’s still small, even though she’s four months pregnant, but Mikasa had always been small, always been toned, and the doctors at his dad’s hospital told them their baby was healthy, that they had nothing to worry about. He kisses just over her bellybutton, pausing for a moment in hopes he’ll feel the first little kick, but nothing comes.

Mikasa shifts under his hold, nudging him pointedly with her knee and he relents, finally slipping out of bed and searching the floor for a sweatshirt and his shoes. “I’ll be back-”

“Oh! And fried pickles.”

He pockets his phone, placing Mikasa’s next to her on the nightstand. He should be able to get those with the strawberries. “Got it.”

“And that limited snickerdoodle ice cream. It should still be at the local store. Oh, and Nutella.”

“Okay-”

“And more whipped cream. We’re out.”

Eren resists the urge to roll his eyes. “Anything else?”

“I think that’s it.” He moves to kiss her when she sits up suddenly, narrowly avoiding knocking her head against his. “I want to come with you.”

He gently pushes her shoulder until she’s lying down again. “You stay here. It’s cold out and I don’t know long this’ll take.”

Mikasa pouts, curling up into the spot he’d recently vacated, and he wants nothing more than to crawl back next to her, hold her close and fall asleep to her heavy breathing and steady heartbeat, but he knows there won’t be any sleeping if he doesn’t get to the store. And it won’t be the good kind of not sleeping.

“I’ll be back soon. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

It takes longer than Eren would have liked to get to the tiny twenty-four hour market across town, since he had to wait for the car to warm up and both of the major highways had closures due to repairs, but he finally arrives, and since Mikasa loves the store he’s been here plenty of times, so he knows exactly where he’s going. He’s one of a few patrons, and he can’t help but wonder if anyone else was in his situation.

He hits the produce section, overfilling his bag with strawberries in anticipation for the morning, and then grabs a container of the fried pickles Mikasa had despised six months ago. Eren hasn’t tried them himself, but if it took a pregnancy to get her to want them, he isn’t too keen on eating one anytime soon.

The cashier gives him a sympathetic look, nodding as Eren pulls out his wallet. She bags his stuff, accepts the bills and says, “Been there, done that.”

Eren realizes he must look a mess. He’d worked late the night before, and now he only had a couple hours left to sleep before his next shift. He could already hear Jean and Sasha poking fun at him in the morning.

“Does it get better?” Eren asks.

“A little,” she nods, pouring his change into his palm. “Although, the weirdest cravings do come towards the end.”

Eren thanks her, stepping back into the chilly November night and deciding to take the back roads instead, and it ends up taking much less time to get to the local store. He finds the whipped cream and the Nutella easily enough, but three laps through the ice cream aisle confirm it: there’s no fucking snickerdoodle ice cream.

Depending on how awake she is when he gets home, this could either be completely fine, or Eren will find himself sleeping on the couch for the rest of the night. He grabs her favorite flavor instead, a chocolate explosion thing Eren can barely taste without swearing his teeth begin to rot, and hopes that it will suffice.

It’s quiet when he gets back home, but Eren isn’t surprised. He stuffs the ice cream in the freezer and grabs a spoon, half expecting to find Mikasa fast asleep, but she’s sitting up against the headboard with one headphone in, watching something on her laptop.

She pauses her computer, reaching eagerly for the bags in his hands once she sees him, but Eren holds them behind his back, leaning down until she kisses him with an annoyed groan. He hands her the bags, then, chucking off his sweatshirt and kicking his shoes somewhere into the closet.

“Where’s the ice cream?”

Eren almost wants to cry. “They were out of the snickerdoodle, Mik. I got that chocolate one you like, it’s in the freezer-”

Mikasa waves away the rest of his sentence, loudly biting into a pickle. “I don’t really want it anymore. I’ll have the chocolate for breakfast, though.”

He slips back under the covers, tossing an arm over her lap and resting his chin on her thigh. “You’ll get sick.”

She rolls her eyes, shaking the whipped cream canister and pouring it onto a strawberry and the end of a pickle, and then scoops a glob of Nutella on top. Eren wrinkles his nose. “I’ll be sick anyway.”

“Don’t know how you eat that stuff.”

“Careful, Jaeger,” she says through a mouthful. “I’ve got your child here.”

Just hearing that spread warmth through his body, a quiet excitement he wasn’t very good at containing, and Eren grins against her thigh. “I’m so excited.” His ten-year-old self wouldn’t believe he’d knocked up the pretty stranger next door who held her own in foursquare better than anyone Eren had known. Sometimes his twenty-six-year old self still couldn’t believe it.

“Me, too.” Mikasa sighs, curling her fingers through his hair and sighing around another bite. “Oh man, this is good. Okay, I’m still marrying you.”

“Still got three weeks to back out, Ackerman.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Eren hums, patting her hip gently as he tries to get comfortable again. Work in the morning would be a pain in the ass, but Mikasa was happy and their child was safe and healthy, and really, he’d always sacrifice a little sleep for her. For his family.

“Eren.” He hums again, unsure if he’s awake enough to form words. “Thank you.”

Eren nuzzles his face against her thigh, kissing wherever he could reach, and smiles widely. He takes the stroke of her fingers across his cheek and back to his hair as a confirmation that she’d understood.

Mikasa taps at her laptop, settling against the headboard again, and Eren feels himself finally drifting off, somehow managing to sleep through the crunch of pickles and hiss of whipped cream, his thumb smoothing along the edge of her belly. And he swears, teetering on the brink of sleep, that he feels the tiniest kick from their little baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was based off one of natiwati's textposts about these nerds, and I couldn't just /not/ write it.


	26. My Heart Belongs To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Mikasa accepts an invitation to prom and begins a relationship with her date, things change between her and Eren. He finds it difficult to be around Mikasa without wishing he was the one dating her. But it's not because he's in love with her, or anything. Nope. Definitely not.
> 
> Word Count: 10,945

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I mentioned in 'Wanderlust,' Lindsey really got me hooked on pining!Eren and this was born. Hope you guys like it!!

Eren was exhausted. Early summer weather always made him tired, and coupled with the extra schoolwork from teachers racing to finish their curriculum just meant Eren really needed a break. And the upcoming holiday weekend was the perfect time to sleep, starting as soon as he got home.

If only his mom didn’t have another idea.

He doesn’t even get inside the front door before his mom’s pulling on his arm, all but dragging him up the stairs. Her hair, usually swept neatly to the site, hangs loose and messy around her head, and she looks nervous when faces him. “Hurry and get changed,” she says, tugging his backpack from his shoulders and dropping it by his door.

“Hey!” Eren complains, wincing a little under his mom’s hold. She always squeezes too tight when she’s stressed. “I’ve got library books in there.”

“And you spent too long in the library. I tried to call you, Eren. We’re late.”

She lets go and Eren shrugs, leaning against his doorframe with his arms crossed. “My phone died. And late for what?” His mom fixes him with a blank stare, raising her eyebrows after a moment of Eren mimicking the expression. “What?”

“Prom pictures?”

“Oh,” Eren says. “Yeah. Forgot about that.”

She points into his room, and he turns to see she’s set out one of his dress shirts, a dark, olive colored button down, laid next to a pair of black slacks. His old suit jacket hangs from one of his bedposts, and he can see a tie draped on his headboard.

Eren makes a face, sticking his tongue out at the clothes.

His mom doesn’t miss it.

“Just because you’re not going to prom,” she says, gently shoving him into his room. “Doesn’t mean I’m going to miss my other kids.”

“Have I mentioned how weird it is that you still call Armin and Mikasa your kids?”

“Many times.” He can hear the smile in her voice as she shuts the door behind him with a quick reminder to hurry.

A few minutes later, Eren’s still trying to perfect his tie when he joins his mom in the kitchen, where she’s packing some cookies into a few bags. He finally gets the tie to sit right and pokes his mom’s shoulder, grinning when she whips around.

“Eren, I thought I set everything out.” She frowns, and he knows she’s contemplating whether or not there’s enough time to send him back upstairs, but she sighs and seals the bag, and Eren smiles victoriously.

“You did,” he reassures her, kissing her cheek. He’d decided to keep his jeans and leave the slacks and suit jacket in his room, mostly because it was more comfortable but also because he knew how his and Mikasa’s moms would react. “But ma, it’s almost a hundred degrees outside. No way in hell am I wearing an entire suit. Dunno why you want me in one, anyway.”

She hands him the bags, running her fingers through his hair in an attempt to get it to fall nicely to one side, but gives up after a minute and chooses instead to adjust his tie. “I’ve seen you in a suit. I just want you to look nice with Armin and Mikasa.”

“I’m sure Jean could photoshop me into a suit.”

“Hush.” His mom pulls her hair back, grabbing her keys and phone from the counter, and giving him one last once-over before ushering him out the door and to her car.

Once prom season came along, and a couple weeks after Eren decided he didn’t feel like going, everyone chose to do pictures at Armin’s. His place had a large front porch, an elaborate rose garden, and even a small pond, so everyone figured it was the best place to go.

Armin and Mikasa were already there getting ready, and the rest of their friends would join after a few pictures at their own houses. Eren was initially going to spend the afternoon with them while they got ready, but he’d decided instead to work on a project for class.

“Hey,” Eren says about halfway to Armin’s, interrupting his mom’s singing to some old song he didn’t recognize, almost shouting to be heard. “Is dad coming?”

She turns the music down a little, shaking her head. “He was going to, but he has to stay late at the hospital tonight.” At a red light, she shoots him a pointed glare. “If a certain _someone_ was going, though, he would have turned down the hours.”

Eren rolls his eyes. “I promised you next year, ma.”

“Whom is Mikasa’s going with again?”

“Um.” Eren blanches, looking away, but he knows she’s staring at him, incredulous.

“You forgot.”

“I had a lot on my mind!” She reaches to pinch his arm, landing one good one just as the light changed again.

When they get to Armin’s, Eren’s sure he’s already sweat through his shirt, so he’s relieved when his mom takes all the cookies and rushes into the house, giving him time to roll his sleeves to his elbows. They parked about halfway down the driveway, behind Mikasa’s parents, and Eren can see roses lining the railing of the porch, and even ribbons pinned to the side of the house.

Mikasa’s mom sprints from the house, tossing a wave his way as she heads for the pond, and Eren’s mom follows close behind. He figures they’re off to fix something up for the pictures.

Eren rolls his eyes again.

He’s not sure what _he’s_ supposed to do, though. Eren’s not going to prom, he was here for Armin and Mikasa and their parents, but there hadn’t been any instructions for where he was meant to wait. So he walks toward the front door, thinking he could stay in the house with Armin’s grandfather until he was needed, but once he gets close enough his way is blocked by a deep green dress and pretty face.

Mikasa stops, her dress bunched in one hand to avoid dragging along the floor and her smile widening when she sees him. Her dress is tight around her torso, lace sleeves curling across her shoulders and down her arms, and her hair, normally falling straight past her shoulders or pulled back, is tied behind her head, (when she sees him staring she drops the dress and turns,) in an elaborate bun, a few curled strands falling to frame her face. The dress looks like silk, swishing around her ankles as she turns again for him, laughing quietly. Her makeup is simple; the only thing he can really notice is her eyeliner.

“Hey,” she says once she stops, reaching to hold her dress again. Her shoes are black heels, plain in design, but he thinks they’re just as beautiful as everything else. He’s seen her dressed up before, but for some reason, with her rosy lips parted in a smile and her eyes shimmering, it feels different.

“Hey.” Eren holds his hand out to her, helping her down the front steps. She thanks him, and he holds her small purse while she fixes her hair and dress to lie properly. “Ah. Now I get it.”

“Hm?” In her heels she’s almost as tall as him, and it reminds him of their early high school days, before he’d started looking down to meet her gaze.

Eren holds out his arm, gesturing between her dress and his shirt. “Now I know why my mom was so adamant about dressing me.”

Mikasa laughs, reaching up to smooth his collar. “We match.”

“We fucking match.”

A flash catches them both off guard, and they turn to see Armin grinning behind his phone. He takes a few more pictures, ducking away from Eren and trying to take as many pictures as possible. Finally, Eren grabs the phone, holding it high above his head and yelling in triumph.

“Hey, send me those.” Eren’s mom says. She, Mikasa’s parents, and Armin’s grandfather are all standing on the porch, adjusting a few flowers and ribbons to make sure everything was set up properly.

Armin snatches his phone back. “I will, Carla.”

Mikasa’s mom clicks her tongue, winking at Eren before facing his mom. “Carla, I thought you were dressing him.”

His mom laughs, and Eren resists the urge to throw a pinecone at them. “Oh, I tried. He wanted to look like a slob.”

“Hey!”

“I think he looks fine,” Mikasa says, flicking the back of Eren’s head. “Should we get started before everyone shows up?”

Her dad nods, and he, Eren’s mom, and Armin’s grandfather pull out their cameras. “We should. We don’t have much time before the limo arrives, either.”

The first set of pictures is staged on the front steps, with Mikasa in the middle of course, and Eren may or may not pinch Armin’s butt just to get him to yelp in the pictures. When his mom threatens to crop him out, Eren quits making goofy faces, draping his arm around Mikasa’s shoulders.

“Hey.” Eren tugs on Mikasa’s wrist as they walk toward the pond. She nods, her attention divided between him and keeping her dress out of any mud. She stumbles a little, and Eren grabs her elbow, reaching to hold the near side of her dress. “Who’re you going with tonight?”

Armin snorts from up ahead.

Mikasa is much more civil; she sighs, throwing a glare at Eren. “Didn’t I tell you the night he asked me?”

“And three times since then,” Armin calls back.

“Shove it.” Eren squeezes her elbow, offering a small smile. “I forgot, okay?”

Truthfully, he’d tried not to listen that night, when Mikasa climbed through his window to tell him she’d accepted a date to prom. Eren had decided early in the year that he hadn’t wanted to bother with the dance, but the thought of Mikasa going with someone- even if it was just one of their friends- left a funny feeling in his chest.

She can’t answer at first, as they’re lined up again for pictures by the pond. Towards the end, Eren gets Mikasa to help him lift Armin onto their shoulders, and then they hold Mikasa between them. She shows both of them up by lifting Eren herself.

“Eren,” she says, as they’re walking through the garden to what Eren hopes is the last of the pictures. “It’s Marco.”

“Oh!” He kneels down to pick a rose from the garden. “Wait, Bodt, right? I didn’t know you liked him.” Eren frowns, still kneeling before a bed of white roses. He examines them for a moment before picking the best one. “I didn’t know he liked you.”

Mikasa shrugs, looking a little exasperated with him. “He’s a good friend. He asked me without any big fuss, about a week after tickets went on sale.” She stops, tilting her head as she stares down at him, as if she was trying to tell him something, but he can’t decipher the expression and she walks away before he can ask.

She sits on the small bench, adjusting her dress to pool around her legs as Armin takes his place behind her. Eren stands, wiping the dirt from his jeans to pause before her with a grin, tucking the rose into the lace at her shoulder.

“For you.”

Mikasa smiles, all traces of displeasure wiped from her face as she touches the petals, adjusting the carnation so it won’t fall. “My favorite. Thank you.”

“Course.”

Eren hears his mom groan behind them. “Are you trying to kill me, kid?”

Eren ignores her, taking his place and throwing his arm around Armin’s shoulders and ignoring his mom’s laughter as they take even _more_ pictures.

Armin nudges his side. “Where’s my flower?”

Eren snickers. “I’ll do you one better. I’m gonna give you a noogie.”

“Don’t you dare-”

Eren hooks his arm around Armin’s neck, pulling the blond closer to his chest to shove his knuckles against Armin’s head, rubbing his scalp and messing up his hair. Their parents all complain, but Mikasa and Armin are laughing and Eren’s going to make sure this one gets on the Christmas card.

“Alright, that’s enough!” Eren’s mom says, pointing directly at Eren. “Now some with my boys.”

Mikasa takes her mom’s hand, allowing her to lead Mikasa out of the way as Armin adjusts his suit jacket with only a few grumbled complaints. They take the pictures, and then Armin and Mikasa get theirs, and then it’s just Eren and Mikasa sitting on the bench.

She throws her legs over his, leaning her head against the arm he’s got slung over the back. Eren holds the flower she picked for him, a pink rose, and decides not to ruin it by trying to shove it through his shirt. No one’s taking any pictures at the moment; the adults ere too busy trying to organize the arrival of the rest of the kids.

“Hey,” Eren twirls the rose between his fingers, imagining it as one of his drumsticks. “Did I tell you how beautiful you look?”

“Nope.” She grins, plucking the flower from his hand to put it in his hair, resting it on his ear. He can’t tell if her cheeks were actually flushed pink or if she’d put on some extra makeup there.

“Well you look beautiful.”

“Thank you, Eren.”

Another flash goes off. This time, it’s Eren’s mom standing with her phone and a smug smile.

“Ma!”

“Hush now, this one’s going on the mantle.” His mom reaches a hand for Mikasa, helping her stand again. “Come on, everyone’s here. We only have a little while until you have to leave.”

They choose to do the pictures on the porch, since it’s the only place big enough to fit everyone. There’s a lot of shuffling, some shouted directions from everyone’s parents and a few muffled curses, but eventually they all get settled, and Eren nearly trips back down the steps when he sees Sasha perched on Connie’s shoulders.

Eren ends up next to Armin, squished next to Jean and standing behind Annie. Mikasa and Marco are on Jean’s other side, and after a minute, they, along with the other couples, exchange corsages.

Marco gets Mikasa a purple corsage, and Eren allows himself to feel a little smug. She hates purple. And she’s kept Eren’s rose.

After a few pictures, Eren wiggles his way out, not wanting to be in all of them if he wasn’t even going. He stays near his mom, noticing she’s trying very hard to keep Armin and Mikasa as the focus of her pictures.

A series of honks disrupts a fight about to break out between Ymir and Jean, signaling the arrival of the limo. The driver parks at the curb, and everyone quickly makes their way over. Mikasa and Marco pass them, arms intertwined, and Marco makes sure to help Mikasa into the limo, keeping her dress from snagging on anything.

“I’ll keep an eye on her.” Armin says, gesturing towards the car.

“She doesn’t need our protection, man. She’s a black belt.” Eren laughs, but it even to him it sounds off. He rubs a hand across the back of his neck, making a face at the asphalt. “Just. Make sure she has a good time, okay?”

“Of course.”

Eren stands with this mom at the head of the driveway, trying to avoid any conversations with his friend’s parents. He loves them, but he really doesn’t want to be asked another ten times why he wasn’t joining everyone.

The limo pulls away, but before it even gets very far, Sasha pops her head out of the sunroof, a bottle in each of her hands, her hair falling straight and clean around her face. “There’s fancy ass wine in here!”

Connie stands up next to her. “Share!”

Sasha’s dad shakes his head, cupping his hands around his mouth as he shouts back; “You drink it you buy it, kid!”

“Deal!”

Someone, presumably Jean, tugs them back in the car, and after another minute, they were gone.

Mikasa’s mom pulls Eren into a hug as he follows his mom to the truck, squeezing his shoulders and then ruffling his hair. “Are you joining the kids at the beach this weekend?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good for you.” She squeezes him again, her black hair, the same as Mikasa’s, framing her weary face as she kisses his forehead. “Come over for dinner sometime next week.”

“I will,” Eren promises, giving her one last hug and waving to Mikasa’s dad before climbing into the car with his mom and sighing in relief once he was out of the heat. “That was way too long.”

She ignores his complaint. “I think that went well.” She’s quiet then, and the radio was off, which meant she was thinking hard about something, but Eren wouldn’t push her. She’d tell him as soon as she wanted to. Which just so happened to be when they were almost home. “As far as I could tell, there was only one thing off.”

Eren frowns, letting his hand hang out the window. “What do you mean?” As far as _he_ could tell, everything had been perfect, if not hot and a little annoying.

She reaches over to swat the back of his head, letting his string of curses slide as she sighs, glancing over to him at the next red light.

“That should be you with Mikasa, dummy.”

He looks away, trying to ignore the warmth he feels in his chest when he imagines taking Mikasa to prom, matching his tie to her dress and getting her a corsage she’d like, dancing with her, spending the entire night with her. They’ve spent plenty of nights together, but now he thinks tonight might’ve been different. Special.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I know you’re not dense, Eren.” She pulls into the driveway and parks next to his dad, who apparently got home early. “You two have always been close, and though I didn’t see Historia and Ymir coming, I’ve seen the way you look at each other for years. Would you have gone if she’d asked?”

“I dunno, ma.” Eren says, shuffling out of the car. He’s really hoping the conversation is over but his mom takes his hand and walks him slowly to the house. “Maybe, okay? She’s one of my best friends. Sure, if my best friend had asked me to prom, I would have gone with her. Happy?”

“You should kiss her.”

“Mom!”

“Just saying.” She pinches his cheek affectionately. “Come on, let’s go see what your dad made for dinner.”

* * *

Eren can’t focus on his schoolwork.

After dinner with his parents, he’d excused himself by saying he wanted to work on his project, which was true, but he’d quickly realized that he couldn’t focus on any of it.

He couldn’t stop thinking about what his mom had said earlier, not the part about kissing Mikasa, but the part about going to prom with her. He thought, too, about her being there with Marco, with the rest of their friends. He wonders if they’re dancing, if Marco got her to dance with him alone or with everyone else, if Marco knows she hates being spun around a lot or dipped. If Marco knows she doesn’t like to drink, or that she’ll wear her heels for the entire night to prove a point to no one.

Eren chucks his tennis ball at his ceiling, having given up practicing his drums to lay on his bed, repeating the motion several times to try and forget about the possibility of Mikasa and Marco slow dancing in the middle of all of their friends.

Of Marco and Mikasa kissing.

He’s never thought about it before. Often, Eren and Mikasa would be asked if they were dating by people they went to school with. Someone in their class had even asked Eren permission if she could ask Mikasa out, (she’d said no,) but neither of them had ever been in a relationship before.

But now Eren couldn’t stop thinking about being the one to dance with her, to convince her to sneak past the principals so they could spend some time alone. To kiss her goodnight and do a little more than sleep when they fall asleep together on the couch-

Eren jerks, falling off his bed and taking his textbook and tennis ball with him. He stares at his door; irrationally terrified that his parents downstairs or Mikasa, several miles away, could hear everything he was thinking.

“Fuck.” He sighs, sagging into his carpet. The carpet Mikasa picked out just after the school year started. “There’s no way.”

He stays like that, his arms covering his face, unwilling to confront his possible feelings for his best friend. There’s no way he was in love with her, right? She’d been one of his best friends since she moved in next door in the fourth grade. They were just weird, unnamable feelings, feelings that would go away as soon as he talked about them with her. Or Armin. Or no one.

He really didn’t have to bring them up, right?

He didn’t have to let Mikasa know he’d spent time imagining what kissing her would feel like, if he’d kiss her carefully, like a piece of artwork meant to be cherished forever, or a little desperately, grasping at her face and clothes to try and make up for lost time-

Eren groans, knocking his head back against the floor. “Quit it, Jaeger.”

It was just a bizarre, awkward, not really a crush kind of crush, right?

Everyone had one. Hadn’t he had one before-?

No, he realizes sadly. He hasn’t.

Eren finally sits up when the flash of headlights shines through his window, the same window he and Mikasa tried to set up some cups and strings through when they were kids. He goes to check, and sure enough, he recognizes Marco’s small car illuminated by her porch lights.

They spend longer than Eren would have liked parked in her driveway before Mikasa steps out of the car, leaning back in once and then shutting the door. Marco waits until she gets inside and then he leaves, and Eren decides to go. He could talk to her about it- let her know he might kind of love her a lot more than just a friend.

Really, who knows?

He tugs open his window, crawling out onto his roof and then over to the ivy on the side, climbing down to the ground like he’s done so many times. Eren couldn’t count the number of times he and Mikasa had been scolded for sneaking through their windows until their parents gave up, and let them know they were on their own for any minor injuries.

Eren hops the fence to her yard, foregoing her steps to jump onto her porch and knock quickly, but quietly. He’d forgotten how late it was- their parents were probably asleep.

The door opens immediately, and Mikasa visibly relaxes when she realizes it’s him. “You scared me,” she says, leaning against the doorframe. “Give me ten minutes, okay? I’ll meet you out back.”

“Sure thing.”

She shuts the door and Eren walks along the side of the house, tripping a few times on plants and dirt piles he couldn’t see in the dark until he gets to the bench swing on her patio. Her house didn’t actually have a yard, the property ended right at the edge of the patio, but it was quaint and nice and her dad let them camp out here several times when they were younger.

He doesn’t have to wait long for her, as a few minutes after he sits the lights turn on and Mikasa slips out of the door, padding along the stone in outrageous slippers to join him. She’s changed out of her dress and heels, and her hair is loose, curls framing her face and swaying as she tucks her knees against her chest.

Eren has to look away for a moment, pretending some unseen animal had caught his eye. It was just Mikasa. He’d been way closer to her several times before, what the hell had changed?

She doesn’t say anything while he’s looking away, doesn’t say anything while he’s struggling to think clearly and decide if he’s going to tell Mikasa what he thinks he’s feeling. He turns to face her, sees she’s become distracted with the daffodils her sister must have sprinkled over the seat, and has to look away from her face again.

And is met with a welcome distraction.

“Are those my sweatpants?” Eren asks, relieved to have found something to say. “You never played lacrosse.”

“Hm?” Mikasa barely looks down at the insignia on the leg before she nods, smiling. “I guess so.”

“I was wondering where those went.”

She starts to stand, and Eren feels his heart skip a beat. “I can go change-”

“No!” Startled, she frowns at him. He scrambles for an excuse, cursing himself all the while. “I mean. They look better on you anyway.”

“Okay.” Mikasa elongates the word, tilting her head forward to encourage him to explain, but he doesn’t have an answer. “So.”

“How was prom?”

She smiles, leaning against one of the pillows. “It was fun.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. It was more fun than I thought it would be.”

He swallows his pride, forcing himself to ask, “Did Marco get you to dance?”

“Yes, actually. And it wasn’t so bad.” Her forehead crinkles a little. “At least until Sasha got drunk and tried to twirl me around the room. Other than that, it was nice.”

“Even in your heels?”

Mikasa laughs, tossing one of the flowers at him. “I’ve scaled fences in heels, Eren. A dance is nothing.” She pauses, tugging the sleeves of her sweater over her hands, and if Eren didn’t know her so well, he wouldn’t believe she was cold. “You would have had fun.”

“Yeah,” Eren rubs the back of his neck, looking away from her again. He would have had fun doing anything with her. “Well. There’s always next year.”

“Promise?”

She reaches for his hand, tugging his arm around her as she shuffles to his side, staring up at him eagerly. He suddenly finds it hard to breathe, hard to keep looking into her inky, deep eyes, hard to ignore the burn he felt where she still held his hand, where her head rested on his shoulder.

He leans away, feigning a ridiculous itch, and if Mikasa notices something amiss in his expression, she doesn’t comment.

This was absurd. He was absurd. It was _Mikasa_.

“Yeah,” Eren finally says, not quite meeting her eyes again. “Promise.”

“I’m keeping you to that.”

They fall silent, Eren looking anywhere but at her, but he swears he can feel her gaze on his face. He has to tell her, to at least get it off his chest and let her know that hey, he might kind of be in love her, but he’s only a teenager, so really what does he know about love? They can laugh about it, maybe sneak some popcorn and a movie in tonight while she teases him for stupid feelings she’d never have-

“Marco asked me to dinner.”

Eren’s heart shatters.

That’s all it takes.

He wasn’t sure before, but now, with the hollow ache he feels in his chest, the way his heart can’t seem to find its proper beat, how he feels a wave of nausea threaten him… he knows for certain.

He can’t find his voice, can’t think of anything to say as Mikasa stares at the ground, her arms wrapped around her legs, her head on his shoulder. He doesn’t know where to go from here.

For a moment, Eren thinks about telling her to turn Marco down, thinks about asking her out to dinner himself to get his chance, but he couldn’t do that to her.

What kind of a friend would he be if he kept her from something she might enjoy?

“Oh?” Eren schools his features into something neutral, thanks anything that’ll listen when his voice doesn’t break, and chooses to look at the ground instead of her.

Mikasa sighs, curling away from him, and then they’re sitting on opposite sides of the bench again, no more than a foot away from each other and yet it feels like miles, like he’s a stranger sitting next to her. It’s been seconds, but he feels like he’s already fucked up.

She picks up another flower, picking off the petals one by one and glancing at him between each. Expectant. Like she wants him to say something, say _anything._

But Eren still can’t find his voice to speak properly, he only hopes she doesn’t say-

“I said yes.”

If he’d thought his heart had broken completely before…

“Good for you. He’s a good guy, I’m sure you’ll have a lot of fun.”

Her eyes narrow at his tone, at his attempt to sound calm. Mikasa always had the ability to read those she was closest to, and he’d never been able to lie to her. She chucks the flower petals at the ground. “What’s your problem?”

“Nothing.” A lie. “When’s the date?”

“None of your business.”

“Fine.”

In the silence that follows, Eren internally groans, rubbing his eyes with his palms. The last thing he’d wanted was to fight with her. It wasn’t her fault his feelings were all jumbled; it wasn’t her fault he’d gotten angry.

“Mikasa-”

“This isn’t going to get weird, is it?”

She’s still leaning away from him, still playing with the stem of one the daffodils, but when she looks up at him again he can see the worry and concern swimming in her eyes.

“What are you talking about?”

“I know none of us have dated before, but it’s not like I’m leaving you or Armin. We promised, right?”

“Yeah.” Eren stands, stuffing his hands in his pockets. His exhaustion was catching up with him again, and he really couldn’t be here anymore. “I should get back-”

“You’re still coming to the beach right?”

“No.” Her face crumples, and he wants to take it back, but he also doesn’t want to spend the weekend with Mikasa and her almost boyfriend. “I’m going to an open heart surgery with dad tomorrow. Meet with some other doctors and stuff. Just got planned a week ago, guess I forgot to mention it.” Eren shrugs, the air thick with something uncomfortable. It’s not a lie, his dad really did want him there, Eren had just initially turned the offer down.

“You’re sure you can’t make it?” Mikasa presses, resting her chin on her knee. “Even for one day?”

 _Yes_. “No, sorry. I still have that project.”

“Right.”

He’s going to tell her. He’ll tell her everything he’s thought about all night, everything running through his head, he’s going to-

“Good night, Mikasa.”

“Good night.”

Eren hops the fence at the nearest point, leaving Mikasa behind on the bench and finding his dad sitting up on their porch, a newspaper folded on his lap. He doesn’t look mad, in fact, Eren isn’t even sure his dad’s awake until he points to an empty chair.

“I can go to the surgery tomorrow,” Eren huffs, falling into the chair.

“Good. Hanji’s been asking about you.” His dad doesn’t ask why Eren was over at Mikasa’s, or why he even bothered coming home so late, he just asks, “Everything okay?”

“Honestly?” Eren tugs his hood over his head, closing his eyes when he hears Mikasa’s door slam shut. “I have no idea.”

“Don’t worry about it, son. These things have a way of working themselves out.” His dad pats his shoulder, probably sensing that Eren really didn’t want to talk tonight, and they stay like that until his dad catches Eren starting to doze off, and helps him to stand and lead him back into the house.

* * *

Despite what they’d said, things start to get weird upon their return to school. Eren doesn’t want them to, but he oversleeps the first day back and Marco drives Mikasa to school, and from there things don’t get better.

It turned out their dinner date had been during the weekend at the beach, and in the weeks that follow, Marco starts walking Mikasa to her classes, driving her home on days she doesn’t have to stay late, and she even eats lunch over at Marco’s table most days. And though she still spends a lot of time with Eren and Armin, things just feel different.

Since the weekend after prom, Eren’s been using projects and homework as most of his excuses to avoid Mikasa when everyone goes out together, but once school ends for the year he’s going to have to come up with better reasons for why he jumps out of his skin when her hand brushes his arm or why he’s always leaving early.

Or he could just get the fuck over it.

One day, a few weeks after Marco and Mikasa make their relationship official, Eren’s standing between Armin and Mikasa, who’s lockers were next to each other, talking about the upcoming end of school and their summer plans.

“My grandpa’s taking me to Italy this summer,” Armin says after school, collecting a few things from his locker to make cleaning it out next week easier. “Says he wants to visit my aunt again. He said he’d invite you two, but he wants to keep it very small.”

Eren shrugs, leaning closer to Armin’s locker. “It’s cool. I’m gonna be at the hospital with my dad a lot. Mikasa?”

“Mom and dad want to go visit family in Japan, but they’re not sure if Elaine’s old enough to go, yet.” Mikasa’s sister had been deathly afraid of flying when she was younger, and it had stopped her family from vacationing for a few years, until Eren’s mom had the great idea of letting Elaine stay with them.

Mikasa shuts her locker, resting her hip against it and Eren almost slings his arm around her shoulders to pull her closer. Instead, he shoves his hand in his pocket and looks away

Armin finishes packing his backpack, shutting his locker, and they head for the exit. “She’s eleven now?”

Mikasa hums. “Twelve next month. Which reminds me,” she turns around, poking Eren’s stomach and grabbing his attention again as he trails behind. “Armin, your invite should be in the mail, but she wants to invite you to her party personally, Eren. So expect a call or a card sometime this week.”

Eren laughs, nodding slowly. He loves Elaine like she was his own sister; he doesn’t want to miss her party. “Looking forward to it.”

Mikasa looks like she wants to say something, glancing between Eren and Armin, but before she can speak again someone takes her hand, and then Marco’s pulling her into a hug and kissing the top of her head.

Eren almost sprints out of the school.

“Eren quit being such a child.” Armin keeps pace with him as he stalks through the parking lot to his truck, glaring at the ground.

“Armin-”

“You like her, right?” Eren groans, letting his head fall onto the steering wheel. “Don’t give me that. I thought it was pretty obvious.”

“Have you been talking to my mom?”

Armin grins, patting Eren’s back sympathetically. “Maybe. Look, Eren, I’m not going to say you should tell her how you feel, but you need to shape up around her. It isn’t fair to treat her like she isn’t your friend anymore.”

Eren grimaces, inhaling deeply before sitting up and starting the car. “I know, okay? This isn’t what I wanted.”

“Then act like it. She think she’s upset you, moron.”

Eren doesn’t have an answer, and can’t find one as he drives Armin home and picks his mom up from a gardening store. He just needs to act natural around Mikasa, which honestly shouldn’t be hard. He’s known her for almost eight years; he could be fucking normal around her.

When they get home, and after Eren helps his mom unload the truck, a knock on the door interrupts his work on a final project. He checks his phone quickly and sees a text from Elaine saying she’s stopping over for a bit. He answers the door and is met with a shock of long blond hair and a very crooked smile.

“Ellie!”

“Eren!”

She barrels into his arms; actually knocking him over and Eren makes a note to ask if she’s gone up another belt as he ruffles her hair and she laughs loudly in his ear. Where Mikasa looked exactly like their mom, Ellie was the spitting image of their dad, save for her dark grey eyes.

Ellie kicks the door shut, sitting on her knees by his feet as Eren sits up. She’s holding a small envelope in her hands, playing with the corners, but he doesn’t point it out. “Why haven’t you come over lately?”

Eren taps her head with his knuckles, trying to get her to stop pouting. “I’ve been busy, kid. End of the year, and all that junk.”

“I guess so. Marco comes over a lot, though.”

Eren grimaces, but drops it before she looks back up. “Hey, El.” She nods, folding the envelope lengthwise again. “Do you like Marco?”

“He’s nice,” she says, shrugging. “He’s helping dad fix my old dollhouse.”

“Oh.”

“It’s not up to me, though.” Ellie uncurls his hand where he’s clenched it on the floor to slip the envelope onto his palm. “Mikasa likes him, and that’s all that matters, right?”

Eren wants to scream. “Right.” He quickly opens the envelope, reading the hand-written invitation to her birthday party in a few weeks. “I’ll be there,” he promises her, her smile blinding him.

“Oh!” She claps suddenly, brushing her frizzy hair from her eyes. “Mama says you have to come to dinner tonight.”

If it weren’t sweltering out, Eren would blame his sudden chill on the weather, and not on the thought of having dinner with Mikasa.

He didn’t want to disappoint Mrs. Ackerman, though, and he sure as hell didn’t want to let Ellie down, so he nods as enthusiastically as he can, slapping his hands on his knees. “Well. We can’t leave mama waiting, now can we?”

“No!”

Eren stands, swinging Ellie around the hallway before settling her on his hip. “Ma, I’m going out!”

His mom’s voice echoes from the garden, “Say hi to Mikasa for me!”

He carries Ellie next door to her house, focusing very carefully on not falling as she crawls to sit up on his shoulders, not bothering to knock before he enters, and announces their arrival with a shout. Mrs. Ackerman sends him right to the table, saying dinner would be ready in just a few minutes, so he follows her orders and carries Ellie through the familiar house.

“Eren?”

He’s in the middle of wrestling Ellie from his back, finally succeeding, and holding her around the middle, her legs swinging idly when he pauses, turning around to find Mikasa and Marco standing by the table.

“Oh,” Eren says, clearing his throat awkwardly. He lets Ellie down, but she stays next to him, pulling his arm around her shoulders. “Hey guys.”

Mikasa’s tilts her head, her arms crossed and that’s when Eren notices Marco’s hand on her shoulder. “I didn’t know you were coming over tonight.”

“Ah, yeah.” He nudges Ellie, shrugging heavily. “This monkey here let me know your mom asked me over.” From the corner of his eye, he sees Ellie stick her tongue out at Mikasa.

Mikasa rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling fondly. “Okay.”

Marco squeezes her shoulder, nodding toward the table. “That explains the extra setting.”

“Mom says hi.” Eren blurts, trying to get her attention back.

Mikasa nods, and he swears her smile could light up an entire city, as fucking cliché as that was. “Tell her I say it back.”

Thankfully, Mrs. Ackerman takes that time to enter the room and save Eren from talking, carrying a plate and telling everyone to take their seats. Eren slips behind her to the kitchen to help carry the rest of the dishes, and though she tries to scold him, her smile is kind when she tugs him into a fierce hug.

They sit, and Eren tries not to acknowledge the painful tug in his chest when he sees Marco in his usual seat. He ends up next to Ellie, across from Mikasa, and tries his hardest not to look at her.

“Your dad’s working late tonight, girls,” Mrs. Ackerman says once everyone’s been served. “But he’ll be home before your bedtime, Ellie.”

“Eren doesn’t have a bedtime,” Ellie complains, waving her fork around.

“Eren’s almost an adult. However, he appreciates his sleep.”

“It’s true,” Eren says around a mouthful of food. Mikasa’s mom whacks him with her napkin, and he finishes before speaking again. “When you’re sleeping, the spotted gremlins can’t get you.”

Ellie makes a face, her nose scrunching. “If the spotted gremlins get you when you’re awake, how come they don’t come after you during lunch? Or breakfast!”

“Magic.”

“Nuh uh!”

Eren laughs, reaching over to ruffle Ellie’s hair as she huffs in disbelief. Where Mikasa had been secretly wary of ghosts or boogeymen as a kid, the same tales that had once scared her never seemed to faze Ellie. Eren couldn’t count the number of times they’d babysat the young girl and had to persuade her not to watch another horror movie.

Mikasa’s mom turns to Marco, asking him about his summer plans and the colleges he plans to apply to in the fall, and dinner continues like that, Marco and Ellie supplying most of the conversation while Eren tries, (and fails,) to avoid looking at Mikasa. She doesn’t seem to be glancing at him at all, rarely talking back when Ellie tries to bait her, and that only makes him look again, then glare at his plate, then sneak another look. It’s a vicious cycle, really.

A vicious cycle that lets him notice that Marco’s hand was hanging by her leg. Probably touching her knee.

Dammit.

In that moment, during another peek at Mikasa, Eren realizes something was missing. She hasn’t worn her scarf since prom. The scarf he gave her a few months after they met, when she’d tripped down a flight of stairs and he’d stayed with her, kept her calm, until their parents had arrived and he’d wrapped the scarf around her neck, promising to meet her at the hospital.

It was a stupid recognition, she’d probably just ditched it due to the record-breaking heat, but Eren couldn’t help but think it might be something more. She’d rarely taken it off before.

Dinner seems to drag, though maybe that’s just because of Eren’s discomfort with the situation, but he feels an incredible rush of relief when dessert was done and Marco packs up his things.

Eren waits in the kitchen, helping Mrs. Ackerman with the dishes while Marco says his goodbyes and finally leaves for the night. He kisses Mrs. Ackerman’s cheek, ruffles Ellie’s hair where she sits on the couch, and slips out of the door into the fading sunlight.

He doesn’t even get to the front gate.

“Eren!” He hates how quickly he turns around, how his pulse accelerates and he holds his breath so as not to miss anything she might say. She pauses, glancing between their houses and him, and tugs on the sleeves of her cardigan to wrap it tighter around herself. She swings her shoulders, nudging him slightly, and he can’t keep himself from grinning. It’s so like her. “Is everything okay? You were awful quiet during dinner.”

“So were you. You sure you’re okay?” Eren crosses his arms across his chest, hating that he still can’t quite meet her gaze.

“I’m fine.”

“Me too.”

He nods awkwardly, taking a hesitant step back and through the gate once he figures the conversation had ended, but she speaks again before he can even think of walking away.

“You promised.”

She’s looking away, her hair, (had she cut it?) blowing wildly around her face and she sighs, picking at her nails.

Eren wills his façade not to break. “Mik-”

“You promised nothing would change.”

“Nothing has changed-”

“You know that’s not true.” She rolls her eyes, trying to tame her hair with one hand. “You can barely be near me for an hour, Eren. What did I do?”

“Nothing!” Oh God, Armin had been right. She thought she’d upset him. “You haven’t done a damn thing. Finals are next week y’know? I’ve been busy with last minute studies and stuff.”

“I know you’ve been studying almost as long as Armin and I. You’re sure nothing’s wrong?”

Eren wants to tell her, wants to explain exactly why he’d been unable to stay too close to her for the last few weeks, but he can’t do that to her, to her fledgling relationship with Marco. “Yeah, no. Everything’s fine.”

Mikasa looks unsure, like she wants to say more, like she wants to pull the truth from him with her own hands, but instead she shrugs and says. “Okay. I’ll see you at school.”

“Hey. After finals are done the three of us will go see a movie or something. Start summer off right.”

She smiles, and his heart lurches right out of his chest. God he was so fucked. “I’d like that.”

* * *

None of them hang out after finals.

Armin’s grandfather moved their trip up, and he ends up leaving hours after turning in his last test, and although Mikasa’s family’s trip to Japan ends up falling through, Eren joins his dad on a business trip halfway across the country for the first month of summer. They keep in touch easily with their group chat, and facetime some nights when Eren has the hotel room to himself and Armin’s with Mikasa.

He misses Ellie’s birthday party, but manages to get her to forgive him with a phone call and a strategic Black Widow gift.

Eren finds it easier to think when he’s so far away from his friends, when he doesn’t have to be so close to Mikasa everyday. Eren had hoped the trip would be a good chance to kick his feelings for her, to get over the stupid crush, but he only found himself missing her more, staying up far too late imagining her next to him, poking fun at his sleeping expression or showing him dumb videos on her phone until they both fell asleep.

Eren wishes for their old, strong friendship back, and yet he longs for something much more intimate, and on their last night in the hotel, Eren finally, finally, admits what he’d been unwilling to put a name to before.

He loves her.

He really and truly loves her.

She’s the first person he calls when the plane lands and he’s waiting with his dad for his mom to find them. His heart’s beating in overtime while he waits for her to pick up, half of him hoping she doesn’t, as Eren still hasn’t thought of what he’s going to say.

Eren’s about to just hang up, his nerves almost getting the best of him, when the call connects and Mikasa says, “ _Hey! Have you guys landed?_ ”

“Yeah,” Eren breathes, grinning. He turns away from his dad, who’s smiling knowingly behind his phone, and faces the baggage claim instead. “I would’ve called earlier, but our flight was delayed.”

“ _Don’t worry about it. I spoke to Armin earlier and they’re home, too._ ”

That was exactly the opening Eren needed. “Tonight, you want to grab a movie? The three of us can get dinner or something after.”

“ _Oh_.” Eren’s chest feels tight because he knows that tone, he knows what comes next, and he nearly hangs up just so he doesn’t have to hear it. “ _I would love to, but Marco and I just got out of a movie and we’re actually at lunch now-_ ”

“I got it.” He tries not to feel bitter, but he can’t help to think that he’s missed any chance with her now and his displeasure with himself colors his tone. “We’ll talk later, okay? Mom’s here.”

“ _Eren-!_ ”

His dad’s at his side, then, reaching to grab their suitcases from the conveyor belt. He hands Eren his backpack, shaking his head slowly. “You can’t keep cutting her out like that, Eren. Nothing’s going to change if you act like you’re mad at her.”

Eren pouts, looking away from his dad and finally spotting his mom across the room. His heart was still pounding too fast, but whether it was from being kind of rejected or from the thought of seeing Mikasa again, he couldn’t be sure. They start towards his mom, weaving their way through the other commuters.

“Can you lecture me later, dad?”

“You don’t need a lecture, Eren.” His dad laughs, nudging Eren’s head. “You just need to do something about it. I can tell it’s bothering you, so why don’t you tell her? Maybe nothing will change, but there’s always a chance it might, and you won’t be up all night thinking about what could be.”

Eren rolls his eyes. “You’d know, wouldn’t you?”

His dad smiles fondly. “Your mother was the one who asked me to dinner first. Where would we be if she’d chickened out?”

* * *

 

Eren decides not to heed all of his dad’s advice at first, and instead of spitting his feelings into her voicemail or blurting them out the next time he sees her, he keeps them to himself when they’re out with their other friends more often. It’s not nearly the same, but it’s slightly better, and Eren finds it a bit easier to be around her, even if he’s still making excuses as to why he can’t be alone with her.

He catches himself staring more often, noticing the way her nose scrunches when she’s embarrassed, or how she’ll tilt her face away from her hair when it curtains her face. How she only taps her fingers or toes when she’s agitated, or only cracks one knuckle. Little things Eren’s sure he’s seen before, but they suddenly seem so important to him when their friends are drunk on the basement floor and she’s too distracted to catch him staring across the room.

The start of senior year was strange, since it was the first year Eren, Armin, and Mikasa hadn’t arrived together. Instead, Mikasa held Marco’s hand surrounding by a few other people, brushing right past Armin and Eren in the parking lot. Eren grumbles about it, and Armin reminds him it could change if he just talked to her, but Eren pretends he didn’t hear it.

He really wants to hold her damn hand.

A few of their friends pick up on it; Annie tells him he’s an idiot for taking so long, and Connie and Sasha exchange bet money, but they promise not to say anything. They don’t promise not to tease him.

It’s at Historia’s New Year’s Eve party, a few days before school begins again, that his poorly constructed plan to keep things as neutral as possible falls apart.

Eren’s never liked drinking, but he accepts a cup of punch from Reiner at the door and drinks slowly, sandwiched between Armin and the fridge in the kitchen where most of their friends had congregated, and he realizes Mikasa had gotten there earlier. She’s standing opposite him in the kitchen, laughing at something Jean’s saying, and Marco’s arm was slung around her shoulders.

He downs his drink.

Armin cuts off whatever he was saying, reaching to stop Eren from refilling his cup. “Are you sure? You drove us here.”

“Relax.” Eren rolls his eyes, pouring another drink. “It’s just a few. I know what I’m doing. Plus, you remembered your license, right?”

Armin looks unconvinced, his gaze flitting between Eren next to him and Mikasa across the room. “You’re a moron.”

Eren chugs the drink, grinning lazily before pouring one more. “So I’ve been told.”

Reiner walks by, tipping a beer at Eren. “You know there’s no alcohol in the punch right?”

Eren scowls, and says; “First of all, fuck you,” as Reiner walks away, laughing loudly.

Mikasa glances at them, then, and Eren nearly chokes on his drink as she weaves through their friends to stand before them. She’s wearing Eren’s old hoodie over a t-shirt, eyeliner smudged around her eyes and he thinks she looks stunning.

“Hey,” she says, leaning against a counter. “I didn’t think you guys were coming.”

“We always do,” Eren says with a shrug.

Mikasa narrows her eyes, crossing her arms as Armin shakes his head next to them. “I know that. But you’ve been pretty adamant about not being near me, Eren.” Eren moves to speak, but she holds up a hand before he can. “Don’t try it. You promised me twice in the last few months that our friendship wouldn’t change but look at us, Eren. This time last year, you showed up to this party and immediately tried to get me to join you on the roof to point out stars. This year, you didn’t even speak to me. I don’t know what I did, but I don’t deserve this.”

“You didn’t-!” But she’s walking away before he can finish, taking Marco’s hand and leading him from the room. Eren groans, setting down his drink. He doesn’t feel like finishing it anymore. Doesn’t feel like being here.

Armin pats his shoulder, somewhat sympathetically. “Completely normal.”

“Shut it.”

Eren only sees Mikasa a few more times that night; from the edge of the deck, leaving the bathroom on the second floor, and finally in the living room, when most people have left and Ymir was trying to convince Historia to leave the cleanup for the morning. Mikasa’s sitting at Marco’s side, listening intently to Connie’s story, but her gaze falls to Eren sometimes, and she glares at him.

So naturally, Eren glares back.

It’s not childish at all.

In the middle of one of Reiner’s jokes and another short glaring contest, she finally snaps, “What’s your problem?”

Eren sticks out his tongue, feeling his cheeks warm when their friends glance between them. “I don’t have a problem, do you?”

“Of course not, but I’m not the one being a _child_.”

“Neither am I!”

“If you want to say something, just say it-!”

“Okay,” Marco tugs on her waist, pulling her back from where she’d all but jumped off the couch. “I think it’s time we get going. Jean?” Jean nods, helping Sasha to stand with Connie’s aid. Marco squeezes Mikasa’s hand and she laces their fingers together, purposefully avoiding Eren. “We’ll see you guys at school, okay? Have a good night.”

Armin raises his water, barely concealing his smile. “Good night, guys.” Once they’re gone, he looks at everyone who’s left, then to Eren, who’s slapped his hand over his eyes. “I’m guessing you want to go?”

“Please,” Eren groans, dragging his hand down his face.

When he gets back home, a lone figure sitting on his front steps nearly makes him hop right back into his truck and leave, but he locks the car and squares his shoulders, foolishly wondering if he could get past without her noticing.

Mikasa stands before he gets halfway up the walkway, fiddling with her zipper and smiling cautiously. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“You calmed down some?”

Eren rolls his eyes, a grin tugging at his lips. He really wants to get inside, to avoid facing her again, but it doesn’t look like he’ll get that this time. “It wasn’t just me, Mik.”

“I know,” she sighs, dropping her hands to wrap her arms around herself, the puffy hood of her coat obscuring the lower half of her face. “I know, and I’m sorry. It’s just… I miss you.” Her dark eyes meet his, her eyeliner now completely smudged around her eyes. “I don’t know if it was just my relationship with Marco, but whatever I did to drive you away, I’m sorry.”

His heart sinks. “Don’t apologize,” he pleads, stepping closer and shoving his keys into his pocket. “You didn’t do anything, I promise.”

“Then why can’t you stand to be near me?”

“It’s stupid, really dumb, Mikasa. You’d laugh.”

She pouts, matching his next step. “Try me.”

“No.”

“What the hell is your problem?” She yells, laughing bitterly and prodding her finger against his chest. “You tell me things are going to be normal, but we haven’t been alone together since prom. You can barely look me in the eye, what happened to my best friend?”

“I’m right here,” Eren says, looking away desperately. “Nothing’s changed-”

Mikasa scoffs, shaking her head. “That’s a lie and you know it.”

“It’s not.”

“Tell me what happened.”

“I told you. It’s me. It’s stupid.” His blood’s pounding so hard he can almost hear it, his nerves making his voice shake and his hands clammy and _dammit_ , he needs an out before he ruins what they have even more. Not that he’d done such a good job keeping her close in the first place. “Mikasa, please-”

“Tell me.”

“I can’t!”

“Why not?” She groans, tugging urgently on her sleeves. “What happened to make things like this? Why can’t you tell me-?”

“Because I love you!”

Mikasa’s eyes widen, her mouth snapping shut as the gravity of his words hit home in the following silence, and Eren realizes that yes, he did just fucking confess to her, when that’s exactly what he _hadn’t meant to do_.

He couldn’t take it back now.

“I fucking love you, okay?” Eren grumbles, tugging his hands through his hair. “I think I’m in love with you and it took my fucking mom to point it out to me and I’m sorry. I’m sorry it took me so long. I’m sorry I realized too late, I’m sorry I pushed you away, but I couldn’t stand it.” He opens his eyes, not realizing he’d shut them before.

“Why didn’t you say-”

“I couldn’t watch you with him, and I pulled away. I’m sorry.” When she doesn’t speak again, Eren’s pulse kicks up again, and he says, “I should go.”

She whirls, reaching out a hand as he ducks around her, sprinting up the steps. “Eren, wait-”

He shuts the door, hating himself for cutting her off and he slides down to the floor, hanging his head between his legs. He could hardly breathe, tears stinging the corners of his eyes, but the relief he felt at finally telling Mikasa how he felt was even greater than his fear of her response. Would he even be able to face her after that?

Would they be able to go back to _anything_ close to normal?

* * *

Mikasa skips the first three days of school after New Year’s.

At least, that’s what Eren assumes.

He hasn’t heard anything from Ellie or her parents that she’s sick, and he can’t help but worry that what he’d said the night of the party had driven her away for good. They haven’t spoken since then, and not even Armin or Sasha or Marco can give him an answer for why she’s out.

Eren feels like shit during the days that follow his confession. He hasn’t heard from Mikasa, and though that didn’t mean she was ditching him completely, it doesn’t sit well with him. He doesn’t want to lose her, despite the distance between them for the past few months; he truly doesn’t want to lose her friendship.

One night, when he’s up too late pacing through the living room, Eren has to turn the prom pictures on the mantel around. It feels strange to look at them, at him and Mikasa sitting so close on a bench, smiling without a care in the world, like the other was all that mattered. Eren can’t look at them. It hurt to. Maybe someday soon he’ll be able to face them again, but for now he avoids them.

He worries himself ragged, staying up way too late looking for a sign in her window. He gets distracted in the middle of drum practice and finishes homework just before class, and lamenting to his mom, whose advice ended with laughter more often than not.

Until that Friday, when the rumors begin to spread across the school.

Rumors that a certain couple had broken up just before school started again, and that Marco Bodt was back on the market.

Eren hates the elation he feels when he first hears the rumor, tries his best to squash the guilty hope threatening to consume him when he sees Marco down the hall. He ignores the kids who come up to him to ask about Mikasa, and instead he focuses on collecting the work she’s missed.

He takes the long way home, dropping Armin off and even swinging by the middle school to take Ellie to a friend’s house before finally getting back, and sees Mikasa standing in his driveway.

Eren jumps out of his truck, barely remembering to turn the engine off before he runs to her, keeping just enough distance between them in case his hope was misplaced.

At first, she doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t look at him, staring back at her own house and he can’t read her expression, but he sees the way she’s fidgeting with the strings on her sweatshirt, how she’s brushed her hair from her face several times in just a few minutes.

He thinks of what his mom said so many months ago, and he really wants to kiss her.

“I broke up with Marco.”

Eren’s heart threatens to burst. “I’m sorry.”

She shrugs. “It’s okay. He was really nice, a perfect gentleman, a really good friend. Just not… who I wanted.”

His hands itch to take hers, to draw her into his arms and let his himself be overwhelmed with her. Instead, he curls his hands into fists, tries to control his pulse, and tries not to be as happy as he is with the news. “Oh?”

Mikasa faces him then, her lips pulling into a small smile, and she shakes her head with a laugh. “You’re not too late, you know. You could never be too late.”

“You mean-?”

“I think I’m in love with you, too. I think I always have been.”

Eren doesn’t register moving, but then his hand is on her shoulder, the other cupping her cheek and his forehead’s pressed to hers, her own hands gripping the back of his hoodie. He isn’t sure how long they stay like that; eyes closed and locked in each other’s arms, breathing carefully as if waiting for the other to leave, to snatch away the illusion of happiness, before Mikasa laughs, nudging his nose with her own.

Eren’s voice is shaky with disbelief and joy and _love_ when he asks, “Can I kiss you?”

Mikasa’s reply is instantaneous, her warm breath fanning across his lips, her voice just as shaky as his.

“ _Yes_.”

He kisses her softly, hesitantly, suddenly aware that his only other kiss had been with Mikasa when they were twelve, alone in the park and curious to see what all the fuss had been about. It had been nothing special, a quick peck shared between children who could barely comprehend a bigger meaning behind the action.

But now?

Now it felt like the entire world to Eren.

His world narrows to this moment, to Mikasa’s mouth moving against his, her hands bunched in the back of his hoodie, her skin warm and smooth beneath his palm, her lips pliant and soft beneath his. Nothing else mattered to him, nothing else but her quiet sighs, nothing else but her.

Mikasa kisses his bottom lip as they pull apart, both breathless and smiling. She drags her hands to hold his wrists, still curled against her cheeks.

“I,” Eren says, pressing another quick kiss to her lips. “Have wanted to do that for the _longest_ time.”

Mikasa laughs again, ducking her head to rest her forehead against his shoulder and kiss his neck. “Truthfully? I’ve wanted it, too.”

“Listen,” he says after a few minutes, breaking the comfortable silence. “Let me take you out to dinner tomorrow; a proper date. And I can start making up for being such an ass to you.” Eren kisses the top of her head, gently coaxing her out of hiding, and feeling ridiculously pleased with himself when he sees the blush coloring her cheeks.

“I’d love that.”

He kisses her again.

A honk almost makes them trip over each other’s feet as they whip around to find Eren’s mom, dad, and fucking Armin pulling into the driveway, both laughing and waving excitedly.

“Fuck.”

“Relax,” Mikasa laughs, nudging his shoulder. “I think I’ll pass the girlfriend test.”

Eren rolls his eyes. “It’s not you I’m worried about. I’m thinking of all the teasing I’ll have to endure over dinner tonight.”

“Well.” She points back to her house, grinning widely and Eren swears he’ll never do anything to upset her again, to miss any of her smiles. He promises himself, right then and there, that he’d do anything and everything to make sure she’s as happy as possible with him. “No one’s home at my place. We can get started on homework.”

“Or we could not.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Jaeger.”

“I would never.”

Mikasa takes his hand, leading him to the fence between their houses, and they hop it together before his parents can bombard them with questions. She tugs his old scarf from under her sweatshirt and lets him wrap it around her neck again, but this time the action’s accompanied by breathy laughter and even happier kisses.

They don’t make it into her house. They sit together on the swing on her patio, their limbs fitting together like the pieces of their future and their fingers interlocked as they point out the clouds floating above them and share kisses beneath the setting sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought!!


	27. A Thousand More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When they finally meet again, (for the first time; for the thousandth time,) it's cold and raining, and Mikasa's daughter has just fallen and scraped her elbow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! Lindsey wrote an amazing little companion piece to my reincarnation au, (chapters 1, 14, 23,) [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3430940/chapters/10068245)
> 
> After reading it I was hit with inspiration to do a little final (final) add on to this world. I think it finishes and ties everything together pretty well, and I hope you enjoy it!!
> 
> Word Count: 2461

Mikasa could curse her luck.

On one of the few days her meeting didn’t run late, the weather decided to get in her way instead in the form of a heavy downpour, which she must have missed the warning of on the morning news. And if that wasn’t bad enough, traffic on the highway was keeping her stuck.

She’d already told Levi that she could pick up Audie from school, so he’d be too far from the area to get to Audie before Mikasa. The after-school care ran pretty late, though, so Mikasa knew she’d have enough time to get to her daughter.

By the time she does get to the school, the heavy rain has lightened into something more bearable, though she does wish she’d brought an umbrella with her. Mikasa parks across from the school, bypassing the front doors to head around back, where the kids played in the gym or on the playground until their parents arrive.

She’s surprised to see that, despite the drizzle, the kids are playing all over the playground, the swings, and even on the basketball courts. A few are sitting by the doors, umbrellas crowned over their heads, but most are using only their coat hoods as shields from the rain.

Mikasa stuffs her hands in her coat pockets, scanning the area for the bright yellow dress Audie had insisted on wearing that morning. Though Mikasa hadn’t picked Audie up in quite a while, the process was still the same, and after only a few minutes she catches sight of a polka-dotted dress and long pigtails.

“Audie!” Mikasa cups her hands around her mouth; calling for her daughter twice more before Audie actually hears her and stops dead in her tracks, then tears across the pavement once she recognizes Mikasa.

“Mama!” Audie jumps right into her arms, wrapping her own tightly around Mikasa’s neck. “I thought Levi was coming?”

“I told you this morning,” Mikasa murmurs, struggling to balance Audie and her purse. Audie continues to squirm, though, and without her coat and backpack they couldn’t leave yet. Audie finally hops back out of Mikasa’s arms, straightening her dress and flashing Mikasa a gap-toothed smile. Mikasa can’t help but grin as she kneels down to press a big, loud kiss to Audie’s forehead, tugging on her daughter’s sleeves. “Where’s your stuff?”

“With Mr. Arlert.” She still can’t quite pronounce it, the name sounding more like “Awlewt,” but Mikasa knows the teacher.

“Go get it, okay? And think about what you want for dinner.” It was one of those rare nights where Mikasa doesn’t have a case study to review, and she intends to spend all of her free time with Audie.

Audie hesitates, twirling the skirt of her dress. “Mama?”

“Yes, baby?”

“Did you have another nightmare last night?”

Mikasa resists the urge to groan. She’d thought those were under control. “Go get your coat and bag from Mr. Arlert. We’ll talk about that later.”

Audie nods, running behind them to where a few teachers were sitting on some benches, backpacks and jackets littered around their feet.

Mikasa sighs loudly, standing with quite a few protests from her joints.

Nightmares.

Ever since she was a little girl, Mikasa had terrible nightmares, horrifically gruesome dreams that either had her waking in terror, or unable sleep for days at a time. She’d dreamt of monsters, of grotesque beasts that towered over buildings and existed solely to prey on humans. She’d also dreamt of people, wonderful, incredible soldiers, who spent their days fighting the monsters in order to reclaim their world.

She also dreamt of a boy.

She dreamt of a family, brought together by unimaginable pain and loss that stayed together until the end of their lives- lives cut far too short by the tragedy of war. Mikasa still didn’t know if they were real people, (she’d been unable to find any record of them or a war like this), or if she’d simply made them up.

For years, each dream was worse than the last. Dream her lost family, friends, thousands of soldiers and civilians to the monsters, but there was nothing dream Mikasa, or the several sleep specialists Mikasa’s visited, could do.

But after her thirteenth birthday they became far less frequent.

Mikasa wasn’t sure how it happened, but on the morning of her birthday, she woke up with the memories of several lifetimes. She remembered battling titans, fighting with friends and an eventual almost-lover, losing them when things had once seemed to be improving.

That morning, she’d cried loud enough to wake her parents, who calmly explained her memories, but even their kind words couldn’t stop the pain and loss that flooded her being for the following months.

She remembered the trainees she killed for, the boy who killed for her, and the friends she made.

And she remembered losing all of them.

And then missing them in her following lives.

Mikasa found Armin in college, around the time she’d found most of her other friends, but neither of them had found Eren. She met Annie after starting at her new firm when they became coworkers, and once Annie and Armin began dating, Mikasa and Armin spent a little more time together.

It was hard without their missing piece, but they still tried for dinner twice a month.

The day Audie was born, the night Mikasa stayed in the hospital, was the first night she’d slept without one of her nightmares. Maybe it was her doctor, a kind man with amusing facial hair and a wise face, or the dramatic change in scenery, but she did not dream of death that night. And since then, the dreams had been few and far-between.

She’d been a little surprised to discover, during back to school night, that Armin was one of Audie’s two teachers this year, but it was a welcome realization. Mikasa loved Armin, and Audie was quite fond of him already, but Mikasa had quickly decided not to talk too much with Armin at school, to try and create at least a little space between their past and present.

Armin had told her he had the same nightmares as a kid. Told her that they hadn’t gone away for him either, and how he was now beginning to believe they might never disappear, even if they found everyone.

Mikasa couldn’t remember if she’d dreamt last night, but if Audie heard her, there was a chance the nightmares could be coming back.

“Mommy!”

A sharp scream drags Mikasa back to the present, and she immediately zeroes in on Audie, lying about halfway between Mikasa and the teachers with a hand pressed firmly to her arm. She wasn’t crying, so it must only be a scrape, but still Mikasa sprints across the pavement to her.

A teacher drops to their knees at Audie’s side just as Mikasa does, and before she can even reach for her daughter’s arm, the man plasters a pink Band-Aid on the tiny scrape, and Audie smiles at him, patting Mikasa’s hand where it rests on her daughter’s knee.

“All better, Miss Audie,” he says, his voice oddly familiar.

“Thanks!” Audie laughs, examining the Band-Aid.

Mikasa ruffles Audie’s hair, glancing at the teacher. “Thank you-”

She notices one very important thing.

His eyes.

His sparkling, _haunting_ green eyes, and his dark hair and his dark skin, contrasting beautifully with his wide eyes, his mouth falling open when their gazes meet.

Time stands still in that moment, for that very special moment, where Mikasa finally comes face to face with the boy who’s tormented her dreams for so long.

The brave soldier boy.

The boy, who saved her life countless times, who breathed a will to fight for her life into her lungs time and time again.

The boy she’s met so many times since then, and yet, she’s never met him before this very moment.

The man she’s missed for so long-

Mikasa’s voice, barely a whisper, cracks when she speaks again.

“Eren?”

“Mikasa?”

Hesitantly, carefully, he raises a hand, and then he’s cupping her cheek, and nothing’s felt more right than this moment, this stranger, her almost lover a thousand times before, touching her. He breaks into the brightest grin Mikasa’s ever seen, tugging on her hand with his free one, and he gathers her into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around her shoulders as she does the same, gripping the back of his shirt and hiding her face against his neck.

When they pull apart, after far too long and not nearly enough time, Mikasa feels tears pool in her eyes, and isn’t surprised to see a few trail down Eren’s cheeks.

Oh, how she’s missed him.

“I thought you were a dream,” Eren says, at the same time Mikasa says, “I remember you.”

Eren laughs, wiping away her first tear, but not letting go of her. “Promise?”

She nods, sniffling loudly. “You forgot me, too.”

“I’ll never forget you again.”

Carefully, she touches his chin, dragging her heavy fingers to his cheek, his nose, and his lips, as if he’d disappear if she pressed too harshly. “I won’t, either.”

Audie tugs on Mikasa’s coat, staring up at them with wide, confused grey eyes. “Mama?”

“Wait.” Eren says, before Mikasa can look away. “Audie’s _your_ daughter?”

With a frown, Mikasa ducks out of Eren’s embrace to lift Audie into her arms, settling Audie on her hip as she stands. “Yes?”

This time, when he stands, his laughter is incredulous. “She’s my best student.”

“You’re her other teacher? How the he-”

“Mama!”

“-ck did we miss this?”

A very loud, very pointed snort comes from behind them, and they turn to find Armin- Mr. Arlert- covering the lower half of his face with a book.

“Let me guess,” Eren says, turning back to her once he finishes shouting something back at Armin in a language she doesn’t recognize, grinning as Audie plays with the chain of Mikasa’s necklace. “You know Armin?”

Mikasa nods, watching as Armin picks up Audie’s things and starts to walk to them. “He’s dating a coworker of mine, Annie.”

“I had no idea you knew Annie.”

Armin reaches them then, clapping a hand onto Eren’s shoulder and smiling brightly at Mikasa, and her head is so full of so many lives. Years fighting titans with Eren and Armin at her side, living in a foreign city with Levi, recalling Eren when he didn’t know her, passing any one of them on the street without a second glance.

Eren punches Armin’s side lightly, and she’s reminded of some lifetime, when she watched him do the same thing as teenagers, bathed in a pale sunset in the garden they helped fix with Armin’s grandfather.

“Thanks for letting us know,” Eren grumbles, subtly stepping closer to Mikasa.

Armin shrugs. “Can’t always be the middleman.” He takes Mikasa’s free hand, squeezing tightly, and once again she’s choking back tears. “But it’s great to see you two remember each other for once.” Leaning around Audie, Armin pulls her into an awkward hug, and it’s absolutely perfect.

Eren slips his hand into hers, lacing their fingers together on Armin’s back, a warm and solid presence at her side, one she suddenly isn’t sure how she managed to live for so long without.

“Come over for dinner,” Mikasa says once she and Armin pull apart, Audie hiding her face in the crook of Mikasa’s neck. She glances at Eren, finds him staring at her already, and ducks away like a young teenager with a fledgling crush. “There’s a lot we need to talk about.” She nudges Audie, who’s still tucked away, “Did you decide what you want for dinner?”

“Pizza!”

“Pizza it is.”

Halfway to their cars, Armin stops them to ask, “Do you guys remember everyone else?”

Eren, who still hasn’t let go of Mikasa’s hand, meets her gaze with a furrowed brow, and then they’re both grinning. She can already remember the rest of their friends, people who’ve stuck with them for countless lifetimes, and judging by his exuberant nodding, Eren recalls them, too.

“Yep,” Eren says, haphazardly swinging Mikasa’s purse as they walk.

“Good. We should do another of your genius movie nights.”

Eren looks appalled. “I was _eighteen_ , asshole!”

“Language,” Mikasa says, a reflex.

Eren frowns. He doesn’t say anything when they reach Mikasa’s car, but he tugs her aside as Armin straps Audie into her car seat.

“Hey.” He starts, making a face as he searches for proper words, and she’s hit with an urge to smooth her fingers along the creases lining his forehead. “So. Audie…?”

“I was 21. My first boyfriend,” Mikasa admits, crossing her arms over her chest. “He was a great guy, we just didn’t work out. He’s still a part of our lives.” She pauses, looking away, and something unpleasant settles in her chest. “It’s not a problem, is it?”

“What? No. God, no.” Eren uncrosses her arms, gently taking her hands. “Of course not.” Then he smiles, flashing her a smirk she recognizes so well, and her heart suddenly feels lighter than she’s ever thought possible. “Just thought we’d be married before we had kids.”

“You-!” Mikasa gasps, laughing too hard to think of anything else to say as she tries to smack his chest, but he holds her hands tighter, and leans in close to kiss the tip of her nose, and Mikasa feels her cheeks warm. The rain’s stopped, but Eren’s hair was wet, falling into his eyes, and his eyes were shining and she really needs to ask Audie’s father if he could watch Audie this weekend.

Armin pokes his head around the side of the car. “If you two are done?”

“Yeah… Hey, Armin, you remember how to drive stick, right?” Eren asks, dropping his keys in Armin’s palm.

“Oh my God, just go.” Mikasa hugs Armin one more time, squeezing extra hard for all the years they’ve missed, before he jogs to Eren’s car to follow them back to Mikasa’s place.

“You’re just as rash as I remember,” Mikasa says, as she buckles and double-checks that Audie, distracted by one of her picture books, has everything.

“Hm?”

“Getting into a pretty stranger’s car? Risky.”

“Ah,” Eren sighs, taking the hand she holds out for him. “But you’re not a stranger at all.”

“No.” With several lifetimes swimming through Mikasa’s head, several lost chances to be with Eren, and everything she’d thought was a dream or lost to her forever suddenly available for her to experience, she feels incredible giddy. She finally has a chance with Eren. “I’m not.”

Eren kisses the back of her hand, smiling hopefully, and after another minute, Audie places her hand on top of theirs.

It seems her luck’s finally changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. Guess who Mikasa's doctor was.


	28. One Wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the small country of Sina, the social status of the wealthy was maintained through arranged marriages. Eren Jaeger, the prodigal son of the best doctor in the country, was expected to marry the finest available in the land. His secret relationship with Mikasa Ackerman, a lowly housekeeper's daughter, meant nothing. Mikasa wasn't good enough for the Jaeger family, but on the day of his wedding, one fateful meeting could give them another chance.
> 
> Word Count: 4,858

“This has to end.”

He says it so suddenly, a terrible crack in the pleasant silence of a summer morning. They’d spent the night together, left for a walk in their favorite park before dawn had broken over the horizon, and now, just shy of noon and soon after she’s finished dropping flower petals into his hair, he speaks for the first time in hours.

Mikasa opens her eyes, staring up at the sharp curve of his jaw from where she lays, her head on his thigh, her hand laced with his on her chest. Eren isn’t looking at her, his elbow propped on his knee, his chin in his hand, eyes trained on the horizon, and he’s lost somewhere in his head. He isn’t with her.

She doesn’t sit up, but she squeezes his hand, a cold worry burying itself deep in her chest. Despite herself, despite everything they’ve gone through, she can’t help but feel something is terribly wrong.

“Eren?” He still wasn’t looking at her, but he nods slightly. “What is it? What has to end?”

His next words steal the breath from her lungs.

“This.” It’s a whispered sigh; so quiet she could have mistaken it for a gust of wind had she not seen his lips move. “Us.”

Her head spins, and she lurches out of his lap, but he doesn’t let go of her hand, and she doesn’t get far. Mikasa turns to face him, her mouth falling open uselessly as she searches for something to say.

“What are you talking about?”

“My dad’s arranged a marriage. The date’s set for next fall.”

Tears burn the back of her throat, and Mikasa rips her hand away from his, tries not to feel any sort of hope at the way his hand hangs in the air at the absence of hers. “You never told him about us.” And she tries not to sound bitter, maybe more for his sake than hers, but she’s unsuccessful.

Eren shuts his eyes, his shoulders tensing for an instant, and then he nods. “I didn’t know how-”

“How to tell him you love a poor girl?”

“What? No. You know he loves you, Mikasa.”

“Yet you didn’t tell him?”

Mikasa wasn’t stupid. Her family’s status in the country was far below Eren’s. Due to her parent’s jobs as housekeepers, now her source of income, she was far below the kind of woman he was meant to be with, but when they met in primary school they’d become inseparable. She’d fallen in love quickly, and he’d told her he’d always felt the same, and Armin, their best friend, was the first one to figure their relationship out a few weeks before graduation.

Still, Mikasa had always been a little worried about how Eren’s father would react to their relationship. Grisha Jaeger had never hurt his son, but he’d been obsessed with keeping the family’s power and money ever since his wife’s death when Eren was ten. He loved Mikasa like a daughter, but she knew he’d never accept her as a plausible wife for Eren.

She wasn’t good enough for the best doctors in all of Sina.

It was why she’d suggested keeping their relationship a secret from Eren’s father.

She just never thought it would end like this.

“I thought we’d have more time,” Eren says, mumbling it against his palm. His hand seeks out hers, sliding against the warm grass in search of her fingers, but she pulls away. “I didn’t- I didn’t think he’d try to marry me off so soon after med school.”

Mikasa can see it- see the future they’d planned out together. Eren had suggested they leave the country, but Mikasa loved it here too much. It was where her parents had been born, where they’d died mere miles from their hometowns. It was where she met Levi, her sole remaining relative, where she’d fallen in love with Eren’s fiery personality and Armin’s quiet stories.

She didn’t want to leave.

But she wanted a life with Eren. He’d promised her a house, big enough for their children, and a yard to garden and play in, close enough to her hometown and his hospital, close enough for Armin and any of their friends to visit, but secluded enough to live in peace away from the socialites constantly demanding Eren’s attention.

She wanted him.

“You-” Her voice breaks, and she resents the tears she feels well up in her eyes. He was too quiet, too distant, and so different from the man who’d just last night screamed at the stove while making dinner. And perhaps, this silent acceptance scared her even more than the destruction of their future. Mikasa tries again, clearing her throat in an attempt to appear stronger than she felt. “You won’t refuse him?”

“How can I?” And he still hasn’t moved, still hasn’t spared her a damn look, like everything they’ve been through together meant nothing to him. “He’s my father, Mik. I can’t just shit on everything he’s given me.”

“But you can ruin everything we have.”

Eren glares at her from the corner of his eye, and she supposes the shining of tears she sees is just a trick of the light. “You know goddam well that’s not true.”

“Do I?”

“I have to think of my family.”

“A family that no longer includes me.”

“If that’s what you want.”

“What I want?” It comes out as a shout, much louder than she’d intended, but she does not revel in the way he flinches. Mikasa surges forward, curling her hands around his cheeks to get him to finally look at her, and her heart breaks again when she sees how red and puffy his eyes are, how dull the color seems. “I don’t want any of this, Eren! I want you. I want our family. I don’t want to watch you with someone else and call you family as an afterthought!”

Eren leans into her touch, smoothing his thumb across the back of her hand like he’s done so many times before, but for the first time it gives her no comfort. She searches his eyes for _something_ to curb her despair _,_ but he keeps his expression schooled into one she can’t read. “I can’t change this.”

“Do you even care at all?” Mikasa drops her forehead against his, choking back a sob when she realizes, bathed in the sun and intoxicated with him, that these were her last few minutes to be with him.

“I love you, Mikasa.” His other hand snakes around her back, his fingers splayed against her shoulder as he holds her close. “I always have. I always will. And I’m so, so sorry.”

“I am, too.”

Mikasa stands after too long, ripping herself from his embrace and using all of her strength not to fall back into his arms, to beg him to run away with her. She wouldn’t fit in in his world; she couldn’t do that to his father.

She turns away, leaving him alone in their favorite spot, a spot she could never return to alone. Eren’s house had always been her safe haven when things were bleak, and she’d spent so many nights in his arms- where could she go when she could no longer go home?

“I love you.”

Eren says it to her retreating figure, just loud enough for her to hear, and just enough to get her to falter.

She sniffs, breathing deeply to keep her sobs at bay, and continues walking with a quiet, “I love you.”

* * *

 

Everything was perfect.

Wedding preparations had been scarily easy. There’d barely been any disagreements between his dad and Clara’s parents, the only real fight stemming from where the newlyweds would live. (Her parents had won that one, and a villa two cities over had been purchased almost immediately.)

The guest list was long, the venue extravagant, the cake half as tall as his bride, and everyone was smiling, everyone was laughing and milling about in expensive dresses and suits. They were already drinking fancy champagne before the day truly began, eagerly awaiting the moment when the doors to the room would open, and the bridal party would begin its march. He’d been congratulated countless times, shaken the hands of so many business men, so many doctors, Eren could no longer keep track.

Eren keeps glancing at the minister, apparently the best in the entire country of Sina, but the old man was laughing with someone. Everyone was laughing; drunk already on happiness and the declarations of love they’ll witness this afternoon.

Well, everyone except Eren.

He couldn’t stop fidgeting with his suit, couldn’t stop tugging his sleeves over his hands only to shove his hands in his pockets, and then rip them out to adjust his tie a minute later. It fit perfectly, of course it did, but it wasn’t right.

Everything was right.

Nothing was right.

Armin slaps his hand when he reaches for his hair again, resurfacing suddenly to fix a button on Eren’s jacket and offer a reassuring smile, but it doesn’t do anything for Eren’s nerves.

“I just checked on them,” Armin says quietly, adjusting Eren’s tie next. “There was some setback with the shoes-”

“The only hitch.”

Armin silences him with a pointed look. “If you need a breather, you have time.”

“I don’t know if I can do this.”

It’s more than cold feet, and Armin knows this very well. Ever since they met as little kids, Armin had been his best friend, one of the two people Eren could confide in and trust wholeheartedly, and Armin knew exactly how Eren felt about the wedding. Armin’s never told him what to do, and Eren’s always admired that, but right now, Eren really just wanted to be told he was doing _something_ right by marrying Clara.

“Go.” Armin says, and for the briefest second Eren believes Armin’s suggesting he go to _her_ , but Armin’s pointing to a door off to the side, to the hallway parallel to where they stood. He’s telling Eren to get some air, clear his head, and make sure he could live with this choice.

Eren nods, clapping his hand on Armin’s shoulder in thanks, and slips from the room without any spectacle, sighing in relief once he’s out.

He sits, sliding down the wall until he can rest his head on his knees, until he can breathe without feeling suffocated by the guests at his wedding. When Eren had pictured his wedding as a teenager, he’d always seen a small number of people gathered around a blooming tree, the love of his life smiling next to him as they vowed what they’d already promised each other years before, but that wasn’t the case anymore.

Eren barely knew half the people in the church that morning, and he’d felt sick to his stomach as he watched his dad greet every last one of them. A family of doctors, the best in the land, and they needed to protect that status with a proper marriage.

And an heiress to one of the biggest technology companies in Sina was the perfect choice.

Eren doesn’t hate Clara. They’d met in university, and she’d been as shocked as him to learn their parents arranged them to marry. In a strange sense, he might love her, but not as anything more than a friend he’s learned to share a life with. They’ve lived together for a little over a month, and his dad truly loved the benefits all of her family’s technology was bringing his hospital, soon to be Eren’s, but he still didn’t know much about her.

Eren doesn’t hate her, but he does hate this.

But his father was happy, his family’s future was secure, and he was sure he could bear living with Clara for the rest of his life.

Eren was still in love with someone else, had been since the moment he met her as a kid, but he hadn’t seen her since the day he broke her heart. Since the day he looked away from her, choked back his own feelings, and told her he couldn’t be with her.

He didn’t deserve her, not a year later, and especially not after he’d all but kicked her out of his life. Eren still didn’t know where she’d gone after that day, but he never saw her in town again after that, and Armin had promised her he’d keep her location a secret.

He’d given Armin an unaddressed invitation, and Armin had wordlessly understood.

Eren didn’t deserve her, and she definitely didn’t deserve to watch him marry someone else, but that didn’t stop him from selfishly handing the invite to Armin.

Eren had never been able to forget her, had spent countless hours talking about her and Armin to Clara, who said she adored her just by Eren’s descriptions alone, had told him she wanted to meet his other best friend. He’d never said what they were before Clara came into his life, but it didn’t matter.

He’d never see her again.

Eren drags his hands through his hair, ruining the styling that had taken far too long that morning with a few careful strokes of his fingers, but he didn’t care. The entire ceremony was more of a formality than anything else. His life was tied to Clara’s already, there was nothing left but children to continue on both family’s legacies.

Eren was going to be sick.

He wished his mom was still alive, desperately wished that fucking break in almost eighteen years ago hadn’t happened. Eren knew it was useless to even wish for it, useless to blame himself for not being home to help her, but his mom had always known what to do, had always been able to read him. She’d tell him to follow his heart, probably even plan a distraction with Armin.

His mom would have loved Mikasa.

There was a knock on the door, and Armin quietly tells Eren everything will start in a little under ten minutes, that he should get back inside before his father comes looking for him. Eren nods in understanding, says he’s sure he can manage to stand in ten minutes, and Armin leaves, sounding only mildly convinced.

When Eren finally does look up a minute later, he’s just in time to watch the last of the guests file into the chapel room, just in time to catch the sight of the same black hair that’s haunted his dreams for over a year.

“Mikasa?”

Her name slips out before Eren can catch himself, before he can think about how strange her name feels on his tongue after being nothing but a memory for so long, before he can start analyzing the strange flutter in his chest, the traitor wisp of hope taking root in his heart and suffocating him slowly.

The last figure stops in the doorway, standing rigidly as Eren scrambles to his feet, and then she’s shutting the door, squaring her shoulders and turning to face him.

He immediately notices her hair.

It’s shorter than when he’d last seen her, the ends barely grazing her shoulders. Her jeans and faded black t-shirt looked horribly out of place for a wedding, but Eren doesn’t care about her boots or her uneasy expression, (okay, maybe he cares about that,) when she was standing before him again.

When he was facing her for the first time in over a year.

“Hi, Eren.”

He doesn’t realize he’s moving until he’s right in front of her, until Mikasa slaps away his arm and holds her fingers to his chest to keep him away. And it hurts, it tears at his chest, but Eren knows exactly why she does it.

It doesn’t stop the slow spread of euphoria he feels at seeing her again.

He’d known it since the moment she walked away, but he still loved her. Would never stop loving her.

But things were never that simple.

“You showed up,” Eren breathes, dropping his arms when he’s absolutely sure she won’t let him hug her.

Mikasa shrugs, crossing her arms across her chest and staring just left of him when she answers. “I wanted to check up on Armin.”

It’s a lie, and Eren knows it. Knows it because Armin always brings Eren a bouquet of mismatched flowers after visiting a nearby town, visiting Mikasa, and he’d brought Eren flowers just two days ago.

Silence falls over them, and Eren wants nothing more than to gather her in his arms, to go back to the years before his father became obsessed with using Eren as a means to increase their fortune, to the years where their love was pure and carefree and Eren spent most of his afternoons trying to get Levi to smile. Trying to get Mikasa to laugh at one of his crappy jokes as they shared her too-small couch in the fading twilight.

“I miss you,” he blurts, feels the burn of the tears he’d learned to control in the long few weeks after he ended things with her. “I miss you, and I know it means nothing now but I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I did to you-”

“You’re sorry for saving my life?” Mikasa murmurs, a sad smile tugging at her lips. Her dark eyes shine, but it’s not the same as before. “Eren, you were there for me when my parents died, you offered me your home before Levi found me. You were the first person I loved after them, don’t ever apologize for everything you’ve given me.”

“But I-”

“You did what you thought was right.”

Eren swallows hard, searching her eyes for any clue to how she really felt, but everything she said sounded so sincere, and it rips a fresh wound onto all of his old scars.

“Now I’m not so sure.”

Her composure breaks, her face contorting into something Eren can only describe as desperation. She takes a step back, but Eren reaches for her hand, laces their fingers together hastily. She does not shake him off.

“Don’t-”

“Mikasa-”

“You made your choice, Eren. You can’t go back and forth-”

“I’m not. I never have,” he says, stepping even closer and taking it as a good sign when she stays. “I have never stopped thinking about you, about what we had, about how much I fucking love you.”

Mikasa shakes her head, tears slipping down her cheeks, but she doesn’t look away from him. “Your fiancée is waiting.”

“I can’t marry her.”

It’s the first time Eren’s said it out loud, but he’s already known it to be true, and it feels almost like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders at the announcement. He cares for Clara, but he’s never loved her.

Could never love her as irrevocably as he loves Mikasa.

“I can’t,” Eren says again, carefully cupping Mikasa’s cheek, wiping her tears with the pad of his thumb, and it’s then he realizes he’s crying as well. She reaches for him, as if to smooth away his own tears, only to let her arm fall at her side again. “I can’t marry someone I don’t love.”

“You left me,” she chokes out, her chest heaving as she covers her mouth with her free hand, her shoulders shaking.

“And I can never change that, but I’ve never stopped loving you.” Eren says, gently dropping his arms to circle her shoulders, to pull her against his chest, his forehead falling against her head. Her hands curl into the back of his tux, her nose pressed into his neck, and it’s simultaneously the best moment of his life and one of the worst. “I swear.”

He doesn’t have her back, he may never have her back, but she’s here now. And for the time being, it’s more than enough.

“I know, Eren.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispers to her hair. He doesn’t ask anything of her, but tries his best to cherish every second alone they get. “I’m so, so sorry.”

Eren presses a kiss to the top of her head, and she shoves him away, wiping angrily at her cheeks. She tugs on her hair, a nervous habit she’d developed shortly after her parents died, but it’s too short now to do with her arms crossed again.

She looks away from him, backing away, and curls her hand around the doorknob, pointedly avoiding his gaze.

“Your fiancée is waiting.”

Eren nods, gnawing on his bottom lip as he watches her open the door. He made his move, made his choice a year ago to prioritize his father, and he couldn’t blame her for her own decision. He could never blame her.

He turns away from her, his slick dress shoes tapping loudly on the linoleum as he walks away from her, furiously rubbing at his eyes, and when his hand touches the door he’d come through, he hears one last thing from Mikasa.

“I love you.”

And he wants to believe he knows exactly how she felt that afternoon.

But he’ll never comprehend what he did to her.

Once Eren steps inside, Armin grabs his elbow, pulling him into position just in time for the fanfare and piano to begin and for the chapel doors to open, a few guests scrambling to their seats. Mikasa slips inside just before the first bridesmaid, taking the last seat available in the back row.

Eren tries to look away from her, to focus on the parade of Clara’s friends and sisters walking down the aisle with men Eren didn’t even know, but his eyes slip to Mikasa again and again.

She doesn’t look at him.

Clara walks through last, her arm hooked through her fathers, and her dress is smooth and elegant, her red hair pinned up elaborately, but Eren can’t look at her for more than a few seconds before he’s staring at Mikasa again, begging her to look at him, to change her mind, to demand the wedding be called off-

Her eyes snap to his, and she offers the smallest smile Eren’s ever seen, and she mouths one thing.

A name.

They met on the playground, after an incident with one of Armin’s bullies when Eren had been too slow in arriving and Mikasa had received a broken nose fighting them all on her own.

He invited her to his house for the first time two weeks later, where she’d marveled at the size and extravagance while he and Armin laughed and tugged her through the long hallways.

She brought him to her house for the first time when they were fourteen, five years after they met, and he’d immediately fallen in love with her father’s gentle kindness and her mother’s all-encompassing love. Eren never cared about the size of her house or her parent’s jobs as housekeepers, and he’d begged to go to her house more often than his, begged to spend time with the first mother figure he’d gotten close to since his own mom’s death.

He was the one to find her after her parents died in that house a year later, in a fire that nearly killed Mikasa as well, if her mother hadn’t pushed her through the first floor window. Eren had found her on his way there, when he’d gone looking for her after she hadn’t answered her phone all afternoon, glass buried deep in her skin and blood dripping from her palms, her screams echoing so loudly Eren wasn’t sure he’d ever forget the sound.

She stayed with him after that, and Eren knew, in those few short months, that she’d been more broken than he could ever imagine. And he’d done everything he could think of to try to help her.

She called him mere minutes after meeting Levi, told him exactly where her new place was, and Eren had been there hours later to be with her. That was also the first moment he realized he might be in love with her, watching her learn to live again with his and Levi’s help.

She confessed first, telling him her feelings in her backyard under the stars, on the two-year anniversary of when Levi had found her.

He kissed her first, underneath those very same stars.

Eren would never tell anyone, but that was the year he’d found the perfect ring for her, so fucking sure he’d be asking for her hand in a few years time. It was also the year she told him what she wanted to name her daughter.

Years later, his father had broken the news.

And he knew, Eren knew so fucking well, so fucking deeply, that he could never be with anyone but her. That his life had been intertwined with hers since the moment they met, and that he could never forget what she meant to him.

Clara reaches him, her father kisses her hand, and then places her palms in Eren’s, and the minister begins to speak. And it’s silent in the room, the minister’s methodical voice the only sound in the chapel as their families and friends watch, rapt, as the ceremony nears its climax.

And it’s halfway through her vows that Eren finally breaks.

“I can’t do this.”

He interrupts her, his beating heart drowning out the shocked gasps and cries of outrage from Clara’s family. The bridesmaids look confused, glancing at the minister and the guests, as if Eren’s outburst could be explained in one of their expressions.

Armin curls his hand over Eren’s shoulder, squeezes, and Eren knows he won’t take this back.

He’d fucked up once before, but he won’t make the same mistake again.

“Eren?” Clara says, staring up at him.

“I’m sorry,” and he is, truly, but he also feels his heart soar, almost feels free for the first time in months. “But you deserve to marry someone who truly loves you.”

Clara laughs, catching him off guard as she squeezes Eren’s hands excitedly. “Oh thank God. You’re great, Eren, really.” She reaches behind her, and Eren’s lips finally break into a smile when he sees her lace her fingers with her maid of honor.

Eren presses a kiss to her free hand, and then he’s turning, stepping off the altar. He looks through so many unfamiliar faces, so many almost-relatives who tell him to go back, a sea of confusion and anger and outrageous hats, until he finally spots Mikasa standing at the opposite end of the aisle.

His dad stands, but he doesn’t look as angry as Eren expected, (he can probably negotiate with Clara’s family still,) and Armin’s flashing him a thumbs-up and then Eren’s running, tearing down the aisle to her.

Mikasa takes his outstretched hand, and together they run from the church, their laughter floating behind them as they pause at the end of the steps.

Eren pulls her close, kisses whatever parts of her face he can reach, and she’s crying and so is he but they’re finally tears of joy, and the children he’s pictured- with dark hair and dark skin and some blend of their starkly different eyes- are a possibility; a reality.

“I love you,” he says, holding her face gingerly, carefully, as if there was any chance he could lose her again.

Mikasa squeezes his waist, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him, and Eren tries to pour everything he’s wanted to say into the way he moves his lips against hers, slowly and recklessly all at once.

“I love you, too,” she tells him the instant they break the kiss. Mikasa doesn’t let go of him as he leads her to his car, parked on the other side of the church.

Eren kisses her again, pressing her body against the side of his car and resting his weight against hers, recalling just how much he’d missed her touch during their time apart. His hand could never mimic the unique delicacy of her fingers. “God, I love you.”

The entire country was open to them, thousands of miles available to claim for their own home, their own future, but there was one place in particular-

“I bought the house.” Mikasa says, laughing at the way his face must’ve lit up. “About three months ago. Armin helped,” she admits, her fingers trailing over his cheeks. “I couldn’t bear to let it go to anyone else. It’s still close enough to your dad, to Armin-”

“To your parent’s plot.”

She slides her hands into his hair, stroking her fingers through the strands as he leans over her. “What do you say?”

Eren pulls back, opening the car door to allow Mikasa inside before he jogs around to the other side, and he couldn’t even try to stop smiling as he takes Mikasa’s hand again, leaning across the console to kiss the corner of her mouth.

“I’m in.”

The tires squeal loudly against the asphalt as they take off into traffic, finally, _finally_ , getting the chance to start their lives together. He knows exactly where to go, exactly where to take Mikasa, no more obstacles, families or social statuses, standing in their way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guess what Mikasa mouthed to Eren


	29. Spicy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Sasha asks how Mikasa and Eren keep things interesting, Mikasa begins to worry she's not doing enough, and that Eren's getting bored of her. To fix it, Mikasa sets out to create the perfect sexy surprise for Eren's birthday. Nothing could possibly go wrong.
> 
> Word Count: 2,741

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was in a mood the other day so when the ao3 tag didn't update, I wrote out this ridiculous idea I'd thought of last year. It's not actually nsfw, but it's basically just a lot of talk about sex soo

“What do you do, Mikasa?”

Mikasa looks up from her coffee, to where Sasha’s leaning eagerly across the small table, Ymir and Connie trying their bests not to outright laugh- but at what exactly, Mikasa doesn’t know.

Jean’s glaring at Sasha, moving plates and coffee cups out of her way, but not his stern look or Armin’s very blatant eye roll had her sitting back. Mikasa’s coffee was cold; the art had long since dissolved into the drink, but the cup was still caught in her grip, untouched otherwise.

Truthfully, she hadn’t been paying any attention to what her friends had been saying. “Sorry,” Mikasa says, reaching forward to tug on Sasha’s hair. “I didn’t hear you.”

“I said,” Sasha huffs, slumping back in her seat. “What do you do with Eren?” At Mikasa’s silence, Sasha groans exaggeratedly. “You know. When things get boring? What do you do to spice it up?”

“Sasha, that’s way too personal,” Jean says before Mikasa can answer, her cheeks burning and gaze falling to the table. Not that she was going to reply.

Sasha waves away his comment, taking the last biscuit from his plate. “Oh, like you have any boundaries when it comes to this shit, Jean.”

“Fuck off.”

Sasha continues as if he hadn’t spoken. “Aren’t you interested in hearing how Eren and Mikasa keep things _spicy_?”

“Sasha!” Armin and Mikasa complain at the same time.

“No,” Jean sighs heavily. “And you shouldn’t be, either.”

Armin shoves his cup into the center of the table- an old tradition from their study group days, when they were the last people in the campus library still trying to prepare for their papers and tests, and even though they were missing a few friends today due to work and previous plans, it was effective at shutting everyone up. Once Armin let go of his drink, everyone copied him, except for Connie, who was too busy laughing at Jean’s tendency to over share his experiences.

Ymir pats Connie’s head as she stands, while he’s grumbling about cleaning the entire damn table. “Clean well, little man.”

On their way out of the café, Armin winds his arm around Mikasa’s shoulders, pulling her to his side as they cross the street. She shoves her own hands into her pockets, appreciating the extra warmth as spring had yet to fully take the city, and she buries her nose into Eren’s old scarf as they walk.

“Maybe she’s pregnant,” Armin says suddenly. Mikasa snorts, glancing up as he runs his hand through his significantly shorter hair. He’d kept it long for most of his life, so when he’d shown up at his and Eren’s apartment after cutting it, it took quite a while to get used to. “She’s pregnant and can’t do what she wants to with Connie, so she’s-”

“Or,” Mikasa interrupts, laughing into her palm. “It was an innocent question.”

“Maybe she’s trying to find the perfect way to seduce you.”

“That’s it.”

A comfortable silence settles over them, but Mikasa can’t get Sasha’s question out of her mind. It wasn’t shocking coming from Sasha, and Mikasa was honestly surprised it had come so late in her relationship with Eren. They’d finally gotten together in their sophomore year of college, probably could have started dating in the beginning of high school, and had known each other since they were nine, so why was _this_ bothering Mikasa _now_?

All the teasing they’d endured from their friends once they went public with their relationship, the scrutiny from Mikasa’s cousin, even the spin the bottle questions the week before graduation, none of it had gotten under Mikasa’s skin this way.

Maybe… maybe it was because Mikasa didn’t have an answer for Sasha?

“What if Sasha’s right?”

Armin glances down at her before they cross to another block. “Right about what?”

“I don’t… have… We’ve been together since we were nineteen.”

“Yes.”

“That’s _four_ years, Armin.”

“Yes, it is an exceptionally long time.”

Mikasa pauses, ignoring his jab and fidgeting as she tries to spit her next thought. “What if Eren gets bored of me?”

Mikasa swore she could hear Armin mutter, “oh my God,” under his breath before he shakes his head, squeezing her shoulders tightly. “Not possible, Mikasa. You’re all he’s talked about for years, the only one he’s ever wanted, and you’re one of the most incredible people we know. How could Eren ever get tired of you?”

Mikasa frowns, chewing lightly on her inner cheek. She knows this, of course she does, Eren’s told her as much, but she can’t help the worry that gnaws at her stomach. They’ve never exactly sat each other down and discussed, in great detail, any fantasies. What if he wanted something more?

“If you’re that worried,” Armin continues, dropping his arm from her shoulder to cut in front of her, taking her gloved hands in his instead. “Talk to him. I guarantee he’ll say the same things I did, but probably with a lot more kissing.”

“I can kiss you if you want,” Mikasa says, grinning widely.

“Gross. I love you Mikky, but absolutely not.”

“I could surprise him,” Mikasa says suddenly, glancing up so quickly she almost knocks her head into Armin’s nose. The thought of actually talking about this with Eren, despite how deeply she loved him, made her insides churn. “His birthday is in a few weeks-”

“ _Please_ don’t continue that sentence.”

Mikasa laughs, tugging on Armin’s hand until he falls into step with her again. “Isn’t there a library around here?” Armin points across the street, and she leads him there, ignoring the crosswalk almost half a block away. “There has to be an erotica section, right?”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“If anyone asks-”

“No one’s going to ask.” Armin whines as he holds the door, pulling lightly on her hair once she passes.

“-You’re my boyfriend and we’re looking for fun ideas for our honeymoon.”

“Absolutely _not_.”

* * *

Three weeks later, on the night of Eren’s birthday, Mikasa had everything set up perfectly. She’d spent that entire afternoon in the library with Armin, compensating with dinner after she’d begged him to stay until closing so she could get a proper look at it all. She didn’t know everything, but she knew a lot more, and plus she had a picture of Armin hitting his head on a table while she read definitions to him.

Mikasa had spent the day gathering all of the last minute supplies, essentially kicking Eren out of her apartment that morning with a shoddy excuse of a heavy caseload. She’d had him promise to come back after he finished his shift, but Eren hadn’t agreed before he kissed her in her hallway, long and hard, leaving her breathless and nervous with muted excitement pounding through her veins.

Now she stood in her bedroom, dressed in a pair of sweats and staring at her bed, at the dark red sheets she’d recently fitted there, and the rose petals at the foot. The petals followed a path from the front door all the way to the bed, where expensive chocolates rested on the pillows, and the only wine Eren liked was on the side table, his favorite cake in the fridge.

A lingerie bag was hidden in the corner of her closet, propped in front of two toys Mikasa had recently bought online- admittedly when she was a little overtired. Candles were littered around the apartment, the lights dim, and Mikasa had waited to light the candles until now, when Eren was due back soon.

Now came the hard part.

Mikasa had dragged Historia and Annie to a department store to try on the lacy underwear, and though Annie had complained the entire time, both of them had insisted on the one Mikasa liked best, the second one she tried on.

With her hair curled and the blood red underwear staring at her, Mikasa carefully swipes eyeliner above her eyes, cursing when she pokes one of her eyes. She decides the eyeliner’s enough, and facing away from the mirror, Mikasa tugs the lingerie into place.

The red stands out against her light skin, her dark hair barely grazing the tops of her breasts- which have been pushed way too high due to the bra. A thin layer of lace hung over her covered breasts, the top and bottoms connected by small straps, and the skirt behind the see-through thong was barely long enough to begin to cover her ass.

She feels ridiculous.

But that was definitely the sound of a car door slamming shut.

“Crap.” Mikasa mutters, rushing a pep talk in the mirror before crawling onto her bed, laying on her side, and draping an arm down her body in what she hopes passes as seductive.

She can hear the doorknob turning, can hear Eren toss his keys somewhere in the doorway as Mikasa stares intently at the door to her bedroom, her heart pounding loud enough for her to hear. He was so close.

“Mikasa?” His footsteps stop, and Mikasa can imagine his tongue poking out as he unties his shoes. “Babe, you’ll never believe the fight Jean just tried to start. Something about _Star Trek_ being better than _Star Wars_. Loser lost before he could even start.” A pause. “Mik?”

His footsteps approach her room.

And Mikasa _panics_.

She jumps from the bed, narrowly avoiding knocking down a lit candle- a fire is the _last_ thing she needs- as she scrambles to her feet, the underwire of her bra shifting just enough to become uncomfortable. Mikasa curses loudly, her foot getting tangled in the sheets at the foot of the bed, and she tears those down as she grasps onto her curtains, breaking the rod from the top of the window as she finally stands, rose petals falling from her hair.

And of course, the door was already open.

Eren stands in the doorway, staring at her frantically, as if he’d been worried she was in trouble. Once he takes in the scene, the sheets crumpled off the bed and petals everywhere, he leans back, crossing his arms over his chest and doing a very poor job of hiding his smirk. She doesn’t have to ask how much he saw.

“Mikasa.”

Mikasa holds the curtain over her chest in a reach for modesty, her cheeks flaming and her hair falling wildly. She tries for a smile, but it feels like a grimace.

“Happy birthday?”

* * *

Eren insists on making them dinner. Mikasa had tried to refuse, tried to play his birthday card and maybe save her plan for a sexy night with cooking, but Eren just kissed her forehead and told her to meet him in the kitchen when she was ready. He might have also murmured something about not wanting to spend the night scrubbing her burnt pots, but Mikasa was too focused on getting to the bathroom to pay attention.

He also called after her that he liked the underwear, and only laughed loudly when she chucked a shoe at him.

By the time she’s made her bed, blown out the candles, and changed into her sweats and one of Eren’s old shirts, he’s setting down two plates of chicken and easy leftovers. He doesn’t push her as they eat, leaving the candles that were already on the table lit, and pulls her feet into her lap.

Music, Mikasa realizes halfway through the meal. Music would have helped set the mood, too.

“Okay,” Eren says, piling their plates in the center of the table. Mikasa can’t meet his gaze, staring instead at where his thumb was stroking circles on her knee. “So. Why the fire hazard?”

Her explanation seems lame in her head, and she can only imagine what it’ll sound like when spoken. “I wanted to surprise you. For your birthday.” Eren raises an eyebrow, tugging on the edge of Mikasa’s chair to pull her closer. He kisses her temple, dragging his nose across her cheeks and ear, and Mikasa feels her cheeks burn again. “Okay! Sasha mentioned something a few weeks ago and it got me thinking about us and how we’ve already been together for four years and… I was worried you’d gotten bored of me,” Mikasa finishes in a whisper.

“Oh my God,” Eren laughs, and she half-heartedly throws a punch at his shoulder. He catches her hand, drawing her close to him until she’s settled in his lap, her legs on either side of his hips, and her arms propped on his shoulders. He rests his hands on the small of her back, still laughing into her neck. “That’s why you’ve been weird lately?”

Mikasa frowns, carding her fingers through his hair until he looks at her again. “I have not been weird.”

“You woke me up with a blowjob.” Eren says, the twinkle in his eye betraying his serious tone. “You haven’t done that since we were twenty.” Mikasa whines, dropping her forehead onto his shoulder. He’s quiet for a long minute, and Mikasa really wants the conversation to be over, but then his hands are cupping her face, and he’s coaxing her to face him again with a quick kiss. “Mikasa. I will _never_ get tired of you. You’ve left me breathless since the moment we met when you punched Reiner in the face.”

“How do you remember this shit?”

“I have many talents.” He nudges his nose against hers, his lips brushing over her mouth again. “But in all seriousness, Mik. I love everything about you; from the way you’ll bring three blankets into the kitchen with you when it’s too cold, to how you broke that guy’s nose when he didn’t believe you were a black belt and challenged you. I love you, in all your exceptional glory.”

“I love you, too,” Mikasa smiles, kissing him properly as the cold worry that had been following her around for weeks finally evaporated into the same warmth she always feels with Eren. “Even if your hair is too long.”

“It’s a statement.”

“To?”

Eren winks. “My boyish charm.”

“Sure, okay. Your cake is in the fridge, by the way. And your present should be here in a few days.” An engraved key, much like the one he’d worn and treasured as a kid before losing it in high school. Mikasa rests her forehead against his, suddenly remembering something else. “Don’t go in my closet for a few days.”

“Why?” His eyes light up, and his lips break into his widest grin. “Don’t tell me you fucking bought stuff for tonight.” Eren stands, fucking taking her weight with her legs locked on his waist and his arm across her back as he makes his way to her room.

He sits her on her bed, diving straight for her closet and Mikasa falls back, groaning loudly and shoving her pillow over her face. “Eren-”

“Holy shit,” Eren howls, and she can picture him seated in her closet, rifling through the small boxes. “Nipple clamps? Seriously? And- is this a vibrator? Oh baby, you’ve found the way to my heart.”

“I’m breaking up with you.” Her voice was muffled into her pillow.

Eren jumps onto the bed next to her, carefully pulling the pillow away to toss it onto her floor. Thankfully, he’d left the toys hidden in her closet, and she lets him drag her leg over his hips as he settles next to her.

He runs his hand along her shoulders and down her arm, eliciting Goosebumps where he touches. “We can use that stuff, y’know. If you want.”

“If you want,” Mikasa says, nudging her head closer to his.

“Can we discuss it when I don’t see lingerie hanging out by your door?”

Mikasa snorts. “Of course.”

“Movie?” Eren kisses the top of her head, untangling from her only to reach for her laptop from where she liked to forget it beneath her bed.

“Please.” He plays the only disk in her laptop, an old Disney movie, before lying next to her again and pulling her close. “Happy birthday, Eren. I’m sorry it was… lame.”

“We’re old, Mikasa. All I need to make a birthday special is you and our friends.” Eren tilts her head back to kiss her again, softly, but he’s smirking again when they break apart. “And a vibrator.”

Mikasa laughs, pressing a soft kiss to the base of his neck. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I’m not the one who broke her curtain rod today.”

“Touché.”


End file.
